LOVE IS A STARTING POINT FOR ACTION
“All you need is love,” sang the Beatles many decades ago. It’s a song still sung today. And for good reason. The tune is catchy, and the message is hopeful: “There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done.”
Were it that simple. Love, after all, is our greatest joy. But it can also be complex and complicated. Loving someone “for better or worse, in sickness and in health,” means taking the good with the bad. And that’s not always easy.
Many—if not most—of us will have to take care of the person we love during an illness. It might be for a day, a week or even longer. Some may find it a daunting challenge. For me, it’s a call to action.
Over the past two and a half decades, my husband has been hospitalized many times. Often, it’s involved life-threatening illness with long periods of hospitalization and recuperation. In times like that, I do everything in my power to help him get better. Love is the starting point for advocacy.
Along the way, I have learned a lot about the hospital setting and the very real impact that families can have in making sure their loved ones get the best care. Hospitals are bureaucratic and scary places. For patients and their families, it can feel like being tourists lost in a strange land, not knowing the customs, the language or the culture.
Patients are weak and flat on their backs. They are usually in no position to advocate for themselves. Doctors are busy, rushing from one patient to the next; nurses are stretched, trying to meet the many needs of their patients.
Families can make a difference. They can represent the patient’s wishes and needs when their loved one is unable to speak for him or herself. Knowing the patient better than anyone else in the hospital counts for a lot when navigating the impersonal environment of a hospital setting. Families—working as members of the care team—can also connect the dots because doctors, quite honestly, don’t always communicate well with one another.
Families can fill in the blanks when the sick patient doesn’t fully comprehend everything being said or is not able to remember it later. They also can bring information, perspective and insight that patients may forget or are uncomfortable sharing themselves.
And when the patient goes home, continued care must involve the family to ensure instructions are followed regarding medication, doctor visits, exercise, restrictions, and more.
Much is written about patient-centered medicine. But research shows that patient and family-centered medicine provides the best clinical outcomes, increases patient satisfaction, lowers costs, reduces risks of readmission and can even save lives.
Families can and do make a real difference. They start with love and build from there. There’s one more line from the Beatle’s song that applies here: [There’s] … “no one you can save that can't be saved.”
The one you help save just may be the one you love most.
# # #
Bonnie Friedman is author of Hospital Warrior: How to Get the Best Care for Your Loved One and host of the podcast Hospital Warrior: Advocates and Experts on the Whole Care Network.
This article was written by Bonnie Friedman
Click HERE to Learn more about Bonnie’s work.
WEBSITE: www.hospitalwarrior.com
I AM THE MAGIC IN THE BIRDS SINGING
I am the magic in the birds singing
I am the colors in the rainbow
I color the sky with my radiance
and i fill the forest with my loam
I am the mountains meeting the sky
all day long
for in one drop of water
and in one grain of sand
in one cell of my body
the world
is made whole again
as i breathe
I take in life
and let it go
my hair, my skin, my breath
fall upon the earth
composting into soil
eaten by worms and bugs
eaten by animals and birds
who
living in trees
fertilize the tree
with their excrement
and the tree
growing fruit i eat
eating myself
again and again
becoming whole
and being
a part of it all
I am the beginning
I am the end
without an end
the deepest feeling anyone has
the deepest love
the deepest pain
the greatest longing
the peace beyond transcendence
bliss
anguish
terror
fear
they are all me
they are all mine
all Divine
all that I AM
There is no richness i cannot have
there is no pain i cannot feel
there are no lines
no divisions
no time
no separations
i come from a place
that remembers it all
and into which
all life flows
because
Love is all there is
and in the
moment of true reflection
I fall down
and weep
in the arms
of myself
This article was written by Morgine Jurdan
Click HERE to Learn more about Morgine’s work.
WEBSITE: https://morginejurdan.com/
THE SECRET OF WAITING
It’s one that every feline, domestic or wild, knows.
I’ve only been truly practicing waiting for a couple of years but in the beginning, waiting felt counterintuitive. I was quite comfortable being busy and spontaneous, slow to trust that waiting would yield any benefit to my goals or my life. When the idea was introduced through Human Design, I might never have trusted the concept of waiting had I not already experienced firsthand success using other Human Design tools.
I had always prided myself as a person willing to “jump in,” ready to take risks. Trying to prove myself, I experienced one failed enterprise after another. Naturally spontaneous, I trusted others more and never waited. I never graced myself with enough time, time that would eventually expose flaws or false foundations that were there from the beginning. The idea of slowing down, stopping, terrified me. I was mentally certain that if I did not act, the moment would be lost and I would lose out.
I felt courageous every time, diving in without question until years of hard work and effort melted away along with my confidence. Either betrayed, ashamed, or embarrassed, facing reality was retribution for what I eventually felt was a stupid decision. Licking my wounds, I didn’t wait but instead jumped into the next “greatest” opportunity. It was a cyclical nightmare.
Until I met Human Design and started waiting.
I now trust that “doing nothing” is “doing everything” as I move closer and closer to living the life I’ve always dreamed I was capable of living. Waiting gives me a chance for clarity, for personal honesty, for self-acceptance. Amazingly, the correct things find me. I trust myself and in the comfort of my own skin say “no” with certainty and “yes” with confidence.
I have to admit it was hard as heck in the beginning. Fears were amplified and frustrations increased my anxiety until I experienced results. In short order, however, practicing it renewed and saved my relationships, my health, and my sanity a thousand times over. Frustrated far less frequently these days, I am at peace and trust the unknown.
There is a traffic light near our home. It sits on an extremely busy street where drivers often run through red lights rushing by at speeds of up to 60 mph. I don’t trust green lights any longer. Instead of “go” they mean “wait and move cautiously.” That little shift in my perception has saved my life, literally and metaphorically, more than once.
Not everything is life-threatening and green lights can mean go; but in the words of my mentor and dear friend, Mary Ann Winniger, Wait! Trust that life knows where you live. I would add, “Enter the intersection slowly!” It’s a wonderful thing to discover that life is on your side and has been patiently waiting for you to slow down and join it!
