Thinking creatively to solve complex problems today is in even more of a demand. Two of my clients with this quality come to mind. Both were mothers who were raising sons by themselves. For sure, there were many differences between Dee and Cheryl, but the spiritual aspects of their journeys were quite similar. Both of them endured divorce due to marital tragedies.
One lost her husband due to his infidelity, and the other to mental illness. With a broken home and broken dreams, these women had to be creative in the face of huge losses. The plight of the single mother encompasses scarcity and suffering.
First of all, there isn’t much money when the main breadwinner abandons the family. Also, there is the heartbreak of broken dreams and family dysfunction caused by pre and post-divorce struggles. Having two sons is a mighty challenge for intact families, but even harder for single mothers, since these families have few or no male role models. However, like so many challenges in life, when done successfully, the rewards are great.
Dee and Cheryl were always trying to determine how to help their sons. They wanted them to respect women without being dependent on them. They wanted their sons to be assertive, but NOT overly aggressive or angry. Most important, they didn’t want their boys to be singled out or to be picked on by other boys or men.
Their fathers simply were not around to provide support and instruction when they needed them. Boys want to learn how to be brave and strong in a man’s world and it is in the day-to-day hustle and bustle that sons need their fathers. With absent fathers, the mothers had to learn to run their own households. Often these moms would second-guess themselves because they had never lived as men. They had to stretch themselves to understand what it meant to grow up male in our society. Dee and Cheryl had to put themselves in their sons’ shoes to determine what they needed emotionally, spiritually, and physically. They did double duty by being both mom and dad. This forced them to become creative in the face of this scarcity.