THE SECRET OF THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE

This is my favorite passage in “Achieving Self-Compassion: Giving Yourself the Gifts of Happiness and Inner Peace” by Nate Terrell LCSW.



Most of us know that a major portal to happiness is to appreciate the good things in our lives. Whether we are marveling at the unconditional love our dogs give us, the comfort of pulling the blankets up to our neck on a cold winter’s night or the joy of reconnecting to an old friend, our ability to bask in life’s pleasures significantly improves the quality of our precious time on this Earth. However, many people still live with an acute sense of what they lack rather than being grateful for all of the good things in their lives. They labor under the belief that they will be more fulfilled when they gain coveted possessions, achieve more professional success, and so on. Consequently, they live with a sense of scarcity rather than abundance.

Even when people get what they want, the satisfaction it brings them usually dims over time as the newness wears off and they set their sights on the next thing they believe will “make them” happy. Imagine that a lonely man finally finds a woman who provides him with companionship and love.

Although initially ecstatic, he eventually begins to take what he has for granted and decides he can’t be happy unless she gets a better job so they can buy a pool. I am sure you get the point - his assumption that he needs something else to be happy is the very thing that is preventing him from experiencing it. It is much more self-compassionate to value what we already have in our lives even as we strive for further heights. For instance, we all can be thankful for the simple fact that we are alive. Although this may not sound like much, it sure beats the alternative as far as I am concerned. The privilege of life enables us to enjoy a good laugh, spend quality time with our loved ones and watch Monday Night Football. It also provides us with the opportunity to gain more wisdom and grow into the people we want to be. I am always puzzled when people comment that life is short and wonder what they are comparing it to.

Yes, some people’s lives are tragically cut short. However, if we live a typical life span, we have around 16 hours a day, 365 days a year for 79 years (28,835 days) to appreciate everything good about our lives rather than what is lacking. Consequently, every day is like a feast and our sense of fulfillment enables us to feel like we are getting our just desserts.

Whenever I encounter people who appear to be very happy, I ask them what their secret is. They generally observe that they woke up that morning and/or have a lot to be thankful for. Their gratitude is a generous gift they give themselves and everyone they encounter because it enables them to experience “good cheer,” which my best friend Carl believes is the secret to a happy life.

One of the happiest people I have ever known is my Aunt Jean. When I told her I was writing a book about how to achieve happiness through self-compassion, she began sending me lists of everything she loves about life such as spending time with her grandchildren and painting pictures of landscapes. I often read over her lists when I need to refill my own store of appreciation. Although she has certainly experienced many significant challenges in her life, none of them has even made a small dent in her ability to relish all that life has to offer.

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