EMBODYING THE CREATRIX

An insightful passage in “Creatrix Rising: Unlocking The Power Of Midlife Women” by Stephanie Raffelock

 

— In my lifetime, I’ve witnessed a steady and accelerated evolution of women that begs the question: Is this a Darwinian moment?

When my mother approached older age, she told me that growing old was a terrible thing. For her generation, this was not an isolated attitude. America is a young country that values youth and sexiness above substance and depth. In her generation, how else was a midlife woman to feel but used up and disposable? The perception of the old crone has long been supported by advertising. If advertising only shows older women as feeble, frail, and unattractive, whether that’s true or not, the attitude infects the culture, and we begin to take the images as truth. Worse, if advertising never shows an image of a woman over the age of forty-five or fifty, the unspoken message is that she is useless and invisible.

Is the way that our culture views older women uniquely American? In other countries, where they dance the tango up to the very end of life, mature women are not defeminized or desexualized the way they are here in America. Here, we tout anti-aging cures as if age were a disease, and women spend billions of dollars on keeping the face of youth for as long as possible, our identities and our creativity tied to some false form of beauty.

A friend who is about to turn forty told me a story that illustrates our biased American way of seeing older women. She and her husband were vacationing in Italy and had stopped at a shop across the street from a beach. Returning to their rental car, they found it wouldn’t start, so they attempted to push it out of the parking space to roll downhill, where they’d seen a garage. As my friend’s husband pushed on the car and she steered, a woman came running across the street from the beach to help. Appearing to be in her late sixties, the woman was wearing a bikini and sandals. She was tanned and lean, my friend told me, but her skin was crepey and her musculature ropey. A little bit of a belly sagged over the bikini bottom. Without any conversation, the woman placed her hands on the car next to my friend’s husband and helped to push. Once the car was out of the parking spot and set to roll downhill, the woman ran back to the beach, with a quick wave.

“What was so striking about the incident,” my friend said, “was the lack of self-consciousness this older woman had about being in her bikini. She ran to help with the same amount of strength and determination of a much younger woman, only she did it unabashedly, unashamed in her bikini.”

Hearing the story, the word “unashamed” landed with a painful thud because I knew that here, in America, we shame women for growing older rather than revere them. A seven- ty-year-old woman publicly enjoying the sensual delights of the sunshine in a bikini would be a less likely scenario here than in other places in our world.

All over the planet, women like Angela Merkel, Theresa May, and Jacinda Adern are the heads of government. They’ve proven that women are strong leaders, yet Americans are not yet inspired to elect a female president, though I believe we’re getting closer.

This brings me back to my feeling that a Darwinian moment is upon us as we collectively engage in acknowledging that a revolution of creativity, self-worth, and courage is taking place with women—especially older women, who are beginning to embody the emerging archetype of the Creatrix.

To embody the Creatrix is to learn her nature and her qualities. By nature, the Creatrix is a sovereign soul, a seeker, tapping into a higher vibration and consciousness that has always informed her, but now she loudly speaks and proclaims the truth of that higher octave. She weaves the qualities of creativity, courage, self-love, and acceptance along with the practice of gratitude into a pattern that is reshaping the collective consciousness of older women and how they are seen by the culture. Her strength comes from a knowing, a spiritual knowledge that she is the constant consciousness that is as old and wise as the universe. She no longer strives to prove herself through the trappings of youth but remains an uplifter to younger women…

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MOVING FROM FEAR TO LOVE

An insightful passage in “Soulful & Successful Business: Spiritual Guidance for Succeeding in Your Own Business” by Nicole Bayliss

 

—  The Universe loves you. It created you and it only ever wants what is best for you. The Universe wants you to transform into the highest version of yourself. So even if things are happening that bring up fear in the form of negative emotions, there is always a loving reason behind it, even if you can’t see that yet. When we choose to see all that happens through the filter of love and not fear, it takes on a whole new meaning.

Fear exists to some extent in all of us. If you are feeling fear or a sense of lack in any area of your life, you are not alone. It’s normal and it’s human to have fear and to believe in lack. Fearing that there’s not going to be enough is a protective mechanism of the ego that keeps us vigilant.

Fear isn’t something we can push away or wish away. Telling yourself “I shouldn’t feel this way” or “I’m not going to feel this way” is pointless and self-sabotaging. The only way to conquer our fear is to acknowledge it and accept it. Acceptance is love in action. Acceptance creates a vibration that connects us to the Universal Source. Accepting our fear is the first step in moving towards love and abundance.

When I started my business, I felt divinely guided to do what I wished to do and I felt grateful that I’d discovered my purpose. I felt grateful for the miracle of the 500 reiki deals. But that’s where my spiritual connection ended. I thought of the Universe as saying to me:

“OK, I’ve guided you to your purpose and what you need to do, so get on with it. My job is done”.

I didn’t understand that it would provide ALL that I needed in every moment of time if I kept my intentions.

The Reiki deals were beginning to come to an end and while I had to pay clients, there weren’t enough to provide me with enough income. I defaulted to “lack” thinking, and I began to think fearful thoughts. I needed to manifest more business. I was about to learn even more about the ingenuity of the Universe and a whole lot more about myself!

I proactively began to meditate and pray each day. As I accepted all as it was, I became aware that this quieter phase was a gift and not a loss. I began to sense that my path may not be as a traditional counselor. More and more I felt guided to follow my heart. I had been gaining a lot of insights and healing knowledge, and I felt inspired to write my first book Five Steps to Finding Love, based on the work I had been doing with the women who were coming to see me who were looking for a loving relationship.

Once I was clear on my intention, the person I needed to help me arrived at my practice door! Referred to me for Reiki by my client Veronica, her friend Daniel didn’t resonate with Reiki that much, but he had just the skills I needed to help me publish and market my first book. Daniel became an important part of my business for many years, as he had knowledge and skills I didn’t have. When the book was published, I was surprised by how many people wanted to buy it and even more surprised by how many more people were coming to see me.

For years I had been reading the tarot for myself and friends but had never considered it to be a “bona fide” modality to use as a counselor and reiki practitioner. I had come to know a healing practitioner called Jacqui who rented a room in the same building as me. She asked me to do a reading for her which she found helpful, and she suggested I bring it into my practice to help my clients. I felt resistant, fearing judgment and not being taken seriously. There is still so much judgment and misunderstanding about the tarot, but I trusted her suggestion, and her guidance was right. I began to draw to me people who needed life path guidance.

A year later, during a period of financial stress, another inspiration dropped in during a prayer and meditation session, to teach Reiki. Yet again, I was sent just the person I needed at the time. I met a Reiki Master who wanted to learn how to read the tarot. We agreed on a contra-deal - she would teach and attune me to Reiki 3 and I would teach her to read the tarot. Within weeks I was teaching groups. My income went up considerably and so did my level of fulfillment and purpose.

At every step of the path, the Universe sent me what I needed. The Universe sent me the means to find the resources I needed to start my business, it sent me new ideas and inspirations to keep going, it sent me the perfect people who were helpful and inspirational at the right time, and eventually, it sent me more clients and more money.

And believe me, if you feel a sense of inspiration and excitement about your business, then you will receive Universal help too. Universal connection is the way! You are always supported by a loving Universe. Everything that happens to us is created by a loving Universe, even the so-called negative stuff. Help is all around you when you decide to live your purpose. You are not alone. The Universe is wanting to work with you and to help you.

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NATURE’S SOPHISTICATION IS OMNISCIENT IN ITS SIMPLICITY

Here is an insightful passage in “How to Soothe Stress & Anxiety: #WisdomWednesday Whimsies” by Polo Reo Tate

— Yesterday morning I sat, cradling a hot cup of coffee to watch out the window as street-sweepers whisked away piles of vibrant, multicolored leaves. It had been years since I had experienced the rather distinct midwestern change of seasons. It had been years since I had felt the wet summer winds of the lakeshore— those mere months before had caressed my skin like a French kiss—nip into the brisk and breezy nudge of blanket-worthy weather. It had been years since I had so intimately watched nature effortlessly embrace change and automatically undergo radical metamorphosis. Tree leaves, once budding and bursting with blooming promise, had ripened with verdant vigor and now lay dangling the last of their fiery fervor before falling into winter’s fodder.

It never fails. Every time I allow myself to pause, get present, and truly observe the surrounding landscape, I am reminded how infinite is the wisdom of nature.

We have heard it prophetically and profoundly reflected in phrases like, “the microcosm is in the macrocosm,” “as above so below,” and “as is the atom, so is the universe.”

Like nature, humankind is presently betwixt a changing of seasons. There are rules of commerce—once relevant to an arcane and industrial system—that have shriveled in their present impracticality. There are political practices—once pragmatic—that have provoked an aggressive, destructive and painful polarity. There are fights for ownership and arguments for separation—once helpful for their organizational properties within a community—that have ignited into violent, scorching furor. Like deciduous autumn leaves, the world seems to be deep in a whipping, whirling dervish of fall; shedding enfeebled beliefs, ideologies and societal frameworks that have now withered on the vine.

As we witness expired leaves and outdated pageantry fall, perhaps now is the time to heed the example from our omnipotent planet, and just let go. Let go of our own personal stories that keep us trapped in our life’s rearview; let go of the limiting beliefs that keep us stagnate to our circumstances; let go of the people, places and things that repeatedly—ignorantly or punitively—inflict pain onto our person.

Nature’s sophistication is omniscient in its simplicity. It strains neither to grow, nor to die, for, the creation, innovation of something new inevitably comes from the cessation, expiration of something old. Perhaps now is the time to let go of what stifles, imprisons, impedes us from personal progress. Perhaps now is the time to release that which no longer serves us in service of life’s natural tendency towards transmutation. Perhaps now is the time to shed our leaves of limitation so that we may make room for an invaluable and benevolent bloom.

What is one emotion, thought or habit that would feel amazing for you to let fall away today...?

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BRUSHES OF THE SPIRIT

By Water and the Spirit, acrylic on silk and board, 22×30, 2007. By Donna Fado Ivery. $425. www.AdventuresInHealing.com

An Excerpt from in “Sleep, Pray, Heal: A Path to Wholeness & Well-Being.” by Donna Fado Ivery

 

 — “When I cut my picture into the same pieces as the broken mirror and spaced them out a bit, it felt true; it resonated within me. There are spaces ... ” my words falter ... “blanks ... ” my lips and tongue have stopped cooperating to annunciate and I spit out each word, “in” ... “my” ... “brain.” There is much more that could be said, but it would be too much work in this present moment. I’m outta gas.

“I like the way your skin is drawn on paper and looks like a thin covering over who you are,” says Naomi.

“Um hmm,” I mumble. I have never before thought of skin as a mere coating to the me inside. Fact is, I’d been disappointed in the appearance of the cheap newsprint and how it stretched and bubbled when adhered with white glue. Naomi’s insight seems to underscore the importance of expressing the real inside of me and not just keeping up with the on-the-surface stuff. Getting beneath the surface is the uncovering part of recovering.

After what seems to be a longer moment of silence, Naomi says, “It’s interesting to me how the empty spaces of your injury appear to be like chains binding you.”

Leaning my chin into steepled fingers, I study the image. I have experienced the empty spaces of my brain injury as vast nothingness and not knowing. To see these broken cracks within me as a source of being chained is new. “I hadn’t thought of that before. But it feels true. Brain injury enslaves me.”

I am body-bound. At times I feel as though my body is a paper scrim covering the real me beneath. What happened to me when the glass fell? My body is bound by brokenness.

