MY VOICE
It has been told to me that when I walk into a room, my presence, alone, commands the room. Ironically, I am small in stature, so being told my presence is palpable compliments what I lack in height. It’s my birthday soon and as I reflect on my life, all the things I’ve done including those that I haven’t yet to do, the most important that stands out to me is my voice. Living more than half my life it probably took me that long to speak my voice.
Don’t get me wrong. I talk. I laugh. I cry. I sing. I scream.
You can hear my voice.
I speak.
What I struggled to do was speak my voice.
Growing up with a generation that told children to “speak when spoken to” or “children should be seen, not heard,” in congruence with a mother who stifled my ideas, my thoughts, my voice, probably because it is what she knew growing up – passing it along, at no fault of her own – I never spoke my voice.
It stayed inside my head.
I know many of you reading this are nodding your heads in agreement. Even those who didn’t experience these words as a child still struggle to speak their voice.
What is it that prevents many individuals from speaking their mind while others believe it is their right to speak their mind?
To speak their voice regardless of how it affects others.
So, how can we tell if the voice inside our heads is telling the truth or just a fountain of feelings that are temporary? When should we give ourselves permission to speak authentically? Is it acceptable to speak our voice even if it hurts, offends, or defeats others?
Both personally and professionally, speaking our voice comes with responsibilities, accountability, and, often, consequences. But there are techniques to speaking your voice effectively – to empowering others – fulfilling your dreams – to being a responsible, thoughtful speaker.
First, as you listen to the world around you and find space for speaking your voice, meditate on your self-awareness. What makes you angry? Why do you cry? What gives you hope? What are you passionate about? What is your “why?” Seek answers to these questions and speak your voice to share the responses.
What lifts you up will strengthen others.
Second, seek to look at yourself from a different perspective. Get out of “I” and look at yourself as others most likely see you. We tend to be so critical of ourselves that we start to believe the voice inside our heads.
Become omniscient. Dare to be all-knowing and watch your voice evolve.
Finally, as you become empowered by speaking your voice, remember the power of what you speak. Words and rhetoric are powerful tools to be utilized carefully.
Speaking our voice has the power to conquer feelings and destroy the emotions of others. It also has the power of divine intervention – to uplift others – to encourage – to motivate.
How do you choose to speak your voice?
Written by Dr. Anastasia Legakes
Meet Dr. Anastasia At https://languageofleaders.org/
WHAT IF YOU TRUSTED DIVINE INTELLIGENCE TO GUIDE YOUR LIFE?
Here is an insightful passage in “Life Is Just A Ride!: A Map To Help You Remember The Truth That Is Already Inside You.” by Jocelyne Grzela
— Respect and love yourself, your body. Do what makes you feel good. Love and accept yourself just the way you are. Your body, your emotions, they’re all perfect, and so is everyone else’s. Accept that we’re all different. Give yourself and others permission to just be, and you will no longer have the need to judge, blame, and criticize yourself or others. You will find that you no longer have the need to be right and the need to make anyone else wrong. You will replace the tendency to dominate with one of allowing others to choose what’s best for them. Everyone has a strong sense of what they want and what their limits are. That applies to all people in your life, including your children. In the words of the poet Kahlil Gibran:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you...
When you become aware that you are being judgmental of yourself or others and you’re about to impose a rule, consider saying nothing. Instead, switch to observing your feelings and actions. Be at peace with what you observe. Instead of reacting in a defensive way when you notice an irritating person or situation, just be with the feeling you experience at that moment, and accept whatever comes without labeling or defending it. Simply pay attention to the feeling moving through your body without judging it. Become the observer of the character you are playing. Monitor your performance, and ask yourself, “what’s the most loving thing I can do or say here?”
What if you stopped interfering and allowed life to unfold as it should? What if you trusted that the same intelligence that is directing the universe is also guiding and directing you and everyone else without your having to interfere? Instead of going through the rule book to decide what’s right, try closing it, and observe your life experiences fall perfectly into place. As a result, you will become more loving, kinder, more respectful, more powerful, more mindful, and that’s what will be reflected back to you. What do you want to see in the mirror?
We live in a world of duality. The belief system we have carried with us since the story of Adam and Eve promotes duality and judgment. We went from having eternal life to experiencing death, from having abundance to not having enough, to living the illusion that there is a beginning and an end. This story promotes duality, meaning two-ism or seeing the whole as somehow divided. Similarly, the word divided has two parts: di like duo means two, and vided means seen; together, they mean seeing two.
With yin and yang, everything occurs in pairs of opposites, but the opposites always function in unity. We learn through contrast. For us to know beauty, we must also know the concept of ugliness. To know if someone is tall, he or she must be compared to a short person, and vice versa. All these beliefs depend on opposites. Opposites give meaning to each other. Male is the opposite of female; happiness is the opposite of suffering, and life is the opposite of death. We must experience one to know the other. Both are essential and inseparable. Darkness and light, left and right, front and back, up and down, hot and cold, water and ice, heaven and hell, cannot be separated. They are the same thing at different degrees of vibration. Accept that we are both, a human personality, and a perfect divine being coexisting in this illusion of duality.
When we accept both opposites, without criticism, we realize that they are perfect oneness, coexisting in this illusion of duality. Accept both sides, without judgment, and let the illusion be.
LET IT GO & LET IT HEAL: ENERGY FLOWS AND TRANSFORMS IN THE NOW
Here is an insightful passage in “The Aquarian Healer: A BrightStar Empowerment.” by Irma Kaye Sawyer
— Your NOW moment is so rich with possibility if you could but fully open to it. Your consciousness is the vehicle to different directions and dimensions, your past and future are stars in your own galaxy.
Perhaps the moment now is too painful to face or too scary, and you feel yourself checking out of it. There is no blame in this. It is just that the “gold” to be mined is on your current planet of presence.
As we have shared with you before, it is possible to lead a very “clean” life vibrationally and still have health challenges which may be more of a karmic condition, speaking hypothetically, as this is always a case-by-case basis.
There is also a known correlation between physical health and spiritual sovereignty, in that as you become more self-reliant in all ways, including your health, you no longer depend upon medical doctors or other authority figures for the ultimate decisions regarding your own health. It is preferred to work with medical professionals that accept and respect the intuitive/inner guidance that you may receive on your own behalf. You all have an “inner physician” that is wise and constant.
Beloveds, we understand the feeling of karmic unraveling, and the sentiment of “when will it end?!” It is good to know that there is an end to pain and illusion. The minute you set one foot on the path of self-awakening, there is tremendous support for you.
As angel Ariel wisely guided, it is wise to “stop processing.” What this means is that yes, you are moving through experiences. It’s what you think about them that makes the difference. Invite ease and Grace back into your experience—struggling keeps them at bay.
