EXERCISING FOR THE WRONG REASONS
Most of us engage in exercise and clean eating for the wrong reasons. I did it for many years. I went through a rough period in my marriage when it didn’t matter how physically fit and healthy both of us were, our relationship wasn’t a happy one.
I stopped exercising for a few months. I gained about ten pounds. My body felt incredibly good (no more soreness or joint pain), though my marriage was falling apart. It didn’t take long for a heavy cloud of shame to settle over my head. Not even hours of meditation could save me from the pressure to go back to the gym and clean up my act. It had been about three months at this point, and the feelings of shame and fear were unbearable. How many of us exercise because we feel pressured to be lean and thin to fit the rules of society, please others, or because we are ashamed of our bodies?
Much love!
Valeria
LEAVING HOME WAS A DREAM!
The limited physical reality most people live in is a painful one. We entertain ourselves with achievements, pleasures, and excitements. But we also suffer dissatisfaction, confusion, and disappointments, and we lack wisdom in the face of sickness and death. It’s hardly fun to dwell on the past, worry about the future, and constantly fight to maintain what we think we have or to acquire what we believe we lack. This kind of worldly life is an endless marathon toward suffering, but it can be replaced with joy when you access the truth inside your own heart.
After investing many years in physical and psychological health, I finally realized that true health comes from knowing the depths of our own hearts and the nature of life. With this knowledge, all my external searches for happiness and peace ended and a joyful celebration began. You don’t need to find the way back home when you realize that leaving home was only a dream.
Much love!
Valeria
HAPPINESS AND SERENITY
Happiness and serenity have a lot to do with being in the present moment. However, many people do not achieve this state because they dwell on the past or become preoccupied with how to escape it by living for a “better” future. When we project (or stake) our happiness on the hypothetical achievement of a future circumstance, we sabotage our ability to be happy in the present. This reinforces a self-destructive mindset that likely will persist into the magical “future” we are hoping for.
To release yourself from this trap, you must shift your life toward a spiritual reality that transforms pain into joy. When you understand that the essence of your nature is not the thinking mind but rather a spaceless and timeless quality inside of you, compassion will arise and you will be free of unnecessary pain. Once you establish yourself in that place of love and kindness, everything will become love, or a lesson of love. While physical and mental health are valuable, realizing who you are at the heart-level is much more critical for happiness and serenity.
Much love!
Valeria
EXERCISE AND LOVING-KINDNESS
Exercise, diet, and even therapy can become traps for a painful reality; in some ways they can make it worse. For example, if you consciously (or unconsciously) believe you are not good enough or not worthy as a whole human being, you might work to become fit in pursuit of such worthiness. This mindset, however, creates the trap of sustaining habits out of fear, turning exercise and diet into negative forces and compounding the root problem as we live for our bodies through abusive mechanisms. Disharmony within the heart occurs when we forget to recognize that love and kindness are what life is all about.
Much love!
Valeria
INTENTION MATTERS
Where I come from in Brazil, an attractive body is worshipped as if it were a god. I was taught not only to strive for physical beauty, but also to be obedient, to serve, and to smile. It took years of suffering from inner conflict for me to accept my imperfect body and to find my way back to the intuitive faith in my heart. This heart had always known my true identity as a spiritual being, even though my rational mind could not accept that as truth. You might know well what I am talking about.
This was the main reason, for pretty much all of my life, that I pursued a fit and healthy body. To this day, daily exercise is still something my mind craves. What I do, then, is integrate exercise for the body with food for the soul! Every experience can become spiritual when we have the intention to be loving and kind.
Yes, we can enjoy our fit bodies as long as we know that true happiness only comes from our own hearts!
Much love!
Valeria
JOURNEY TO THE HAPPY YOU!
If you are like me and are inclined to engage in physical activity, integrating fitness and spirituality is essential. For many, many years I struggled to answer the question, “How do I take good care of my body but not fall for preconceptions about physical attractiveness and health?”
The answer was very simple, yet also highly complex and paradoxical. The closer you live to your spiritual heart, the less you tend to engage in purely physical activities and beautifying methods, even if they promote a healthy body and high self-esteem. This is because your spirit knows that sickness, old age, and death are inevitable. The time we have on earth is too limited to concern ourselves with the impermanent aspect of our existence. Every second becomes a valuable chance to recognize our true nature and to realize who we are in the spiritual reality.
When you know that there is a lot more to you than a body and a thinking mind, but you don’t know how to access that deeper part, you end up struggling between the two. This journey in limbo can be interesting, especially because it can teach you to have compassion for your own body. The paradox is that even giving attention to thoughts about fitness and health can lead you to believe that you are a physical being whose psychological needs must be met in order to feel good or to be whole. At this level, you are not living a spiritual existence yet.
