— Imagine what could happen if you see every break- down as the start of a breakthrough. If you know that every shit show is S.T.U.F.F. getting cleaned off, and that, if you stick with it, if you let your old attachments and identities fall away, what will emerge will be a clearer, more powerful, and more congruent version of you.
When something “bad” happens, our response is typically to fight it, fix it, or flee it. It’s so much more powerful to surrender to it and to use it for our own expansion.
I realize this isn’t easy. I get that it goes against some deeply worn habits. I know that fighting, fixing, and fleeing are ways of feeling in control, of feeling safe. What if it’s possible that being in control is actually a way of being stuck. What if it’s possible that being in control is a euphemism for staying in your comfort zone. What if it’s possible that surrendering is the way to release old S.T.U.F.F. and expand.
When I say surrender, I don’t mean being passive. I simply mean accepting what is instead of fighting it.
When Tara first told me about the deal falling apart, she clearly thought that this shouldn’t have happened. If only she’d worked harder. If only she’d been a better person. If only she didn’t need the money. Clearly, she was judging both the situation and herself as wrong.
When she began to see it as an opportunity for expansion, she stopped trying to fight, fix, or flee. Without that energy of struggle and resistance, it was so much easier for her to make changes. She was able to move into what I call the Three Cs. These are the steps to take in order to work through challenging situations in an expansive way.
First, feel your feelings. If you’ve got strong feelings going on, let them come up first. Not every challenging situation will be emotional, but if this one is, allow yourself to feel the emotions.
Step 1—Get Curious
Ask yourself questions like:
— If this situation is an opportunity,
what might it be an opportunity for?
— If someone I’ve never met walked up and looked at what’s going on,
what would they see?
— Where is my power in this?
— How do I want to show up in this?
— What’s important to me here?
Step 2—Get Creative
What creative possibilities can you come up with for this situation? Get ideas from your head, and also check in with your intuition and your heart. Crazy ideas are welcome! Impulses are too. Let yourself dream, like Tara did for her business.
Step 3—Get Courageous
Now it’s time to move into action, and that takes courage. You’re doing something new, so you’ll naturally have some nervousness. You might even feel a little anxious or scared. You might dread taking the next step. That’s OK. It’s normal. What else do you feel?
Over and over I’ve heard clients say things like, “I’m excited about this opportunity, but I’m also really nervous. I don’t know if I can do it.” Using the word “but” is like putting on the brakes. Your excitement has your foot on the gas. Your “but” has you pushing the brake. It’s really hard to make progress this way.
Try this instead. “I’m really nervous and have doubts, and I’m really excited about this opportunity.” By acknowledging all of your feelings and using the word “and,” you keep the momentum going forward. By addressing the fears and nervousness first, you let your Safety Self relax, and it’s easier to move into more expansion.
Take a deep breath, and take one step at a time. When you practice getting curious, creative, and courageous, you begin leading your life in a bigger way.
Typically, when something “bad” happens, we feel like a victim. We’re at the mercy of fate, another person, or our own faults. Victims are weak and powerless, and that’s how we end up feeling in our lives.
Not only are these situations opportunities, they’re also catalysts.
When we approach them with curiosity, creativity, and courage, these experiences expand us. They’re the stimulus that gets us into action and into more alignment with our essence and our joy.
Tara was catalyzed into creating ways of working with clients that truly excited her and ended up bringing her the income she was looking for. She was able to see that, had the deal not fallen through, she’d have been working with someone who didn’t truly value her and who would have continued asking for more and more from her. That is not a recipe for feeling fulfilled and joyful.
If the situation you’re dealing with is something cataclysmic, feeling your feelings can take a long time. It’s not something to push yourself through. And you may cycle back through it numerous times.
When my daughter died, I grieved for a long time, of course. Over years and years, I would cycle through times of grief and layers of letting go of S.T.U.F.F. and my identities around the whole experience.
These steps are not intended to push you into action before you’re ready or to deny your pain and sorrow. Sometimes, feeling your feelings is the most important step of all.
Refuturing Statements
♥ What if it’s possible that it’s OK for me to feel my feelings.
♥ What if it’s possible that I can do this in ways that feel safe and right for me.
♥ What if it’s possible that I can do this at a time and at a pace that feels safe and right for me.
♥ What if it’s possible that I can feel nervous and excited, scared and confident,
even exhilarated.
♥ What if it’s possible that I have more options and possibilities than I ever realized.
♥ What if it’s possible for me to be curious, creative, and courageous as I become
the leader of my life.
Choose Statement
I choose to get curious, creative, and courageous as I take inspired action.