The tangible creative interaction of the Holy Spirit feels something like brushstrokes creating an image that will be disclosed at an unknown moment. Sometimes a brushstroke is bold and compelling, and at other times light and barely distinguishable. It is good to work with the Holy Spirit, whom the Bible also calls Counselor. In this painting the “brushes of the Spirit” reflects back to me, like a counselor, making visible the impact of an invisible injury. The Spirit is the One who reflects back to me my testing out expressions of what is real, the One who is able to fill-in the unknown blank spaces of my brain injury. I hear a promise in TBI Self Portrait: The Glass Fell. God assures me:

I will support you in this important work of uncovering what is real beneath the surface. My Holy Spirit will be your counselor in this important work of uncovering and recovering, your pathway to healing.

** Quote is from Chapter 7: Uncovering,  pps..92-94.

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REDEFINING LEARNING, EMPOWERING COMMUNITIES AND TRANSFORMING HUMANITY

Here are some insightful passages in “Modello: A Story of Hope for the Inner City and Beyond: An Inside-Out Model of Prevention and Resiliency in Action.” by Dr. Jack Pransky

 

—  Dr. Mills began the training by saying: "Every child is born with a natural propensity to use common sense. It's inborn. Kids don't start out predisposed towards deviance or self-destructive behavior. They actually start out predisposed to function with common sense, to know what's in their best interests. They start out with a kind of a natural enjoyment of learning, with positive motivation that doesn't have 'proving' or 'stress' associated with it.

"It's always amazed me how much little children are natural learners, and how learning becomes aversive when they get into the formal educational system. Somehow that natural desire to learn gets shut off like a faucet. It's shut off because we, as educators, take learning so seriously. We think it's hard. We think grades are important. We create competition. We create stress—keeping the school's standardized test scores up. So our stress and insecurity is passed along to the kids. And guess what? They lose that natural interest in learning. It becomes aversive rather than fun.

"Also, a lot of these kids' parents have not gone to school. They've given up on school, so they're going to pass that on to their children—not consciously, not purposely, but because that's what they see possible for themselves. So what we want to try to do is see how to re-engage these students in learning.

"Every child wants to do the best at whatever they take on and, if they're enjoying it, they will do their best without any pressure or stress or performance anxiety. Kids start out with unconditional self-esteem. Have you ever seen a two year old or three year old whose self esteem is conditional on how expensive their clothes are or what color their skin is? They just enjoy life. They're not self-conscious. See, that's all stuff we learn from our upbringing, isn't it?

"So what happens is the child learns a set of beliefs. They develop a way of thinking because their parents say, 'You can't feel good about yourself unless ______.' All of a sudden we start to put conditions on their self-esteem or their well-being. 'You can't feel good about yourself unless you go to school looking nice.' We try to impose our standards on our kids because we think it reflects on us, so we try to make their self-esteem conditional in a certain way. Then they develop insecure beliefs, and their self-esteem is conditional. So when they get insecure they act out or get in trouble or react in a dysfunctional way.

"We found, with most of the kids we've been working with, that once they get into the first grade they have very insecure beliefs. They think that they don't fit in, that adults don't like them, that other kids won't like them, that they can't learn because they're Black, because they come from the projects, because their parents have dropped out, because of all the negativity in the home, because their parents are yelling at them all the time and telling them they're bad or stupid. So that becomes their way of thinking about themselves.

"Now what you want to keep in mind is that they never lose their innate mental health. It's impossible. It just gets covered up or pushed underneath the surface. But it's still there and still has a natural tendency to come back to the surface like a cork being held under water. So as soon as you take whatever insecure thoughts that are keeping it down out of the way, it will pop back up on its own. It naturally reemerges. As soon as you start to show a kid that these negative beliefs are just thoughts, not "reality," this will come back almost immediately. If they find any teacher or a counselor who just starts to treat them as if they're okay, treats them with love and respect and listens to them, treats them as if they're a whole person or a healthier person that health just comes right back to the surface.

"But the child enters school with this insecure way of seeing things, so if another kid gets angry at him or pushes him, or if a teacher looks at him cross-eyed, if he's insecure he'll react. He'll get in trouble, and that will give him further evidence that he doesn't fit in, that others don't like him, that teachers are against him or her. It just reinforces his view. If we have an insecure way of thinking, we interpret what's going on as evidence: 'that teacher really is against me; the other kids really don't like me.' And what's his emotional response going to be? He's going to get angry or feel hurt or feel sorry for himself or withdraw or talk back to the teacher. So the negative emotion will create a negative behavior. And the negative behavior will cause a certain kind of response from the teachers: send him to the principal, or give him an F or detention. So the response will reinforce the thinking that they are against him, that he can't make it in school, that he's not going to do okay. Do you see how it becomes a self-confirming, downward spiral of increasing alienation?

"So most of these kids don't expect to finish high school. They don't think it's the place for them. But it's just a cycle of thought that a child picks up. And you can break this at any point—if an adult really believes in you and likes you and connects with you and engages your healthier levels and really inspires you to do better than you thought you could do. You can get through to these kids at any moment. You can turn these kids around. If you build a good rapport with these students, the quality of your relationship will make their thinking relax, and it will bring out the best in them.

"You can't give a child self-esteem. He or she already has it. All you have to do is engage them in a way that it starts to come out of them."

Most of the teachers had never looked at it that way before.

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CAN SEXUAL FRUSTRATION LEAD TO DEPRESSION?

Whether you’re single, in a relationship, married, divorced, or widowed, sex is a vital aspect of life. Any dysfunction that occurs in this area is bound to cause disappointment and frustration. Although the frustration that results from a lack of sexual activity can lead to depression-like symptoms, the link between sexual frustration and depression is a bit more complicated than that. Sometimes, it is the depression that causes sexual dysfunction.

In short, it works both ways.

What Is Sexual Frustration?

In essence, frustration is an emotional state that you experience when a particular need is not met. Regardless of the nature of your frustration, the effects are relatively the same. At first, you get cranky, moody, and irritable; you lose your focus quickly; you don’t sleep well. If you’re deprived for an extended period, you begin to feel disappointed and eventually stop trying.

The moment when you give up on trying to get your needs met is the moment when depression might set in.

Sexual frustration begins with dissatisfaction related to your intimate life. Whether it’s because your sexual interactions consist of one disappointing attempt after another, or you’re missing physical intimacy altogether, prolonged sexual dissatisfaction will result in frustration.

Some examples are: when you’re “in the mood” and your partner does not want to have sex; when you’re having sex and one of you isn’t satisfied or doesn’t achieve orgasm; when one of you finishes too fast; or when your partner isn’t open to experience fantasies that would lead you to sexual fulfillment.

If left unaddressed, these situations can exacerbate your sexual problems, leading to frustration, disappointment, and eventually depression.

Relationships and Sexual Frustration

One of the most common misconceptions about this topic is that sexual frustration occurs mainly among single individuals. In theory, people in relationships shouldn’t lack intimacy and physical contact. However, in reality, couples can struggle with sexual frustration just as much and as often as single people.

There are times when one partner might be struggling with decreased libido (due to various physical and psychological factors), giving rise to disappointment by their partner about their sex life. Or maybe one partner has a higher sex drive than the other.

The point is, if the couple fails to communicate properly and work through these issues, their sex life will gradually deteriorate, leading to frustration. We all know the myth that men think about (and desire) sex more than women. But the truth is, some men are not that interested in sex, while some women have a very high libido.

Long story short, a mismatch between partners’ libido or sexual preferences can eventually result in sexual frustration, which can generate shame, guilt, criticism, and depression if left unaddressed.

Why Do Feel Sexually Frustrated?

The simplest answer would be that we don’t have sex or because the sexual encounters we have are mostly dull and unsatisfying. But if we look beyond the obvious, there are more complex factors at play. 

Physical and/or Medical Conditions

Current evidence suggests that sexual satisfaction and sexual health have a significant impact on the quality of our life. Moreover, individuals with poor health (due to various medical conditions) report lower sexual satisfaction.

Dealing with a medical condition is already a stress factor. With the added frustration caused by sexual problems, it’s no wonder people in this situation might feel depressed. Some of the most common medical conditions that can cause sexual problems (and consequently sexual frustration) are diabetes, obesity, heart disease, high cholesterol, atherosclerosis, and high blood pressure.

Criticism

In general, our sexual experiences rarely unfold precisely the way we imagine. Sex can be tricky sometimes, so it’s relatively normal for people to encounter all sorts of difficulties or “hiccups.” Sometimes, the origin of your sexual frustration may reside in your partner’s rigid or “impossible” standards and lack of understanding.

But whether these difficulties generate sexual frustration or not depends greatly on how we interpret them and how the other person reacts.

For instance, receiving constant criticism regarding your sexual performance can result in frustration, helplessness, disappointment, and self-blame. Consequently, this will only make matters worse as you begin to view the entire experience as a performance display. All these emotions and attitudes can create a fertile ground for depression.

Sex and Depression: A Complicated Link

Over the last decades, researchers have published an impressive amount of scientific literature that addresses the link between sex and depression. However, many studies have focused on how antidepressants impact sex life.

One conclusion from these studies is that mental health professionals need to be more aware of the sexual dysfunctions that may accompany depression and focus on psychoeducation to help patients overcome misconceptions about healthy sexual functioning.[2][3] As for antidepressant-induced sexual dysfunction, experts often rely on adjuvant or substitution treatments to diminish this unpleasant side effect, thus resulting in less sexual dysfunction and less frustration.[4]

Given the complicated nature of the link between sex and depression, it’s difficult to draw a definitive conclusion regarding the relationship between them.

It’s possible for people who experience sexual frustration for extended periods to end up dealing with depression, but only if other factors are also involved. On the other hand, given that sexual dysfunction is a common symptom associated with depression, we could speculate that depression will indirectly contribute to sexual frustration.

Tips for Coping With Sexual Frustration

— Be Realistic When It Comes to Sex

Although sex is no longer taboo in most cultures, sex-related problems continue to remain among those topics that people prefer to ignore. We enjoy talking about the fun aspects of sex, but we put a lid on anything that might expose the sexual problems some of us might struggle with.

On top of that, we grow up surrounded by all sorts of misconceptions about intimacy and sex, so it’s no surprise we feel disappointed and frustrated when reality shows us a completely different picture. As with any other problem, a crucial step in overcoming this issue is getting educated.

Whether you prefer to read a book, follow an educational YouTube channel, or talk to a sex therapist, make sure you gain a realistic perspective on sex and intimacy. 

— Good Sex Starts With Good Communication

As we’ve established throughout this article, sexual frustration occurs when one partner’s needs are not met. If you’re in a relationship, the first thing you can do is discuss this issue with your partner.

That way, both of you have a chance to understand what exactly isn’t working, recalibrate your perspective, and work together toward finding a solution.

Furthermore, current evidence suggests that for couples who’ve been together longer, open sexual communication can improve sexual satisfaction.

— Don’t Be Ashamed to Consult a Professional

If you feel like sexual frustration has become a serious problem, and there’s no one you feel comfortable talking to, why not consult with a therapist? With the help of a licensed counselor or therapist, you can get to the root of your problem and figure out ways to achieve healthy intimacy and sexual satisfaction.

Summary

In a nutshell, sexual frustration occurs when there’s a mismatch between what you want and what you’re getting. But this problem doesn’t necessarily lead to depression unless it’s accompanied by other factors (lack of intimacy, poor communication, unrealistic standards). At the same time, it’s important to remember that depression often causes decreased libido and sexual dysfunctions.

By Alexander Draghici, MS, LCPC

Alexander Draghici is a licensed Clinical Psychologist and CBT practitioner. His work focuses mainly on strategies designed to help people manage and prevent two of the most common emotional problems – anxiety and depression.