However, this is all part of the journey to reaching the happy you. Listening to the heart, so that we can live more and more as a spiritual being, can bring our existence to a conscious space where life becomes a loving and joyful adventure that renews itself with every moment.
Much love!
Valeria
BEYOND FORGIVENESS
A difficult past can trap us in negativity.
If you find yourself wandering away from the domain of the heart, you most likely are dwelling in the past. In my life, I have met all kinds of people—religious, spiritual, philosophical, psychological, young and old—who assured me that forgiveness was necessary for a happy life. I heard what they were saying, but it never resonated with the deeper truth in my heart.
When we understand that we are all prone to making mistakes, the idea of forgiving someone is not as compelling as treating those who have “wronged” us with compassion and kindness.
Think of how many times in the past you were unkind to yourself and others. If we are really honest, we’ll admit that we were unable to act differently.
To forgive implies that someone outside of ourselves has the power over our emotions, or that we have power over theirs. How about accessing true forgiveness that only the heart is able to offer? I don’t know anything more powerful than compassion.
Those who are compassionate understand the cause of their own pain and how unnecessary suffering can be avoided. Such understanding drives a compassionate person to be kind and loving toward everyone, including those who have hurt them in the past. This attitude transcends forgiveness.
Much love!
Valeria
LUCAS AND THE BIRD
Long, long ago, there was a young man called Lucas who believed so much in love that he became a musician only to sing and play songs of love. He played and sang his music every day in the middle of the town as loud as he could. The people in the town started to complain about his music.
One day the police came and arrested him. Lucas was sentenced many years in prison. There, they took his guitar away and he was ordered not to sing. After many months, he found a way to escape.
Scared, he crossed the oceans looking for the furthest place from the town. In a land thousands of miles away, he found a farm and asked for a job. The old farmer gave him a job. Lucas helped with the crop and took care of the animals in exchange for food, some money, and a small cottage to live in by the river.
The place was comfortable and serene. He planned to spend the rest of his life there. He promised not to ever sing a word about love again but also not to ever forgive the people who put him in prison. Although it was impossible for anyone to ever find him there, every time a bird made a sound outside, he got scared and anxious. The fear the police would come to arrest him wouldn’t let him sleep. He would chase the bird away and rush inside.
One day, Lucas talked to the old man about his problem. He asked him how to ignore the bird’s noise and sleep better at night.
The old farmer looked him in the eye and said, “You are not afraid of birds young man. You are afraid of the song. It reminds you of an old melody.”
“But what melody?” he asked, confused.
“The melody of your past. The song of love you used to sing. It’s a song you must sing again.”
How does this farmer know about my past? What is he trying to say? Lucas asked himself with fear.
The farmer continued, “You can either live as a man who is afraid of birds, or you can sing the song of your heart and become as free as they are.”
Lucas reflected on everything the farmer said to him. The next day, he got up from bed, dressed, and went straight to the music store and bought a used guitar. That same afternoon, on the porch of his small cottage, he sang and played songs of love. At night, a bird made a noise outside, waking him up. Lucas walked calmly to the window to watch the bird and, with a smile on his face, he said: I also broke my second promise.
"The pain of resentment is not stronger than the power to love that belongs to your heart. You are here to be free from resentment, but you must allow your heart to sing the song of love it was meant to sing."
Much love!
Valeria
ARE YOU LISTENING TO YOUR HEART?
How do you know that you are listening to your heart and not your habitual self?
We can’t stop the flow of thoughts. They will always polarize our minds. However, the nature of our thoughts, and the degree to which they command our attention, can change radically depending on lifestyle and spiritual practice. Here is my list of eleven signs to let you know if your heart is becoming master over your mind: You…
Live without judgment. When you look at yourself in the mirror or make a mistake, you are kind or even playful. This extends to how you see and treat others.
See others as fellow souls. When engaging with others, you feel joy. You appreciate their uniqueness. There is a feeling of a deep connection you can’t explain. You recognize them as fellow souls. Your don’t wonder how each person will benefit you; your relationships are free of ego.
Live in the moment. Wherever you are and whatever you are doing, there is a magical quality to it. Your thoughts focus on the now. Memories come when called to assist you with what is happening in the present. This is especially helpful when engaging with others. You feel a much stronger desire to be present when with others.
Live serenely. In the heart’s reality there is no time, space, or fear. Anxiety is linked to fearful thoughts about the past or the future. Without these limiting conceptions about who you are, you feel free and calm.
