SECRETS TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE AND LIFE

Here are some inspiring and insightful passages in “Happy Marriages: 30 Global Couples Tell Their Stories” by Gayle Kimball

 

— Paul McCartney, married three times, reports, "It's always a splendid puzzle. Even though I write love songs, I don't think I know what's going on. It would be great if it was smooth and wonderful all the time, but you get pockets of that, and sometimes you could be annoying." Good marriages are characterized by a commitment to not withdraw, quit, or blame when difficulties arise, and to be tolerant of the partner's foibles. In return, we can ask for forgiveness for our faults.

Couples report that marriage has ebbs and flows like waves, and spouses should not catastrophize about the low period as a cause for divorce. The low point of general happiness, according to a global study, is midlife, around 48. With patience, work, attention, and a leap of faith, another good wave appears, just as spring follows winter. Married for 26 years, author Scott Huber told me in our video interview that his marriage blossomed after their three kids moved out and he advises never giving up during hard times. He and his wife are now enjoying building a summer cabin in Wyoming by themselves.

After counseling couples for more than 30 years and learning from his own marriage of over 40 years, Gary Chapman (author of The Five Love Languages) observed that marriages are always in transition, like the seasons. He defines spring as a time of happy new beginnings. Summer is a time of deep satisfaction and constructive communication. (A study found that the happiest time in our lives is the late 30s, which seems like Chapman's summer.) Fall is associated with uncertainty, blame, and "nagging emptiness." Winter brings difficulty caused by rigid unwillingness to compromise, so couples feel hurt and angry.

Chapman found that the most common mistake that leads to fall and winter stages is “allowing negative emotions to dictate their behavior,” rather than focusing on positive characteristics. As a Christian, he suggests following Jesus’ life of service to others. Chapman encourages learning about your partner’s love language and practicing empathetic listening (instead of egocentric listening) to enhance understanding. Then partners can learn from their differences and appreciate them.

Like Chapman, Jed Diamond, a therapist and author, identifies stages in marriages. He has been married three times so he has both personal and professional motivations to understand why marriages fail. In our video interview, he explains the five stages of marriage and also more extensively in his book The Enlightened Marriage.28 He tells his clients that 90% of their problems have their roots in childhood, just as he was initially attracted to emotionally cold women like his mother. The unconscious hopes to heal the childhood wounds by repeating the pattern.

— I was impressed that after decades of marriage our 30 couples are still learning about each other with enjoyment. We in turn can learn from their misunderstandings and solutions, as well as from the conflict resolution methods explained by our experts since disagreements are inevitable between two imperfect humans.

What stood out for me in reviewing the research and hearing the couple’s stories is the power of our unconscious patterns, beliefs, and predispositions, like the unseen depth of the iceberg that propels it through the water. This phenomenon is explained by psychologists in the first two chapters and illustrated in stories of couples like Robin and Alvin who realized the impact of their religious upbringing on their expectations of each other or the more obvious cultural expectations when two different cultures combine. Understanding each other requires talking about feelings, which also prevents boredom.

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CHANGING YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS — EMPOWERING YOUR LIFE

These are some inspiring and insightful passages in “Heal Yourself: Body ~ Mind ~ Spirit” by Sandie Gascon

 

— A limiting belief is something you believe you cannot do. Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or think you can’t, either way, you are right.” In order for you to create something, you must believe it is possible. If you do not believe you can do it, you will not be able to do it.

How do we change a limiting belief to an empowering one? That is easy. We get the new one into our minds the same way the old one got into our minds: we think the thought over and over. We have all heard the saying, “If you tell a lie enough, you will start to believe it.” This is because the new image rewrites the old one in the subconscious. The subconscious holds our beliefs, and it responds to repetition. We can do the exact same thing with our truths. Repeat them over and over. Your current limiting beliefs are the lies.

Another name I use for empowering beliefs is “my truth.” It is not something I learned from someone else without my filter. It is something I sought out. It is something that resonates deep inside my being. It brings me closer to source energy, to my higher self. It feels good and raises my vibration. When I stumble across these truths, the only way to describe them is a revelation. Maslov calls it “peak experiences.” The Buddhist term is “satori.” As A Course in Miracles states, “Revelation must be experienced to understand the feeling.

“Whenever you are working to manifest something, your desire and your belief need to be aligned. If you desire to be wealthy but have a belief that wealthy people are evil and keep poor people poor, you will have to first work on creating a new belief around wealth through repetition. In this example, it can be done by seeing all the good wealthy people do and visualizing that over and over until it sinks into the subconscious. Visualize how you would help others when you are wealthy.

Whenever you are working on your “Create Your Ideal Life Meditation” from “Part Three: Spirit”, you will feel discomfort if you are visualizing something that you want that conflicts with a belief you have. Write it down and work on creating a new belief through repetition. This can go for things like health, too. If you want to be healthy but truly do not believe you can be, you will want to work on the reasons why you can. Often, finding other people who have healed from something similar can help. The people who invented photographs, televisions, microwaves, lightbulbs, space crafts, and all the inventions in the world believed these impossible things were possible. They did not do it by focusing on what they did not want. They did not invent flying by focusing on falling. If they can do it, you can, too.

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AN INSPIRING PATH TO PEACE

An inspiring and insightful passage in “Finding Zen in the Ordinary: Stories and Reflections” by Christopher Keevil

 

— A poem by a sixth-century Zen teacher, called Faith in Mind, opens with the following:

 

The Great Way is not difficult

Only avoid picking and choosing.

If you don’t grasp or reject,

It fully reveals itself.

 

I used to work for a large advisory firm where corporations hired us to solve business problems, such as how to increase the speed of developing new telephone cable connectors, or how to produce orange juice at a lower cost.

In trying to solve a problem, it would often seem like solutions were hampered by an “either-or.” Faster development of telephone cable connectors would lead to higher failure rates. Lower cost in producing orange juice would compromise the taste.

Our telephone-cable client was turning out new types of cable connectors in nine months. The new-product design team was convinced if the time was shortened, failure rates would rise. But we started calling around and found a Japanese company that was turning out new products with excellent quality in two-and-a-half months.

The design team was stunned. But when together we looked carefully at the design process, unnecessary steps and redundancies revealed themselves. As a result, our client was able to develop new products at the same quality in three months thereby getting to market faster. Sales volumes rose. The team was elated.

Our orange juice client wanted to reduce unit cost. But much of the cost was in the oranges coming from the growers. This cost was tied to quality. “Good-tasting orange juice requires tasty oranges,” said Walter, the head of manufacturing. “And these oranges are priced by the market. You can’t reduce this cost without compromising the product,” he said adamantly.