** Note: This article was originally published on E-Counselinng.com

References

1. Flynn, K. E., Lin, L., Bruner, D. W., Cyranowski, J. M., Hahn, E. A., Jeffery, D. D., Reese, J. B., Reeve, B. B., Shelby, R. A., & Weinfurt, K. P. (2016). Sexual Satisfaction and the Importance of Sexual Health to Quality of Life Throughout the Life Course of U.S. Adults. The journal of sexual medicine, 13(11), 1642–1650. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jsxm.2016.08.011

2. Manohar, Shivananda & Tss, Rao & Chandran, Suhas & Maheshwari, Shreemit & George, Manju & Rao, Suman & Sattar, Fiaz. (2017). Sexual Dysfunctions in Depression. Clinical Depression 3(3). http://doi.org/10.4172/2572-0791.1000125

3. Thakurdesai, A., & Sawant, N. (2018). A prospective study on sexual dysfunctions in depressed males and the response to treatment. Indian journal of psychiatry, 60(4), 472–477. https://doi.org/10.4103/psychiatry.IndianJPsychiatry_386_17

4. Baldwin D. S. (2001). Depression and sexual dysfunction. British medical bulletin, 57, 81–99. https://doi.org/10.1093/bmb/57.1.81

5. Montesi, J. L., Fauber, R. L., Gordon, E. A., & Heimberg, R. G. (2011). The specific importance of communicating about sex to couples’ sexual and overall relationship satisfaction. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 28(5), 591–609. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407510386833

THE UNIVERSE WANTS US TO BE WELL AND AT PEACE

Here are some insightful passages in “Hello Universe, It's Me: How I Scheduled A Breakdown And Manifested A New Life (And How You Can Too).” by Deepika Sandhu

 

— … Spinning and seemingly losing control, I opened the drapes in the small room and stepped out onto the balcony. I released the anxiety one big deep breath at a time. I stepped away from the fears and the questions that started to flood my mind. I reminded myself that I chose this. I wanted to be here. I wanted this month off. I wanted to break down. I wanted to get deep within myself to figure out what I really wanted and needed in my life. Slowly all the deep breaths and fresh air allowed the wave to pass.

The rhythm of the retreat was lovely. I woke up each morning, made a French press coffee in the communal kitchen, and then sat on my balcony to be fully present in that moment. I watched the first rays of sun hit the hills. I got lost in the various shades of greens and browns on the mountains. I grew transfixed by the sounds of silence. I smiled as I watched the birds fly by or the little pack of turkeys roam from one end of the property to the other. There were no emails to worry about. No breakfast to make for the family. No conference call to take. Just me, my coffee, the view, the silence.

The retreat schedule was wide open. Our day started at nine in the morning with two hours of meditation and yoga. Then the rest of the day was free to sit in silence, meditate on your own, swim, hike, or just rest. The group reconvened at seven each evening for more yoga and meditation. These bookends to the day left lots of time to think, to observe the amazing surroundings and reflect. I found myself lost in the beautiful blue sky, the picturesque clouds, the hummingbirds, and dragonflies zipping by. It was as if the noisy exteriors of my mind were giving way to layers and layers of peace that lived beneath them. I could simply observe whatever tickled my fancy without a swarm of practical, unnecessary thoughts getting in the way. It was a depth of peace that I had never experienced.

I brought two books along to read and I certainly had ample time to be lost in these books. I also brought my journal. I found so many lovely places to sit — under a tree, on a hammock, at the edge of the pool, on a comfy cozy chair — and just write. The words flowed and flowed. Whatever thoughts, insights or random words came to my mind, I just kept writing them down. Take this passage from the third day of the retreat:

** June 16, 2017

“I thought this time off might unveil a writing project to pursue or a business venture to launch. But throughout my time off and especially here at Silent Stay, the message coming through is to observe. Observe this current moment. I need to be completely present where I am to see all that is really happening. Observe the leaf falling off the tree. Observe the hummingbird humming along. As, I observe more, I slow down. As I slow down, I am starting to hear the story that my soul wants me to hear. My challenge will be to not just hear what my soul, my spirit, the Universe wants to tell me but to also listen to that message. To honor it and to live it.”

I kept writing the word authentic. Time and again, it made its way through my fingertips and onto the page. Sometimes, it was just the word. Sometimes it was in the form of a question (how can I be my most authentic self?). Sometimes it was in the context of a mini-epiphany that just appeared seemingly out of nowhere. Day after day, sometimes multiple times a day, that word kept drifting to the surface.

The other thought that kept emerging was a need to slow down. The idea that in order to become my truest, most authentic self I needed to keep slowing down. I needed to incorporate activities that allowed myself to release all the tension, the stress, the noise and connected to my inner self. Long hot baths. Walks in nature. Meditation. Watching that hummingbird zip by and really seeing it. The pointed beak, the colors in its wings, and the speed with which it moved. Finding time to pause in my normal everyday life, even if it was only a few minutes at a time, was needed to unlock all the layers of myself and connect more deeply with my inner essence.

There are no coincidences. I was here at this retreat with this yoga teacher at this time because it was completely meant to be this way. And so was everything else. Everything unfolding in my life was part of a larger story. None of it was random. I was being presented with situations, people and even thoughts that were intentionally drifting towards me to transform my life. This realization made me well up with tears. There was a higher power. There was someone or something much bigger than my physical self that was wanting me to see my life in a new way.

— Have you ever experienced deep peace? Have you ever unwound the brain and all that thinking noise so much that you could hear your soul speak? If you are anything like I was before my scheduled breakdown, the answer is “Nope!” There was never time to unwind deeply. I mean there might have been a good nap here, a nice massage there or a quiet walk in nature. But if it took more than a few hours, I did not afford myself the luxury of ever finding out what that would be like.

Some of you may actively avoid too much silence. Being with oneself for too long can be frightening. You don’t know what all that quiet will help you hear. Yet being with ourselves and experiencing that deep silence allows us to get beneath the layers of the day-to-day noise and hear all we are meant to hear.

Imagine yourself sitting in your favorite place where you find solace. For some it may be on the sandy shores of your favorite beach or for others it may be in the mountains amongst the trees or even in the middle of a vibrant urban jungle. Wherever it is that you enjoy for an escape, imagine yourself there. Soften your eyes and allow your mind to take you to this quiet, peaceful space where you feel completely held in nature’s embrace. You are uninterrupted. You are safe. You are quiet. As you imagine yourself in this beautiful place, go to the quietest part of yourself, the part of yourself that is open, willing, and able to listen. If you can’t find that place right away, that is okay. Just allow yourself to be in the awareness that you have chosen this time to be with a deeper part of you.

As you engage in this practice more often, you will start to unleash layers of noise and as you do deeper truths, understandings or insights may emerge. As they do, just jot them down in your journal. Do not judge or attempt to analyze. Just be grateful that in this moment you heard something you have not heard before. Marvel in that.

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THE MISSING KEY FOR MENTAL HEALTH

Here are some insightful passages in “The Better Brain: Overcome Anxiety, Combat Depression, and Reduce ADHD and Stress with Nutrition” by Bonnie J. Kaplan PHD and Julia J Rucklidge PHD

 

— If we had a dollar for every time a psychiatrist has said to us: “Those vitamins and minerals you’re studying—they can’t actually affect the brain, can they?” we’d be able to fund a great deal of research!

Many people find it hard to believe that “just” nutrition could solve mental health problems. This attitude isn’t just wrong. It’s wrong, outdated, and harmful—especially because there have been dozens and dozens of rigorous scientific studies showing that nutrition can be a vital key for preventing and treating mental disorders. But we know why these psychiatrists think this way.

Like them, we’re products of that same type of education. While in graduate school, we were barely taught about nutrition. And the few hours that were spent on it taught us that nutrition was not relevant for mental health, and that psychiatric symptoms were manifestations of chemical imbalances in the brain that could only be corrected with medications. Physicians are no different from the rest of us: for everyone, our knowledge is heavily influenced by the courses we took in school. For the last fifty years, much of that curriculum for physicians, as well as their continuing medical education, has been sponsored by pharmaceutical companies. What does this mean? It means that what they’re taught is that the treatment for brain health must focus on drugs.

It’s frustrating that physicians are usually not taught the very basics of nutrition. In the 2014 call to action entitled “A Deficiency of Nutrition Education in Medical Training” published in the American Journal of Medicine, multiple studies were summarized showing that nutrition was the single most important factor in disability and premature death, and could explain well over half of the cases of cardiovascular disease.  In spite of this powerful information relating diet to physical health, medical schools were devoting fewer than twenty hours of their four-year training to nutrition. And what about mental health? Our brains demand a disproportionately large amount of the nutrients we consume, so the need for nutrition education related to mental health is even greater.

The lack of nutrition education isn’t limited to psychiatrists and family physicians. Other mental health professionals usually don’t learn about nutrition either. Teachers don’t learn about it—so their students don’t learn about it in school. As a result, most Americans don’t know that the brain metabolism responsible for the production of neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine is dependent on an ample supply of micronutrients.

Like almost all scientists, we both struggled with the concept of nutritional treatment when we first began our research. Once we engaged with the science, however, its potential was undeniably clear. We now know that there are many people with underlying risk factors, often genetic, that may make them more vulnerable to emotional distress when their diet is poor. Improve and fix their nutritional needs, and many of them can and will get better.

— Marie’s perspective: the following statement was written by Marie, looking back on her mental health over the past twenty years:

I have survived an overwhelming and dangerous journey of treatment, only to discover that what I actually needed was to feed my brain and recognize I was having a normal reaction to trauma and stress. It may sound strange to some people, but the truth is that I am well because I did not do what my doctors told me. I did not accept their diagnoses, labels, opinions, or treatment, and there were many over the years. Ultimately, I did it my way and I’m alive because of it.

The important questions for me are these: (1) Why, when we know micronutrient therapy can help bring mental and emotional wellness, do we continue to ignore it in our system of health care? (2) Why, when we know the possibilities of healing with nutrition, and that it is safe and non-addictive, do we not choose this path of treatment prior to drugs that can be damaging and addictive?

Both questions boil down to the same thing: Why, within a so-called educated society and mental health care system, do we choose to invest in the most dangerous and expensive protocol first? This is the billion-dollar question.

— Effective treatments with diet and nutrient supplements are being ignored in spite of ample scientific support because they do not fit the reigning dogma. The conventional medical model continues to emphasize “Treat with drugs first.” Unfortunately, the drugs don’t remove the disease and the patient often continues to struggle. Therefore, we have to reverse this perspective of “drugs first” with lifestyle changes like nutrition. These take longer, but will ultimately lead to health, not just the absence of some symptoms. Meds will then be able to take their more appropriate place as a supplement.

Our society continues to accept that mental health treatment can bring about only partial improvement rather than recovery. We prefer the slogan of the Foundation for Excellence in Mental Health Care (openexcellence.org): Expect Recovery.

It is realistic, and evidence-based, to demand the following seven policy changes from our governments and healthcare systems:

==> Every expectant mother should be provided with accurate education on what to eat during pregnancy, including nutrient-dense food.

==>Every child (especially) will be treated first with diet and then (if needed) nutrients in pill form before ever exposing their developing brains to psychiatric medications.

==> Every healthcare facility that deals with mental health will implement the educational content described in Step One in Our Vision, and ensure that every patient referred to their facility is offered the opportunity to learn about nutrition and the brain, and how to shop and cook.

==> Every medical school will teach students the crucial role of nutrients in brain metabolism and mitochondrial function.

==> Every psychiatric training program will educate its students about the potential of nutrition-related treatments.

==> Every healthcare system will accommodate the cost of nutrition education, as well as the much less expensive option of treating with broad-spectrum multinutrient formulas rather than medications.