Live simply. Your life is simple and your mind is clear. Because you know much about the nature of existence, you also know that there is no reason to complicate anything.
Enjoy silence. Because your heart is in touch with different levels of reality, it demands silence from your mind. Those who listen to the heart treasure quietude.
Revive in joy. Passion and excitement are replaced by joy. Passion is often linked to desires and pursuits of temporary achievements, while joy is rooted in renewal, love, and acceptance of what is.
Appreciate nature. Feeling at home in nature is a sign that your heart is in control, at least in that moment. Nature’s spirit is the same as the essence of who you are.
Experience Oneness. You feel the deep connection between you and everything in the universe, including all suffering.
Stay playful. You become almost child-like at times, but your presence and words are as deep as old age.
Practice compassion. You are someone who rejoices in helping others because you recognize that life is essentially suffering, but you are joyful and peaceful because you know who you are!
Much love!
Valeria
PURE JOY!
The Great Way is not difficult for
those who have no preferences.
When love and hate are both absent
everything becomes clear and undisguised.
Make the smallest distinction, however,
and heaven and earth are set infinitely apart.
If you wish to see the truth
then hold no opinions for or against anything.
To set up what you like against what you dislike
is the disease of the mind.
When the deep meaning of things is not understood,
the mind's essential peace is disturbed to no avail.
The Way is perfect like vast space
where nothing is lacking and nothing in excess.
Indeed, it is due to our choosing to accept or reject
that we do not see the true nature of things.
Live neither in the entanglements of outer things,
nor in inner feelings of emptiness.
Be serene in the oneness of things and such
erroneous views will disappear by themselves.
When you try to stop activity by passivity
your very effort fills you with activity.
As long as you remain in one extreme or the other
you will never know Oneness...
- The Third Patriarch of Zen
I am sharing this with you because it is pure joy when I read it! :)
Much love!
Valeria
THE POWER OF INFINITE LOVE - PART TWO
Her way of trying to sell the items intrigued me. With her narration on the power of each piece, she would mention that she was a psychic and that she knew what I needed to improve my life. First, she tried to sell me a crystal necklace with a bear claw, telling me that Native Americans relate bears with strength and wisdom. She explained that bears keep fighting even when seriously injured, and that it is believed that they can heal their own wounds. Then, she added a deeper insight: “I think you could use one of these.” I would have loved to chat with her about spirituality, but I stayed silent. She was looking for a different kind of chat with me.
I moved toward a clear quartz necklace. The lady moved even closer, telling me how the crystal could enhance my spiritual growth and increase inspiration and creativity. “Would you like one?” She persisted.
I was not interested in buying crystals. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe they carried positive energies, which I did (and do!). Very simply, the only “sacred” recipient I was (and am!) interested in was the human heart. So I asked her: “What here offers the power of infinite love?”
My question floated in space and silence for a moment.
The lady started turning her wheelchair in many directions in search of something that she could sell me, now that she knew exactly what I wanted. I was stunned that she even had something to look for. My question referred to a fictional item.
It took her but a few minutes to find (allegedly) what had taken me a lifetime to begin to understand. She asked me to follow her. I stood by her side as she silently pointed to the biggest, light purple crystal in the room, displayed grandly on a tabletop. She whispered, “My dear, this has the power of infinite love, I assure you!” With a smile, she delivered her words with conviction.
My next question was, “Do you really believe we can have wisdom, strength, inspiration, creativity, or even infinite love from anything that is outside of us?”
The lady rolled her wheelchair to the back of the store agitatedly, mumbling that she had had enough with me. She screamed for her husband to come and assist me, because she was done.
I left the place reflecting on what had just happened.
The fact that the lady’s body was confined to a wheelchair didn’t make me feel sorry for her. It was her handicapped mind that made me feel compassion.
After that encounter, I didn’t stop anywhere else. I walked into the woods and sat down next to a flowing river. Its presence carried the force of nature. Though rocks and leaves tried to divert my attention, the river flowed on, faithful to its own path.
As I sat quietly, listening to the sound of the water, I wondered when we too will let ourselves just be and defy the illusion of our minds to allow the power of infinite love to freely flow in our hearts.
The cool breeze from the river carried me back home!
Much love!
Valeria
THE POWER OF INFINITE LOVE - PART ONE
The sun took me out for a walk. I had no destination really, only to walk in a part of town I’d never been before. It was the only thought in my mind when I left home.
