— In most modern fables, after the descent, the hero emerges a changed person. They have been on a journey not only to the external world, but on a journey within to learn more about their true nature.
After losing his battle with Killmonger and being abandoned for dead, T’Challa was revived by the heart-shaped herb and emerged to win back the throne. In the end, T’Challa recognized that he had to be a different kind of king than his father. He had to be true to his own beliefs and values. He decided to become a leader who would share Wakanda’s resources with other African nations to benefit all the oppressed peoples of the world.
At the end of Wonder Woman 2017, Diana could not return victorious to her homeland. She had been banned for life by Queen Hippolyta and had to make her own way in the new world. Yet she was a stronger, wiser, more courageous leader than the young princess who had left the island. Her journey had taken her on a path of inner transformation that changed the way she looked at her role in the world.
In her book, Discovering the Inner Mother, Bethany Webster calls this becoming awakened to the truth at the center of our beings. Your Shero’s Journey is ultimately a journey back home to yourself. It is a quest to rediscover who you really are and what you really care about, and to try to live in alignment with your truth. It is a journey away from separation and toward wholeness. This inner transformation requires you to embrace the parts of yourself that you have disowned and embrace the dreams you have abandoned.
Have you ever felt so out of touch with your feelings that you can’t even remember who you are or what you care about? That is what happens when we spend too much of our lives pleasing others, putting their needs ahead of our own, and living up to external expectations. Before we can become whole, we need to reconnect with the parts of ourselves we have stifled, put on hold, or given up on to keep the peace. If we have been disconnected for long enough, we may have to go in search of cues to revive and embrace these nameless, unloved parts.
The first place to look is at your feelings. Many women carry loss, regret, resentment, guilt, and shame as they shift from pleasing others to connecting with their own truth. At some point, we have to grieve everything we have given up to be where we are today. When I transitioned from my professional life as a law professor to a new unknown as a writer and retreat leader, I had to let go of the central identity that had shaped my adult life. I also had to make peace with the fact that I would never be a famous modern dancer like Isadora Duncan or a famous writer hosting salons on the Left Bank of Paris like Gertrude Stein. I chose a different path but had to mourn the loss of those opportunities. Healing begins with acknowledging choices made, the fork in the road not taken, relationships that did not work out.
Healing also comes from making peace with what could have been, what has been, and what is yet to be. Many of us have to give up hoping that our disappointed little girl will ever receive the kind of parental love she longed for. We have to become our own inner mothers, giving ourselves the understanding and unconditional support that we need. Bethany Webster calls this the work of healing your Mother Wound, and it is a necessary ingredient of accepting yourself for who you are.
Healing comes from forgiveness. Forgiveness starts from within. You need to forgive yourself for the mistakes you made and the people you may have hurt. You made the best choices you could based on the information and emotional skills you had at the time. It is time to stop holding yourself to an impossible standard of perfection that you would not expect from anyone else.
It is also time to forgive the enemies who hurt you and stood in your way, starting with your family of origin. That does not mean letting them back in your life if they are toxic. It does mean kicking them out of the part of your heart that is stuck on thoughts of anger and revenge. It is time to let them go. They do not have the power to hurt you or control you any longer.
We have to heal the physical wounds that resulted from the pain as well. Women who have suffered early trauma often develop harmful habits to self-medicate their wounds. I harmed my body physically with alcohol and too much food. You may recognize yourself in those or other harmful habits like eating disorders, smoking, or drug addiction. Healing means letting go of those addictive behaviors and learning to love our bodies as the sacred containers for our hearts and souls. Healing for you may mean getting a massage or reiki, doing yoga, or balancing the chakras. It may involve going on a cleanse or a fast, if needed, doing meditation, releasing the stress and anxiety. This kind of healing is an expression of self-love and acceptance.
Finally, healing means opening up to spirit. You have to lean into the stillness, giving yourself time to disconnect from the external so you can hear the internal guidance. A healing practice only works if you give yourself the time and space to absorb it. You cannot go running around from one yoga class to another and expect to be healed. You have to connect with a higher power and fully embrace the divine self that resides within you.
This deep transformational work may require support and guidance. Reading books and listening to your own intuition can start you on the path, but it is difficult to experience exponential growth without the help of those who have already walked your path. Investing in your own growth is an act of radical self-love. I could build a library with the self-help and spiritual books I have read. I have invested tens of thousands of dollars in coaches and spiritual guides to help me make breakthroughs in areas I could not heal on my own. One thing I know for certain is that I would not be where I am today without them.
