Coping with any loss may be one of the hardest challenges we face in life. It is a fact of life whether we admit or not. Let us be honest it scares us. When we lose a spouse, sibling, parent, friend, a favorite item, a house or anything that you think is of a value, that grief can be particularly intense. Loss is understood as a natural part of life, but we can still be overcome by shock, confusion, anxiety and fear, leading to prolonged periods of sadness, the blues or gray days, loss of interests, irritability, withdrawal The sadness typically diminishes in intensity as time passes, but grieving is an important process in order to overcome the feelings and emotions so to embrace the time you had with your loved one.
Everyone reacts to loss differently and employs various personal coping skills for grief and loss. An example is: Henry, a close friend of my father’s. I met him when my father asked for help with a memorial. It was for Henry’s Rose who had passed away from metastasized cancer. My Father was a Chaplain, Henry ask him to do the memorial. Well Henry always felt depressed, from the loss of his wife. So he change from reading daily to her, to reading to the resident of the care center daily and he continued that until he passed away himself. When we talked together at my dd’s home, he told me that going up to the center, help him living and close to his wife. Yes, he was lonely, yet this made his life have meaning and he felt it honored his wife’s love and memory. Did he grieve, yes daily. Thought it also gave him strength.
People and families do recover from loss in their own way through the passage of time when they have positive social/family/employments supports and healthy habits. It can take months or years to accept a/the loss. There is no “normal” time period for someone to grieve or to feel the sense of loss. Don’t expect to just pass through any phases of grief or in a linear way. Many people can be all over the map. It is ok it is normal. It will take some time and thought before you are able to look back on the and loss.
Human beings are naturally resilient, we have the capability to endure what we do not believe we can. People do continue on with our own lives yet there are some that hold on so tight and choose not to heal and grow. There are some people that struggle so much with grief and loss for long periods of time and feel unable to carry out their daily activities. People that suffer severe grief and loss or complicated grief could benefit from further intervention from family, co-workers, peers, or a professional counselor and grief support groups. We all need support and assistance through this time. It is a fact that we cannot do it alone.
Moving On With Life
Many have talked about ”Mourning”, some cultures have specific times for “Mourning” because it is understood that people do better when they can move on even with having feeling of the grief and loss. During this time there can also be a renewed sense of meaning to life that offers purpose and direction to life.
Grieving individuals may find it helpful to use some of the following strategies to help them process and come to terms with loss. The following is an incomplete list of ways to care for yourself when you have Grief and loss. It is not an exhaustive list and not everyone will experience grief and loss in the same way.
1) Talk about the death of your loved one with friends or colleagues in order to help you understand what happened and remember your friend or family member.
2) Avoidance can lead to isolation and will disrupt the healing process with your support systems.
3) Accept your feelings. You may experience a wide range of emotions from sadness, anger or even exhaustion.
4) All of these feelings are normal and it’s important to recognize when you are feeling this way.
5) If you feel stuck or overwhelmed by these emotions, ask for help a friend, a coworker, use the Employee Assistance Program at work (confidential) a community support group.
6) Take care of yourself and your family. Eating healthy foods, exercising and getting plenty of sleep can help your physical and emotional health. The grieving process can take a toll on one’s Physical, Emotional, Mental and Spiritual self and life.
7) Make sure you check in with your loved ones and that they are taking the necessary healthy steps to maintain their health.
8) Reach out and help others dealing with the loss.
9) Spending time with loved ones they can be great support and you may be a good support for them. You can be good support for each other together. Whether it’s sharing stories or listening to your loved one’s favorite music, these small efforts can make a big difference to some.
10) Helping others can the added benefit of making you feel better as well. Remember and celebrate the lives of your loved ones.
11) Anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, or other events can be a difficult time for everyone, though it can also be a time for remembrance and honoring them.
12) Things that you can are: collect donations to a favorite charity in the family name, plant a tree or a community garden, donate a park bench, in another word when you are ready to celebrate life.
13) What you choose is up to you, as long it allows you to honor life and others that feel right to you. When the timing is right for you.
Grief and loss is a fact of life, I will not say it is not. It is painful, yet there is Healing, Growth and Recovery when you allow yourself to feel, have emotions, and feel those emotions, by taking care of yourself and your life.