I crossed the street and started walking. I passed many art and yoga studios. The library was closed, though I stopped by anyway to see what days it was open. Before I reached the next block, I noticed two buildings on the same side of the street. One was a theater and the other a crystal store that looked more like a psychic’s tent. I passed the latter to go straight to the theater. I did this on purpose because the crystal store was the real place I wanted to stop and stay for a while; visiting the theater first would allow me a relaxed and immersive experience at the crystal store. The theater was closed, putting my curiosity about what movies were playing to rest. I headed right back to the mystic tent!
As I retraced my steps, I marked the moment with warm hopes of meeting someone with whom I could have a spiritual encounter. I do this all the time! In these kinds of “spiritual meetings,” we recognize each other as souls in bodies and chat about our current rebirths. How has it been for you to be here for this number of years? What was it to be born in that family, and have this number of children? Have you forgiven everyone? These sorts of conversations interest me greatly.
So I walked through the door. It made a funny noise, announcing that someone had arrived. There were two people inside: an old man behind the counter and a lady in a wheelchair. An impressive blue crystal necklace hung around her neck. It must be really heavy, I thought, but perhaps being in the wheelchair, the weight didn’t bother her.
They said hello to me, I said hello back to them, and I began to browse. There was much to look at, but I was taken with a large, wooden sculpture of the Buddha lying peacefully on his right side. My mind was empty of thoughts. I simply wanted to be there, contemplating the image of the Buddha. Before any specific thought arose, the lady in the wheelchair asked if I was looking to buy anything in particular. I turned around with a smile, looked straight into her eyes and said that it was great to be at her store, but I was not looking for anything. Do you mind? She said no while tightening her lips and looking down, she seemed disappointed.
At this point, I intuitively knew the spiritual conversation wouldn’t happen.
I walked slowly, admiring the many Native American images and crystals of all sizes and colors. But with every step I took, the lady was right behind me. She quickly broke the silence to give me historical commentary for every piece she assumed I was looking at. At first, I thought she was only doing her job, eager to share her knowledge about each object on display. The man standing behind the counter wasn’t around anymore. So I listened to her patiently, but noticed her comments were always followed by the persistent question: …
To be continued next week!
Much love!
Valeria
WILL JOHN MEDITATE AGAIN?
John used to meditate for about an hour every day. It was a must for him while his mother battled cancer, and it remained that way after her death, too. He felt meditation brought him closer to the awareness of love in his heart. When he accessed this unconditional love in himself, John was able to calm his mind and he suffered less and less. He described what he felt on those days as total surrender to his heart’s reality—one where he knew his mother’s life (and his own) were but moments in the eternal breath of the divine, pieces of the infinitude of existence. John was in state of surrender to love.
Years went by. John became a successful businessman, and he lost the ability to access his heart’s reality through meditation. He wondered what had happened.
This was easy to answer.
He was now constantly occupied with a great number of responsibilities and was making a lot of money. When he tried to meditate, his mind could not stop giving him innovative ideas, smart strategies, and new ways of solving business problems. He felt really good about all his accomplishments in the external world, but he had also grown anxious and fearful. There was no quietude in his life, even at night when it was time to rest.
John asked his meditation teacher for an answer. This teacher said to him:
“You’ve fully immersed your life in your rational–analytic mind. It believes it is the master now. And it is doing a great job at it, but it is also keeping you awake at night and agitated during the day. To put it simply, your mind is using the total power you’ve given it. The more external gratification you receive, the more in control your mind becomes.
Your being can only serve one master, not two.
The mind thrives in knowledge, the heart in wisdom.
The wonderful thing about building your life from the truths of your spiritual heart is that you can still honor your physical and psychological existence without getting lost in fear and anxiety. Believing that we understand and control all aspects of our human existence is a strong sign that we have built our lives with our rational–analytic minds.
In this state, the heart can’t solve the problems of your life because it can’t find them.”
John was instructed to sit in meditation until his thoughts became as irrelevant as the hum of his refrigerator, or any other constant sound he wouldn’t normally give attention to. Through this, he was able to silence his thoughts with the noises around him and focus on his breathing. Doing this helped John find the foundation of his existence again: that peace and love are breaths within the Breath.
Much love!
Valeria
P.S. I MISS YOUR SOUL
I recently texted some friends to update them on my book’s publication progress, and also to tell them about my life at the moment. At the end of the message I wrote: “I miss your soul.”
The next day, I woke up with a strange feeling. It was a constricting sensation of anxiety and sorrow. There had been so much peace and joy in my heart the last few months that it was hard to believe the feeling rising in my mind that morning. At first, I thought the feelings could be the residual product of a bad dream (as I’d just woken up). But it alarmed me that as the day went on I realized they were rooted in reality. My breakfast didn’t taste the same. My spiritual recitations had lost their meaning. I knew I had to stop everything I had planned for that morning and meditate on this unpleasant feeling.