One effective strategy is to no longer identify yourself as being broken or defective. You are returning to your original, perfected state of ONEness and divine consciousness. Seriousness can keep you in lower dimensions, while humor expands you and opens your possibilities. This cosmic detour into experience that you have taken is not an accident, nor is it in vain. You are loved.
Dear ones, as you become more aware of how your mind operates, you can assemble and disassemble certain structures at will. Though it may seem that certain energies and beliefs run deep, it is good to remember that nothing that is untrue about you is permanent.
— In terms of healing at a body/mind level, forgiveness of self and others is one of the most powerful practices that exists. It is helpful to understand that it is a truth that everyone is operating (acting/reacting) from a consciousness level that reflects their karma environment, conditioning, and so forth.
Though mind may often think, “Why don’t they just do such-and-such differently and/or make a different choice?” it is not always so easy to do, as it does not exist in their “view” as an option. An option, for example, that may come much easier for you.
If the actions of others have caused pain or harm, it is difficult to deny. Anger is often an appropriate response as an initial act of self-preservation. The issue then may become the later resentment or “stuckness” of the energy that follows.
To intentionally practice and observe non- forgiveness of others in its way, can be as harmful or even more so than the harmful act itself, especially over time. It is a tendency of mind to not let go as a punitive measure, but the harm is most actually turned inwards towards itself.
Holding on to anger (or resentment) is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else —you are the one who gets burned. —Buddha
To forgive is to LET GO and bring more energy into the NOW moment, the center of the most rapid reconfiguration of energy and healing. It is true, however, that this state cannot be forced upon the self or others, and may have its own life/time cycle. It is possible, however, to speed this up by self-reflection, meditation, and other viable spiritual practice.
What is commonly misunderstood about karma is that it may not necessarily draw a particular soul to an individual in the future based on the “harm/forgiveness” dynamic, but it does possibly set up a pattern of energy that will be experienced, until it is recognized and released.
Dear ones, it is true that you have both a 3D physical existence and a much higher spiritual existence occurring simultaneously. As you awaken and grow in conscious awareness, you may be more aware of your multidimensional self. There are some who seek to escape the trials of earthly life by hanging out in the higher dimensions, which may cause a neglected physical existence. There is a subtle addictive element that may exist here as well, as a means to avoid the discomfort of everyday life. On the other side of that equation, there are beings who ignore their spiritual nature altogether and only live to feed their whims and appetites. It is about finding the balance while still in the human “space suit.”
CONTINUAL TRANSFORMATION IS THE DANCE OF LIFE
These are some insightful passages in “The Seven Graces of Ageless Aging: How To Die Young as Late in Life as Possible” by Jason Elias
— Releasing our constrictive fears can transform our angst into awe, gratitude, and deep appreciation for all that we’ve lived and all that we are becoming. Levity about our mortality may even emerge. As Ram Dass once said, “Death is absolutely safe. Nobody ever fails at it.”
In our American culture that often celebrates the young and casts off its old, the fact of impermanence, of certain death, often challenges the old to hold onto their vanished youth. Think of the old woman whose hands reveal her age but her Botoxed face has no wrinkles. It’s unnatural at least, and some would say desacralizes the body, the natural growing younger towards death. Some cultures celebrate wrinkles on an old face as the signs of richly earned experience, the roadmap of a life well-lived. We will all leave our bodies one day. What if we could embrace our waning physique and see the beauty behind the façade?
There is a great peace inherent in simply being, a state in which what we do is less important than simply being who we are.
This reminds me of an old favorite joke:
Two men bump into each other on the street and realize that their sons used to be good friends.
“So how’s your boy Joey?” one asks.
“He can’t seem to hold on to a job, can’t find a good relationship! I hope he finds his way. How is Steven doing?”
The other father looks up and explains, “He’s doing something!”
In This is Getting Old: Zen Thoughts on Aging with Humor & Dignity, Susan Moon shares the story of a dharma sister, someone who, after 35 years of diligent Zen practice and service, developed Alzheimer’s and began to struggle in her relations with family and friends. When she stayed close to the Zen center, however, and her practice, she remained totally present, meditative, and could simply be. Her beingness took her out of her mind and into the present moment.
A friend told me a similar story about visiting a beloved mentor who had begun to show serious signs of dementia. She seemed herself though she did not recognize the former students who had come to visit her. When they engaged her, however, in memories of their study together, she brightened and tapped into the self that her students had known. Her eyes glistened with aliveness and her ability to be fully present shone through. She did not have to think about it; she was it!
Derived from a Buddhist teaching, “‘wabi-sabi’ is a Japanese expression for the beauty of impermanence, the imperfection of things that are worn or frayed or chipped through use. Objects that are simple and rustic, like an earthenware tea-bowl, and objects that show their age and use, like a wooden bannister worn smooth by many hands are beautiful.”
There’s also the story of the Zen potter who had crafted the perfect bowl but finding no imperfections became very upset, unable to consider his work acceptable. He chose instead to break the perfect bowl and glue it back together to give it the true beauty that he had envisioned through its imperfect being.
I’m remembering an evening at the Rubin Museum in New York that also illustrates inevitable impermanence. I watched, mesmerized, as a group of Tibetan monks completed a gorgeous floor painting with colored sands that they had created over many weeks. They prayed over it, honoring its grand beauty, and then ceremoniously scattered the sand, laughing all the while, as a metaphoric celebration of impermanence.
This story illustrates that in its continual transformation from one state to another, the world is exactly as it should be:
Many years ago a woman called Sono lived in a little town in Japan. Her devout heart and compassionate spirit had won her the respect and admiration of many followers, and fellow Buddhists often traveled long distances to seek her advice. One day a weary traveler approached Sono to ask what he could do to put his mind at peace and his heart at rest. Sono’s advice was simple and straightforward: “In the morning and in the evening, whenever anything occurs to you, say, “Thanks for everything. I have no complaint whatsoever!” For an entire year, the man faithfully followed her advice, repeating from morning until evening, “Thanks for everything. I have no complaint whatsoever!” But still, his mind was not at peace nor was his heart at rest. Thoroughly discouraged, he again made the long journey to see Sono. “I’ve done everything you suggested,” he said, “but my mind is not at peace and my heart is not at rest. Tell me— what should I do now?”
As Sono replied, “Thanks for everything. I have no complaint whatsoever!” Hearing these words the traveler was enlightened and returned home, his mind at peace and his heart at rest.
My favorite in the book is:
“Love is love, not to be defined or described by the mind as exclusive or inclusive. Love is its own eternity: it is the real, the supreme, the immeasurable.” —Jiddu Krishnamurti, The First and Last Freedom
THE HEALING JOURNEY WITHIN
An insightful passage in “The Healing Journey: A Guide to Self-Discovery” by Vernette V. Ayers
— The philosophy of Yoga is about self-discovery and self-realization. The principles of Ayurveda promote a daily practice of self-healing. To put our health and wellness in anyone else’s hands but our own, first and foremost, is an occurrence we rarely see supported today.
