MAKING PEACE WITH FOOD: THE CURE TO EMOTIONAL EATING

This is one of my favorite passages in “The Binge Cure: 7 Steps To Outsmart Emotional Eating” by Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin.



— Whether you’re trying to think away your anger or deal with other feelings such as sadness, helplessness, anxiety, fear, guilt, worry, or shame, those emotions need your attention, not your condemnation. When you think less and feel more, you’re less likely to turn to food when you’re upset. When you get out of your head, you’ll stay out of the fridge.

You know that feeling when you rationally know something to be true, yet the feeling doesn’t match up with what you logically know and believe? That’s because it’s not logical—it’s psychological. We try to resolve that internal tug-of-war in various ways, including by distracting ourselves from discomfort by focusing on our diets, counting calories or fat grams, and being preoccupied with our weight. What you weigh becomes less of a problem when you focus on what’s weighing on you. That’s why we’re going to explore the various ways we deny, deflect, repress, or otherwise push away uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, and conflicts. These are often called defense mechanisms, but I like to think of them as ways of protecting us from pain that also ultimately hurt us.

They include mind reading, turning on the self, intellectualizing, minimizing, bargaining, slave-driving, and overdoing. Do you ever assume that someone else is thinking that you are fat or judging you for what you are eating? Or do you apologize profusely when you are late but never express anger when someone else is? Do you minimize your problems the moment you begin to express some serious emotions? I will help you to understand what’s really happening below the surface. Once you begin to recognize these behaviors, you can more easily let go of them and address the underlying emotions that are causing you to turn to food for comfort. 

When you walk into a room filled with strangers, what are your initial thoughts? Do you imagine the best possible scenario? Do you think, These people are interested in me and can’t wait to meet me? Or do you think the worst? These people think I’m fat . . . boring . . . stupid . . . and they don’t want to have anything to do with me. They can see that there’s something about me that’s different or somehow unlikable. I’m going to take a wild guess and presume you do not work for a psychic network. Therefore, you do not actually know what’s in another person’s mind. Many of us feel as if the world is scrutinizing us and finding us wanting. Believing that other people are thinking the worst can also be subtle. Consider the following examples:

Arturo sat on the couch in my office, telling me about his weekend. He’d seen a movie and spent time with his girlfriend, and he also played golf all day on Sunday. I listened without interruption or comment. I didn’t speak. I didn’t say a single word. He looked at me and nodded. “You’re right, I should have done some work this weekend. I can’t believe how lazy I am.” On another occasion, Corinne wept in frustration as she described a recent problem at work. She blew her nose and grabbed tissues from the box, taking the last of them. She shook her head apologetically. “You probably think I’m such a crybaby.”

More recently my friend Kellie and I had dinner, and at the end of the meal, she ordered dessert. After giving the server an order for apple pie a la mode, Kellie gave me a sheepish look. “I know what you’re thinking,” she said. “I have no business eating apple pie.” I didn’t think Arturo was lazy. I didn’t think Corinne was a crybaby. I didn’t think that Kellie had no business ordering dessert.

Arturo, Corinne, and Kellie were projecting the critical thoughts they had about themselves onto me and then believing that I was thinking the same thoughts. So where did those critical perceptions come from? They came from the usual place: the past. Arturo’s father always accused him of being a slacker, and he had internalized that view of himself. He thought I was viewing him through his father’s eyes. Corinne grew up in a family that didn’t tolerate emotions or tears, which were viewed as signs of weakness. She imagined that I was viewing her tears contemptuously, as her family members did whenever someone expressed emotion. Kellie’s mother constantly monitored her weight, and Kellie thought I was doing so too. She transferred the shaming experience with her mother onto me. If you think other people are critical, indifferent, exasperated, or angry, you’re a lot more likely to use food as a substitute for love and comfort. Conversely, when you trust that others like you and think the best of you, you feel good. When you feel good, there’s no need to distract yourself with food.

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