If you’d like to know more about Human Design and how it can improve your life, please contact me at info@lydlifemap.com or visit my website at www.lydlifemap.com.
http://key-to-you.com/images/Waiting_song.mp3
This article was written by Candace Conradi.
Click HERE to learn more about Candace’s work.
WEBSITES: https://www.lydlifemap.com/
https://www.candaceconradi.com/
REDUCING EMOTIONAL EATING
Having high emotional granularity is a vital tool for reducing emotional eating. The term was coined by Northeastern University Psychology Professor Lisa Feldman Barrett shortly after the turn of the century and refers to the ability to recognize, identify and express a full range of emotions. People with high emotional granularity have “finely tuned feelings.” They value emotions and are in touch with them most of the time. Moreover, they don’t lump all emotions together, but feel and can describe their nuances. Upset might be parsed as frightened, dismayed or exasperated. Angry might be viewed as frustrated, helpless or fearful.
Says Barrett, “Emotional granularity isn’t just about having a rich vocabulary; it’s about experiencing the world, and yourself, more precisely. This can make a difference in your life. In fact, there is growing scientific evidence that precisely tailored emotional experiences are good for you, even if those experiences are negative.” (“Are You in Despair? That’s Good,” The NY Times, 6/3/16, http://clbb.mgh.harvard.edu/are-you-in-despair-thats-good/#more-7340, accessed 1/29/19).
“According to a collection of studies, finely grained, unpleasant feelings allow people to be more agile at regulating their emotions, less likely to drink excessively when stressed and less likely to retaliate aggressively against someone who has hurt them…Perhaps surprisingly, the benefits of high emotional granularity are not only psychological. People who achieve it are also likely to have longer, healthier lives. They go to the doctor and use medication less frequently, and spend fewer days hospitalized for illness. Cancer patients, for example, have lower levels of harmful inflammation when they more frequently categorize, label and understand their emotions.”
There’s evidence that emotional granularity improves mental health. Higher emotional granularity translates to better coping skills and, therefore, fewer maladaptive behaviors such as addictions. Relationships also improve when people are attuned to emotions.
How emotionally granular are you? Do you have difficulty identifying your feelings? Do you ignore them? Lump them together? Therapy can help because it provides a safe place to learn about and discuss emotions. By becoming more tuned in to them, you’ll up your emotional intelligence and do less mindless or binge eating.
This article was written by Karen R. Koenig
Click HERE to Learn more about Karen’s work.
WEBSITES: http://www.karenrkoenig.com/
http://www.nicegirlsfinishfat.com/
WHEN IT’S JUST NOT YOUR DAY
I knew it first thing, when I started the day
That things were not going to go in my way.
I tried to be happy and grateful, I say.
But I really knew, it was just not my day.
I tripped on the stairs and came down with a crash.
Into the sink went my phone, with a great splash.
The note for my teacher got thrown in the trash.
This day, I just knew, would not go by in a flash.
At school I forgot that my project was due.
At lunch they were serving a yucky beef stew.
In art class I spilled a container of glue.
Not a good day, this is something I knew.
My teacher seemed to just focus on me.
Telling and scolding is all I did see.
“Start over! Be quiet! Stand in line!” said she.
Today is not great, I bet you agree.
I missed the bus and walked home in the rain.
I stepped off the curb and gave my ankle a sprain.
I got soaked with the spray from a very fast train.
Today, you can see, is a very big pain.
Home and all wet, off to my room with a huff.
I needed a moment when feeling this gruff.
Things that had happened were so truly tough.
Today, on this day, I had just had enough.
Off to the kitchen with my head in my hands
Upset at a day that I did not understand.
How things can go so against all my plans.
Today, was the worst day in all of the land.
Mom asked, “What’s up, what’s making you sad?”
“Nothing,” I said, trying not to get mad.
“Tell me,” she said, “About the day that you had.”
Can we make it much better, or a little less bad?”
I shrugged then recounted without a delay
How everything seemed to just not go my way.
Not sure what could help or what thing she could say
That would improve this most terrible and horrible day.
She smiled and said, “Some days make you scream
They feel like an awful and really bad dream.
There one thing that makes it a bit less extreme
A bowl, no, a big bowl of your favorite ice cream.”
Two scoops and my mood changed, right on the spot.
We talked about things and what the day brought.
Some things just work out and some things just do not.
Life send what it sends, you get what you got.
Don’t argue and stress and get all distraught.
Be patient and learn from all you’ve been taught.
This article was written by Jay Forte
Click HERE to Learn more about Jay’s work.
WEBSITE: https://thefortefactor.com/
FRIENDSHIP: SHARING AND REPAIRING OUR LIVES
My best friend just happens to be my sister.
On the other hand, maybe it's because she's my sister that she's my best friend. We often take liberties with family that we might not take with friends, which can be good or bad, depending on how we relate and how self-aware we are. This got me thinking about what, exactly, those differences might be and whether I might benefit from embodying more of them with my other friends.
First, though, I had to ask myself what criteria would define a good, healthy friendship, and I discovered some interesting things. Just as friendship is about nurturing and supporting growth, starting a business requires similar care in choosing the right partners for its formation. For those embarking on this journey, exploring top LLC companies can ensure you're entrusting your dream to capable hands, cementing the foundation of your venture with trust and expertise.
For me, a close friendship—like any close relationship—involves emotional honesty, trust, mutual support, active listening, giving and receiving, respect, acceptance, kindred values, a heartfelt connection, and a sense of humor. It also requires healthy boundaries and self-responsibility, so that we know the difference between 'sharing' and 'dumping', and so that we take ownership of our actions and reactions, rather than complaining or constantly reiterating some old, worn-out story that we don't attempt to change. And perhaps the most valuable quality of all is knowing that we can trust our friends to tell us the truth about ourselves, even if it hurts or we won't necessarily like it.