One day Walter and I were walking through the plant. We watched the orange trucks arriving, stopping on the scales at the entry point. A sample of fruit was taken from each truck to ensure overall quality. The grower would be paid for the weight of oranges in the truck.

After being unloaded, the oranges were carried by conveyor belt through the culling station. Bad oranges were removed, leaving good oranges to enter the juicer.

Suddenly Walter exclaimed, “Why not track the culled fruit back to each truck, and only pay the grower for the good oranges?”

The orange juice plant started doing this, which caused the growers to become more selective with what they put on their trucks. As a result, unit cost went down, throughput increased, and quality stayed high. Walter was delighted.

In each case our client moved beyond an apparent either-or. A solution previously unseen revealed itself.

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THE PRACTICE OF SELF-LOVE AND ABUNDANT LIVING!

Here is an inspiring and insightful passage in “Mindset Medicine: A Journaling Power Self-Love” Book by Mari L. McCarthy

 

— Grab your pen and write “I love myself ” in your journal. In addition, I want you to think about the last time you

wrote this simple little sentence about yourself. I also want you to be honest and admit if you’ve never written this before!

Next, I want you to write, “I love myself ” again. Then write it several more times.

This won’t take long. It’s only three words. Three incredibly wonderful and powerful words that will transform your life.

Now, I want you to get bold.
I want you to say “I love myself ” OUT LOUD several times. And when I say out loud, I don’t mean just move your lips

a little as you mumble to yourself.
I mean, say “I LOVE MYSELF” out loud. Really out loud.

Not once, not twice, but several times.
Say it with a big sloppy grin across your face. This will

make you feel amazing because it’s very difficult, if not impos- sible, to put a big smile on your face and feel lousy.

For the next step in this journaling prompt, and this is the big part, I want you to take your journal and stand in front of a mirror. Come on, do it!

I want you to stand in front of a mirror, put a big smile on your face, look yourself square in the eyes, and say, “I love myself.” Not once, not twice, but several times.

Now I know you may be thinking, “I’m with you on this, Mari, but do I really have to look at myself in the mirror and say ‘I love you’ to myself out loud?”

Yes, you do!

I am going to explain why by asking you two questions: How many times have you written about how much you love yourself? How many times have you stood in front of your mirror and talked about how much you love yourself? I’m guessing you probably haven’t done these two things in a long time, if ever.

On the other hand, I bet there have been numerous times  over the years when you have stood in front of your mirror and said things like:

“What the hell’s wrong with you?” “Why’d you do that?”
“How come you’re not in better shape?” Why don’t you have more money? “Why don’t you try harder.” “You’re worthless.”
“You talk too much.”

 If you’ve done this, you’re certainly not alone. We have all abused ourselves while looking in the mirror for one reason or another.

But how many times have you stood in front of your mirror and said:

“I love you! You’re dreamy and incredible!”

If you’re not doing this every single day of your life, my next question is:

Why the heck not?!
It certainly doesn’t take long.
If you’re not doing this simple little exercise every day, you’re not doing it enough. But now you can make up for it. Shower yourself with self-love. Do this every day. Write down the words, “I love you” in your journal. Then stand in

front of your mirror and say, “I love you” to yourself. Remember to say it loud and say it proud. After the ass-kicking you’ve been giving yourself in front of your mirror for all of these years, it’s time to turn the tables and get the self-love thing going.

Getting good at smothering yourself with love can be your own private little thing.

No one even has to know you’re doing it. You can love yourself while you’re writing in your journal every day and no one will suspect a thing.

When you give yourself permission to finally love yourself, it will put you in a tremendous frame of mind for attracting what you really want in all areas of your life.

So go for it. You have nothing to lose and endless amounts of joy to gain!

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RECOGNIZING YOUR AUTHENTIC NATURE AS THE ENERGY OF LOVE

Here are some inspiring and insightful passages in “Original Wisdom: Harness the Power of the Authentic You” by Donna Bond

 

— Most of us are brought up to believe that the attainment of “things” is what life is about. Things, meaning both materials and achievements. Things you try to attain both outside of you and inside of you. Consider that everything you need is actually already in you. We all set out to our individual destinations in order to acquire objects and people and things and stuff. Then maybe we get what we were looking for, or maybe we don’t.

And the truth is that what we are really looking for is under- neath all of those things. We are really looking for the feelings that those things will bring us. This is why you can look at what you want and, more importantly, why you want something. Do you believe that a nice house will boost your self-worth? Will finding the right partner bring you security and completeness? Maybe, but only for a minute. The older you get, the more you will realize the attainment of things in the outer world cannot provide the lasting fulfillment you are really searching for.

In the never-ending search for things, you become a rat on a wheel. I certainly did. How do you stop the madness? You return to the beginning. You stop the doing and check in with your Being. You remember that you are a creator—an incredible, multidimensional Being—and that acknowledging yourself that way can invoke reverence and awe of your true essence. Return inward, recognize your authentic nature as the energy of Love, and honor the decision you made to embark on an epic human adventure as a spiritual Being. It is the expression of your unique, individualized energy that is your purpose, which is part of the greater whole.

This is the fourth Sacred Truth Activation. Find a quiet, private space to center yourself, light a candle, and speak these words aloud. If you would like to listen to an audio version of this guided personal decree, please visit donnabond.com/ sacred truth activations.

I Am Birthing the True Expression of Me

I am on the planet to birth the true expression of me, the authentic me, the truth of me. I am aware that I chose to be here in this life, at this time, on this planet. I know that all of the situations and circum- stances in my life are perfectly designed to assist me in discovering and expressing the truth of who I am. I am aware that life is supporting me and is for me. I am aware that everything happening is unfolding in divine, natural order and harmony. I know in my heart that every person I encounter and every relationship I have—be it for a minute, a decade, or a lifetime—is sacred and is perfectly designed for my expansion and experience. I am willing to see myself and others through the clear lens of Love, and I see my life as a beautiful gift of unfoldment. I am willing to see obstacles as opportunities. I am willing to raise my awareness and invite learning into my experience in a beautiful and graceful way. I am inviting grace into my life so that it can flow through the lessons my Soul has intended for me. I am aware that I am always being guided by my Authentic Self.

I am aware that my Authentic Self is filled with wisdom. I know that by following the lead of my Highest Self—by following my joy and seeing through the clear lens of Love—I am on the path that will reveal my fullest realized potential in this life. I am in the flow of life when I am feeling inspired and alive. I recognize these feelings as the open pathway my Soul is inviting me on. I am following the flow of my joy. And as I do this, I am filled with a sense of wonderment and a sense of awe for the mystery that is unfolding before me. I am aware that in allowing myself to feel and express a sense of expansion—and in continuing to move toward people, experiences, and situations that invoke this feeling within me—I am aligning more fully with my Authentic Self. I am allowing my true self and allowing myself to bloom. My spiritual Being is guiding me along this pathway. I deeply trust this process, knowing the alignment I feel with my joy is the unfolding of my entelechy and my Authentic Self’s integration of my highest potential into my personality.

