Often the loved one who has died was interwoven into the life meaning of the survivor or had a role as a life ballast. There is a sudden vacuum, the person providing companionship and support is gone, and there is loss of purpose related to how the survivor had previously organized his or her life. On top of dealing with acute grief issues, life-meaning issues have often collapsed. Recovery from grief includes envisioning and taking steps toward creating a different life that has meaning to the client. We provide suggested action methods to support clients as they move beyond acute grief into a new normal.
Faith, lack of faith, and loss of faith Influence the grieving process. People who have experienced loss and who have an active religious or spiritual practice seem to have an easier time. Beliefs about life after death, specifically the continued existence of the soul, are comforting. In our experience, people who do not have religious or spiritual practices often experience a profound sense of absence or emptiness and face existential questions related to their own human mortality and the meaning of life. A common theme is fear about the life and contributions of their loved one being forgotten. These are huge questions.
The death of a loved one can shake the foundation of faith, creating a sense of being lost at sea, as beliefs and expectations are shattered. Chapter 16 on faith and the grieving process presents ways to support and comfort those with and without a defined religious or spiritual belief, and those who are experiencing a crisis or loss in faith.
This essence of the loved one is part of the survivor on a cellular level through stored memories and feelings. When clients are sharing happy memories, they smile. When activating these memories, it is as if they are re-experiencing them in the present moment. The biological mechanisms that store the knowing of the loved one, feelings of connection and love continue to exist. The survivor can and does experience memories of how the loved one spoke, their sense of humor, how they dressed, what they liked to eat, and how it was to be cared for, touched, loved, and kissed. They can connect with a felt sense of love, care, and wisdom of the one who has died. As will be seen later, this is a powerful resource in coping with grief issues. Survivors can call forth the wise and supportive voice of their loved one in the here and now. In the grief groups using action methods, clients were not asked to theorize what the loved one might say; they were asked to step into the role of the loved one and speak from their voice.