The modern-day health and wellness industry is full of claims that there is one drug, therapy, diet, superfood, workout, method, treatment, routine, product, program, service, or overall solution that will heal you and all your ailments. The idea that there could be just one thing that you haven’t tried yet and is the answer to everything that ails you plays into a number of factors—the primary one being a desire for there to be just one thing outside of you in the first place.
Where my philosophy on healing begins is in the very foundation of who we are as human beings. We are not just physical, and yet we are absolutely physical. We are not just emotional, and yet we are absolutely emotional. We are not just mental, and yet there is no doubt we have a psychological component as well. And finally, the element of our humanness that I often find missing in the wellness market is that we are also spiritual beings and that component is equal in importance to each of the above. When so many of us are willing to buy into a single solution that claims to satisfy our health and wellness goals but only addresses one component of who we are as human beings, we can’t really be that surprised at the long-term inefficacy.
In addition, addressing only one aspect of our whole being is essentially limiting our healing potential. The healing journey is vast, and wellness is most thoroughly achieved by exploring multiple approaches to health and wellness. As we learn more about ourselves and grow through this process, effective methods and approaches will change and evolve along with us, just as different teachers, support systems, and benefactors can show up when we need them.
It must be said the idea of incorporating the disciplines of Yoga and Ayurveda is in no way meant to replace what we have learned with modern-day science, technology, psychology, and medicine. In fact, it would be antithetical to believe so, as these ancient disciplines encourage us to constantly learn, grow, and evolve as we move forward in our lives.
For those of you diagnosed with serious illness and/or guided by medical professionals along your journey to health, I encourage you to explore this book and any other method you choose to use, while fully disclosing everything you do with your providers. As already implied, none of this is about choosing one solution over another. It is about enabling our own evolution of body, mind, and spirit so that we can discover and support the healing journey that is already within us, while utilizing all of the gifts and resources at our disposal, be it inspired by Eastern, Western, ancient, or modern-day principles.
What is fascinating about the studies of Yoga and Ayurveda is that contemporary science seems to be catching up more recently. The studies of neuroscience, psychology, metaphysics, behavioral economics, and on and on often result in discoveries that seem to reflect theories already explored in many ancient texts. To further dive into the modern science behind meditation, the practice of gratitude, creating new neural pathways, theories on emotional health, and the power of mind-set, please explore the many scientific and medical journals, books, programs, and podcasts on these topics. This book is intended to help you understand these principles on a practical, intimate, and fundamental level so right away you can begin applying simple tools in your daily life.
LEARNING TO CENTER AND GROUND YOURSELF
An insightful passage in “Gateway to Healing: A Guide to Your Happiness Journey” by Heather Anderson Kokx
— How do you become grounded?
The easiest way to become grounded is to become aware of your feet. Feel the texture beneath your feet. Wiggle your toes if you are having a hard time connecting to the earth below you. We completely lose touch with our feet even though we use them all day long, every day. They do a lot of work. That’s why a foot massage feels so good. Our brains turn off, and we are in the moment with our feet. When we bring our awareness to our feet, we get out of our heads and become more aware of our bodies.
Learning the tool of becoming centered and grounded at a moment’s notice is so powerful. When we are centered and grounded, we control ourselves, and it doesn’t matter what is going on around us. You can be in a moment of fear or anger and still have control. The trick is to take a moment to find your breath, find your feet, and then choose your next move with intention. Chaos can surround you, but that chaos doesn’t have control over you.
I don’t mind if something happens that distracts us or makes us all laugh in my yoga classes. I take these opportunities to guide everyone back to their breath and their feet, strengthening their tools of grounding and centering. I teach them when they fall out of a pose to use the opportunity to take a breath, find their feet, and start again.
Our lives are full of stress and chaos. Family issues are always ongoing. Day-to-day life details, such as endless errands and dishes and phone calls, can be frustrating. If we let these things control us, we no longer have control of our reactions. Being able to breathe and be in your body is a huge asset.
Imagine you are waiting in line at the grocery store. It is after work, and you are tired and hungry. The line moves slowly because the clerk is chatting up a customer about their weekend plans like old buddies. There is a screaming child in front of you. You start to feel tension building, and you feel your body resisting the situation, wishing it were different. You feel tightness in your head and shoulders as the problem continues on and on with no relief. And then you remember Three Deep Breaths. With each exhale, you bring your breath down to your feet. You even close your eyes during the breaths to switch your perspective. And after the third breath, the situation isn’t as dire. You think to yourself, “At least the clerk is a nice person.” You find compassion for the mother of the screaming child, who is probably just as tired, hungry, and frustrated as you. And you remember that it won’t stay this way forever. Everything changes, and eventually, the line will move. You will get to the register, pay for your groceries, and be heading home.
Learning to center and ground takes time. They are like muscles in your body that become stronger and stronger as you use them. The more you use them, the more they stay with you daily. Practice deep breaths and being aware of your feet. Play with centering while you are waiting in line or a meeting. Play with grounding when you are driving in your car or watching TV. The more you use these tools, the easier it will be to call on them when you need them the most….
THE JOURNEY WITH ALZHEIMER’S TRANSFORMED ME
An insightful passage in “Sacred Stories: A Care Giver’s Journey Through Alzheimer’s” by Ilana Rowe
— In the field of transpersonal psychology, we often speak about transcending ego: shedding the persona to become more of who we are, arriving at essence as we walk in this physical world, and living from a place of authenticity. It is a concept that most of us don’t fully understand and this journey is rarely an easy process. Still, it is something that is aspired to by many of us on a spiritual path.
I remember one of my colleagues, who I will call John. He was a transpersonal scholar, a researcher, and a sweet, gentle man who embodied a spiritual path that blended heart with intellect, scholarship, and learning. John announced his retirement two years early so that all of us could be ready for it. Unfortunately, he became ill with an aggressive form of cancer immediately upon leaving his position.
During his illness, John emailed his colleagues frequently with updates on his health. The researcher in him provided graphic details, both scientific and personal. We experienced a man who was metaphorically shedding his skin, a man whose body was compromised—his hair, his ability to speak, but not his voice or Soul.
This horrible illness led to his death within two years. At the time I thought about how John, a prominent researcher in the field of spiritual-based psychology, was being forced to transcend the ego, to arrive at his essence through his illness. There was irony in the notion that a transpersonal researcher, who teaches about transcending ego, was being given the ultimate test of transcendence.
Elizabeth Lesser in her book Broken Open shares a conversation with Ram Dass, a well-known spiritual teacher, that gives insight into this process following his stroke.
Lesser said: “I think that the stroke made you more human. More of a real human being and more an eternal Soul—both at the same time.”