I am willing to follow my attention to places that invite feelings of upliftment. I am willing to explore people, situations, and experiences that bring me joy, knowing that this is the divine design that my Soul signed up for in this life. I am aware that this is inspiring within me a rich and fulfilling experience in my life.

Be in awe of the extraordinary life you live. Be in wonder of the miraculous masterpiece that is your life’s adventure, with all its trials and triumphs, all its obstacles and opportunities, all its problems and possibilities. And all its miracles. Share your unbridled self to illustrate that joy. Fulfillment and aliveness are not to be discovered at the arrival of a destination; rather, you discover them along the breadcrumb trail that is leading you to you.

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POETRY AND HEALING: EXPERIENCING THE LIGHT

Here are some inspiring and insightful passages in “Poetry Rx: How 50 Inspiring Poems Can Heal and Bring Joy To Your Life” by Norman E. Rosenthal — Poetry Rx was chosen by The New York Times as a top wellness book of 2021!!

 

THERE’S A CERTAIN SLANT OF LIGHT

Poem by Emily Dickinson

 

There’s a certain Slant of light,

Winter Afternoons —

That oppresses, like the Heft Of Cathedral Tunes —

Heavenly Hurt, it gives us —

We can find no scar,

But internal difference —

Where the Meanings, are —

None may teach it — Any —

‘Tis the seal Despair —

An imperial affliction Sent us of the Air —

When it comes, the Landscape listens —

Shadows — hold their breath —

When it goes, ’tis like the Distance

On the look of Death —

I first encountered this poem when it fell out of a letter I opened. It was 1981, and I was a junior psychiatric associate at the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), opening thousands of letters from people all over the United States who had responded to a newspaper ad seeking people with recurrent winter depressions. At the time, the condition of seasonal affective disorder (SAD) had not yet been recognized, and there was a fair amount of skepticism about the idea. So when Dickinson’s poem tumbled out of one of the letters, I appreciated it not only for its artistry, but also as validation of the condition I was to study for much of my professional life.

“A certain Slant of light”: what is it about the light in winter that some people find oppressive? Some might say shorter days or grey skies, but few would likely comment on “a certain Slant of light.” Yet it is this angle of the sun to the earth that is the very essence of winter, as the earth tilts away from the sun in its annual orbit. So, in the very first line, we see elements of what makes Emily Dickinson a great poet: originality of insight, and the ability to penetrate to the core of a concept in just a few words…

— Experience the light around you. Experience how the light changes across the day and with the seasons, how it is softened by grass and trees and greenery, intensified by vast skies and desert, and reflected off rivers, lakes, and oceans. An awareness of the changing light can add joy and drama to every day. 

— Experience how changes in light, weather, and your physical environment influence your mood. On dreary days, when it is difficult to go outdoors, notice how bringing extra light into your environment can increase your energy and spirits. Conversely, even when your indoor light is adequate, notice how time spent outdoors, especially when combined with exercise, can be bracing and enlivening. If you have troubles with the changing seasons, there is now an extensive literature that can help you address them. 

— Observe how bright light in the morning can get you going and help you start the day with a spring in your stride. Likewise, soft light in the evening can help you wind down and get a good night’s sleep. Correctly used, exposure to bright light and darkness at different times of day can strengthen your circadian rhythms. Internal clocks, which respond to the timing of light and darkness, govern these daily rhythms and influence many functions that can make your daily activities more efficient and enjoyable. In fact, there is a biological clock in every cell in the body, all of which are controlled by a master clock in the brain.

Poetry can not only inspire and delight, but can actually help you feel better, soothe your pain, and heal psychological wounds.

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Poetry Rx was chosen by The New York Times as a top wellness book of 2021!!

WHY OWNING AN ANIMAL MAY BE THE BEST THING FOR YOUR PHYSICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH

Have you ever found yourself hugging or cuddling a pet during a particularly difficult time? If so, you’re not the only one! Most pet owners find their pets’ presence comforting. An article on emotional support by SymptomFind outlines that animals provide a sense of comfort for people with anxiety or depression. And here’s some even better news: animals can help you with your physical health as well!

So, let’s look at how animals can be beneficial for both mental and physical health (as if you needed any more reasons to hug your dog or cat).

How can pets help with my mental health?

Studies on NCBI show that a dogs’ presence can reduce cortisol levels, the hormone that plays a huge role in stress. Petting a purring cat or a smiling pup is an immediate stress reliever. Also, taking time out of your day to tend to your pets can give you a much-needed= break from work, especially if you’re in a WFH situation.

Having a pet means that you’re never truly alone, a sentiment that has proven more important than ever during lockdowns when we find ourselves isolated from loved ones. Pets also help take your mind off negative thoughts associated with isolation and other situations that have arisen during the pandemic. According to studies, older people who walk their dogs on a regular basis experience fewer symptoms of loneliness compared to those who don’t have pets.

Can pets help with my physical health, too?

Of course! The most obvious way is by walking your dog. Not only do you get a few extra steps in during dog walks, but you also get to enjoy nature. In our previous post on ‘Nature’s Sophistication is Omniscient in its Simplicity’ we’re reminded that nature surrounds us and grounds us, making sure we remember to enjoy the here and now. It’s like dogs want to make sure we get our daily dose of nature and exercise every day, even if we grumble while we do it.

It might be hard to imagine how cats help us with our physical health. After all, they laze around all day, poster children for that lazy Sunday when you stay home and vegetate until Monday morning. But did you know that a cat’s purr can lower your blood pressure and calm your nervous system, according to scientific? So the next time you’re feeling a bit frazzled, take time to cuddle up to your purring cat and it will lower your blood pressure in the process. And if you need a quick mood boost, give a toy to a cat. It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive: my cats go insane for the measuring cups that come with cough medicine.

Conclusion:

Pets aren’t the easiest to take care of, but they offer both mental and physical health benefits for their owners, so don’t get too angry when your cat wants to sleep directly on your face and purr the whole night. You’re getting smothered with love and health benefits!