So far, so good. But what happens if you don't have a super-sister-friend and you don't feel you have the right to expect or express those qualities? While solid friendships are a positive, nourishing part of life at any time, it's when we're in crisis that we truly need our friends—and that our friends get to experience the more vulnerable, authentic, daring parts of us. This is where we get to discover who our friends really are, and what we ourselves are made of. This is where the real 'juice' is—the stuff of life that pushes us beyond the superficial layers of self, with all its pain, sadness and soul-searching.
What stops us from going deeper?
We often refrain from sharing our biggest wounds or problems with our friends, for several reasons:
1) We may think we're protecting them by not burdening them with our problems when, in reality, we're withholding a part of ourselves that we're afraid to share because we feel ashamed or insecure.
2) We may not realize that sharing our deepest wounds is what creates the deepest intimacy and connection, while also touching others or opening their hearts in some profound way.
3) We may think our problems are not important enough or that we're not worthy of being heard.
4) We may feel uncomfortable asking for support if we've been taught that other people's needs are more important than our own.
Yet sharing those deeper parts of ourselves enables us to heal, while opening us up to positive input, comfort and support. Sharing our feelings helps us to process them and, often, it's only in articulating what we feel that we gain an understanding of what we want or of what's really going on. The parts that we tend to hold back are usually those parts that hold the greatest emotional 'charge'—and thus the greatest potential for a breakthrough. Sharing our shame, hurt, guilt or despair lessens its power over us and demonstrates our innate worthiness and lovability. Sharing it means we give ourselves permission to be authentic and vulnerable, while acknowledging that our 'stuff' has nothing to do with who we truly are—and everything to do with who we can become, once we let it go.
It's only by sharing all the tough stuff—the crises, break-ups, depression, funks, bad news and bad hair days—that we create depth and meaning in our relationships. Sharing is our invitation to others to be a part of what matters to us. And it's the friends with whom we share the tough stuff that we will rush to tell about the good stuff, as soon as it happens. Because they, more than anyone else, will understand how good that good stuff feels, knowing all the challenges we've been through. And we will have the joy of sharing our more powerful side with them, knowing that they've also seen us at our worst.
Are you living in 'me-ville'?
If there's one thing I've learned, in my years of being a coach and sharing in the challenges of my many courageous clients, it's that friendships—and relationships—are really all that matter. This is what makes life worthwhile and inspires us to be all that we can be. Sharing all of who we are is how we get to discover what we're capable of and how empowering that can also be for others. Withholding ourselves, on the other hand, can create an unhealthy inward focus that keeps us imprisoned in our own minds. It can block the insights that hold the key to our emotional freedom; it can magnify our problems; it can promote catastrophic thinking; and it can create the perception that nobody understands us, that we are all alone, and that it's all about me, me, me.
Daring to share our deepest, most powerful selves builds the kind of friendship that sets us free—the kind of friendship that will deliver us from me-ville.
This article was written by Olga Sheean
Click HERE to Learn more about Olga’s work.
WEBSITE: https://olgasheean.com
DOG WISDOM
Every morning is great, never a dark thunder cloud. Every morning starts new, with wagging so proud.
Not stuck in the past, not worried about money.
Not complaining about a day that’s just not that sunny. Not holding a grudge, or upset with their friends;
Not worried about fashion, Facebook or the Benz. Not wondering if today, things will all go their way. But present in each moment of each blessed day.
Dogs don’t need much – they all just want love, Add some good food, and a family to be part of. Not much more – no high expectations;
No fancy car or elaborate vacations.
They want some attention and moments to share Their spirit, their wisdom, and how much they care.
Then, there are we humans with lives oh so rough. All worried and nervous about having enough stuff. We get challenged by looks, comments and frowns; We get upset, sad and all versions of downs.
Little things upset us and lead us astray,
We get all upset when things don’t go our way.
We have our couldas and wouldas and things that we ought From voices of others, from things we’ve been taught.
They keep us all twisted and scared without reason.
They keep us alarmed, concerned, in each season.
The world takes us down with our focus on lack, On limits and problems and meaningless yack.
We don’t see what dogs see – a new view each day, To have fun, to live life, to be happy and play.
All around us is wisdom, of how to live right,
To live with a focus of play and delight.
Tune in to those eyes that have no conditions, And the tails that wag without any suspicions. Tune in to the greeting, delivered on demand. Tune in to the love, given so freely, so grand.
There is much to learn from the Pug or the Lab,
The Schnauzer or Shih Tzu, with coats oh so fab.
The Shepherd and Sheepdog, the Maltese and Beagle, The St Bernard, the Boxer and Great Dane so regal. They have just one wish – to have a great life.
They have no agenda, no interest in strife.
There are just some days that I am really seeing That dogs are way smarter than we human beings.
This article was written by Jay Forte
Click HERE to Learn more about Jay’s work.
WEBSITE: https://thefortefactor.com/
FAITHFUL FRIENDSHIP
How to Do the Hard and Holy Work of Faithful Friendship
“So who’s mentoring whom here?” my friend asked with a mischievous grin.
Good question!
When friends challenge one another with shared books, Scripture reading, and transparent prayer, everyone is sharpened and restored in a way that uniquely shows the love of God. Janice Peterson calls this “spiritual friendship,” and has reached back into her long memory for the purpose of sharing her friend Gertrude, the woman who poured lemonade and listened to Jan’s teen-age thoughts and dreams.
Being seen and valued by a friend who was “always present, always caring,” set Peterson on a course to be that person for others, to live given, and to love well. In Becoming Gertrude: How Our Friendships Shape Our Faith, Jan remembers lemonade on the porch and shares her deep conviction that friendships can be life-altering in all the best ways.
A spiritual friendship differs from mentoring in that no one takes the lead. There’s no resident expert or hierarchy at work. Instead, spiritual friendship is characterized by an unstructured giving and receiving, “appreciating the gifts individuals have to offer. It’s being willing to share when you need to share and learn when you need to learn. It’s caring for the well-being of the other person, and letting her care for you as well.” (xviii)
Ministering alongside her husband, author and pastor Eugene Peterson, Janice seized the life-enriching opportunities that her role as a pastor’s wife provided for investing in relationships. With rich insights lifted from Romans 12, she has distilled for her readers five elements that have infused her most formative relationships:
Caring
“Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering.” (Romans 12:1 MSG)
We become caring people with practice, strengthening our awareness of others like a muscle. The author witnessed this outward focus modeled in her long-ago friend Gertrude and has concluded that regardless of gifting and personality, anyone can choose to put others first and pay attention to the needs of others.