He responded, “Grace. Stroke is heavy grace. …before—happy grace…love grace…good things kept happening to me. Then, stroke…lose things…also grace…fierce grace.” [Elizabeth asked,] “What did you lose? What did fierce grace take away?” “Ego.…Ego breaks open—then you see who you really are”
Ram Dass explained this in his own book. His attachment to ego shifted because the stroke was unbearable to his ego and the ego began to die and he began to see life through the lens of Soul.
I believe that Hal became more and more essence—Soul—as his Alzheimer’s progressed. I could see it in his vulnerability, especially in the last year of his life. I could see it in his photos during his celebration of life. Like Ram Dass, he was becoming essence and was not at all attached to things related to ego—except that his journey was much slower.
I know that I was in a process of letting go of protocol and expectation as a result of our journey through Alzheimer’s. I wondered if Hal were as well. I knew that he had to trust—me, Spirit, life. For the cognitively intact person, all of this is material for spiritual growth. Even though Hal was unable to speak at a meta-level of consciousness about what he experienced as the disease evolved, I have often wondered how much he understood at some other level and how it changed him. Do we stop growing once our mind becomes impaired, at least according to societal norms? Do we stop growing on a spiritual level? Is there an awareness that is hidden from more rational people?
I know that I have grown as a result of living with a man with Alzheimer’s. It has provided me with the opportunity to watch my beloved slowly lose his abilities—to shed his skin—slowly, over a decade. I was a witness to his authentic movement toward Soul, toward essence. I had the opportunity to watch his body and mind slowly decay and to watch him move into essence. He began dropping outward appearances, and all I could do was be present and mindful to this process. It was a learning experience for my Soul as well. I learned to accept him and my own humanness more fully. It has allowed me to surrender to what is and to love more unconditionally—to serve him in unselfish ways. I learned to give love and to recognize love through simple smiles. It taught me to simply live in the moment and accept life as it is.
The journey with Alzheimer’s transformed me...
STORIES REMOVE US FROM PRESENCE, FROM NATURE
An insightful passage in “Tracking Lions, Myth, and Wilderness in Samburu” by Jon Turk
— We evolved to be a big-brained, social, mostly but not completely co-operative, storytelling animal. Which is where we are today. Your body is fixed in space and time; you are at work, riding the subway, washing the dishes, changing diapers, whatever. But your mind is free to roam into fairyland, or anger-land, to a promising future, or to relive that nasty confrontation with your boss two years ago. On average, each person flashes 2,000 short, self-invented daydreams through their heads every day. Most of these mini-narratives run 10 to 20 seconds before that diversion is diverted by something else – a red light in traffic, a ringing phone, a talking co-worker, a crying baby, or the realization that we should be doing what we were doing before the daydream started.
And when we are not inventing our own stories, we are entranced by the narratives that others feed us through books, the internet, TV, conversations, sermons, advertisements, politics, and any of the above all mixed together: conspiracy theories, tales of good and evil, heroes and villains, lovers and rapists, gods and devils. While stories can sometimes distract us from the present and the natural world, they also guide those aspiring to create real change through entrepreneurship. Understanding the Georgia LLC formation process can be a story in itself, illustrating a vital step towards grounding your business ideas in reality.
In 2018, the average American spent five hours a day in front of the TV, 31 minutes absorbing media on tablets, and 1 hour 39 minutes on phones. Add in radio and surfing the net, and Americans logged about 10 hours and 39 minutes each day consuming digital mythology. Intertwined with the sheer number of hours spent glued to gizmos, each person is exposed to 5,000 ads per day; that’s five per minute if we sleep eight hours. Each ad is a mini-narrative trying to convince us that we need to buy this or that to look good, feel good, smell good, attract mates, find a job, approach nirvana, stay slim, or become rich.
Eighty percent of conversations among adults are tales of other people’s lives: gossip. Dr. Nicholas Emler, professor of social psychology at the London School of Economics, argues that “swapping of juicy bits of information is fundamental to being human and separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom. Baboons and chimps have complex societies because individuals know a lot about each other. But because they cannot talk, they rely on direct observations and so they are limited to groups of around 50. The one thing that sets us apart is that we can talk to each other with complex syntax. We exchange social information. We form much larger and more complex societies than other animals because we effectively gossip (tell stories about one another).
Today, storytelling is so integral to our humanity that a 1-year-old toddler will create the fiction that his teddy bear is tired, put it to bed and gently tuck in the covers. At 2, a little girl will set chairs in a row to represent a car and drive her mom to school. When 3-year-old children gather to create mini-theatre, they pitch their voices differently when playing the king, the queen, the baby or the cat. Starved and half-dead, children play-acted imaginary scenes in the death camps at Auschwitz. When we grow up to become adults, we cry as the screen hero is adrift in the desert, sweat when a heroine faces the bad guy’s sword, and become aroused when the two meet and embrace, even though we know that these stories are fiction repeated by speeding electrons and photons. We also buy cosmetics when an advertising executive creates a narrative that we will be happier if we look or smell different, crave gizmos or exotic vacations when told to do so, and follow religious or political leaders who spin all sorts of mythologies about loving, hating or killing people we don’t know.
Adding to the negative, the stories in our heads form our often-damaging sense of ego, frequently create marital strife and allow us to amplify existing misery or wallow in imagined misery. Stories remove us from presence, the NOW.
In the United States, the most opulent country ever in the history of humankind, almost 750,000 people died from opioid overdoses between 1999 and 2017 – yes, because of lost jobs and whatnot, but more directly from the stories they generated in their heads about lost jobs and whatnot. Our think- too-much-know-it-all brains sure know how to spin stories that help us survive on the savannah, or that create wonder and awe, but the same brains are also quite proficient at generating confusion, anger, hatred, and misery.
THE HEALING POWER OF REIKI
Here is an insightful passage in “Heaven's Guiding Touch: True Accounts from the Spirit World.” by Tammy Moyen
— One day my girlfriend come over to spend the weekend with me, I recall her telling me about a class her mother was taking called Reiki. She tried to explain to me that it can help heal but she herself did not understand what it actually was. I became extremely intrigued to learn about this art that was able to heal. I registered for a couple of courses where I acquired my first and second level in one year.
Let me give you a brief description of what this healing energy actually is. Reiki is a Japanese technique used for calming, stress reduction, relaxation, and it also helps to promote healing. The more you work with this energy, the stronger you become. When I use this energy I’m able to feel it flowing through me, my hands feel very prickly as the energy flows through them and they begin to get hot and heat up. It was on October 10th of 1998 that I received my third and fourth level Reiki training becoming a Reiki Master Teacher. In requiring all my levels I was now able to teach and pass on this sacred art to others. I recall my Reiki instructor Mark telling me after he was finished with the sacred attunements, I would experience something, but he was unable to explain what exactly that meant. He told me “You will see,” and that we would talk soon. I drove home to visit my parents that night, we had planned to spend the night and leave the next day. I recall very clearly waking up in the middle of the night, sitting straight up in bed feeling panicked. I began blowing on my hands as they felt like they were on fire, I didn’t know what was happening to me, then remembering what Mark told me, it was at that moment I realized that this was happening because of the sacred attunement I had acquired from my class.