 

Written by: Heather Hughes

ACTION STEPS FOR LOVING YOURSELF MORE

Here is an insightful passage in “The Quiet Rise of Introverts: 8 Practices for Living and Loving in a Noisy World” by Brenda Knowles

 

— We’ve all heard variations of the saying that we have to love ourselves before we can love another. We at least need to like ourselves and we can’t like ourselves if we don’t know and respect ourselves. We know ourselves by finding our element, spending time reflecting and paying attention as we said in Practice One. We respect ourselves by exhibiting self-mastery and self-discipline, as mentioned in Practice Three. Stephen Covey says self-mastery and self-discipline are the foundation of good relationships with others.

Why is this? Inevitably, tough times descend upon a relationship. If we do not have the inner-security, self-awareness, proactivity, and self-discipline of a truly independent person, we may regress to comforting addictions, finger-pointing, or simply giving up and leaving the relationship. Our personal integrity gives us the grit, the values to prioritize, and the strong character to stick through the rough spots. If we only have relational skills that help us gain power over others or achieve material rewards, i.e. résumé virtues, we will not know how to dig deep and access our eulogy virtues. Eulogy virtues are created and uncovered as we experience independence and important relationships. Knowing and liking ourselves gives us the stability to create effective relationships.

A client of mine learned the value of independent maturity when about six months into a new relationship she received a work assignment that would take her out-of-state 50% of each week for months. She knew her absence could have a dramatic negative effect on the relationship. The time away would be lonely and take a lot of her energy. If she was not careful, she and her boyfriend could drift apart. She could get so worn out that all she wanted to do when she came home was lie on the couch and watch television. Through self-awareness and self-discipline, she prioritized her health and relationship. She made effective choices that created an intentional schedule. While away and at home, she made plans to work out most mornings. She watched her diet while traveling. It was easy to slip into giant heavy meals at restaurants while on the road but she knew all that excessive eating would only further deplete her energy and add to her midsection. She and her boyfriend spoke on the phone often when she was gone. When home, she spent as much time as possible with him, while still maintaining her home, getting good rest and occasionally meeting with friends. This client was not an introvert, so the energy and socializing were possibly easier to manage but she still had to be aware of her priorities, be dependable, and be proactive and intentional for the relationship to thrive during her absences.

ACTION STEPS FOR LOVING YOURSELF SO YOU CAN GIVE TO ANOTHER PERSON:

1. Know yourself. Practice paying attention, spending time in solitude and with significant others who mirror your good and bad traits. Figure out your values and let them guide you and keep you focused.

2. Like yourself. Gain self-respect by proactively applying self-discipline. Hold yourself responsible by starting a new fitness program or a new job. Start small, wash dishes every day.

3. Become whole. Intentionally work on skills or preferences that challenge you. If you are intensely logical, for example, try following your gut or your heart next time a decision must be made.

4. It is possible to be in a loving relationship while you learn self-discipline and self-respect, but the difficult times in the relationship will be extra challenging due to your budding independence and lack of self-mastery. Seek a partner who desires a committed, growth-fostering relationship. They will make your concerns their concerns and offer support and relief when they see you are stressed.

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CANCER: DON’T DECIDE YOUR TREATMENT PLAN OUT OF FEAR

An insightful passage in “Embracing Life From Death: A Caregivers Journey Through Glioblastoma, Grief, and Healing.” by Anitra Marie Simmons.

 

— I woke up at 4:00 a.m. one morning and couldn’t sleep yet another night, all the thoughts running through my head of what my life had become, I made a list of all the things I had learned from my husband’s brain tumor for any of those out there who have just been diagnosed and are looking for information.

1. Don’t decide your treatment plan out of fear.

2. No two people respond the same with this disease.

3. Don’t let doctors scare you with their statistics and warnings of imminent death. WE had our bad experience with a neurosurgeon that was a huge jerk. They are not GOD. They cannot predict when you are going to die. If a surgeon can’t operate, he has no interest in your well-being. Once the radiologist is done, he is finished with you as well. Your only source of help beyond the protocol treatment is the oncologist if you are not seeing a naturopathic doctor.

4. CAREFULLY decide if you want to do radiation or chemo or both (There ARE other options).

5. Research clinical trials prior to all treatments. Some won’t take new patients, depending on prior treatments received. Clinicaltrials.org is a good source.

6. Chemo causes blood clots, which can give you pulmonary embolisms.

7. Radiation can cause your brain to bleed, be careful if you get clots and then proceed to use blood thinners.

8. Dexamethasone causes muscle atrophy and will severely decrease the muscles in your pelvic, quads, and shoulder areas. Try to keep this drug to a minimum. It is really hard to get off this drug as well. Your own body’s adrenals stop producing when this steroid takes over, and when you withdraw it causes depression, lack of appetite, and mental/physical deficits that are unique to each person. In addition, it reduces your vision.

9. Radiation can kill your good brain cells as well as bad. You may never be the same mentally.

10. This cancer becomes your life. (It becomes the caregiver’s life as well). Doctor appointments, dispensing medication, physical therapy, counseling, and in my case, full help with dressing, eating, and going places).

11. Diet changes DO help.

12. Find a naturopath or holistic doctor to complement your treatment plan, OR use their treatment plan. They can create a cocktail of drugs to help you fight this without chemo to poison the body.

13. Your body can develop the tumor for differing reasons, but whatever the reasons are, your body was weakened, and the cancer cells took over where your good cells could not fight it off. You must support your immune system to naturally fight it off. This is your best defense.

14. Your balance may be affected as was my husband’s and you fall. These falls can cause other complications, which then become painful situations to deal with on a daily basis. Find good support for that person to get around, or make a safe environment for them to get to the bathroom during the night.

15. Rick Simpson GOLD Cannabis paste is amazing and can bring a personality back to life, help with pain, and help fight the cancer cells. You should try to break the brain barrier with this and insert it rectally for the best results; however, my husband could not tolerate that, so we put it under his tongue.

16. Your loved one will most likely no longer be a source of strength to share in the daily struggles of work, chores, and life. You will become the caregiver and lose the support role of your spouse. The dynamic of your relationship changes forever. This is where I suffer grief eventually.

17. As the caregiver, I suffered from these emotions in somewhat order: Fear, sadness, determination, hope, acceptance, anger, guilt, and grief. There is love and happiness in there, too, but these were the main emotions as stuff happened.

18. I found that a housekeeper and organic paleo food delivery service have been invaluable.

19. Depending on the diagnosed person, not all patients are CAPABLE of having a great attitude, willingness to fight, and taking treatment graciously. So for those caregivers out there who are dealing with a sick loved one they are trying to help live, don’t feel bad that you are doing all the fighting. They are probably just not capable of it themselves, and it is one more challenge God has given us to fight. You are not alone.

20. Lastly, always see a neuro SPECIALIST for brain surgery, treatment, and advice. And get the tissue to a pathology treatment place so you can fight your tumor with the drugs that it is least resistant to. Why take a chemo that won’t even work?