==> Agribusiness will re-examine its widespread practice of sterilizing the earth’s microbiome, and will help our food producers improve the mineral density of our soil.

Will fulfillment of these demands put psychiatrists out of business? Of course not. Many of them would welcome the opportunity of spending more time talking to their patients, helping them through life’s difficult challenges.

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RECOVERING THE TRUTH, MY TRUTH

Here are some insightful passages in “Coming Home – A Love Story” by Kristi Peck.

 

What if?

This question of curious intent haunts my inner voice and the beating of my own heart.

What if this spiral staircase and the climbing of those steps toward my home, the me of who I am, was an illusion?

What if my inner warfare between the dueling ego and the soul was a bad dream?

What if the stories and the people who played the parts were acting out a true love affair?

What if love was always available, and I had just forgotten who I was?

Yes, it is the remembering. I had forgotten who I was.

The intimacy between my outer Self and my inner Self relied on a vulnerability that took courage. This courage, free of judgment and expectations, is not a destination. It is a love story. My willingness to choose being comfortable over being brave got lost in the swirling of life’s quickness. My love story held different endings, and by my choices found me lost and alone.

The collateral beauty is a love affair between our ego and our soul. It is our love story. It is who we are and how we live our life. It is the choices we make and our freewill to choose again.

God granted me the serenity of an awakening, a moment in time when my eyes became fully opened and my heart began to beat again to this newness. It was everything a remembering should entail—the lust for fresh ways that activated sensual and spiritual aspects of myself I had forgotten were within me, the glory for seeing the vibrancy of all I am, and the responsiveness of my surroundings to this newfound freedom. The freedom to be me in all ways and all times.

Kyle Gray—a psychic medium and an angel master—says, “The Divine waits gently in the heart of the warrior.”

The heart of a warrior? I had never thought of a warrior as having a heart: only as having weaponry to battle. Maybe there is no battle between the ego and the soul. Maybe it is a love story—learning to bear witness to choosing love, learning to see what matters most and choosing that, learning to grow upward and onward from pain, learning to be oneself and loving that Self.

I had never thought of myself as a warrior, although many times I felt the urgency of battle and the efforts of a yearning to win. God waits for us to come back home to him and to our SELF. The Self is the one he created us to be. It is our true one. It is the goodness and the joyfulness of who we are. It is the ego as the powerhouse to be stronger and question our wrong moves and misled directions in life. The heart is the pathway for all that is, and all that is possible. It is the cross-section for the ego and the soul to come home together and collaborate in authenticity and truthfulness.

God’s synchronistic endeavors were noticed one week when I kept hearing the word “warrior” and seeing it in content on my phone and in my emails, and hearing it on the radio. That was the week Kyle Gray’s quote came upon my eyes. The same week I heard the song by Hannah Kerr titled, “Warrior”. It replenished my newfound understanding for breathing; seeing the light within dark moments; learning as a way to build strength, faith and love as inner weapons; and a remembering that no one person, event or circumstance in my life was in vain. It was gifted to me as a means for learning to love.

Fear had trampled my heart, shoving love to an almost non-existent feature. My beliefs ran ragged through the storm of life’s wild momentum. Unfortunate and negative wanderings with wrong choices, mistaken identity, and misrepresentation kept me chained to an alter ego. I knew something felt off, and I knew I was not me. I felt wildly lost within my own life.

My un-remembering was an unconscious choice and became my sole responsibility to recover that which was impressed upon me at birth, that beautiful day I entered this world filled with magic and pure essence of heart-pumping joy. The innocence of childhood and a sequestered upbringing landed me in an unconscious state of a dense outer reality. Just as the folding happened in perfect form, so did the unfolding.

A shift, a crack, an opening led me to a beginning, my beginning. This new start filled with such trepidation and anxiety brought nuggets of fascination and thrill. It was a vast learning with depth and light, shows of both dark and brightness. The learning, the lessons, the mountains of conversations were direct invites from God to come home. He yearned for me to return to who I was and come home to my heart as a daily ritual for living.

The choice to return was a gift I had to give myself as a token for all the joy and appreciation for each person, each event, each belief, and each excavation for recovering the truth, my truth.

The story of love within the boundaries of this journey is the awakening to the abundance of necessity for the ego and the soul to unite in efforts that far exceed the daily grind of an outer reality. These two entities can marry a pattern for collaborating and honoring the diversity each brings to our consciousness. They can work together for collateral beauty.

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YOU, AND ONLY YOU, CAN CREATE YOUR HAPPINESS

These are some of my favorite passages in “A Shift to Bliss: The Seven Beliefs That Limit Love, Happiness, Peace and Prosperity” by Nicole Bayliss

 

— Letting go allows in the new

The more willing we are to face our fears and let go of the old, the more we open ourselves up for the new. Many of us get “stuck” because we are unwilling to let go of something that is no longer serving us, or refusing to accept a loss we didn’t want. Then we wonder why our lives are not improving or changing in positive ways. Like cleaning out a cluttered cupboard of old unnecessary things so as to re-stock it with what we need now, we must not cling to the old and outdated, because there will be no room for the new. No profound and positive change can come into our lives unless we are willing to let go. If you have experienced a profound loss in your life that you have found difficult to accept, allow the space to understand that you chose this on a soul level in order to learn the lesson of letting go.

There is no way that anything new or exciting can happen in our life unless we are willing to release the things that are no longer serving us. As we let go of old beliefs, it will follow that we will need to let go of old ways of being, and of situations or people whom we no longer resonate with. Some people may simply fade out of our life; others we may have to walk away from. Letting go can be a profoundly painful process. If we do not choose to let go, however, we will remain “stuck”, unable to bring our blossoming inner truth into our outer lives, and we will not only feel unfulfilled; we will feel stagnant. Nothing can grow in stagnant energy.

When the winds of change begin to blow, there will be pain no matter what we choose. If our lives remain the same, we will feel bored, and unfulfilled. If we choose to change, the process will involve loss and uncertainty. The difference however, is that one path leads to more of the same perceived security and safety, while the other path leads to growth, personal expansion and feeling alive. There is a force underlying every life and when we allow ourselves to follow that force and not resist it, there is a beauty to the process of transformation. If we disregard that force, we take ourselves out of the Universal Flow and our lives feel blocked.

Our soul will continue to create the circumstances needed for our evolution. This may manifest as difficult relationships or circumstances, depression, conflict, illness or crisis. We have the choice to let go and follow our bliss and accept the consequences, or remain stuck in our old lives and accept the consequences. The choice is always ours.

Accepting the What Is

Accepting the What Is means allowing the present moment to be what it is going to be! It doesn’t mean that we give up on our hopes and dreams, but it does mean that we hold them “lightly in the palm of our hand”. We can think “Wouldn’t it be nice if ...?”, but we no longer need to think “I’ll be devastated if it doesn’t happen”. By accepting the What Is, we come into alignment with the present moment. In this alignment, we can feel peaceful.

Beware of “should”

Whenever we think or say the word “should”, our ego mind will be involved. The ego mind thinks circumstances “should” be a certain way, other people “should” behave according to its judgments, and we “should” do something based on unconscious beliefs that are not necessarily true. When we think in terms of “should”, we are in resistance to the What Is.

Beware of comparison

The old saying “Comparison is the thief of joy” is certainly true. Many of us compare ourselves and our lives to others’, which inevitably creates unhappiness. Because the ego mind constantly wants “more”, it will usually compare us to those it perceives to have “more” as opposed to those who have “less”, disrupting our sense of appreciation for what we already have. Furthermore, the ego mind will only compare through a very limited lens – “she makes more money than I do” or “he has a wonderful partner and I don’t” - it does not comprehend the whole picture, or consider that the other person may have challenges that are not on our ego mind’s radar. This can place us in victim mode, believing that life is unfair. We each have a unique soul journey that contains unique soul lessons (challenges), so it is futile to compare ourselves with anyone else.

We can choose to be happy, even if others are not happy

I recall seeing a quote written on a date calendar years ago “A mother is only as happy as her unhappiest child”. “How true!” I thought. If we are empathic, we can fall into the lie of thinking “How can I be happy when there is so much suffering in the world?” or “How can I be happy when my partner/child/parent is unhappy?” If someone close to us is suffering, we may even feel guilty if we feel happy. These thoughts and feelings are based on a lie – that our happiness is conditional on others’ happiness. If we believe this, we take ourselves to the lower vibration of the other person, and from this vibration we are unable to help or inspire that person. The truth is that we can feel joy and still empathise. Empathising does not mean that we must feel the way the other person does; simply that we go to the place of understanding how they feel. When we remain in a higher vibration of happiness, we access resources that are not available to us when in a lower vibration, and so we are better able to help another person who is unhappy. On a global level, each individual’s level of happiness contributes to the overall vibration of the Earth, so it is essential that we choose happiness.

You, and only you, can create your happiness

When we rely on outside circumstances and other people to create our happiness, we are on shaky ground, because outside circumstances and people change constantly. That is the nature of our Universe. It is not what happens to you or doesn’t happen to you that creates your happiness. No person or event can make us happy or unhappy. Our ego mind’s judgments of the person or event makes us happy or unhappy. How we choose to interpret what’s happening, and the story we tell ourselves about it, makes us happy or unhappy.

“The last of human freedoms – the ability to choose one’s attitude in a given set of circumstances.” – Viktor E. Frankel

Too often we blame other people or circumstances for our lack of happiness. Difficult relationships reflect back to us what we must heal in ourselves. Very often, when we transform how we feel, the other person will transform too. In any relationship, the waters won’t always be calm. By assuming responsibility for our own happiness, we are no longer at the mercy of other people’s moods or choices. The people in our lives are limited by their own beliefs, fears and personal challenges, and how they behave is not a reflection of who we are. It is a reflection of who they are. How we feel about their treatment of us is a reflection of what we truly feel about ourselves. Throughout this book, we will be examining this further.

There is no point in chasing happiness

Happiness cannot be chased. It is not a commodity, although the media will try and have you believe otherwise. Happiness is a by-product of a life well-lived, and tends to “sneak in through the back door”. We cannot expect happiness from our relationships, our work or any situation or event, because our happiness is nobody else’s responsibility but ours. When we start taking responsibility for our own lives and release the idea that other people or things are supposed to make us happy ... we will be happy!

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THE HEART HOTEL: GRIEF, LOVE, MEMORIES, AND GOOD TIMES

These are some of my favorite passages in “Experiential Action Methods and Tools for Healing Grief and Loss-Related Trauma” by Lusijah Darrow and Janet Childs

 

— The death of a loved one Is part of the human experience. Despite the universality of experiencing loss, the felt grieving process is unique to each individual. It is impacted by the nature of the relationship, whether in romantic partnership, as a parent or child, and the circumstances of death of the loved one. For example, loss after Illness, sudden death, or suicide creates unique aspects to grief responses. Complex or ambivalent feelings that were present in the relationship carry over to the grieving process. Issues that were unresolved in life have run out of time and can no longer be resolved. In addition to more expected reactions of sadness, loneliness, and isolation, there are grief reactions that form the basis of what is called 'complicated' grief that include anger, guilt, frozen memories, and unresolved issues. Talking about the issue does not necessarily create integration of new insights. The action methods presented here effectively work to change narratives around the most difficult grief issues.

Intellectually, we all know loss is part of life, and yet the strength of the grief experience Is unexpected in intensity. People who begin attending the grief groups are initially overwhelmed, experiencing intense acute-stage grief. Compassionate normalizing of the intensity of feelings and issues is an important start towards working on grief issues.