As she matured, Peterson found her own caring heart drawn to the larger world. She began to serve on the Fair Housing Committee in her area and to practice cooking and eating habits that demonstrated her concern for the challenge of world hunger.
To become more caring:
· Pay attention to those who are doing it well and copy them.
· Push down your pride and receive unselfish caring from others.
· Take note of the needs of the people God has placed right in front of your eyes.
Acceptance
“Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out.” (Romans 12:2 MSG)
Peterson warns, “A spiritual friend is someone you enjoy being with, but you may not always find the friendship simple or straightforward.” (30) As a “classic extrovert,” Janice finds it easy to take others at face value, but connecting with those who are more challenging to love can take the special effort of seeking to see the world from their perspective. Ironically, the first step in accepting others may be the task of self-acceptance.
To become more accepting of others:
· Connect with them by participating in the things that interest them.
· Spend time connecting with God to learn His heart of acceptance for you and for others.
Service
“Don’t burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don’t quit in hard times; pray all the harder.” (Romans 12:11, 12 MSG)
Living her way into God’s calling upon her life, Janice Peterson swam upstream in the 1960’s when other women were leaving their homes in droves to seek employment. Called to be a pastor’s wife and a mother, she has served and loved in her own unique way, motivating others to do likewise by her example.
To serve well:
· Be ready to spring into action, loving your community in concrete ways.
· Serve courageously when God points out a need that you are able to meet.
Hospitality
“Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality. . . Make friends with nobodies; don’t be the great somebody.” (Romans 12:13, 16 MSG)
Hospitality puts into practice the caring, serving, and accepting that friendship requires. Taking time to rightly align her readers’ understanding of the term, Peterson defines hospitality through a biblical lens: “the welcoming reception and treatment of guests and strangers in a warm, friendly, generous way.” (67) The welcome of hospitality is a bridge to wholeness as we generously receive others and let them know us, warts and all.
To become more hospitable:
· Forget about “entertaining” guests and just enjoy them, feed them, and listen to them.
· Start with your family and move in ever widening circles.
Encouragement
“Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down. Get along with each other; don’t be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don’t be the great somebody.” (Romans 12:14-16 MSG)
The church provides the perfect backdrop for mutual encouragement as believers motivate one another to acts of service, use of God-given gifts, and a continual focus on God and His faithfulness. Reorienting one another gently toward an others-orientation, we discover the truest and most healthy version of ourselves, and then offer that up as a gift to God. In the process, we also become a gift to others, a spiritual friend, putting on display the caring, accepting, serving, hospitable, encouraging heart of our relational God.
Many thanks to NavPress for providing a copy of this book to facilitate my review, which, of course, is offered freely and with honesty.
This article was written by Michele Morin
Click HERE to Learn more about Michele’s work.
WEBSITE: https://michelemorin.wordpress.com
THE CONNECTION BETWEEN TRAUMA AND PERSONAL GROWTH
I bet all of you have heard of Post-traumatic stress, but I wonder how many of you know about Post-traumatic growth (PTG). We so often think of the downside of trauma—depression, hyper-vigilance, anxiety and flashbacks—but it turns out that there’s an upside to it as well. The term, post-traumatic growth, was first used by Richard Tedeschi, Ph.D. and Lawrence Calhoun, Ph.D. in 1995 at the University of North Carolina to describe the positive changes that they saw in patients who had been affected by and were struggling with trauma.
If you are someone who’s been impacted by trauma, you might find it hard to believe that there’s anything positive about it, but research tells us that there is. "People develop new understandings of themselves, the world they live in, how to relate to other people, the kind of future they might have and a better understanding of how to live life," says Tedeschi. Tanako Katu, Ph.D. at Oakland University explains that, “PTG…refers to what can happen when someone who has difficulty bouncing back experiences a traumatic event that challenges his or her core beliefs, endures psychological struggle (even a mental illness such as post-traumatic stress disorder), and then ultimately finds a sense of personal growth. It's a process that "takes a lot of time, energy and struggle.”
According to the Post-Traumatic Growth Inventory (PTGI) which uses self-report scales, people may change positively in these areas: appreciation of life, relationship with others, new possibilities in life, personal strength and spiritual change. Does everyone experience growth? Tedeschi says, "It all depends on the trauma, the circumstances, the timing of the measurement…[and] on how you define growth using the PTGI, looking at total score, means, factors or individual items," and he estimates that about one-half to two-thirds of people show PTG.
Key traits that facilitate PTG are extraversion and openness to experience. The former makes people more likely to connect with others (and I would add, perhaps, to seek help from them), while the latter, lacking rigid belief systems, makes them more willing to look at viewpoints that are different from their own. I can validate from my clinical experience that clients who are connected to others do much better recovering from trauma than those who remain isolated and stuck in their traumatic suffering. It’s also been my experience that clients who are willing to shift beliefs and see things from another perspective can heal and often create better lives for themselves than they could ever have imagined. (“Growth after trauma” by Lorna Collier, 11/2016, vol. 47, no. 10, accessed 6/5/17, http://www.apa.org/monitor/2016/11/growth-trauma.aspx).
This article was written by Karen R. Koenig
Click HERE to Learn more about Karen’s work.
WEBSITES: http://www.karenrkoenig.com/
http://www.nicegirlsfinishfat.com/
YOU’RE GREAT AND YOU’RE AWESOME, JUST AS YOU ARE
In a town far away on top of a hill,
Lived people so narrow, judgmental and shrill.
They decided on high that all hair should be brown.
They decided for everyone who lived in their town.
“To live here,” they cried, “brown hair is a must.
Brown hair is just right, all others are bust.