After acquiring my third and fourth levels of training, I noticed a difference in the movement and power of this healing energy as it feels more intense and powerful. I would always ask for feedback from the individuals that would come to me for healing energy and I found that in using this sacred art, I was able to heal a headache. One of my friends had a very bad earache that was lasting for days, I gave her Reiki energy directly on her ear and the pain disappeared from her, she told me it never returned. One of my friend’s daughters had to get her back operated on as her spine was fused together; she was only a young teenager at the time. Her mother called me over and asked if I could give her Reiki as she was in a great deal of pain in the following days after her surgery. When I gave her this healing energy she informed me that she could feel it going right through her cast.
Another friend of mine had severe back pain that was being caused by her sciatic nerve, she pleaded with me to come to her house feeling desperate from the pain and discomfort. As I gave her a treatment. I made a point of using a special symbol placing it on her injury, this would then allow the energy to keep flowing as long as it was needed. The next day I received a call from her explaining how she awoke in the middle of the night to feel an intense heat that was directed on her sciatic nerve. She told me it felt like a ball of fire. The next day when she woke up she felt that the pain had relieved itself tremendously, and was able to move around so much better.
On another occasion a client explained to me that she was experiencing a weird flutter sensation in around her heart, you can feel it if your hand is placed there. This was continuing for days she explained. As I placed my hands directly on her heart, eventually I felt what she was experiencing. It felt exactly the same as if your body is having a muscle spasm. I received a call a week later and was told at that time, she was no longer experiencing these symptoms.
One another occasion a client explained to me that his feet were in pain all the time. He explained that he was told about Reiki being effective and thought he should give it a try. I could visually see that both feet were swollen. As I began treating his feet one at a time he told me that he could feel the pain leaving his feet during our session. A week later I was able to confirm that he walked around the exhibition for a whole day without any pain at all and in the days after he found that he was free of the pain he had been experiencing.
I always encourage my clients to seek medical help if it’s needed, I’m not a medical professional. One should never doubt the power of this energy.
Through the years I found that Reiki does live up to all of its teachings and really does have amazing attributes to help one heal. I now have over twenty years of experience working with Reiki energy.
Upon taking my courses I never realized just how instrumental working with energy would be for my future until I found myself at Barb Powell’s workshop where I was about to discover my ability to communicate with the afterlife.
EMBODYING THE CREATRIX
An insightful passage in “Creatrix Rising: Unlocking The Power Of Midlife Women” by Stephanie Raffelock
— In my lifetime, I’ve witnessed a steady and accelerated evolution of women that begs the question: Is this a Darwinian moment?
When my mother approached older age, she told me that growing old was a terrible thing. For her generation, this was not an isolated attitude. America is a young country that values youth and sexiness above substance and depth. In her generation, how else was a midlife woman to feel but used up and disposable? The perception of the old crone has long been supported by advertising. If advertising only shows older women as feeble, frail, and unattractive, whether that’s true or not, the attitude infects the culture, and we begin to take the images as truth. Worse, if advertising never shows an image of a woman over the age of forty-five or fifty, the unspoken message is that she is useless and invisible.
Is the way that our culture views older women uniquely American? In other countries, where they dance the tango up to the very end of life, mature women are not defeminized or desexualized the way they are here in America. Here, we tout anti-aging cures as if age were a disease, and women spend billions of dollars on keeping the face of youth for as long as possible, our identities and our creativity tied to some false form of beauty.
A friend who is about to turn forty told me a story that illustrates our biased American way of seeing older women. She and her husband were vacationing in Italy and had stopped at a shop across the street from a beach. Returning to their rental car, they found it wouldn’t start, so they attempted to push it out of the parking space to roll downhill, where they’d seen a garage. As my friend’s husband pushed on the car and she steered, a woman came running across the street from the beach to help. Appearing to be in her late sixties, the woman was wearing a bikini and sandals. She was tanned and lean, my friend told me, but her skin was crepey and her musculature ropey. A little bit of a belly sagged over the bikini bottom. Without any conversation, the woman placed her hands on the car next to my friend’s husband and helped to push. Once the car was out of the parking spot and set to roll downhill, the woman ran back to the beach, with a quick wave.
“What was so striking about the incident,” my friend said, “was the lack of self-consciousness this older woman had about being in her bikini. She ran to help with the same amount of strength and determination of a much younger woman, only she did it unabashedly, unashamed in her bikini.”
Hearing the story, the word “unashamed” landed with a painful thud because I knew that here, in America, we shame women for growing older rather than revere them. A seven- ty-year-old woman publicly enjoying the sensual delights of the sunshine in a bikini would be a less likely scenario here than in other places in our world.
All over the planet, women like Angela Merkel, Theresa May, and Jacinda Adern are the heads of government. They’ve proven that women are strong leaders, yet Americans are not yet inspired to elect a female president, though I believe we’re getting closer.
This brings me back to my feeling that a Darwinian moment is upon us as we collectively engage in acknowledging that a revolution of creativity, self-worth, and courage is taking place with women—especially older women, who are beginning to embody the emerging archetype of the Creatrix.
To embody the Creatrix is to learn her nature and her qualities. By nature, the Creatrix is a sovereign soul, a seeker, tapping into a higher vibration and consciousness that has always informed her, but now she loudly speaks and proclaims the truth of that higher octave. She weaves the qualities of creativity, courage, self-love, and acceptance along with the practice of gratitude into a pattern that is reshaping the collective consciousness of older women and how they are seen by the culture. Her strength comes from a knowing, a spiritual knowledge that she is the constant consciousness that is as old and wise as the universe. She no longer strives to prove herself through the trappings of youth but remains an uplifter to younger women…
MOVING FROM FEAR TO LOVE
An insightful passage in “Soulful & Successful Business: Spiritual Guidance for Succeeding in Your Own Business” by Nicole Bayliss
— The Universe loves you. It created you and it only ever wants what is best for you. The Universe wants you to transform into the highest version of yourself. So even if things are happening that bring up fear in the form of negative emotions, there is always a loving reason behind it, even if you can’t see that yet. When we choose to see all that happens through the filter of love and not fear, it takes on a whole new meaning.
Fear exists to some extent in all of us. If you are feeling fear or a sense of lack in any area of your life, you are not alone. It’s normal and it’s human to have fear and to believe in lack. Fearing that there’s not going to be enough is a protective mechanism of the ego that keeps us vigilant.
Fear isn’t something we can push away or wish away. Telling yourself “I shouldn’t feel this way” or “I’m not going to feel this way” is pointless and self-sabotaging. The only way to conquer our fear is to acknowledge it and accept it. Acceptance is love in action. Acceptance creates a vibration that connects us to the Universal Source. Accepting our fear is the first step in moving towards love and abundance.