So that is exactly what I did.
I sat down, made myself comfortable, and meditated long enough to quiet my mind and listen to my heart. It was an urgent matter to know the reason for feeling so unsettled. I asked myself: “What have I done or said that is not in harmony with my heart?” This is a typical question that I ask when I encounter startling emotions, even when they are positive in nature.
After thirty minutes or so of meditation, my thoughts began to connect what I had written to my friends with another prior event. It became clear that I hadn’t conveyed my whole truth to my friends.
About a week before sending the message, I attended a Sufi Center to partake in one of their spiritual practices. The place was on the second floor next door to an art gallery, which auspiciously displayed a painting of a heart in the window.
I arrived early. As I climbed the stairs to get there, I heard beautiful chanting in unison. What a peaceful sound, I thought. At the top of the stairs were some shoes on a rack. Those shoes had carried bodies whose soulful presences could be felt through their voices. I left my shoes there, too.
As soon as I entered the simple, peaceful reception area (it looked like a loving grandmother’s living room), a tall woman greeted me with a genuine smile and compassionate eyes. She offered me some tea and we sat down to talk about Sufism before the spiritual session started. Some other attendees were already there, and they joined the conversation. The chant echoing from the other room perfumed the air as we spoke.
We were immediately like family. I am used to relating to people as souls, but it isn’t so common that I meet beings who recognize themselves as souls, too. That day, as we sat and talked about spirituality, I felt that everyone was so immersed in their own hearts that there wasn’t any feeling of separation or judgment to create differences between us. We simply gathered to celebrate our temporary existence in time and space while wrapped in different bodies. The air we breathed and exhaled had only one molecule: love!
Later during the meeting, tears fell from my eyes as my heart felt the incredible potential we humans have to love with purity and to be kind.
This was what I meant when I told my friends that I missed their souls. I’ve seen their potential to be as kind and loving as the Sufis and Buddhists I’ve followed in spirituality. I miss the real soul connection that has never happened between these friends and myself, one that transcends our physical and psychological realities. Most of the time we are so caught up in expressing our physical capabilities and mental needs that we fail to experience our own existence as souls. What a precious experience to miss in this life! To me, once I have recognized someone as a divine being, I receive no joy from relating to them through ego.
To my friends: the next time I say to you that I “miss your soul,” know that I am communicating directly to the pure essence of who you are. I couldn’t possibly miss the manifestation of the ego in all of us that causes most of the suffering in the world.
I still miss your soul!
Much love!
Valeria
FIT BODY IDENTITY
Drawing by Ann Procacci
The depressed identity is hard to break from, but I find the “fit person” identity even tougher to let go of. This is because it is perceived as a positive, healthy identification, and everyone around you will reinforce that. When I stopped training and spent months writing in France instead, I gained a few pounds from all the bread and cheese. I did not obsess about eating clean and exercising, though I still did these things fairly regularly. I began to smile more, to meditate… I was much more serene. When I talked to others, it was about love and compassion.
When I came back, empowered by this new me but a few pounds heavier, my close friend reacted in an unexpected way. He was bothered. It wasn’t my extra pounds that agitated him. There was an odd feeling every time we met—I felt he was in mourning around me, as if somebody had passed away. He would look at me and say with sadness in his eyes, “Why can’t you live a normal life? Why can’t you be like before?”
That person I was before, that “normal” one he referred to, was an anxious, fearful woman with whom he had had a relationship based on listening to each other’s complaints. We often agreed on the unfairness of life. Now that I was telling him that everything was perfect as it was, he felt he couldn’t be his old self with me anymore. The person who I once believed was me was "dying," and my friend felt that he couldn't be around someone who was "dying." What a fascinating experience it is to let go of who you think you are... over and over again!
Much love!
Valeria
THE THINKING MIND REALITY
We may all agree on the meaning of physical health as being free of injury or illness, but we may disagree on the meaning of psychological health. The way I see it, what makes us appear mentally healthy actually causes much of our unhealthiness. In general, is there is anything unhealthier for us as individuals and as societies than selfishness? Behind selfishness resides all kinds of fear, especially of not having enough or of not being enough as an individual. Besides causing unhealthy behaviors, this fear propels us to contribute to destructive ideas, as well as to create mental and physical structures for protection. By acting and reacting to irrationality (fear) all the time, we reinforce our thinking minds’ reality over that of our hearts'.
Much love,
Valeria