If other than brown is just who you are,
Then you must leave. Depart! Go very far!
For we won’t have people who don’t look like us.
Brown is what’s right. Our rules. It is thus!”
In one of the families, young Trent was born third.
In a family so big and so famous was heard,
A cry of great grief like someone had died,
The aunts and uncles and parents all cried.
Young Trent, their treasure, though brown hair expected,
Was born blond, a towhead, a child rejected.
Though cute and adorable, smart with eyes wide,
His parents knew that his hair had to hide.
If the neighbors and townspeople had any doubt,
That Trent was not brown-haired, the family was out.
From the day he could crawl, Trent’s hair was dyed brown.
This gave them permission to live in this town.
His parents feared someday his blond hair would show,
Because hair on a kid never ceases to grow.
Each Saturday night as the bath waters ran,
A small dab of brown came out of the can,
To cover those roots of the hair that kept growing,
Like a lawn after rain that needed some mowing.
And so it was thus, each day spent in “hair-hiding,”
In plain sight, with a hat, and some dye so complying.
And all seemed as okay, no foul and no harm,
Until one day, that day, there came cause for alarm.
That day, at the mirror, young Trent stood there staring,
At brown hair AND blond hair – so great, and so glaring.
He’d been told his whole life about hair not so brown,
These people were gross, not fit for their town.
He realized that day he was different than most.
He was blond, not brown-haired. He’s handsome, not gross.
He called to his parents to share his great joy
He was different – unique – not an average boy.
He loved this about him. It gave him great pride.
He was different indeed. He had nothing to hide.
We are each born great, we’re remarkable art.
We are perfect, unique, not a kind of half-start.
We can’t change who we are. That’s a great thing.
We are who we are; it’s our hardwiring.
His parents warned, they cautioned and cried.
“Being different’s not easy, so please Trent just hide.
Let’s dye your hair brown so you fit and blend in.
Let’s get the brown back so life’s safe as it’s been.”
But Trent just said, “No!” on that major day.
“Born different, born right,” is just what he’d say.
“Born blond, not brown-haired, is how I exist.
Being true to myself is what I insist.”
“For someone much greater thought I should be,
A towhead, a blond, not a fake brown-haired me.
Who are these others, with comments to make?
I am who I am. God made no mistake.”
The hair dying stopped on that fateful day.
Pretending was done on the 18th of May.
Proud to be done with the hair-dying story,
Trent wanted his real life, a life of grand glory.
A life that was honest and open and clear,
A life to be lived without hiding or fear.
Trent marched to school with hair like the sun.
The gold in it shone, like threads that been spun,
But support did not happen, not a moment or second.
It didn’t work out as he thought or had reckoned.
They taunted and teased, chased, hit and called, “Nay!”
It changed all his friends in only one day.
Chased into the woods, with mean words attacking.
Trent stayed hiding there ‘til daylight went packing.
He hid in the dark and was sobbing with fear,
That someone who hated his hair could be near.
“How could this all matter?” He wondered. He cried.
“How could being different make others despise?
I have no control of the color of my hair,
Born with it dark or born with it fair.
Like our gender, or height, preference or skin tone,
We get what we get, it’s really our own.
For down deep I’m still me, the same me I have been.
Down deep, I’m still Trent, their classmate and friend.”
And in that tough moment, a moment of fear,
Young Trent saw a stranger, approaching, quite near.
A man with a beard, long, thick and so white;
A smile so warm, so kind and so bright.
“What brings you to woods, so dark and so deep?
The old man continued, “And can cause you to weep?”
Trent shared his sad story in every detail.
The old man just listened and grew very pale.
He waited ‘til young Trent was all about finished,
Did not interrupt, critique or diminish
The sadness, the pain, the hurt so disarming
That someone so young could find life so alarming.
Once Trent had recounted his unhappy story,
The old man responded with strength and with glory.
His words were bold, his lessons were wise.
Trent listened intently for ways to devise,
A way to be happy when others all yack.
To be strong and courageous when others attack.
The wise man was brilliant and very aware.
He took in a breath, then started to share:
“We are truly born great, just as we are!
Our lives are important. You’re amazing, my young star.
But with others, they think, it’s for them to say
Who is fine, who is good, who is right, who’s okay.”
“For greatness is not in brown hair or blond.
Greatness is not in how our words sound.
Greatness is not on our outside – our skin.
Greatness, true greatness, always happens within.”
“We just can’t know how great you can become
By looking at hair color. That’s crazy, that’s dumb.
Down deep we’re amazing and awesome and bold.
Down deep is our value, our treasure, our gold.”
“No one has eyes to see what you see.
No one can tell you who or what you should be.
That’s your job. Yes it is. It’s all up to you.
It’s your work and your life. You’ve got to be true.”
“Life isn’t easy, its tough and its trying.
It gives you hard tests to make sure you’re applying
What you know of TrueYou, what gifts you receive,
How great you can be and what you believe.”
“You were born awesome – awesome indeed.
But to live each day awesome you must become freed
From the judgments of others, from perspectives so narrow
To let your light soar like a brilliant gold arrow.”
“The world needs TrueYou – the “you” as you are.
Blond or brunette, gay, straight or bizarre.
You are you, and amazing! The “you” born just right.
You were born to shine brightly, to share your great light.”
But you can’t shine in life, when you let yourself hide.
And you can’t change the world, if you’re ashamed inside.
You didn’t choose how you’re born, where you’re from.
But you can surely choose the “you” you become.
Young Trent felt alive and committed to greatness.
He thanked the wise man but feared for the lateness.
His family’d be worried, scared and unbound,
That young Trent was not home, not safe and not sound.
He hurried right home in the dark of the night.
But this time for him, a walk without fright.
More aware, more informed and so much more wise.
He got to his door at a quarter to five.
Once home and together, the lost son lamented
With details and stories. The sobbing relented.
Trent shared a new lesson of power and strength.
They stood right by him; they’d go to great lengths
To handle what happens, to just rise above.
To help Trent show up to a life he can love.