When I started my business, I felt divinely guided to do what I wished to do and I felt grateful that I’d discovered my purpose. I felt grateful for the miracle of the 500 reiki deals. But that’s where my spiritual connection ended. I thought of the Universe as saying to me:
“OK, I’ve guided you to your purpose and what you need to do, so get on with it. My job is done”.
I didn’t understand that it would provide ALL that I needed in every moment of time if I kept my intentions.
The Reiki deals were beginning to come to an end and while I had to pay clients, there weren’t enough to provide me with enough income. I defaulted to “lack” thinking, and I began to think fearful thoughts. I needed to manifest more business. I was about to learn even more about the ingenuity of the Universe and a whole lot more about myself!
I proactively began to meditate and pray each day. As I accepted all as it was, I became aware that this quieter phase was a gift and not a loss. I began to sense that my path may not be as a traditional counselor. More and more I felt guided to follow my heart. I had been gaining a lot of insights and healing knowledge, and I felt inspired to write my first book Five Steps to Finding Love, based on the work I had been doing with the women who were coming to see me who were looking for a loving relationship.
Once I was clear on my intention, the person I needed to help me arrived at my practice door! Referred to me for Reiki by my client Veronica, her friend Daniel didn’t resonate with Reiki that much, but he had just the skills I needed to help me publish and market my first book. Daniel became an important part of my business for many years, as he had knowledge and skills I didn’t have. When the book was published, I was surprised by how many people wanted to buy it and even more surprised by how many more people were coming to see me.
For years I had been reading the tarot for myself and friends but had never considered it to be a “bona fide” modality to use as a counselor and reiki practitioner. I had come to know a healing practitioner called Jacqui who rented a room in the same building as me. She asked me to do a reading for her which she found helpful, and she suggested I bring it into my practice to help my clients. I felt resistant, fearing judgment and not being taken seriously. There is still so much judgment and misunderstanding about the tarot, but I trusted her suggestion, and her guidance was right. I began to draw to me people who needed life path guidance.
A year later, during a period of financial stress, another inspiration dropped in during a prayer and meditation session, to teach Reiki. Yet again, I was sent just the person I needed at the time. I met a Reiki Master who wanted to learn how to read the tarot. We agreed on a contra-deal - she would teach and attune me to Reiki 3 and I would teach her to read the tarot. Within weeks I was teaching groups. My income went up considerably and so did my level of fulfillment and purpose.
At every step of the path, the Universe sent me what I needed. The Universe sent me the means to find the resources I needed to start my business, it sent me new ideas and inspirations to keep going, it sent me the perfect people who were helpful and inspirational at the right time, and eventually, it sent me more clients and more money.
And believe me, if you feel a sense of inspiration and excitement about your business, then you will receive Universal help too. Universal connection is the way! You are always supported by a loving Universe. Everything that happens to us is created by a loving Universe, even the so-called negative stuff. Help is all around you when you decide to live your purpose. You are not alone. The Universe is wanting to work with you and to help you.
NATURE’S SOPHISTICATION IS OMNISCIENT IN ITS SIMPLICITY
Here is an insightful passage in “How to Soothe Stress & Anxiety: #WisdomWednesday Whimsies” by Polo Reo Tate
— Yesterday morning I sat, cradling a hot cup of coffee to watch out the window as street-sweepers whisked away piles of vibrant, multicolored leaves. It had been years since I had experienced the rather distinct midwestern change of seasons. It had been years since I had felt the wet summer winds of the lakeshore— those mere months before had caressed my skin like a French kiss—nip into the brisk and breezy nudge of blanket-worthy weather. It had been years since I had so intimately watched nature effortlessly embrace change and automatically undergo radical metamorphosis. Tree leaves, once budding and bursting with blooming promise, had ripened with verdant vigor and now lay dangling the last of their fiery fervor before falling into winter’s fodder.
It never fails. Every time I allow myself to pause, get present, and truly observe the surrounding landscape, I am reminded how infinite is the wisdom of nature.
We have heard it prophetically and profoundly reflected in phrases like, “the microcosm is in the macrocosm,” “as above so below,” and “as is the atom, so is the universe.”
Like nature, humankind is presently betwixt a changing of seasons. There are rules of commerce—once relevant to an arcane and industrial system—that have shriveled in their present impracticality. There are political practices—once pragmatic—that have provoked an aggressive, destructive and painful polarity. There are fights for ownership and arguments for separation—once helpful for their organizational properties within a community—that have ignited into violent, scorching furor. Like deciduous autumn leaves, the world seems to be deep in a whipping, whirling dervish of fall; shedding enfeebled beliefs, ideologies and societal frameworks that have now withered on the vine.
As we witness expired leaves and outdated pageantry fall, perhaps now is the time to heed the example from our omnipotent planet, and just let go. Let go of our own personal stories that keep us trapped in our life’s rearview; let go of the limiting beliefs that keep us stagnate to our circumstances; let go of the people, places and things that repeatedly—ignorantly or punitively—inflict pain onto our person.
Nature’s sophistication is omniscient in its simplicity. It strains neither to grow, nor to die, for, the creation, innovation of something new inevitably comes from the cessation, expiration of something old. Perhaps now is the time to let go of what stifles, imprisons, impedes us from personal progress. Perhaps now is the time to release that which no longer serves us in service of life’s natural tendency towards transmutation. Perhaps now is the time to shed our leaves of limitation so that we may make room for an invaluable and benevolent bloom.
What is one emotion, thought or habit that would feel amazing for you to let fall away today...?
BRUSHES OF THE SPIRIT
By Water and the Spirit, acrylic on silk and board, 22×30, 2007. By Donna Fado Ivery. $425. www.AdventuresInHealing.com
An Excerpt from in “Sleep, Pray, Heal: A Path to Wholeness & Well-Being.” by Donna Fado Ivery
— “When I cut my picture into the same pieces as the broken mirror and spaced them out a bit, it felt true; it resonated within me. There are spaces ... ” my words falter ... “blanks ... ” my lips and tongue have stopped cooperating to annunciate and I spit out each word, “in” ... “my” ... “brain.” There is much more that could be said, but it would be too much work in this present moment. I’m outta gas.
“I like the way your skin is drawn on paper and looks like a thin covering over who you are,” says Naomi.
“Um hmm,” I mumble. I have never before thought of skin as a mere coating to the me inside. Fact is, I’d been disappointed in the appearance of the cheap newsprint and how it stretched and bubbled when adhered with white glue. Naomi’s insight seems to underscore the importance of expressing the real inside of me and not just keeping up with the on-the-surface stuff. Getting beneath the surface is the uncovering part of recovering.
After what seems to be a longer moment of silence, Naomi says, “It’s interesting to me how the empty spaces of your injury appear to be like chains binding you.”
