The old saying “Comparison is the thief of joy” is certainly true. Many of us compare ourselves and our lives to others’, which inevitably creates unhappiness. Because the ego mind constantly wants “more”, it will usually compare us to those it perceives to have “more” as opposed to those who have “less”, disrupting our sense of appreciation for what we already have. Furthermore, the ego mind will only compare through a very limited lens – “she makes more money than I do” or “he has a wonderful partner and I don’t” - it does not comprehend the whole picture, or consider that the other person may have challenges that are not on our ego mind’s radar. This can place us in victim mode, believing that life is unfair. We each have a unique soul journey that contains unique soul lessons (challenges), so it is futile to compare ourselves with anyone else.
We can choose to be happy, even if others are not happy
I recall seeing a quote written on a date calendar years ago “A mother is only as happy as her unhappiest child”. “How true!” I thought. If we are empathic, we can fall into the lie of thinking “How can I be happy when there is so much suffering in the world?” or “How can I be happy when my partner/child/parent is unhappy?” If someone close to us is suffering, we may even feel guilty if we feel happy. These thoughts and feelings are based on a lie – that our happiness is conditional on others’ happiness. If we believe this, we take ourselves to the lower vibration of the other person, and from this vibration we are unable to help or inspire that person. The truth is that we can feel joy and still empathise. Empathising does not mean that we must feel the way the other person does; simply that we go to the place of understanding how they feel. When we remain in a higher vibration of happiness, we access resources that are not available to us when in a lower vibration, and so we are better able to help another person who is unhappy. On a global level, each individual’s level of happiness contributes to the overall vibration of the Earth, so it is essential that we choose happiness.
You, and only you, can create your happiness
When we rely on outside circumstances and other people to create our happiness, we are on shaky ground, because outside circumstances and people change constantly. That is the nature of our Universe. It is not what happens to you or doesn’t happen to you that creates your happiness. No person or event can make us happy or unhappy. Our ego mind’s judgments of the person or event makes us happy or unhappy. How we choose to interpret what’s happening, and the story we tell ourselves about it, makes us happy or unhappy.
“The last of human freedoms – the ability to choose one’s attitude in a given set of circumstances.” – Viktor E. Frankel
Too often we blame other people or circumstances for our lack of happiness. Difficult relationships reflect back to us what we must heal in ourselves. Very often, when we transform how we feel, the other person will transform too. In any relationship, the waters won’t always be calm. By assuming responsibility for our own happiness, we are no longer at the mercy of other people’s moods or choices. The people in our lives are limited by their own beliefs, fears and personal challenges, and how they behave is not a reflection of who we are. It is a reflection of who they are. How we feel about their treatment of us is a reflection of what we truly feel about ourselves. Throughout this book, we will be examining this further.
There is no point in chasing happiness
Happiness cannot be chased. It is not a commodity, although the media will try and have you believe otherwise. Happiness is a by-product of a life well-lived, and tends to “sneak in through the back door”. We cannot expect happiness from our relationships, our work or any situation or event, because our happiness is nobody else’s responsibility but ours. When we start taking responsibility for our own lives and release the idea that other people or things are supposed to make us happy ... we will be happy!