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INVESTING IN YOUR OWN GROWTH IS AN ACT OF RADICAL SELF-LOVE

An insightful passage in “Shero's Journey: A Story-Guided Adventure to Self-Discovery and Empowerment.” by Laurie Morin.

 

— In most modern fables, after the descent, the hero emerges a changed person. They have been on a journey not only to the external world, but on a journey within to learn more about their true nature.

After losing his battle with Killmonger and being abandoned for dead, T’Challa was revived by the heart-shaped herb and emerged to win back the throne. In the end, T’Challa recognized that he had to be a different kind of king than his father. He had to be true to his own beliefs and values. He decided to become a leader who would share Wakanda’s resources with other African nations to benefit all the oppressed peoples of the world.

At the end of Wonder Woman 2017, Diana could not return victorious to her homeland. She had been banned for life by Queen Hippolyta and had to make her own way in the new world. Yet she was a stronger, wiser, more courageous leader than the young princess who had left the island. Her journey had taken her on a path of inner transformation that changed the way she looked at her role in the world.

In her book, Discovering the Inner Mother, Bethany Webster calls this becoming awakened to the truth at the center of our beings. Your Shero’s Journey is ultimately a journey back home to yourself. It is a quest to rediscover who you really are and what you really care about, and to try to live in alignment with your truth. It is a journey away from separation and toward wholeness. This inner transformation requires you to embrace the parts of yourself that you have disowned and embrace the dreams you have abandoned.

Have you ever felt so out of touch with your feelings that you can’t even remember who you are or what you care about? That is what happens when we spend too much of our lives pleasing others, putting their needs ahead of our own, and living up to external expectations. Before we can become whole, we need to reconnect with the parts of ourselves we have stifled, put on hold, or given up on to keep the peace. If we have been disconnected for long enough, we may have to go in search of cues to revive and embrace these nameless, unloved parts.

The first place to look is at your feelings. Many women carry loss, regret, resentment, guilt, and shame as they shift from pleasing others to connecting with their own truth. At some point, we have to grieve everything we have given up to be where we are today. When I transitioned from my professional life as a law professor to a new unknown as a writer and retreat leader, I had to let go of the central identity that had shaped my adult life. I also had to make peace with the fact that I would never be a famous modern dancer like Isadora Duncan or a famous writer hosting salons on the Left Bank of Paris like Gertrude Stein. I chose a different path but had to mourn the loss of those opportunities. Healing begins with acknowledging choices made, the fork in the road not taken, relationships that did not work out.

Healing also comes from making peace with what could have been, what has been, and what is yet to be. Many of us have to give up hoping that our disappointed little girl will ever receive the kind of parental love she longed for. We have to become our own inner mothers, giving ourselves the understanding and unconditional support that we need. Bethany Webster calls this the work of healing your Mother Wound, and it is a necessary ingredient of accepting yourself for who you are.

Healing comes from forgiveness. Forgiveness starts from within. You need to forgive yourself for the mistakes you made and the people you may have hurt. You made the best choices you could based on the information and emotional skills you had at the time. It is time to stop holding yourself to an impossible standard of perfection that you would not expect from anyone else.

It is also time to forgive the enemies who hurt you and stood in your way, starting with your family of origin. That does not mean letting them back in your life if they are toxic. It does mean kicking them out of the part of your heart that is stuck on thoughts of anger and revenge. It is time to let them go. They do not have the power to hurt you or control you any longer.

We have to heal the physical wounds that resulted from the pain as well. Women who have suffered early trauma often develop harmful habits to self-medicate their wounds. I harmed my body physically with alcohol and too much food. You may recognize yourself in those or other harmful habits like eating disorders, smoking, or drug addiction. Healing means letting go of those addictive behaviors and learning to love our bodies as the sacred containers for our hearts and souls. Healing for you may mean getting a massage or reiki, doing yoga, or balancing the chakras. It may involve going on a cleanse or a fast, if needed, doing meditation, releasing the stress and anxiety. This kind of healing is an expression of self-love and acceptance.

Finally, healing means opening up to spirit. You have to lean into the stillness, giving yourself time to disconnect from the external so you can hear the internal guidance. A healing practice only works if you give yourself the time and space to absorb it. You cannot go running around from one yoga class to another and expect to be healed. You have to connect with a higher power and fully embrace the divine self that resides within you.

This deep transformational work may require support and guidance. Reading books and listening to your own intuition can start you on the path, but it is difficult to experience exponential growth without the help of those who have already walked your path. Investing in your own growth is an act of radical self-love. I could build a library with the self-help and spiritual books I have read. I have invested tens of thousands of dollars in coaches and spiritual guides to help me make breakthroughs in areas I could not heal on my own. One thing I know for certain is that I would not be where I am today without them.

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HEALING AND UNDERSTANDING THE DEPTH OF OUR CONNECTION

This is an insightful passage in “Possessed by Ghosts: Exorcisms in the 21 Century.” by Wanda Pratnicka

 

— It might be thought that a disease is something bad, something that happens to us and over which we have no control. When it is serious, we might think of it as a punishment for evil deeds, when's it's less serious we blame external conditions e.g. bad weather when we catch a cold, an epidemic when we get the flu, or unfresh food when we get a stomach upset. Thinking this way, we feel ourselves to be victims of external circumstances over which we have no influence. Most often we then reach for some pill or turn to the doctor for help. Doing this we don't want to take advantage of the opportunity that the disease is giving us.

We do not realize that every illness, every ache is our ally and plays a very important part in our lives, namely its purpose is to draw our attention to something we are doing inappropriately. It is a messenger informing our consciousness, just like a mailman ringing at our door warning us by letter of the consequences of our activities. When we feel pain, or when we fall sick, is a good time to consider what isn't quite the way it should be in our lives. When we reach for a pill, we ignore this very valuable warning sign. What is our great ally we treat as an enemy? We feel sorry for ourselves for being so wretched because we're in pain when somebody else isn't. We feel unhappy because we have been struck down by an illness instead of celebrating that we have been given a chance to develop.

When someone in my company complains about e.g. a headache and reaches for a pill I ask straight away who is it they're so mad at that it's given them a headache. Almost always what follows is a moment of outrage and reproaches like: "What are you talking about?" or "How can you be so insensitive; I've got such a fearful headache and you're making jokes about it." But that brief moment gives time for reflection. Usually, it's enough for that person to see who or what they're angry at and to understand their problem. Usually, too, at that same moment they reply, astounded and incredulous: "How is it possible for that terrible pain to pass so quickly?" Sometimes it's being mad at someone else, but most often it's being mad at themselves.