Leaning my chin into steepled fingers, I study the image. I have experienced the empty spaces of my brain injury as vast nothingness and not knowing. To see these broken cracks within me as a source of being chained is new. “I hadn’t thought of that before. But it feels true. Brain injury enslaves me.”
I am body-bound. At times I feel as though my body is a paper scrim covering the real me beneath. What happened to me when the glass fell? My body is bound by brokenness.
The tangible creative interaction of the Holy Spirit feels something like brushstrokes creating an image that will be disclosed at an unknown moment. Sometimes a brushstroke is bold and compelling, and at other times light and barely distinguishable. It is good to work with the Holy Spirit, whom the Bible also calls Counselor. In this painting the “brushes of the Spirit” reflects back to me, like a counselor, making visible the impact of an invisible injury. The Spirit is the One who reflects back to me my testing out expressions of what is real, the One who is able to fill-in the unknown blank spaces of my brain injury. I hear a promise in TBI Self Portrait: The Glass Fell. God assures me:
I will support you in this important work of uncovering what is real beneath the surface. My Holy Spirit will be your counselor in this important work of uncovering and recovering, your pathway to healing.
** Quote is from Chapter 7: Uncovering, pps..92-94.
REDEFINING LEARNING, EMPOWERING COMMUNITIES AND TRANSFORMING HUMANITY
Here are some insightful passages in “Modello: A Story of Hope for the Inner City and Beyond: An Inside-Out Model of Prevention and Resiliency in Action.” by Dr. Jack Pransky
— Dr. Mills began the training by saying: "Every child is born with a natural propensity to use common sense. It's inborn. Kids don't start out predisposed towards deviance or self-destructive behavior. They actually start out predisposed to function with common sense, to know what's in their best interests. They start out with a kind of a natural enjoyment of learning, with positive motivation that doesn't have 'proving' or 'stress' associated with it.
"It's always amazed me how much little children are natural learners, and how learning becomes aversive when they get into the formal educational system. Somehow that natural desire to learn gets shut off like a faucet. It's shut off because we, as educators, take learning so seriously. We think it's hard. We think grades are important. We create competition. We create stress—keeping the school's standardized test scores up. So our stress and insecurity is passed along to the kids. And guess what? They lose that natural interest in learning. It becomes aversive rather than fun.
"Also, a lot of these kids' parents have not gone to school. They've given up on school, so they're going to pass that on to their children—not consciously, not purposely, but because that's what they see possible for themselves. So what we want to try to do is see how to re-engage these students in learning.
"Every child wants to do the best at whatever they take on and, if they're enjoying it, they will do their best without any pressure or stress or performance anxiety. Kids start out with unconditional self-esteem. Have you ever seen a two year old or three year old whose self esteem is conditional on how expensive their clothes are or what color their skin is? They just enjoy life. They're not self-conscious. See, that's all stuff we learn from our upbringing, isn't it?
"So what happens is the child learns a set of beliefs. They develop a way of thinking because their parents say, 'You can't feel good about yourself unless ______.' All of a sudden we start to put conditions on their self-esteem or their well-being. 'You can't feel good about yourself unless you go to school looking nice.' We try to impose our standards on our kids because we think it reflects on us, so we try to make their self-esteem conditional in a certain way. Then they develop insecure beliefs, and their self-esteem is conditional. So when they get insecure they act out or get in trouble or react in a dysfunctional way.
"We found, with most of the kids we've been working with, that once they get into the first grade they have very insecure beliefs. They think that they don't fit in, that adults don't like them, that other kids won't like them, that they can't learn because they're Black, because they come from the projects, because their parents have dropped out, because of all the negativity in the home, because their parents are yelling at them all the time and telling them they're bad or stupid. So that becomes their way of thinking about themselves.
"Now what you want to keep in mind is that they never lose their innate mental health. It's impossible. It just gets covered up or pushed underneath the surface. But it's still there and still has a natural tendency to come back to the surface like a cork being held under water. So as soon as you take whatever insecure thoughts that are keeping it down out of the way, it will pop back up on its own. It naturally reemerges. As soon as you start to show a kid that these negative beliefs are just thoughts, not "reality," this will come back almost immediately. If they find any teacher or a counselor who just starts to treat them as if they're okay, treats them with love and respect and listens to them, treats them as if they're a whole person or a healthier person that health just comes right back to the surface.
"But the child enters school with this insecure way of seeing things, so if another kid gets angry at him or pushes him, or if a teacher looks at him cross-eyed, if he's insecure he'll react. He'll get in trouble, and that will give him further evidence that he doesn't fit in, that others don't like him, that teachers are against him or her. It just reinforces his view. If we have an insecure way of thinking, we interpret what's going on as evidence: 'that teacher really is against me; the other kids really don't like me.' And what's his emotional response going to be? He's going to get angry or feel hurt or feel sorry for himself or withdraw or talk back to the teacher. So the negative emotion will create a negative behavior. And the negative behavior will cause a certain kind of response from the teachers: send him to the principal, or give him an F or detention. So the response will reinforce the thinking that they are against him, that he can't make it in school, that he's not going to do okay. Do you see how it becomes a self-confirming, downward spiral of increasing alienation?
"So most of these kids don't expect to finish high school. They don't think it's the place for them. But it's just a cycle of thought that a child picks up. And you can break this at any point—if an adult really believes in you and likes you and connects with you and engages your healthier levels and really inspires you to do better than you thought you could do. You can get through to these kids at any moment. You can turn these kids around. If you build a good rapport with these students, the quality of your relationship will make their thinking relax, and it will bring out the best in them.
"You can't give a child self-esteem. He or she already has it. All you have to do is engage them in a way that it starts to come out of them."
Most of the teachers had never looked at it that way before.
CAN SEXUAL FRUSTRATION LEAD TO DEPRESSION?
Whether you’re single, in a relationship, married, divorced, or widowed, sex is a vital aspect of life. Any dysfunction that occurs in this area is bound to cause disappointment and frustration. Although the frustration that results from a lack of sexual activity can lead to depression-like symptoms, the link between sexual frustration and depression is a bit more complicated than that. Sometimes, it is the depression that causes sexual dysfunction.
In short, it works both ways.
What Is Sexual Frustration?
In essence, frustration is an emotional state that you experience when a particular need is not met. Regardless of the nature of your frustration, the effects are relatively the same. At first, you get cranky, moody, and irritable; you lose your focus quickly; you don’t sleep well. If you’re deprived for an extended period, you begin to feel disappointed and eventually stop trying.
The moment when you give up on trying to get your needs met is the moment when depression might set in.
Sexual frustration begins with dissatisfaction related to your intimate life. Whether it’s because your sexual interactions consist of one disappointing attempt after another, or you’re missing physical intimacy altogether, prolonged sexual dissatisfaction will result in frustration.