The next day with power and confidence glowing,
Trent moved through the town without any fear showing.
He let loose his blond hair and wore it with pride.
He stood up to names and to insults so snide.
His courage to be true soon had others inspired,
The insults then stopped, mean comments subsided.
Trent showed that hair color makes no difference at all
Be true to yourself and you’ll never feel small.
We didn’t choose how we’re born, where we’re from.
But we can surely choose the “who” we become.
And soon many others with all hair colors flowing,
Appeared in the town, the numbers were growing.
People in fear with hair a fake brown,
Were actually there hiding, still living in town.
Pretending is bad, it loads on the strife.
Hiding restricts us, it limits our life.
We are each given gifts to discover and use,
And we shortchange the world if we don’t know or refuse
To be open and honest and accept the real “me”.
Trent learned that it takes this to really be free.
In just that one moment, things started to change.
People are people, not weirdoes or strange,
Just people, all different, all great, all divine,
Allowed to be true, to be honest, and fine.
And changed they all were from perspectives so narrow.
They cheered and applauded and hailed Trent like pharaoh.
But Trent just continued to live life each day,
Honest and great, in his unique way.
From that day on, in towns far and near
That kept people out because of some fear.
Now invited them in – all are welcome you know.
We all belong. Yes we do! It is right. It is so.
Come out from your hiding. Join life. Be alive!
When you hide you stay small and afraid - you can’t thrive.
You’re an original, not a copy or fake.
You’re the real deal, just perfect; you are no mistake.
So find your right place, as soon as you can.
Be an accountant, a salesman, a singer or stuntman.
It’s all up to you, the directions you choose.
It’s all up to you, don’t wait, don’t you snooze.
Each day that goes by, you never get back.
Each moment, each day, each minute, each track
Is gone. Yes it is, but the next one is here.
Use it wisely. Don’t waste it! Let your best self appear.
You were born awesome, no matter what you’ve been taught.
You were born amazing, born cool – you got what you got.
It’s your gift. It’s yours. It’s all just for you.
It’s divine in its nature so, be true to your “who.”
Be yourself, be your best. Live life your own way.
Be proud, find your place, make the most of each day.
You’re great and your awesome, just as you are.
Be your true self, be a bright shining star.
This article was written by Jay Forte
Click HERE to Learn more about Jay’s work.
WEBSITE: https://thefortefactor.com/
WITH SUCH GRACE AND GENUINE LOVE
“Do you know Jesus?”
Were the first words out of his mouth. His face was no more than two feet from mine as we met in the swimming pool. He was held by his father, who did not react to his words. His mother, standing by, said nothing but looked approvingly at her son. This wasn’t some old guy with bad breath reeking insult to an already aggrieved fellow asking “Do you know Jesus?” This was a very crippled 6 or 7 year old boy asking a very direct question. I thought for a minute and then responded, “Yes. Yes I know Jesus.”
That began a friendship with Ian, Marcus and Angela that has taught me more about religion than I ever learned from all the sermons I’ve heard in my 86 years. You see Ian was born with MORQUIO A. It is an inherited disease. He has had 9 operations in his short life. The last was an operation for trachea reconstruction that allowed him to breath. It is a cellular disfunction that affects each person differently but his bones do not grow. And his spinal cord can’t handle the stunting growth and bends out of control. He can’t walk without help. But that daunting fact does not control their relationship. He lives as normal a childhood as any American child could wish for. Marcus and Angela have done a splendid job of parenting. One that owes a lot to the fact that Ian, Marcus, and Angela all know Jesus.
It is a joy for me to be with them. A peace permeates the atmosphere like the flowers fragrance fill a room. He doesn’t speak until spoken to but his answers are always thoughtful, often funny, and a joke turned upon himself. He will explain the operations he’s had with great detail, but never feeling a hint of being sorry for himself. In the 4th grade he is so popular the school adopted him their mascot. He wore the honor like an Olympic medal. Olympic medals are not in his future. Not even a special Olympics’ medal. You see, at 10 years old he only stands 3 feet tall. And his daily exercise routine includes lifting one pound weights. He has developed mighty biceps, which he will show you with the flair of the mighty wrestlers, that he says are the size of a peanut, but he is working to get them to the size of a walnut.
Ian was not doing well in math and science this year. His mother helped him with his homework and he made 100 on his tests. Ian, Marcus, and Angela shame me to be in their presence. My wife and I raised 5 children and I know now I did not have the humility to raise a child with a handicap. It was all about me. I didn’t want them to make the team I wanted them to be Captain of the team. I wanted them to be the leaders of their classes. President and cheer leaders and make 100 on all of their tests. Ian, Marcus, and Angela have shown me I do not know Jesus. They have shown me with their life, I did not have “Jesus in my heart.” Oh Marcus and Angela, how do you do it. With such grace and genuine love, toward Ian and each other. Would that the world could learn to live with such hardships, with such grace and beauty.
This article was written by Lawrence McGrath.
Lawrence wrote the book: A Cry From The Heart: A Personal Essay
Click HERE to purchase his book on Amazon.
Website: https://www.amazon.com/Cry-Heart-Personl-Essay/dp/1439211264
MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL WELLNESS
Several days a call came in from a parent that was distraught about a diagnosis that had been given to her son. She was mad, hurt, confused and scared.
After hearing her out, she asked "What does it mean." After asking several questions, from her perspective or what she heard was nothing related to what the diagnosis meant or was help there was available for her son as her as that parent. Spent more than an hour slowly helping her with a basic understanding. One that she could grasp and receive. I then provided her with referral information where to seek help.
This conversation got me thinking that part of the Stigma that is prevalent today our consistent use of the terms Mental Health, or Mental Illness.
In other words, we continue to "Enable" the Label and Stigmas. We need to be aware that what we are really talking about is Mental and Emotional Wellness. When we begin to see the affect that our language and definitions have on Enabling the Stigmas and Labels, we then will change and begin to truly think about the Impact we have on People we are called to serve.
Please think about this. To me it is extremely Important in our Service.