When we come to understand why and with whom we're furious, the pain goes like it's been touched by a magic wand. Pain only gives a signal — "Attention! There is a situation that is getting on your nerves. Heal it." It doesn't matter who or what is getting on our nerves. We suffer while that "someone", the perpetrator of our suffering more often than not, doesn't even realize he or she is its cause because it's not he, or she, but we who have something to see through and we have to deal with it our-selves. Sometimes that person has to be forgiven, often we have to forgive ourselves. When we know what the cause of our pain is then it's up to us alone what we do with the situation next.

If we reach for pills the headache will pass and so the marvelous chance to understand masters of the situation instead of victims. Instead of taking our lives into our own hands we give it up into the hands of the doctors and the pharmacists. Does it not make you wonder that God gives us such simple solutions and we don't want to be aware of them? All it needs is to be vigilant the moment we feel a pain somewhere and to ask the pain: "Why are we suffering in that part of our body?" We will most certainly receive a reply and then we will know what is not functioning well in our lives. The body always informs us, all that's needed is to pay attention to it. Every part of our body reflects a different problem and tells us what needs mending in our lives. It's enough to identify the symptoms and to fix them.

There are numerous books that teach how to listen to ourselves insofar as we don't know how to. It's a bit like we were learning to read ourselves, just like we once learned to read elementary books. When we become adept at it, we become real experts. Our lives are in our hands. When we don't do it, we want to give our fate, our life into the hands of other people. Why? Because we believe that they are wiser, more important than we are. Of course, that simply isn't true. Every one of us, regardless of what kind of education we've had, is his or her own best doctor, needing only to want to be and to believe they are. That doesn't mean to say that medicine isn't necessary. It simply won't heal us by itself if we do not help in the process. It will p not work if we don't help. The doctor prescribes the pills, but we have to swallow them ourselves. 

When someone dies as a result of some illness then death does not automatically free them from the disease. After death, they are ill in the same way as they were when alive. Though when they die they leave their physical body in the grave, they take with them all the other bodies including the one where the illness is written down. Only when they pass through to the other side of death's curtain are they subjected to a cure. This, let us call it, quarantine lasts just as long as the person's state demands. If their mental state demands a longer time then that is what they get, till they are completely cured. It is treated individually, depending on the person's needs. It happens only if we pass through to the other side of death's curtain. If the person, for whatever reason, resolves not to pass through to the Light, then they remain in the world of ghosts with all their mental and physical afflictions. The disease which was the cause of death exists within them just as it did when they were alive. It will afflict them for just as long as they continue to exist on this side of death's curtain. If they passed through to the Light they would be cured, by remaining they continue to be ill.

When someone we love and are close to is dying after a long and serious illness, we are incredibly sad. We want them to stay with us for as long as possible. We are afraid that we may never see them again. Though this isn't true, at such moments we don't really want to know it or remember it. Finally, the moment of death approaches. We feel very bad, our heart bleeds from despair and we're often in no state to let them go from us. It's quite frequently the case that we want to die together with the person we love. At such a moment we are in pain and indifferent to everything, we don't have a healthy outlook on things, and we lose our instinct for self-preservation.

This is a very crucial moment that will decide the fate of the departing soul and our own. Why? There are many reasons. One of them is the fact that we cling to that soul, we don't want to let it go, and the soul, unable to free itself and to leave, will be forced to stay behind. I'll try to illustrate this — we tangle this soul up in our sorrow which is like chains, from which it is unable to escape. It might seem we are doing it out of love, but this has nothing to do with love, what we are really doing is imprisoning it. Real love is freedom. Freedom at every moment and in every situation, even at the moment of death. It appears to us that we are gaining something when we limit this freedom in the name of love. We can submit to such delusions in the very first moment, but we will always be harming not only the soul that is trying to depart but also, and even more, ourselves.

The question may be asked: what to do if the soul of the dying person wants to stay for our sakes. In such cases, we must explain its erroneous reasoning and ask it to quit.

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BURNOUT: YOUR HEALING PRESENCE MATTERS

This is an insightful passage in “Burnout And Self-Care In Social Work: A Guidebook For Students And Those In Mental Health And Related Professions — 2nd Edition.” by Sarakay Smullens  

 

— What Is Burnout? A Case Study

The inability to share our work with friends and loved ones and our own lack of awareness of the professional and personal cost of the inhumane violations we witness can lead to isolation, exhaustion, and hopelessness. An example follows from work with Connie, a second-year MSW student, placed in a prison setting for her fieldwork:

In her first year of graduate school, Connie excelled in both her academic work and her work with clients. However, as skilled as she was, certain cases in her second year of training caused her to feel ill and repulsed. During this period, Connie developed an ongoing skin condition that she had not had before graduate school. For reasons her doctors could not determine, large pustules began to erupt all over her arms.

Connie considered dropping out of graduate school. An English major in college, she was offered a job in a highly regarded public relations firm. It was an unsolicited offer, made by one of her former English professors who now worked in the firm. The job was described as “draining and pressured, but fun and lucrative.” Only the first half of this description seemed to apply to what awaited her as a social worker! Still, Connie decided to persist with her MSW degree and a placement that she knew would continue to ask a great deal of her. During her field placement in prison, Connie was assigned a client who was accused not only of embezzlement but also of killing his wife so that he could marry his mistress. James faced the death penalty. Connie was expected to work with him throughout her second year and then to return to the prison following graduation (as partial payment toward the scholarship and living stipend she had received from the center that employed her).

James had become very close to a priest who visited the prison weekly, and through this trusted relationship, Connie was assigned as James’s social worker. There was always a guard with Connie during her time with James, but he was a kind and discreet one, who liked James and was as unobtrusive as possible during their biweekly meetings. In their work together, Connie learned that James had been abandoned by his father when his mother was pregnant with him. She also learned that James’ mother was a drug-addicted prostitute who at times tried to be clean but could not maintain sobriety of any sort. Her pimp was a ruthless monster, but was the only available father figure during James’s formative years. In James’s words:

I learned everything awful from him, including how to treat women, but at least he was there. No one else was. He often made me scram- bled eggs for breakfast. No one else ever did that, and on the days I went to school, he was the one who took me. Then after school, he and I would have catches. This was the only fun I ever knew as a kid.

Not all inmates on death row become introspective. Obviously, some become more hardened, furious, and bitter, taking no responsibility for their actions. Some claim their innocence throughout their internment. And as we know from the latest DNA investigations and new, refined research, some are truly innocent, and their arrest, internment, and death are a travesty. But none of these examples was the case with James. He knew that all he had done was vile, and he was deeply sorry. He had no doubt that the kindness and love shown him by the priest made this self-reflection, assessment, and attempts at repentance possible. In his words, “Father John was the first man in my life to be kind and decent in every aspect of his dealings with others.” James added, “Plus, Father brought Connie into my world, and she has been a blessing.”