Some examples are: when you’re “in the mood” and your partner does not want to have sex; when you’re having sex and one of you isn’t satisfied or doesn’t achieve orgasm; when one of you finishes too fast; or when your partner isn’t open to experience fantasies that would lead you to sexual fulfillment.
If left unaddressed, these situations can exacerbate your sexual problems, leading to frustration, disappointment, and eventually depression.
Relationships and Sexual Frustration
One of the most common misconceptions about this topic is that sexual frustration occurs mainly among single individuals. In theory, people in relationships shouldn’t lack intimacy and physical contact. However, in reality, couples can struggle with sexual frustration just as much and as often as single people.
There are times when one partner might be struggling with decreased libido (due to various physical and psychological factors), giving rise to disappointment by their partner about their sex life. Or maybe one partner has a higher sex drive than the other.
The point is, if the couple fails to communicate properly and work through these issues, their sex life will gradually deteriorate, leading to frustration. We all know the myth that men think about (and desire) sex more than women. But the truth is, some men are not that interested in sex, while some women have a very high libido.
Long story short, a mismatch between partners’ libido or sexual preferences can eventually result in sexual frustration, which can generate shame, guilt, criticism, and depression if left unaddressed.
Why Do Feel Sexually Frustrated?
The simplest answer would be that we don’t have sex or because the sexual encounters we have are mostly dull and unsatisfying. But if we look beyond the obvious, there are more complex factors at play.
Physical and/or Medical Conditions
Current evidence suggests that sexual satisfaction and sexual health have a significant impact on the quality of our life. Moreover, individuals with poor health (due to various medical conditions) report lower sexual satisfaction.
Dealing with a medical condition is already a stress factor. With the added frustration caused by sexual problems, it’s no wonder people in this situation might feel depressed. Some of the most common medical conditions that can cause sexual problems (and consequently sexual frustration) are diabetes, obesity, heart disease, high cholesterol, atherosclerosis, and high blood pressure.
Criticism
In general, our sexual experiences rarely unfold precisely the way we imagine. Sex can be tricky sometimes, so it’s relatively normal for people to encounter all sorts of difficulties or “hiccups.” Sometimes, the origin of your sexual frustration may reside in your partner’s rigid or “impossible” standards and lack of understanding.
But whether these difficulties generate sexual frustration or not depends greatly on how we interpret them and how the other person reacts.
For instance, receiving constant criticism regarding your sexual performance can result in frustration, helplessness, disappointment, and self-blame. Consequently, this will only make matters worse as you begin to view the entire experience as a performance display. All these emotions and attitudes can create a fertile ground for depression.
Sex and Depression: A Complicated Link
Over the last decades, researchers have published an impressive amount of scientific literature that addresses the link between sex and depression. However, many studies have focused on how antidepressants impact sex life.
One conclusion from these studies is that mental health professionals need to be more aware of the sexual dysfunctions that may accompany depression and focus on psychoeducation to help patients overcome misconceptions about healthy sexual functioning.[2][3] As for antidepressant-induced sexual dysfunction, experts often rely on adjuvant or substitution treatments to diminish this unpleasant side effect, thus resulting in less sexual dysfunction and less frustration.[4]
Given the complicated nature of the link between sex and depression, it’s difficult to draw a definitive conclusion regarding the relationship between them.
It’s possible for people who experience sexual frustration for extended periods to end up dealing with depression, but only if other factors are also involved. On the other hand, given that sexual dysfunction is a common symptom associated with depression, we could speculate that depression will indirectly contribute to sexual frustration.
Tips for Coping With Sexual Frustration
— Be Realistic When It Comes to Sex
Although sex is no longer taboo in most cultures, sex-related problems continue to remain among those topics that people prefer to ignore. We enjoy talking about the fun aspects of sex, but we put a lid on anything that might expose the sexual problems some of us might struggle with.
On top of that, we grow up surrounded by all sorts of misconceptions about intimacy and sex, so it’s no surprise we feel disappointed and frustrated when reality shows us a completely different picture. As with any other problem, a crucial step in overcoming this issue is getting educated.
Whether you prefer to read a book, follow an educational YouTube channel, or talk to a sex therapist, make sure you gain a realistic perspective on sex and intimacy.
— Good Sex Starts With Good Communication
As we’ve established throughout this article, sexual frustration occurs when one partner’s needs are not met. If you’re in a relationship, the first thing you can do is discuss this issue with your partner.
That way, both of you have a chance to understand what exactly isn’t working, recalibrate your perspective, and work together toward finding a solution.
Furthermore, current evidence suggests that for couples who’ve been together longer, open sexual communication can improve sexual satisfaction.
— Don’t Be Ashamed to Consult a Professional
If you feel like sexual frustration has become a serious problem, and there’s no one you feel comfortable talking to, why not consult with a therapist? With the help of a licensed counselor or therapist, you can get to the root of your problem and figure out ways to achieve healthy intimacy and sexual satisfaction.
Summary
In a nutshell, sexual frustration occurs when there’s a mismatch between what you want and what you’re getting. But this problem doesn’t necessarily lead to depression unless it’s accompanied by other factors (lack of intimacy, poor communication, unrealistic standards). At the same time, it’s important to remember that depression often causes decreased libido and sexual dysfunctions.
By Alexander Draghici, MS, LCPC
Alexander Draghici is a licensed Clinical Psychologist and CBT practitioner. His work focuses mainly on strategies designed to help people manage and prevent two of the most common emotional problems – anxiety and depression.
** Note: This article was originally published on E-Counselinng.com
References
Flynn, K. E., Lin, L., Bruner, D. W., Cyranowski, J. M., Hahn, E. A., Jeffery, D. D., Reese, J. B., Reeve, B. B., Shelby, R. A., & Weinfurt, K. P. (2016). Sexual Satisfaction and the Importance of Sexual Health to Quality of Life Throughout the Life Course of U.S. Adults. The journal of sexual medicine, 13(11), 1642–1650. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jsxm.2016.08.011
Manohar, Shivananda & Tss, Rao & Chandran, Suhas & Maheshwari, Shreemit & George, Manju & Rao, Suman & Sattar, Fiaz. (2017). Sexual Dysfunctions in Depression. Clinical Depression 3(3). http://doi.org/10.4172/2572-0791.1000125
Thakurdesai, A., & Sawant, N. (2018). A prospective study on sexual dysfunctions in depressed males and the response to treatment. Indian journal of psychiatry, 60(4), 472–477. https://doi.org/10.4103/psychiatry.IndianJPsychiatry_386_17
Baldwin D. S. (2001). Depression and sexual dysfunction. British medical bulletin, 57, 81–99. https://doi.org/10.1093/bmb/57.1.81
Montesi, J. L., Fauber, R. L., Gordon, E. A., & Heimberg, R. G. (2011). The specific importance of communicating about sex to couples’ sexual and overall relationship satisfaction. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 28(5), 591–609. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407510386833