This article was written by Rev. Baisden, MACP, MIN
Click HERE to Learn more about Marc Baisden.
Website: https://www.alignable.com/anchorage-ak/recovery-intervention-services
CARING FOR OTHERS — THE HEART — FAITH
The Calling and Vocation to care God’s people I would say started on the first Sunday of August 2013. Through this journey there have been times of struggle, growth and clarity of God’s purpose in and for my life. There is a reason that this season is in God's plan for my wife and I. Now at 60 years, I have had the honor to see much of this world, interact with people, through traveling in many geographic regions, cultures and communities of the United Sates and other countries. Through my Calling and experience as a son, husband, parent, student, photographer, therapist, educator, searcher and servant I have seen many changes to our homes, people, the church, schools, communities, society and governments. Some Good and Some just plain BAD for all.
My faith has been challenged throughout this life, More recently: one of our son’s at age 12 was diagnosed with Osteo Sarconoma (bone cancer) in Sept 2014 and he asked if I would leave Alaska to come to Portland OR, to help while he was going through treatment and surgery. My wife and I felt that I needed to be there so, she remained in Alaska while I went to be with him. He currently is in remission of cancer and will require monitoring for the rest of his life. (Our son resides with his biological mother in Gresham, OR) What do you tell your son when he ask’s, “Why is God allowing this to happen to me” and you have No answer.” What would you say?
During that time of caring for my son, when I arrived and visited with my parents. I found that my parents had not been fully honest with me during phones calls and e-mails as to my dad’s health condition. My father and mother reside in Vancouver, WA. (Across the river from Portland, OR) My father is 83, a veteran who was in remission from multiple cancers, lived his life with severe Parkinson’s disease.) Due to his increased needs and symptoms he was experiencing, I became his caregiver as well, when not with my son. My father passed on in 2017. How do you divide myself and be a son, care-giver, father, husband etc..?
After 2004 my separation and ultimately Divorce from the younger Childers mother. 2 boys and 1 girl, at the time their ages were 3,2, and 11 months. Working 50 to 60 weeks, had weekly visitation with my children, sort of being a single dad part-time. Now some will say well that is not that bad. A little clarification. As I look back now, I ask “How did I do it” The answer then and now with Family and Friends. My oldest son (34) called me not long after the birth of his second daughter and asked me “Dad how did you do it, with Sean, Scott and Aleena. We had a great discussion after that about him and being a father.
This course I truly believe was started many years ago when my parents opened my eyes to wonders of our land, people, landmarks, inside/outside our borders. (Jeramiah 29 11-14) and now Romans 12v 12-22. My parents both served in the military and my father went on to become an officer. I also as an adult witness my parents coming to know the Lord as their LORD and Savior. I also witnessed the growth of my father in the Lord to be called as a Chaplain to the Elderly and had the Honor to Serve with Him.
Through this journey God has opened my Eyes and Heart to what service really is and that when his season arrives, we are to serve and be served, Disciple and Be Discipled to live in Christ and to share Christ with others. The gifts he has allowed me to share and serve for HIS glory is the calling and vocation he has provided.
“Your Heart (who you really are) is Known by the Path You Walk”
This article was written by Rev. Marc Baisden, MACP, MIN
Click HERE to Learn more about Marc Baisden.
Website: https://www.alignable.com/anchorage-ak/recovery-intervention-services
WHAT TO DO IF YOUR SPOUSE IS SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION?
How to Spot and Support your Spouse through Depression?
Are you noticing a strange difference in the behaviour of your spouse from the last few weeks or months? Sometimes, it is a temporary issue that lasts for a few days because of the difference in mutual understanding or some bad phase of life. However, some symptoms are long-lasting and become a part of life. If the problem with your spouse is persisting for a long time, it can be depression. The term depression has become too common that you can find every second person suffering from it. Sometimes, it can also be a bipolar disorder but people mistook as depression. The depression treatment and bipolar treatment are two different things that only a psychiatrist can tell you with deep explanations. If your spouse is suffering from depression, it is your duty to help them in coming out of the situation.
Check Out Depression Treatment
The Major Problem With Mental Disorders
Whether it is a depression, dementia, bipolar disorder or anything else, most of the people don’t have any idea that they are suffering from a mental disorder. There is a common assumption that a person suffering from mental illness is considered unfit for society. This is totally wrong because almost everyone goes through depressive and manic phases of life for a while or longer. It doesn’t mean that they are incurable. Even after knowing the mental condition, many people never accept reality. Consequently, the problem becomes worse than finally ruin a beautiful relationship as well as personal life too. If your spouse is also facing a similar situation, it is your responsibility to get them out of the situation. Here is some crucial information regarding depression treatment that you must read and understand.
Most Common Symptoms That Spot Depression in Your Spouse
There is a long list of depression symptoms & a person may be facing only some of them. Here is a list that you need to remember:
1) Lack of concentration in work
2) Sudden change in hunger levels
3) Exhausted face
4) Anxious
5) Sad & full of negativity
6) Hormonal fluctuation
7) Grief of failure
8) Frequent headache
9) Ruining sex life
10) Nausea
If such kinds of symptoms are becoming apparent in your partner, you need an expert on depression treatment. However, sometimes, bipolar disorder is also mistaken as depression because of some reasons that you will know in the below article.
Reasons Why People Consider Bipolar Disorder as Depression?
The human mind is more complex than any other organ present in the body. Therefore, people sometimes fail to understand their problems. The same thing is applicable to depression because some of its symptoms are identical to bipolar disorder. Consequently, some psychiatrists star bipolar treatment rather than depression treatment. There are 2 phases of bipolar disorder i.e.
a) Manica
b) Depressive
The depressive phase shares some symptoms of depression but its treatment differs.
WHAT TO DO IF YOUR SPOUSE IS SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION?
1) Gain your personal knowledge about depression
If you really want to help your spouse in getting rid of depression, it is advisable to gain some knowledge regarding depression first. With adequate knowledge, you can understand their situation in a better way. Some major symptoms are already mentioned in the above article. If you are noticing some of these symptoms, try to help your partner in realising the situation. It is possible that they will not ready to accept the truth for once but it is your duty to motivate them for visiting a psychiatrist without fearing of society or anyone else. Doctors may suggest medicines and some rejuvenating therapies.
