HONORING EMOTIONS & LETTING FEELINGS FLOW WITHOUT JUDGMENT

These are some of my favorite passages in “Eating in the Light of the Moon: How Women Can Transform Their Relationships with Food Through Myth, Metaphor, and Storytelling” by Dr. Anita Johnston

 

— Intuition is an invaluable gift from the feminine. It is the wise voice that tells us what to do, which way to turn, and if something is wrong. Unfortunately, most of us have been encouraged to dis- regard our intuition. We have been taught that the only knowledge that is valid is that which comes to us from the outside world through our five senses. We are taught to think, not feel, and to value only what is logical, what can be processed through the rational mind.

Intuition is a very different kind of knowing. It is perception beyond the physical senses that provides information that can be used for survival, creativity, and inspiration. It is not simply a mental process, but one which involves our bodies, our hearts, and our spirits.

The rational mind processes the information that it receives from the environment and forms logical conclusions. It offers guidance and direction based on this information. The intuitive mind has access to a much broader and deeper supply of knowledge. It taps into the creative forces of the universe that reside within and around us. It links us to a greater, more comprehensive understanding than what the rational mind can comprehend.

This is not to say that the masculine, rational mind should be rejected, but rather that it needs to be used in tandem with the intuitive mind. Your rational mind can be used to question (with curiosity, not judgment) the promptings received from the intuitive mind and to provide the focus and support needed for their expression.

Intuition involves a certain state of receptivity that is not necessarily passive, although it may appear to be so. When we are actively receptive, our awareness becomes more diffuse and we become more sensitive to subtle information from both within and without. While all of us have intuition, it is often called "women's intuition" because it is the feminine aspect of receptivity that comes into play.

Intuition cannot be commanded. It comes, seemingly of its own volition, when we are in a state of receptivity. That is why when we are struggling to solve a problem and can't figure out a solution, it is only after we have "slept on it" or have let go of the struggle that the answer comes, often in a sudden burst of insight.

Women seem to be naturally more intuitive because their biology forces them to remain connected to their bodies and their emotions. We have hormones that sensitize us to our feelings and instincts, and a menstrual cycle that mirrors the phases of the moon as a reminder of our connection to the universe, the bigger picture. Women may also be more intuitive because of the experience of being female in a patriarchal society. Since we learned very quickly that we did not have the physical strength to protect our- selves from the perils of domination such as incest, rape, or other forms of abuse, we had to become very adept at judging others, "reading between the lines," and seeing the invisible in order to avoid dangerous situations. We often had to make decisions before all the logical, rational information was provided and thus learned to develop a strong, intuitive sense.

In our culture, there has not been much support for intuitive knowing, and those who are closely connected to their instinctual selves through their intuition are often rejected by others. In my work with women struggling with disordered eating, it has become clear to me that this is exactly the kind of experience these women have had repeatedly in their lives. They found that if they voiced concerns or shared perceptions that could not be validated by their five senses or logical thought processes, they were either punished, ridiculed, or accused of "trying to stir things up," of being reck- less, or courting trouble. They were told in no uncertain terms that their reality was wrong.

These women were so wounded by this rejection that they became distrustful of their feminine intuition, and their intuitive knowing was driven underground, into their unconscious, not to be acknowledged, even to themselves. In order to maintain the suppression of their intuitive faculties, they internalized the cultural judgments against this information with such statements to themselves as: "There is no reason for feeling this . . . I must be imagining things ... I'm overreacting ... I'm too sensitive...."

And this became the refrain of their inner dialogue over and over again until they no longer believed they were capable of defining their reality. They lost their sense of an inner authority they could turn to for guidance.

They started to feel that something was terribly wrong with them but they weren't sure what. All they felt was this terrible pressure to keep their perceptions hidden from others, to hide their true selves, lest they be accused of being irrational (read: "crazy").

And they found that one of the best ways to ignore or quiet that inner voice was by distracting themselves with food, fat, and dieting. They learned to respond to "gut feelings" by putting food in their stomachs as though the rumblings came from physical hunger.

Recovery from disordered eating involves reclaiming your intuition, that inner authority that provides knowledge and guidance. It involves learning to use your intellect to support rather than discredit information obtained through intuitive channels. It requires that you develop an appreciation of the wise, compassionate- ate guidance that is always available to you and that you choose to incorporate it consciously into your life rather than ignore it.

This old Russian story is about a king and queen who lived a happy life in a small kingdom long, long ago. The King took great

pleasure in having his knights perform mock battles and compete in games of strength and skill While this entertained him, he longed for an opportunity to go out into the world to test his skills and gain fame and fortune.

When word came to him of a cruel king from a distant country who was terrorizing a nearby kingdom, he decided that this was the opportunity he was waiting for. Leaving the Queen in full command of the country they had ruled together, he instructed his ministers to assist her in all things and gathered up his finest knights to head out to help defend his neighbors.