People in grief experience difficulty In bridging the gap of their own intense feelings with friends and/ or family who have not had the experience of loss. It becomes clear to those grieving that our society copes poorly with death as something to be feared and pushed away. Everyone who has experienced loss has heard well-meaning statements of friends and family that are just not helpful. "He's in a better place,' mat least she didn't have to suffer longer," or "isn't it time to move on?" may be well-meaning but are completely disconnected from the experience of the bereaved. The societal discomfort with death means that friends and family often don't know how to support someone who is grieving, creating isolation for those who have experienced loss.

Often the loved one who has died was interwoven into the life meaning of the survivor or had a role as a life ballast. There is a sudden vacuum, the person providing companionship and support is gone, and there is loss of purpose related to how the survivor had previously organized his or her life. On top of dealing with acute grief issues, life-meaning issues have often collapsed. Recovery from grief includes envisioning and taking steps toward creating a different life that has meaning to the client. We provide suggested action methods to support clients as they move beyond acute grief into a new normal.

Faith, lack of faith, and loss of faith Influence the grieving process. People who have experienced loss and who have an active religious or spiritual practice seem to have an easier time. Beliefs about life after death, specifically the continued existence of the soul, are comforting. In our experience, people who do not have religious or spiritual practices often experience a profound sense of absence or emptiness and face existential questions related to their own human mortality and the meaning of life. A common theme is fear about the life and contributions of their loved one being forgotten. These are huge questions.

The death of a loved one can shake the foundation of faith, creating a sense of being lost at sea, as beliefs and expectations are shattered. Chapter 16 on faith and the grieving process presents ways to support and comfort those with and without a defined religious or spiritual belief, and those who are experiencing a crisis or loss in faith.

This essence of the loved one is part of the survivor on a cellular level through stored memories and feelings. When clients are sharing happy memories, they smile. When activating these memories, it is as if they are re-experiencing them in the present moment. The biological mechanisms that store the knowing of the loved one, feelings of connection and love continue to exist. The survivor can and does experience memories of how the loved one spoke, their sense of humor, how they dressed, what they liked to eat, and how it was to be cared for, touched, loved, and kissed. They can connect with a felt sense of love, care, and wisdom of the one who has died. As will be seen later, this is a powerful resource in coping with grief issues. Survivors can call forth the wise and supportive voice of their loved one in the here and now. In the grief groups using action methods, clients were not asked to theorize what the loved one might say; they were asked to step into the role of the loved one and speak from their voice.

The methods presented in this book support bereaved individuals to stay connected to the sweetness of shared experience and to honor what was good in their relationships. There is a bitter/sweet integration in grief—sadness in conjunction with remembering and honoring memories, personal growth and life experience that only occurred because of the place of the deceased in their life, and gifts of the relationship that are carried forward. Clients want to remember the stories and experiences they had with their loved one, and to honor what the deceased brought to their own lives and the lives of others. The grief process is an integration of tolerating the pain of loss with what was good.

Family and friend networks generally cannot deeply hold and provide support for the extended grieving process of another. It is useful to seek counseling, and group work offers benefits that individual therapy cannot. Sharing stories that are heard and supported by others with similar experiences reduces isolation. Issues of grief are fully unpacked and individual stories are held by others with empathy and tenderness. Group members see hope in other group members' steps towards recovery.

We present in this book a process toward working with grief that encourages individuals to acknowledge, express, find action steps, and reconnect with others. Each chapter contains material that can be used as handouts for specific acute grief topics and associated experiential action methods that have been used in grief groups and individual therapy. Many of the exercises, methods, and information material are placed in specific chapters, yet have broader applications for other grief/trauma topics. We encourage readers to use these tools where they will be helpful.

— The Heart Hotel —

One of our clients said it very well:

My heart is like a hotel. Everyone I love has a room in my heart hotel. When they die or go away, no one can take their room in my heart hotel. I can fill up the empty room with the love and the memories that neither death nor separation can take away. However, I can add new rooms to my heart hotel as I meet new people to love and care for.

This is the work of grief—to let go of the pain, trauma, and grief and keep the love, memories, and good times. It is like a sifting process. It takes time and patience and understanding that you are a normal person having a normal reaction to an abnormally stressful event. In our modern society, great emphasis is placed on what we do as a gauge of our worth as human beings. When we experience change, loss, or transition in the work environment, it can have far-reaching effects on our personal lives and our self-esteem as well as our beliefs and values. Dealing proactively with change in the workplace and in our personal lives can be a key factor, both in individual and team performance, and job satisfaction.

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WE ALL WANT TO BE HAPPY AND PEACEFUL

These are some of my favorite passages in “Healing The Heart And Mind With Mindfulness. Ancient Path, Present Moment” by Malcolm Huxter

 

—  Some of us live with great psychological freedom, at case and with joy. For many, however, it is not easy being human. Most of us find the realities of ageing, sickness and death difficult to bear. We often don't get what we want, get what we don't want, and are parted from people or things that arc dear to us. Many of us experience intense mental or emotional distress. This may take the form of hopelessness, des-pair, anguish, anxiety, depression, grief, sadness, dread, worry, panic, frustration, confusion, exasperation, shame, harsh self-criticism, rage, terror, loneliness, boredom, humiliation, embarrassment, guilt, or an overwhelming sense of meaningless. We may also feel uncomfortable with less intense feelings such as alienation, irritation, annoyance, ungratified cravings, uncertainties and insecurities. For those fortunate enough to have a comfortable life there may be a subtle dis-content that holidays or weekends must all come to an end and that pleasant experiences do not last.

The difficult experiences described above can all be referred to as dukkha. The word dukkha comes from an ancient Indian language called Pali. Dukkha is often translated as suffering but the word 'suffering' does not fully capture the meaning of dukkha. The `duk' of dukkha refers to not being quite right, not good. The `kha' refers to the space of the hub of a wheel. Dukkha literally translates as a badly fitting axle in a wheel.

This description of dukkha as a 'difficult grind' or a 'wobbly wheel' is probably best understood as unsatisfactoriness. Dukkha includes a wide spectrum of experience, from the intense and traumatic to the very subtle, and is a part of life. Being human involves the reality of dukkha. We differ only in the degree and intensity of our experience. Those people who are suffering with what our society calls mental disorder arc merely at a more intense position of the dukkha spectrum. Nobody wants or aspires to dukkha. We all want to be happy.

I have worked as a psychologist for well over 20 years and every person I have met in my professional capacity has wanted to be happy. Every individual has been presented with some form of dukkha and they have all wanted to be free from it. They have all aspired to psychological freedom. Mindfulness is a practice that can help individuals find relief and freedom from dukkha. One way of describing mindfulness is: remembering to be attentive to present moment experience with care and wise discernment.

I became interested in mindfulness and related practices when I was a teenager. In 1974 I was 18 years old and I wanted to be happy. I worried about the Vietnam war, the nuclear threat, the pollution of the planet, my health, and the fact that I would, sometimes or other die. I was a worrier. I discovered that if I thought things through realistically and I avoided intentionally harming myself or others it seemed to help with my worries and concerns. Attending art school and also traveling throughout Australia and nearby Southeast Asia I met with people from different cultures and learned about different philosophies and ideas and was introduced to Buddhism. I started attending Tibetan Buddhist meditation retreats in 1975. Meeting Tibetan meditation masters had a profound effect on my perception of the world and myself. The teachers of these retreats were masters of many skills including logic and reason. Thinking clearly was one way I learned to deal with the many challenges of life and late adolescence. There were times, however, when reason and logic did not help. Nonetheless, I persisted. One day when I was reasoning my way through a worry, I heard the sound of a bird. The sound was so beautiful that it completely absorbed all my attention. I noticed the subtle nuances and the changing qualities of these notes of life, and peacefulness arose in my heart. The peace did not last, of course, but from this experience, I developed confidence that release from worry was possible.

In 1976 I met an English-born Theravada Buddhist monk (Ven. Khantipalo) who reinforced my understanding that through mindfulness and present centred awareness I need not get lost in worry and rumination. From then on I aspired to psychological freedom and this became my most important desire and life direction. Not only could mindfulness lead to personal freedom but it could also provide the presence and clarity of mind to most effectively negotiate and deal with concrete problems in the world. I decided to ordain as a Buddhist monk in 1977. I travelled to Thailand and practiced in the Theravada traditions of North-East Thailand. The monastic life was intense and involved training in an ethical lifestyle, the cultivation of attention, mindfulness, and the development of wisdom. The experience of being a monk left a lasting impression on me and gave me a perspective on life where ethics, mindfulness and wisdom were essential on the path to psychological freedom.

When I returned to Australia two years later I trained and worked as a Shiatsu therapist. Shiatsu is a body therapy based on working with Chi or energy meridian systems as utilized in traditional Chinese and Japanese medicine. Working as a Shiatsu therapist and trainer provided an opportunity to cultivate compassion and mindfulness, a livelihood aligned with my life goals and aspirations. I worked with many individuals presenting with a wide range of physical, emotional and mental conditions. In my work as a body therapist, it became evident that non-cognitive, non-talking body-oriented therapy could resolve many mental and emotional problems. Part of this healing seemed related to how body therapies encouraged present centered awareness. I didn't learn about contemporary psychological approaches such as Behavior Therapy (BT), Cognitive Therapy (CT) or Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) until I began university in the mid-1980s. Though lacking any overt reference to ethics many of the principles described in these contemporary approaches seemed very similar to some of those I had learnt in both Tibetan (Mahayana) and Theravada Buddhist traditions.

I began working as a psychologist and developing mindfulness programs in 1991. At this time mindfulness and meditation were not yet understood or accepted within mainstream health settings so the programs I developed and ran were referred to as 'stress management programs. By the late 1990s, some mindfulness-based therapies were gaining credibility as supported by scientific evidence. By the end of the first decade of the twenty-first century, many contemporary psychotherapeutic approaches referred to mindfulness as a key therapeutic factor. These approaches were coined the 'third wave' therapies by one prominent psychologist because he thought they had advanced in many different ways from the earlier conventional practices of BT and CBT (Hayes, 2004). Mindfulness has become increasingly popular in contemporary psychology in the last 20 years and now there are many different third wave therapies. The foundational third wave therapies include: Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction or MBSR (Kabat-Zinn, 1990), Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy or MBCT (Segal, Williams and Teasdale, 2002), Dialectical Behavior Therapy or DBT (Linehan, 1993) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy or ACT (Hayes, Strosahl and Wilson, 1999).

Currently, mindfulness is regarded as a meditation practice, a coping skill, a mode of being, and a key factor in therapy. It is both a therapeutic stance used by therapists and a skill that can be taught to individuals seeking treatment, therapy, life coaching, and stress management. Mindfulness can be learned individually or within-group settings and is not limited to any one particular mental, emotional or spiritual approach. In the fields of health, therapy, and neuropsychology, the overwhelming evidence is accumulating to suggest that learning mindfulness and related practices improve health and wellbeing.

In its adaptations to Western health services mindfulness has had to, understandably, be free from many of the religious and cultural additions these teachings had acquired over the centuries. The ways that third wave therapies frame and teach mindfulness are different from the ways in which I learned these skills in a traditional Buddhist setting. Nonetheless, I am enormously grateful to the research practitioners and third-wave therapists who have served to make mindfulness and related practices a validated approach to mental and emotional health and wellbeing. I also appreciate the ways in which they have creatively explained and taught these skills and related concepts to our Western culture. Without these adaptations, mindfulness may not have emerged from the domains of Eastern religions and gained credibility in contemporary psychology. I have used many of the strategies and ideas developed by the third wave therapies to great benefit. In this book, I integrate the benefits of contemporary psychology and ancient Buddhist psychology.