2) Maintain a supportive environment
If the patient is not living in a healthy environment, no treatment will work effectively. At home, maintain an environment in which they follow a healthy routine of life. Some of the most important things to support them are:
1) Exercise & meditate together as a daily routine
2) Prepare a healthy diet plan as per doctor’s guideline and implement it strictly.
3) Maintain regularity in the routine of treatment without missing a single activity.
3) Love unconditionally
Depression treatment will only work successfully if you love your spouse unconditionally. A person suffering from depression may get angry on you, shout or try to harm too. Never give-up in such kinds of situations if you love them truly. Always remember that this is just a bad time and time never remain the same. However, you can create a big difference for the upcoming time with your positive efforts.
These are some positive efforts that you can attempt for the well being of your partner. Some odd circumstances may occur during the treatment period that will hurt you but never lose hope. With a proficient psychiatrist, positive attitude and full dedication, your life can return back on the track.
This article was written by Sakshi Joshi
Click HERE to Learn more about her work.
WEBSITE: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sakshi-joshi-2a1446119/
NOT “THE ANSWER” BUT "HER ANSWER"
Until Valeria Teles called me, it never dawned to me that anyone else was concerned that the people of the world were chasing their tails following the dogma of religions, believing the religion they chose to follow was the truth. I’m reasonably well read. And Cox cable gives me multiple channels to select from to learn the banter of drug companies, automobile companies, unlimited elixirs to cure everything from toe nail fungus, coughs, and cancer. Why should Valeria Teles podcast succeed in this maelstrom of “buy me now, I’ve got the answer.” Well they won’t cover her over with their blarney, no they won’t. The answer is, there is “No Answer.” There is only belief. And the reason Valeria’s podcast may be the spark that ignites the world is, maybe she got it right. But she needs help.
What did they get right? They got from the beginning of time, religion has ruled the people. And it rules us today. It distorts our lives in all possible ways contrary to a Valeria’s life fit for joy. Can any listener to this podcast say their life has been joyful? Everyone of the presenters to Valeria’s podcasts are over 40. Each has had to learn the reason they were not loved and cherished and their learning to overcome the damaging effects gave them a purpose to help other people escape their fate. Everyone should listen to Lillie Thomlin. She said, “I didn’t get well until I gave up all hope of a better past.” That is what the presenters are saying on this forum. And it is free.
And the scams are voluminous. How can you tell the truth from “gotcha.” Money! Money is how you tell the well intentioned from the greedy. Valeria has produced a sensitive and insightful anthology for people who find the podcast to secure a steady and reliable future. She doesn’t have “The Answer.” She has “an” answer, until you find your own. Most of the presenters deal with addictions, relationships, or death of a loved one. And those are important issues, which are real. But we have to deal with the root cause of Man’s in humanity to Man if we are ever going to escape the uncreditable harm to humanity we continue to inflict on each other. And Valeria addresses that.
FOOD. We have enough food to feed the world if the governments of the world would let the free flow of food be as easy as the free flow of money. SHELTER. We can shelter the world if we spent the money on housing not bombs. EDUCATION. Stop the inane education of markets and get to basics. RRR. Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic and let the child chose his/her vocation. Let the future be the goal of progress. Let the morning be the beginning of life. Let everyone enjoy a fit for the life experience.
Valeria is the most well intentioned person I’ve ever met. I believe her podcasts are an intelligent use of the collective wisdom of man that has been collected. They are there for the benefit of all humanity. They are meant to make the world a safer place. They are there to make the world a happier place.
This article was written by Lawrence McGrath.
Lawrence wrote the book: A Cry From The Heart: A Personal Essay
Click HERE for his book on Amazon.
I PROMISE MYSELF
I Promise Myself…
to laugh as if nobody’s watching, and love as if I’ve never been hurt before.
to live as if I were to die tomorrow, and learn as if I were to live forever.
to let go of the heavy burden of my past. To turn my wounds into wisdom and my
difficulties into opportunities.
to love myself as much as I would like others to love me.
to die to the past every night, so that I can be born again each morning.
to never speak from a place of hate, jealousy, anger, or insecurity. And to always evaluate
my words before I let them leave my lips.
to forgive so that I can heal, and let go so that I can grow.
to learn from every experience and every interaction life sends my way.
to always look for the good in people. To treat everyone with love, kindness, compassion,
appreciation and never speak badly of anyone.
to allow life’s many challenges to make me better, not bitter.
to complain less, and live my life with an attitude of gratitude.
to create a sense of purpose and bring meaning into everyday life. No matter how many
times I fall or fail, I promise myself to never give up on myself or my dreams.
to let go of all the drama in my life, and only hold on to those things that bring me joy.
to live my life in a way that inspires others and strive to bring out the best in them.
to surround myself with people who make me hungry for life, touch my heart, and nurture
my spirit.
to think less and feel more. To judge less and trust more. To fear less and love more.
to walk away from everything that no longer serves me, grows me, or makes me happy.
to spend more time connecting with my authentic self, and less time chasing the love and
approval of those around me.
to show the world who I truly am and not consider what people might be thinking about me.
to transform my inner vision until I see nothing but light, my own and all those around me.
to let go of any bad habits I might be holding on to, and walk away from all those things
that hold me back in life.
to let go of all blame and take full responsibility for my own life.
to allow the world know me as I am, not as it thinks I should be.
to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving,
and empathetic of the weak.
to clothe myself with love and wear this love wherever I go.
to care more about being kind than I do about being right all the time.
to give more of my time to those who are special in my life, and show them how much they
really mean to me.
to trust my inner voice and intuition more than I trust the loud voice of those around me.
to expect less from others but more and more from myself.
to allow those I care for to be perfectly themselves without trying to twist them to fit my
own image. Loving them for who they are and not for what I want them to be.