With Connie as his social worker, James was able to recount all of his ruthless horror; and Connie learned, through superb supervision, to listen, care, and show the compassion that only she and Father John had ever given to James. She learned the importance of a coping strategy her professors and supervisor referred to as “compassionate judgment.” In her words, “What James did was awful, horrific, but during his most important formative years, ‘awful and horrific’ was all he knew.”

There were many appeals to save James’s life, and Father John and Connie always wrote and testified on his behalf, but James would not be spared. In the second year of Connie’s employment at the prison, James died in the electric chair. Father John and Connie were allowed to be with him for an hour before his walk to the death chamber. They promised to look right at him through the glass as he took his final breath. And they did.

Through this work with James, Connie grew to understand that in her future as a social worker she would not be able to erase the horrors many of her clients faced as children or their full impact. What she could do, however, was provide a healing presence to her clients. She could be there with them, hear and understand them, believe in them, and advocate for them. Further, through her strong social work relationship with James, Connie forged a new definition of forgiveness that extended well beyond her work with clients. In her words, “I learned the essential difference between ‘to condone’ and ‘to forgive,’ and that one way to forgive is to work hard to understand why people do what they do, as well as how they developed to be the human beings they have become.”

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MY VOICE

It has been told to me that when I walk into a room, my presence, alone, commands the room. Ironically, I am small in stature, so being told my presence is palpable compliments what I lack in height. It’s my birthday soon and as I reflect on my life, all the things I’ve done including those that I haven’t yet to do, the most important that stands out to me is my voice. Living more than half my life it probably took me that long to speak my voice.

Don’t get me wrong. I talk. I laugh. I cry. I sing. I scream.

You can hear my voice.

I speak.

What I struggled to do was speak my voice.

Growing up with a generation that told children to “speak when spoken to” or “children should be seen, not heard,” in congruence with a mother who stifled my ideas, my thoughts, my voice, probably because it is what she knew growing up – passing it along, at no fault of her own – I never spoke my voice.

It stayed inside my head.

I know many of you reading this are nodding your heads in agreement. Even those who didn’t experience these words as a child still struggle to speak their voice.

What is it that prevents many individuals from speaking their mind while others believe it is their right to speak their mind?

To speak their voice regardless of how it affects others.

So, how can we tell if the voice inside our heads is telling the truth or just a fountain of feelings that are temporary? When should we give ourselves permission to speak authentically? Is it acceptable to speak our voice even if it hurts, offends, or defeats others?

Both personally and professionally, speaking our voice comes with responsibilities, accountability, and, often, consequences. But there are techniques to speaking your voice effectively – to empowering others – fulfilling your dreams – to being a responsible, thoughtful speaker.

First, as you listen to the world around you and find space for speaking your voice, meditate on your self-awareness. What makes you angry? Why do you cry? What gives you hope? What are you passionate about? What is your “why?” Seek answers to these questions and speak your voice to share the responses.

What lifts you up will strengthen others.

Second, seek to look at yourself from a different perspective. Get out of “I” and look at yourself as others most likely see you. We tend to be so critical of ourselves that we start to believe the voice inside our heads.

Become omniscient. Dare to be all-knowing and watch your voice evolve.

Finally, as you become empowered by speaking your voice, remember the power of what you speak. Words and rhetoric are powerful tools to be utilized carefully.

Speaking our voice has the power to conquer feelings and destroy the emotions of others. It also has the power of divine intervention – to uplift others – to encourage – to motivate.

How do you choose to speak your voice?

Written by Dr. Anastasia Legakes

Meet Dr. Anastasia At https://languageofleaders.org/

WHAT IF YOU TRUSTED DIVINE INTELLIGENCE TO GUIDE YOUR LIFE?

Here is an insightful passage in “Life Is Just A Ride!: A Map To Help You Remember The Truth That Is Already Inside You.” by Jocelyne Grzela

 

— Respect and love yourself, your body. Do what makes you feel good. Love and accept yourself just the way you are. Your body, your emotions, they’re all perfect, and so is everyone else’s. Accept that we’re all different. Give yourself and others permission to just be, and you will no longer have the need to judge, blame, and criticize yourself or others. You will find that you no longer have the need to be right and the need to make anyone else wrong. You will replace the tendency to dominate with one of allowing others to choose what’s best for them. Everyone has a strong sense of what they want and what their limits are. That applies to all people in your life, including your children. In the words of the poet Kahlil Gibran:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you...

When you become aware that you are being judgmental of yourself or others and you’re about to impose a rule, consider saying nothing. Instead, switch to observing your feelings and actions. Be at peace with what you observe. Instead of reacting in a defensive way when you notice an irritating person or situation, just be with the feeling you experience at that moment, and accept whatever comes without labeling or defending it. Simply pay attention to the feeling moving through your body without judging it. Become the observer of the character you are playing. Monitor your performance, and ask yourself, “what’s the most loving thing I can do or say here?”

What if you stopped interfering and allowed life to unfold as it should? What if you trusted that the same intelligence that is directing the universe is also guiding and directing you and everyone else without your having to interfere? Instead of going through the rule book to decide what’s right, try closing it, and observe your life experiences fall perfectly into place. As a result, you will become more loving, kinder, more respectful, more powerful, more mindful, and that’s what will be reflected back to you. What do you want to see in the mirror?

We live in a world of duality. The belief system we have carried with us since the story of Adam and Eve promotes duality and judgment. We went from having eternal life to experiencing death, from having abundance to not having enough, to living the illusion that there is a beginning and an end. This story promotes duality, meaning two-ism or seeing the whole as somehow divided. Similarly, the word divided has two parts: di like duo means two, and vided means seen; together, they mean seeing two.

With yin and yang, everything occurs in pairs of opposites, but the opposites always function in unity. We learn through contrast. For us to know beauty, we must also know the concept of ugliness. To know if someone is tall, he or she must be compared to a short person, and vice versa. All these beliefs depend on opposites. Opposites give meaning to each other. Male is the opposite of female; happiness is the opposite of suffering, and life is the opposite of death. We must experience one to know the other. Both are essential and inseparable. Darkness and light, left and right, front and back, up and down, hot and cold, water and ice, heaven and hell, cannot be separated. They are the same thing at different degrees of vibration. Accept that we are both, a human personality, and a perfect divine being coexisting in this illusion of duality.

When we accept both opposites, without criticism, we realize that they are perfect oneness, coexisting in this illusion of duality. Accept both sides, without judgment, and let the illusion be.