He traveled on and on, through forests and over mountains until he reached the land where the enemy king ruled There, he engaged in battle with the forces of the foreign king, only to be defeated and taken captive.

The King was hauled away and locked in among prisoners who we replaced in chains and treated badly. By day they were forced to

plow the fields. A t night they were returned, exhausted, to the prison, where they were given barely enough food to sustain them.

Meanwhile, back in the small kingdom, the Queen governed wisely. Her subjects were happy and well and the kingdom prospered.

But the Queen longed for her husband, and when the months became a year, then two, then three, she feared he might never return.

When at last the King had found a way to send her a message, she was overjoyed. Although he was held captive, she knew now that he was alive! In his message, the King asked the Queen to sell off their castles and estates and borrow as much money as possible, so that she could deliver a ransom of gold and free him from the wretched prison.

The Queen thought long and hard about the message. She wanted to free her husband as quickly as possible because she missed him dearly and knew that raising such a large sum of money could take many months.

"Then if I bring the ransom gold myself" she thought, "this foreign king might seize the gold and imprison me, too. If I send couriers with the ransom, who will I know I can trust? And what if the ransom offer is refused or seized? This ruthless king may not want to ransom a prisoner-or he may be so wealthy he will laugh at our amount of gold."

The Queen paced her chamber in despair. "If I do as the King requests, when he returns home, he will be poor and heavily in debt. The kingdom will be impoverished, and our people will suffer. "

She thought and thought until she could think no more. And then an idea came to her. She would journey to the distant land disguised as a vagabond minstrel a lute player, and she would rescue the King herself She did not know if her bold plan would succeed but she felt compelled to try it.

She was certain the ministers would be horrified by her idea and would detain her if they could. So she cut her long brown hair, dressed herself as a minstrel boy, and left a note that she was going on a journey. With her lute in hand, she slipped out of the castle eat night, with only the light of the moon to guide her.

As the Queen journeyed, she became thin and browned by the sun. The bright colors of her minstrel cloak became dusty and worn. In a little more than a month’s time, she reached her destination.

When she arrived at the palace of the foreign king, she placed her lute in her hands and began to play and sing a mournful ballad that expressed a great longing for her heart’s desire. So beautifully did she sing, all who heard her were touched by her lament. No sooner had the king heard her lovely song than he had the singer brought before him.

"Welcome, lute player," said he. "Where do you come from?"

"My country, sire, is far away across many lands. I wander from country to country, and I earn my living with my music. "

"Stay here and play for us, then. When you wish to leave, I will reward you with what you wished for in your song-your greatest heart’s desire."

After three days of charming the king with songs both merry and sad, the lute player came to take leave of the king.

"What do you desire as your reward?" asked the king.

"Sire, I would like one of your prisoners to have as a companion on my journeys. When I hear his happy voice as I travel along, I shall think of you and be grateful."

The king agreed to this and the Queen walked about among the prisoners. A t length she picked out her husband and took him with

her on her journey home.

During their travels, the King never suspected that this thin,

sun-browned minstrel could be his Queen. When at last they reached the border of their own country, the King said, "Let me go now, kind lad. I am no common prisoner, but King of this country. Let me go

free and ask what you will as your reward."

"Speak not of a reward," answered the lute player. "Go in peace.

The two parted and the Queen took a shorter way home, arriving back at the castle ahead of the King. She changed her clothes, putting on a splendid gown and a high silk headdress, to meet her husband.

The King greeted the excited throngs of people in the castle and then turned to his Queen and said reproachfully, "Did you not receive my message? 1 wasted for a long time in prison waiting to be ransomed! Now you greet me lovingly, but it was a lute player who rescued me and brought me home. "

The Queen had planned to tell the King the reasons for her disguise in the privacy of their chambers for she feared that he would be angry she had not sent the ransom money. But before she had a chance to reply, a spiteful minister standing nearby said, "Sire, the Queen left the castle when news of your imprisonment arrived, and she only returned this day. "

At this, the King looked stricken and sorrowful. He turned away to confer with his ministers, for he had thought the Queen had deserted him in his time of need The Queen returned to her chamber and slipped on her travel-stained minstrel cloak. She picked up her lute and went to the castle courtyard where she sang the verses to the songs, she had sung in that faraway land

Upon hearing the songs, the King rushed out to the courtyard, took the lute player in his hand, and announced, "This is the lute player who freed me from prison! Now, my friend, 1 will offer you your heart’s desire. "

"I ask only your trust and love, " said she, throwing off the hooded cloak and revealing herself as Queen. "And 1 beg that you hear my story. "

A cry of astonishment rang through the hall. The King stood amazed, then rushed to embrace his wife. She then explained why she chose to use her skill as a lute player to rescue the King.

The King rejoiced in the wisdom and courage of the Queen and, in gratitude, proclaimed a seven-day feast of celebration throughout the land.

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