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BODY LANGUAGE AND GAINING ADDITIONAL AWARENESS

These are some of my favorite passages in “Give Back the Pain: Emotional Healing Through Source Completion Therapy” by Dr. Robert Bleck

 

— The effects of stored stress on our human bodies has been well researched, documented, and acknowledged.

Stashed tension has been proved to gnaw away at our internal organs causing such ailments as headaches, backaches, muscle tightness, gastrointestinal discomforts, and high blood pressure. Some current research has even pointed to stress as a factor in arthritis, heart disease and cancer. So, stuffed feelings not only result in torturous diversionary behavior, but may take a physical toll on us as well. When that occurs we often panic, scramble to doctors, seek out remedies in an effort to quiet the shouting of our bodies. However, by that time it may be too late to reverse the physical damage. We would be wise to listen to the subtle whispers, clues and messages our body is saying long before hidden feelings cause us injury.

As with dreams, in its effort to release unresolved feelings, our subconscious is trying to penetrate our stubborn conscious by communicating through our bodies. Through the subtle dialogue of our body we can achieve tremendous cognizance of what lies within us.

Each Saturday morning for the last three years, 34-year-old Mark awoke with a choking lump in his throat and his legs trembling uncontrollably. Visitations to doctors proved fruitless and frustrating, since they could find no physical reasons for his Saturday morning afflictions. Deciding “it was time to get to the bottom of this,” Mark entered SCT and began his journey into awareness ...

It was Saturday morning and the chattering of the birds served as little Mark’s alarm clock. His tiny legs shook with anticipation as his father walked into the room. Reaching out his hand, Mark’s dad signaled that it was time for their weekly walk. As Mark’s little fingers were swallowed up by the strength and size of his father’s hand, he felt enveloped with love. Hand in hand they marched off to the corner coffee shop for their special Saturday breakfast.

He loved the shop and felt so comfortable there. It was one of those homey little luncheonettes that peppered the streets of New York. When they arrived Mark knew that they would be warmly welcomed by the owner and the regular customers. Mark loved the attention and was proud to be with his father.

As soon as they opened the door the lovely smell of frying bacon filled Mark’s head. Immediately, he dashed to the counter where he could see the cook at work. Swivelling the top of the anchored stool to get a clear view of the grill, Mark watched the eggs bubble and the bacon shrink. That made him hungry.

Today was the only day of the week he could eat anything he wanted. So, he always chose to start with his favorite, a vanilla milk shake. The owner would pour the ingredients in a wide-mouth chrome cup and place it under a huge green and silver mixer. As the blades whirred, Mark wet his lips in anticipation. When the blending was complete, the owner placed a glass on the counter and poured in the delicious mixture from the cup. Since the blending cup held more than the glass, the owner left the extra for Mark to enjoy. Beaming, Mark knew that he would be able to polish off exactly 2½ glasses of this luscious drink. Saturdays were truly special. Mark had everything he could want; his loving father, his favorite drink, and a lifetime of fun to look forward to.

When Mark was 10 years old, his father died unexpectedly from a heart attack. Special Saturday breakfasts were no more, and Mark’s sweet world was shattered. After the death of his father, the singing of the birds never seemed to reach his ears ... At age 34, when Mark sought the source for his trembling legs and knotted throat, I asked him to listen closely to his body. As I asked him “What are your legs and throat saying?—What are they trying to tell you?” Mark began to hear the messages clearly.

“When my dad died I saw how crushed my mother and sister were. I tried to be strong for them. I cried just a trickle at the funeral, and did my best to keep back my tears and be a comfort for them. I now realize that I never gave myself the opportunity to grieve for my dad. Although I missed him terribly, I never allowed my tears to flow. So, as each Saturday, the day of the week I spent with my father, approached, my tears would accumulate as this ball in the back of my throat. My shaking legs spoke of their desire for the Saturday morning breakfast walk, and their inability to make such past pleasures possible. I know now that I must deal with the loss of my father, which occurred over 20 years ago.” Mark listened to his subconscious through the messages he received in his body. Becoming aware of the hurts he never grieved, Mark allowed himself to purge his stored tears, and fully mourn the death of his father. Although still pleased by the fond memories he has of his dad, Mark’s legs no longer shake and the lump in his throat is gone. Best of all, according to Mark, “I once again hear the sweet singing of the birds.”

If your body consistently exhibits movements or gestures that go beyond its normal functioning needs, talk to it. Ask the parts what they’re saying. Although you may not get immediate answers, perseverance will certainly increase your chances of gaining additional awareness…

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SUFFERING IS A CHOICE

These are some of my favorite passages in “Rise Up and Awaken to the Joy of Being Human.” by Keira Poulsen.

 

— For as long as I can remember, I have always felt like I do not belong. Religion, friend groups, school... you name it; I always felt like an outsider. Upon reflection, I think this Earth has made me feel that I don't belong.

Human life has had its challenges for me. There was childhood abuse. I was born with really big ears that stuck out. I was super creative and highly sensitive. I could feel other people's emotions and that made me want to be alone. I had many spiritual gifts that I was unaware of, which made human life uncomfortable.

But the paradox is that despite all this, I have loved life on this planet. I have always found joy in the smallest moments in life. The leaves fluttering in the wind can bubble up joy from my heart. The views of the sunrise and the sunset can fill my soul with excitement. A cow grazing in a pasture can rouse feelings of peace and tender gratitude.

The truth is that human life is a paradox. It is truly one of the most extraordinary experiences to have. We have been blessed with senses that activate pleasure and joy in our beings. As humans, we have the ability to connect to others and to feel love. joy is the basis of human existence. I believe that joy is our inherent birthright.

And... human existence is smothered in pain. There is abuse, addiction, isolation, and suffering. Disconnection is rampant, as suffering pulls you inside yourself and disconnects you from those around you. Addiction is the numbing agent used for the pain. Abuse is tied into the generational patterns that have been tethered to our cells. Isolation is the coping mechanism to shut out the suffering of others and is the hope of protection.

These are all real. And...they are here, even among the joy. The pain and the joy; they can't be separated. They beautifully balance out each other. The pain deepens your feelings of joy.

Without the pain, joy would cease to be novel. As a constant feeling, it would become monotonous. Uneventful and boring.

Joy is the relief from pain. It is the light that pours through our beings and activates hope, happiness, and love.

There is a need for both. There would be no light if there was no darkness. The contrast is what makes the other real. It is from this context that I am writing this book for you. I hold pain and joy in reverence. They are sacred. They make us experience life in its grandest and most abundant ways. It is suffering that clouds our minds and, perhaps, stunts our growth. Suffering is not needed. And yet... for most people, it is where they spend their days. Suffering is a choice. Pain is necessary for growth, contrast, and healing. Suffering will only mask your gifts and delete your joy.

Suffering DELETES joy.

But, very few of us have been taught that you choose to suffer. Instead, it is a way of being, having been passed down through the generations.

Suffering is accepted in society as a way of life.

It is taught that it is fine to suffer, to be unhappy, to be cynical, afraid, guarded, and full of complaints.

How many times do you talk to someone on the phone with all these flavors of suffering dominant in the conversation?

Why is it more common to hear complaints and unhappiness rather than the joyful and magical things that are occurring in their life?

Sadly, suffering is what is accepted.

The joy and magic are rejected.

If you were to share the magic of the sunrise and the joy you felt as you planted seeds on a particular day, with everyone you talked to that day... you, probably, won't be received well. Would you feel accepted, if you were to tell your friend about the joy you felt when your favorite song came up on the radio, or that you felt deep joy as you rocked your baby to sleep that morning? These are just not acceptable conversations in our world.

But, if you were to complain about your marriage, your kids, or your job... you would be received with open arms and yes, the other party would present a bunch of their own complaints.

Misery attracts company.

And at some level, this has become our society's way of acceptable conversations.

During this year of 2020, this has become more apparent than ever. Sharing positive and happy things have felt out of place, and they have not been easily received by others.

Sharing your suffering, though, has been wildly accepted, and you are part of the majority. If you jump in and share your suffering, you feel as though you belong! You are invited to join this popular group of suffering and unhappiness.

Why do we join in? Suffering isn't desired. But belonging is. We all want to feel as though we belong. It is an innate desire. I have heard it described as our tribal feelings. Look at our ancestors' lives: they had to belong, or they would be kicked out from their tribe. I agree with this theory. And I also believe it is rooted in our desire for connection.

Connection is our lifeblood. It is what we ache for. Connection is what makes us human! And the idea of being disconnected and not belonging is scarier than anything else.

And so, we suffer to belong. But what if I told you that suffering was only an illusion? An illusion that seems so realistic, most people believe it to be as true as the arm on their body.

It is my belief that each one of us were prepared to belong here. We were prepared with unique gifts, talents, and high sensitivities, which were designed to help humanity at the time we came to live.

And the illusion of suffering is the foremost tool to hijack you on your path. It can literally stop you in your tracks and keep you stunted.

Suffering is what will cover your spiritual eyes, dumb down your gifts, and plague your life with unhappiness and dead ends.

Suffering wipes out joy. The good news is... suffering is purely a choice. You have the right to choose if you want to jump into this illusion of suffering, or if you want to remove it from your body and instead choose joy. This workbook is designed to help you remember joy. And that is simply it. We came here knowing joy. We came to this Earth embodied with joy. And somewhere along the journey, we forgot it. We forgot how easy joy is. All we need to do is simply remember what we have always known. We know joy. It is at the origin of our existence. Joy is our divine birthright.

I have learned of some simple tools, which will begin to heighten your awareness of joy. I believe if you commit to working through this workbook, you will awaken a remembrance inside of you, which activates JOY. I believe that when you start experiencing more joy, your deep longing to belong will start fading away because the remembrance of your gifts and purpose will start to rise.

As your purpose begins to sprout forward, nourished by your joy; you will remember that you do indeed belong.

You belong here because you were prepared to be here. You have gifts, which this world needs. And as you begin to share your gifts, your whole being will radiate with fulfillment and joy.

You, my friend, belong here.

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SPIRITUAL LIGHT: ILLUMINATING OUR REALITY

These are some of my favorite passages in “Spiritual Reality: Transforming the Ordinary into the Extraordinary” by Lydia A. Mitchell, Ph.D.

 

Unconditional love is usually associated with spirit. We are generally considered too weak or are considered to be sinners, and so we are not capable of unconditional love. Maybe it is the definition, and not us?

We hear about unconditional love in many different forms.

— It is something that parents are expected to have for their children.

— Sometimes it can be used to inspire guilt by others or in ourselves.

— Sometimes it can be used to make us do something that we do not want to do, or we do not think it is appropriate for us.

— It can also be a goal that we wish to attain.

Few people will admit to having unconditional love. It does mean different things to different people. For me, unconditional love is being able to see others and accept who they are, without wanting to change them and without judgment. It is honoring the choices they have made in their lives and for their souls’ purpose. We cannot know why they are doing and choosing what they have. It involves letting them make the choices in their lives without judgment.

Helping those you love unconditionally without judgment or feeling sorry for them gives them the freedom to carry out their paths knowing they are loved. You are honoring and empowering them.

There is a saying that you become what you judge. A personal experience with regard to this brought the saying home to me in a loud and clear way. It happened when I was a postdoctoral student in Scripps Research Clinic in California. I had a running partner, and we would run in Torrey Pines along the cliffs paths at lunchtime. He had diabetes and had to inject himself every day. Occasionally we would have lunch after the run, and he would get a hot dog. At this point in my life, I was training for a triathlon and was food conscious. I was horrified that he would eat hot dogs with his medical condition. I was judging his food choices. However, I noticed that I started to crave hot dogs—and I started eating them. I could not understand why until I connected the judgment I had of him and his food choices. To this day, I still have a weakness for hot dogs. So be careful what you judge, because you may end up being just that!

