WHAT THOUGHTS BELONG TO YOU?

Here is one of my favorite passages in “Whatever the F*ck It Takes”  by Barbra Gilman:

 

In our world, fitting in is the numero-uno thing to do. We’ve been trained very well to fit in, and fitting in here means to be right! So, we give ourselves up in order to validate everyone else’s point of view, and we get to be right at the same time.

And boy-oh-boy, when we fit in and are accepted and still get to be right, it’s like a triple-header Yankees game and the annual Macy’s Thankgiving Day Parade rolled into one!

Most people’s lives are trauma, drama, and struggle. What is the value of that? Well, the value is when you have these, you get to fit in. You get to be like everyone else. You don’t have to be inconceivable because you’re part of the herd. You don’t have to worry about standing out or getting kicked out. That’s the value of fitting in. And if you fit in, you also get to share. We love that concept. Unfortunately, when you share you have to bring yourself down to the lowest common denominator of what the person you’re sharing with can receive. They can only receive 1 percent of what you’re saying, so you have to bring yourself down  to 1 percent of you. Talk about giving you up!

Unless, of course, you stand outside the insane asylum and look at the notion of “fitting in.” Now from that vantage point, you can see that those who want to fit in are actually choosing against themselves, and never get to be who they truly could be. If they were choosing for themselves, that would actually change everything and give them a life of ease, joy, and glory®! Oh, well, no significance here and no making anyone wrong.

They can always come back and try it again! What have I made so vital, valuable, and real about giving me up to validate everyone else’s point of view? Everything that is, I now destroy and uncreate. POD POC.

ACTION TOOL: Who Does This Belong To? Return to Sender

This is the tool you’ll probably use the most. Because you’re constantly taking on others’ energy, feelings, expectations, fear, worries, and day-to-day thoughts. Though they’re not your own, you take them on as your own. This tool is incredibly potent. For every thought, feeling, emotion you have, ask yourself:

“Who does this belong to?”

Would you believe (I hope you do after you read this!) that 90 percent of everything you think and feel is not yours? Yes, you read that correctly! I know this can sound preposterous the first time you hear it.

However, it’s true. And the good news here is that once you start playing with the Return to Sender tool, not only will you believe me, you’ll also get the added bonus of getting rid of most of the trauma and drama and unwanted feelings you think are yours.

Think about it this way: Would you sneak into a neighbor’s hamper and put on their dirty underwear?? No? Well, guess what? That’s exactly what you do. And in doing all this, in closing the back door, returning to sender, and removing most of the escape routes I used to have—my life and awareness have changed in ways I could never have imagined.

Remember there is no destination; what we’re looking for is More-Better-Greater-Different. I know there is so much more ahead. I KNOW I don’t want to leave this planet feeling like I never became the most POTENT version of me, or at least gave it my best shot. And I am sure you don’t want to, either.

On Amazon!