When you help others while judging them, you are loving them conditionally. The condition is that they would be better with your view of how they should be. You are fulfilling your own beliefs and needs. You cannot know what another soul needs to learn and grow. You can simply love them as they are and help them when they indicate that they want the assistance.

Spirit has given us this unconditional love. The greatest gift we have is freedom. We are free to do as we choose. God has let us face the consequences of our choices. We in turn grow and experience life to its fullest. True, we are likely missing some of the information that connects us to spirit, however that will come with our growth and development.

— When we look at the significance of spirit in the physical world, it is a different story. We have enough to be happy and grow. Let me explain. When you see the physical world through a spiritual light, you illuminate many more possibilities of feeling complete without the need for more and more physical toys. You start to see that you have what you need to develop and grow. If you feel incomplete, you can ask for assistance. The assistance can come from a physical as well as spiritual connection of all the things around you. It expands your horizons to see a depth in the world. This depth is not evident in a purely physical interpretation of the world.

You become clearer in what it is you need. When you look around you from a spiritual aspect, it becomes obvious that you have exactly what you need. You can want something else. When you come from a spiritual reality perspective, it is a want that brings pleasure to a being that is coming from completion, rather than from lack. You can develop and grow with what you have in your life as is, or you can have more physical things. You can also expand in a spiritual and material way, coming from your connection with spirit and all that is.

From a spiritual perspective, you have faith that you will get what you need in the physical world when it is appropriate. This faith carries you through times that may appear to be problematic. Take the example of an event not happening. This is a thwarted expectation. Thwarted expectations are usually the biggest upset for people. My experience has consistently been that if I have a thwarted expectation of an event not taking place, it is for the best in the long run.

I had a holiday in Wales that I loved. Traveling by rented car was challenging due to dealing with the traffic, road signs, narrow roads, and roundabouts. I did not have a GPS at the time. My idea of being a tourist is to walk in a park or on the beach and see a few castles and sights.

I decided to branch out and go to Big Pit, an old coal mine. The trip was a disaster. There was hours of congested traffic. Bear in mind that I lived in the quiet Patagonia area of Chile, and I was not used to a lot of traffic. In the end, I was too late to see the Big Pit; I had to drive back with my goal unmet and much frustration.

Then on the way back, I simply let go. I stopped at a lovely, quiet lake with only a few people and pets enjoying the scenery. I realized that I would not make another trip like that on my holiday. I had learned where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do with my time. The hours of frustration and traffic became a constructive learning experience for my holiday. No experience need ever be wasted.

There is always something you can learn about yourself and what you are choosing. Life is a blessing when looked at in this light. Everything and every experience is of value. If you do not like what is happening, transform it into something that you do like. Also, give time and space a chance to transform the situation.

Think about your own life. I am sure you will find many cases where missing out on something resulted in the final analysis to be for the best. This is something you need to remind yourself of when you are upset over thwarted expectations. You never know for sure the real outcome till time has passed. Keeping in mind that what happens to you is for the best and highest in spiritual terms helps bring perspective to missed opportunities.

— When you come from a viewpoint that all is as it should be, the scenery in your life looks different. It is clearer, relaxed, and more appreciative of what you have. You can see where you want to go. You can appreciate what you have and learn from others. This is a form of declaration. You declare that all is as it should be. As the creator of your life, you are the only one who can declare it so.

With this declaration, you can more forward to observe, enjoy, and learn from your life on a different level.

You can be grateful for coincidences that appear in life and take note of what they are showing you. The coincidences can be as simple as meeting a friend you were thinking about and had not seen for months. Then suddenly, the person is in front of you on a crowded street in the middle of town. It can also be more complex, involving different people and situations. I moved from Australia to San Diego, California. One night I went out with friends and met an old acquaintance from Australia who had recently moved to San Diego. San Diego is a big city a continent away from Australia, and yet we met again and continued our friendship, which had lapsed due to distance and time. The coincidences that can appear in your life are amazing when you start to look for them and appreciate them.

You begin to appreciate that what you need will flow to you, even when you do not directly ask for it. It may be a need that is there, but on a subconscious level. So too with physical objects: they will come to you with time, when you allow it. If a physical object does not manifest, ask yourself whether it is something you really needed. Let go of wanting it and see what happens. Will it come into your sphere, or will you decide that it is something you really did not need now? You still may want that new TV, but on the other hand you can live happily without it. Life is less focused on the physical needs and more on the internal and spiritual needs that bring joy to your life.

This gives you a greater sense of connection rather than isolation, which so much technology fosters. Yes, Facebook connects people, as does the Internet, and they can be wonderful. However, it is a connection devoid of direct human contact and expression. It is hard to look the person in the eyes and see their feelings. There is less likelihood of reading between the lines of a person’s response. When you are face-to-face, it is easier to read the energy emanating from a person.

On the other hand, one could argue that in the future, technology will force us to use our intuition and connection with spirit more, in order to go to the heart of the person on the other end of the computer. We will be forced to go to an even greater spiritual understanding in order to bridge the physical and technological distance.

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AWARENESS IS THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE

These are some of my favorite passages in “The Inmate and the Medium: A True Story About Loss, Love and Freedom” by Tammy De Mirza

 

— What we think we are doing is not what we are doing!

One of the biggest challenges in our lives is getting to the truth of what is going on, rather than what we want to believe. I have met people who believe they are behaving a certain way or having certain life experiences, only to have me dispel every one of their beliefs and tell the truth about their lives. That was the work I did with Phil.

I have told many clients that they are doing something that is not beneficial, only to have them get angry, raise their voices, and try to convince me otherwise. I tell them, “Oh yes? You did this twice this morning, once while you were spreading jelly on your toast and then again while you were driving. Your phone rang, and you said it to your friend.” They will be in shock and unsure what to say; some laugh, and others cower, knowing they have been seen and cannot hide. Neither God nor I ever intend to expose them; we want to help them understand what their patterns or thoughts are and how they affect them. Awareness is the only way you can change your life; you cannot change what you are not aware of! My work is about helping people become aware.

People are scared and have strong reactions when they know they have been discovered in this way. Either they are open and want the truth, or they fight it because it is all they know. I have learned that those who are hungry enough run to the truth, even if it hurts when they hear it. It is wild to be able to know the intricacies of one’s life. It is not easy breaking up people’s paradigms, because that is who they think they are. However, once the truth is revealed, the truth is the only thing that will set them free.

This is the best way for me to explain the work I was doing with Phil. I was also doing my own work, suffering my own dis-ease of the mind, going through my own process of revelations of truth. I was following the recipe God gave me when I was fifteen and was becoming proficient at working through it. I would take my time, grieve, cry, feel the pain, knowing that once I embraced the truth for myself, I could forgive, heal, and choose again. I saw the beauty and benefit in doing the work within. Things opened, my mind became clearer, and information flooded in.

With time, and thanks to Phil, I became comfortable with information I previously did not want to give. I learned not to withhold information and to trust; God knows best in all situations. I was not to question it, but allow myself to be the messenger. It was not my decision to decide who gets what; I was the conduit, and I could not judge what felt good to or might hurt the person for whom I was reading. I was obligated to give them the truth, because that was the only way to freedom, the only way home.

I continued to work with Phil day after day we could visit in prison. In May, we had decided seeing each other for four or five days each month was not enough, and I started visiting him twice a week, on Monday and Friday. In the prison at that time, inmates only had nine points; weekdays were one point, and weekends were three points.

In the middle of this intense work, Tom asked me if little Sophie could live with him permanently. I knew something about this was right, but it was a very difficult and painful decision to give her away. She had been my baby, and my love for her had not waned in the months I had been away. I gave her to him. He explained that on the occasions I came for a visit, she would be down for days, hurting after I left. She had communicated to me many times when I was crying over her loss that Tom needed her more than I did, and it was okay, she was happy.

Another great example of the work I did with Phil—to break down the idols he’d built because it was easier to believe in them rather than the actual truth—centered around his concept of people loving him and their roles in his life.

You cannot possibly know the higher wisdom of why a person is in your life until you can see the truth about the relationship. People are not typically in your lives for the reasons most of you think they are. They are there to assist with your growth or to serve as your nemeses. Once that truth is revealed, you will know why those people are in your life and can then honor their role, instead of becoming hurt, judgmental, or confused.

I learned this lesson the hard way with my own mother. I wanted her to love me in a certain way. I wanted her to be different, and when I finally asked God why she was who she was in my life, He told me to honor her “real” purpose, which was far greater than I knew. He taught me that I had to let go of my need to get something from her. I then asked God to show me the real reason she was in my life, how she was to contribute. It was a difficult but beautiful process of understanding the differences between what I wanted her to be and her real role, to admit the truth about what I had done with her role, which changed her ability to assist me. It set me free. I wasn’t asking Phil to face or do something I did not have the courage to do or face myself. I was sharing my experiences with him and the benefits of doing the work within.

This was true about the girlfriends, family, friends, and associates in Phil’s life. These people would line up in front of me, (whether they were alive or had transitioned), and give me details about their roles in Phil’s life—what they were, how Phil perceived them, and then the actual truth. Sean started this process, and it continued with others.

I would describe the people and alter Phil’s perception about who they were, so we could get to the beautiful truth of using and honoring them in spiritual ways. We worked through a lot of forgiveness opportunities.

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ECSTASY IS ESSENTIALLY A SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE

These are some of my favorite passages in “The Ecstatic Experience: Healing Postures for Spirit Journeys” by Belinda Gore.

 

— We have a collective longing for ecstasy, a hunger as fundamental and persistent as the need for food. How interesting that our bodies are designed—“hardwired”—for the experience of ecstasy and yet, for so many people in the contemporary world, the condition of ecstasy deprivation creates so much suffering. It was Felicitas’s theory that ecstasy deprivation is the underlying cause of all addictions. As a psychologist who has treated alcoholism, eating disorders, and other addictive behaviors for many years, I wholeheartedly agree. Even though addictions are related to genetic predisposition and faulty neurology, the basic biology that produces the physical experience of ecstasy has gone haywire in a culture that does not teach us how to achieve it naturally.

Ecstasy is essentially a spiritual experience. We are ecstatic when our conscious awareness transcends the ego but at the same time aligns with the body, allowing us to be fully aware physically but without the inner dialogue of the mind. That is why sex is the form of ecstasy that many people can recognize. The physical experience of sexual pleasure overcomes the mind’s incessant thinking and we are relieved, for the moment, of our brooding about the past and anticipation of the future. Among the ancient Egyptians there were specific rituals for using the ecstatic states awakened through sex to nourish the energy of the subtle body, known to the Egyptians as the ka. The hunger for ecstasy was acknowledged as a real hunger because ecstasy is food for the ka body, giving it vitality and potency. The ka not only sustains the physical cells and tissue, but also provides for the capacity to experience and express the conceptual reality, the Logos, that enlivens the physical tissue. Curiously, it is taught that shame is poison to the ka and that ecstasy is needed to detoxify the bodies from the negative effects of shame.

Other options for ecstasy are, of course, available. Drugs, alcohol, chocolate, and adrenaline rushes—from fear or extreme sports—can all provide the same initial experience but without long-lasting effect. Alternatively, native people around the world used to have a complex system of ritual body positions that make it easy to have an ecstatic experience. The use of a specific sacred pose accompanied by drumming or rattling can engage the body’s natural ability to heighten brain activity and activate a state of consciousness that lies dormant during ordinary daily life. To experience that state is to experience ecstasy.

— Spiritual initiation is a process of learning, step-by-step, how to die and be reborn. How wise these ancient cultures and civilizations were to have a well-developed method for teaching everyone this essential skill that puts all the rest of living into a meaningful context. For many years I have thought about ways to incorporate initiation postures, and the skill of learning how to die and be reborn, into contemporary workshops. Helping people to know what to expect can only assist in learning to easily let go at the time of death, and understanding what is occurring is a wonderful support for the friends and families of those who are dying.

A decade ago we organized a workshop in Missoula, Montana, on death and dying. Missoula is the home of the Chalice of Repose project in which musicians are taught how to accompany people in their dying process, using music to ease the transition into death. Graduates of the Chalice of Repose project as well as the local hospice organization attended the workshop and were very enthusiastic about the valuable addition of initiation trances to assist those who are dying. A board member of the hospice organization said that every staff member and volunteer of every hospice program should have this training, but at the time we did not have the resources to follow through with this vision. A few years later two of us offered workshops for cancer patients and their families using initiation postures; the group members loved it but the hospital staff was uneasy about our unorthodox method. We were not invited to continue.

Most recently I returned to Santiago, Chile, last winter to continue teaching ecstatic postures. We designed a workshop called Buen Morir, or Good Dying, to teach people how to learn about dying through trance and then to become “midwives” to the dying. While hospice is a program of palliative care for people at the end of life, Buen Morir gives their friends and families the tools and resources they need to support this end-of-life process in a loving and meaningful way through under- standing the losses experienced by the person who is dying, how to talk about dying, completing end-of-life tasks such as saying good-bye, clarifying one’s legacy and making meaning of one’s life, making plans for rituals, and managing pain through healing postures. We teach breathing exercises and go through an experiential process to replicate the loss of roles and identity that causes so much anxiety when people approach death. Through the trance experiences, workshop participants began to discover what Kathleen Dowling Singh identified, that “dying, remarkably, is a process of natural enlightenment.”1 My colleague, Paula Olivares, has facilitated another Buen Morir training for a hospital staff in Santiago and we hope the program will continue.

The first time I experienced dying through an ecstatic trance posture, I found myself traveling down into the Realm of the Dead, falling like a rag doll down a steep bank. Later I learned that this was like a spirit journey to the Lower World and I came to anticipate going down, sometimes as a skier or maybe diving off a high cliff into the sea. When I came to a fire, I entered it willingly and felt the muscles on my bones grow slack and then drop away until I was only a skeleton. Oddly enough, I observed all of this dispassionately because the essence of “me” was not in the muscles or bones, but was simply a curious wit- ness. Supported by the posture and the sound of the rattle, I waited quietly as my bones were placed in the fire, the final release of the molecules and atoms I had borrowed to make a physical body. It was quite dark and there was nothing to do but wait. My spirit began rising above the earth, into pink and blue clouds, then upward toward the red disk of the sun. The sadness of saying good-bye was replaced by tears of joy. Elated, I knew I was going home.

This group of initiation postures is in female forms and all of them come from the Middle East and Egypt. The first one, the Inanna Posture, supports a journey of descent similar to Inanna’s journey as told in Sumerian myth. The experience facilitated by the Ishtar Posture focuses on sensuality, sex, and fertility. This is the stage in birth, death, and rebirth in which we take on a physical body and learn to enjoy it. The Sekhmet Posture teaches us to be awake in death and rebirth, and to learn the dance of coming into form, landing in newly acquired bodies, and then leaving form. Finally, the Shawabty Posture seems to focus on how to die and often takes us into experiences of funerals and simi- lar ceremonies, so that we become familiar with this part of the process and do not hold back from it. Paradoxically, learning how to die helps us to appreciate what it means to be alive and how to fully live.

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THE AMAZING BENEFITS OF YOGA

Yoga has long been held as one of the most beloved wellness regimens globally - and for a good reason. Not only is yoga highly regarded for its physical benefits, but also its positive contributions to mental health.

For those with sleep problems, finding the right solution may be challenging, and with so many advantages, it’s understandable to wonder if yoga improves sleep as well.

What is Yoga?

On the surface, yoga may appear to be a trendy workout format, but its origins are much more intricate.

It is a spiritual discipline that focuses on creating a harmonious balance between the mind and body, though it is not associated with a particular religion. According to Dr. Ishwar V. Basavaraddi, yoga’s roots date back thousands of years in South Asia, eventually flourishing in India. The word ‘Yoga’ comes from the Sanskrit word ‘Yug,’ which means ‘to unite.’

The practice of yoga incorporates breathing, concentration, and physical poses. While physical and mental health improvements can result from yoga, experts emphasize that the overarching goal is to connect with the universe.

Does Yoga Help You Sleep Better?

Research has found a link between practicing yoga and better sleep, and there are a variety of likely reasons behind this evidence.

— Yoga and Relaxation

It’s no secret that stress can cause your mind to race, making it that much harder to fall asleep. This sleep deficit will prompt many who cope with stress to seek out relaxation techniques to quiet the mind for sleep.

One of the ways yoga may improve your rest is by helping you relax. Breathing is one of the core components of yoga and is also very calming.

You can practice yoga any time of the day, but health experts suggest choosing either the Hatha or Nidra format for those specifically looking to do this before bed. Hatha focuses on body positions, while Nidra is all about breathing and restorative poses. The experts add that these are better for inducing sleep than Hot Yoga or Vinyasa, which can get the heart pumping, giving you more energy instead of calming you down.

— Improved Mood

Depression and sleep problems are closely connected, with one typically triggering the other. For example, sleep deprivation increases your chances of developing depression, while depression can lead to sleep disorders such as Insomnia.

Yoga may reduce depression symptoms by boosting your mood, which could result in better shuteye.

— Exercise and Sleep

Many folks also rely on yoga as a form of exercise, and according to sleep health experts, physical activity should help you sleep.

Exercise helps reduce stress and anxiety, both of which can prevent you from getting quality rest. Therefore, yoga, which incorporates therapeutic breathing and concentration with the physical activity of poses, packs a one-two punch against stress.

Furthermore, exercise helps promote sleepiness by tiring you out. As mentioned, Vinyasa and Hot Yoga may be too energetic at night, but they’re perfect during the day. By expending more energy, your sleep drive should increase come nighttime.

Experts add that outdoor physical activity could help you sleep since exposure to natural light could help your body’s internal sleep-wake cycle - also known as the circadian rhythm. With summer soon arriving, it may be the ideal time to consider an outdoor yoga class.

— Pain Relief

The discomfort that results from back pain or arthritis can make it challenging to have a restful slumber, but according to Johns Hopkins Medicine, yoga may alleviate both.

Yoga incorporates light stretching which is reported to minimize pain and improve mobility for lower back issues. Furthermore, yoga is recommended as an initial form of treatment for chronic lower back pain.

Yoga is a considerably more gentle form of exercise than other fitness regimens, which is why it could be helpful for arthritis patients. The Arthritis Foundation reports that yoga may increase joint flexibility, reduce joint pain, build strength, improve balance, and lower tension.

— Self-Care

The discipline of yoga empowers people to become more mindful and make healthy choices. Self-care isn’t just about spending a day at the spa but instead taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being.

Not only can be yoga be part of your self-care routine, but it can serve as a reminder to find additional ways to take care of yourself. These might include spending time outdoors, reading a book, meditation, eating well, or cutting back on smoking or drinking. Prioritizing sleep may also be part of your self-care routine, and the good news is that leading a healthy lifestyle should help you rest better since sleep and health are closely intertwined.

 

Written by Jill Zwarensteyn

HOW TO CHOOSE THE RIGHT PHYSICAL THERAPIST FOR YOUR NEEDS

Physical therapy can help you in more ways than you can imagine, but in order to get the most benefits out of your physical therapy exercises and consultations, you need to make sure that your physical therapist is the right one for your needs.

There are some general guidelines laid down by the American Physical Therapy Association (APTA) for choosing the right physical therapist, and we will be walking you through them below.

First Off, Your Rights

Before discussing other factors, let us first have a quick word about your rights here. Well, you can directly go to a physical therapist without the need of any referral from a physician, as all the 50 states, as well as the District of Columbia, allow you to do so.

That said, your insurance policy may have a say here, as it may require that you visit a physician first before seeking the help of a physical therapist, or may limit your options to only its preferred physical therapists.

However, if your physician says that you will need to have your physical therapy sessions in their office or a facility that is financially connected to them, then know you don’t need to follow their advice here.

You’re free to choose any physical therapist you want, and the same goes for the facility in which you have your physical therapy sessions.

Choosing the Right Physical Therapist

Performing a simple Google search may help you find quite a few physical therapists serving patients like you in your area. Many of them would also have a “Google Business” page, where you may be able to find reviews of their past customers.

Yelp is another platform that will help you both find the physical therapists in your area as well as understand the experience of their past customers.

While not necessary, you would have a better much chance of finding a good physical therapist if you limit your search to those that are members of the American Physical Therapy Association.

The next step would be to get an idea of the services the physical therapist offers, as many of them specialize in a certain area, like sports, pediatrics, geriatrics, women’s health and more.

Another important thing to keep in mind is whether the physical therapist participates with your insurance provider. You would have a much lower financial responsibility to take care of if they do.

Apart from that, certain physical therapists also specialize in particular parts of the body, such as the knee, back, neck and more. So if you’re dealing with any kind of health issues specifically related to a particular part of your body, then you may want to visit a physical therapist that specializes in it.

Similarly, the American Board of Physical Therapy Specialties (ABPTS) has introduced 8 specialty areas for physical therapists, including neurology, sports, pediatrics, orthopedics and more. So again, you would ideally want to approach the right specialist professional based on your needs. It’s the same way an individual approaches a dietician for specific purposes , like a person who specifically wants to follow a ketogenic diet has to visit a Keto specialist and not a normal dietician.

Written by Dr. John Mullen

TELEMEDICINE IN HEALTHCARE

What Is Telemedicine In Healthcare?

Telemedicine is a novel new way of getting you healthy without having to see the doctor in person. Offering you innovative solutions and twenty-four-hour access to your medical records and results, you have the best opportunity to meet with your doctor and talk about your concerns without stepping outside your house. That offers great benefit to those who suffer from anxiety and fear of getting sick during the pandemic.

Using Technology

Technology is your friend when using telemedicine. By using the app or the patient portal, you can talk to your doctor quickly. You also have access to your complete set of files and full knowledge of what is going on with your health. In addition to that, you have an easier time understanding your lab results, medication, and notes from the doctor.

You also have the chance to speak with your doctor freely through text or call them from your phone. That saves time and frustration because you can call them anytime, no matter what location you find yourself in.  It will work when your parked and waiting for the kids at school, at home, or if you are walking somewhere. The service is around the clock, so you never go without professional help should you need it. When you need instant urgent care telemedicine options, service anytime is what you need.

 

A Virtual Appointment

The way telemedicine works for an appointment is that you call your doctor's office like usual, and then on the day of your appointment, they will call you on your phone when it's time. If you are using video calling, you will be able to see them, and the same is true with Skype.

That option works better for people because they don't have to go to the doctor's office in person. It helps them retain their schedule, and it's more convenient, which is something they appreciate. It also works for people stuck in areas that make it hard to get to the doctor or people who are not well enough to make the trip to the doctor. Those at risk with the pandemic can't leave the house either but still need medical help. This system was put in place with them in mind.

 

Try Telemedicine

It’s easy to have appointments virtually instead of in person. It’s easier on you, your car, and your time. It also helps the doctor help you medically. Insurance isn't a problem; there are no hidden fees; it is the perfect way to see a doctor when you need assistance during this pandemic.

Written by Charles Kitchens