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LET IT GO & LET IT HEAL: ENERGY FLOWS AND TRANSFORMS IN THE NOW

Here is an insightful passage in “The Aquarian Healer: A BrightStar Empowerment.” by Irma Kaye Sawyer

 

— Your NOW moment is so rich with possibility if you could but fully open to it. Your consciousness is the vehicle to different directions and dimensions, your past and future are stars in your own galaxy.

Perhaps the moment now is too painful to face or too scary, and you feel yourself checking out of it. There is no blame in this. It is just that the “gold” to be mined is on your current planet of presence.

As we have shared with you before, it is possible to lead a very “clean” life vibrationally and still have health challenges which may be more of a karmic condition, speaking hypothetically, as this is always a case-by-case basis.

There is also a known correlation between physical health and spiritual sovereignty, in that as you become more self-reliant in all ways, including your health, you no longer depend upon medical doctors or other authority figures for the ultimate decisions regarding your own health. It is preferred to work with medical professionals that accept and respect the intuitive/inner guidance that you may receive on your own behalf. You all have an “inner physician” that is wise and constant.

Beloveds, we understand the feeling of karmic unraveling, and the sentiment of “when will it end?!” It is good to know that there is an end to pain and illusion. The minute you set one foot on the path of self-awakening, there is tremendous support for you.

As angel Ariel wisely guided, it is wise to “stop processing.” What this means is that yes, you are moving through experiences. It’s what you think about them that makes the difference. Invite ease and Grace back into your experience—struggling keeps them at bay.

One effective strategy is to no longer identify yourself as being broken or defective. You are returning to your original, perfected state of ONEness and divine consciousness. Seriousness can keep you in lower dimensions, while humor expands you and opens your possibilities. This cosmic detour into experience that you have taken is not an accident, nor is it in vain. You are loved.

Dear ones, as you become more aware of how your mind operates, you can assemble and disassemble certain structures at will. Though it may seem that certain energies and beliefs run deep, it is good to remember that nothing that is untrue about you is permanent.

— In terms of healing at a body/mind level, forgiveness of self and others is one of the most powerful practices that exists. It is helpful to understand that it is a truth that everyone is operating (acting/reacting) from a consciousness level that reflects their karma environment, conditioning, and so forth.

Though mind may often think, “Why don’t they just do such-and-such differently and/or make a different choice?” it is not always so easy to do, as it does not exist in their “view” as an option. An option, for example, that may come much easier for you.

If the actions of others have caused pain or harm, it is difficult to deny. Anger is often an appropriate response as an initial act of self-preservation. The issue then may become the later resentment or “stuckness” of the energy that follows.

To intentionally practice and observe non- forgiveness of others in its way, can be as harmful or even more so than the harmful act itself, especially over time. It is a tendency of mind to not let go as a punitive measure, but the harm is most actually turned inwards towards itself.

Holding on to anger (or resentment) is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else —you are the one who gets burned.  —Buddha

To forgive is to LET GO and bring more energy into the NOW moment, the center of the most rapid reconfiguration of energy and healing. It is true, however, that this state cannot be forced upon the self or others, and may have its own life/time cycle. It is possible, however, to speed this up by self-reflection, meditation, and other viable spiritual practice.

What is commonly misunderstood about karma is that it may not necessarily draw a particular soul to an individual in the future based on the “harm/forgiveness” dynamic, but it does possibly set up a pattern of energy that will be experienced, until it is recognized and released.

Dear ones, it is true that you have both a 3D physical existence and a much higher spiritual existence occurring simultaneously. As you awaken and grow in conscious awareness, you may be more aware of your multidimensional self. There are some who seek to escape the trials of earthly life by hanging out in the higher dimensions, which may cause a neglected physical existence. There is a subtle addictive element that may exist here as well, as a means to avoid the discomfort of everyday life. On the other side of that equation, there are beings who ignore their spiritual nature altogether and only live to feed their whims and appetites. It is about finding the balance while still in the human “space suit.”

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CONTINUAL TRANSFORMATION IS THE DANCE OF LIFE

These are some insightful passages in “The Seven Graces of Ageless Aging: How To Die Young as Late in Life as Possible” by Jason Elias

 

— Releasing our constrictive fears can transform our angst into awe, gratitude, and deep appreciation for all that we’ve lived and all that we are becoming. Levity about our mortality may even emerge. As Ram Dass once said, “Death is absolutely safe. Nobody ever fails at it.”

In our American culture that often celebrates the young and casts off its old, the fact of impermanence, of certain death, often challenges the old to hold onto their vanished youth. Think of the old woman whose hands reveal her age but her Botoxed face has no wrinkles. It’s unnatural at least, and some would say desacralizes the body, the natural growing younger towards death. Some cultures celebrate wrinkles on an old face as the signs of richly earned experience, the roadmap of a life well-lived. We will all leave our bodies one day. What if we could embrace our waning physique and see the beauty behind the façade?

There is a great peace inherent in simply being, a state in which what we do is less important than simply being who we are.

This reminds me of an old favorite joke:

Two men bump into each other on the street and realize that their sons used to be good friends.

“So how’s your boy Joey?” one asks.

“He can’t seem to hold on to a job, can’t find a good relationship! I hope he finds his way. How is Steven doing?”

The other father looks up and explains, “He’s doing something!”

In This is Getting Old: Zen Thoughts on Aging with Humor & Dignity, Susan Moon shares the story of a dharma sister, someone who, after 35 years of diligent Zen practice and service, developed Alzheimer’s and began to struggle in her relations with family and friends. When she stayed close to the Zen center, however, and her practice, she remained totally present, meditative, and could simply be. Her beingness took her out of her mind and into the present moment.

A friend told me a similar story about visiting a beloved mentor who had begun to show serious signs of dementia. She seemed herself though she did not recognize the former students who had come to visit her. When they engaged her, however, in memories of their study together, she brightened and tapped into the self that her students had known. Her eyes glistened with aliveness and her ability to be fully present shone through. She did not have to think about it; she was it!

Derived from a Buddhist teaching, “‘wabi-sabi’ is a Japanese expression for the beauty of impermanence, the imperfection of things that are worn or frayed or chipped through use. Objects that are simple and rustic, like an earthenware tea-bowl, and objects that show their age and use, like a wooden bannister worn smooth by many hands are beautiful.”

There’s also the story of the Zen potter who had crafted the perfect bowl but finding no imperfections became very upset, unable to consider his work acceptable. He chose instead to break the perfect bowl and glue it back together to give it the true beauty that he had envisioned through its imperfect being.

I’m remembering an evening at the Rubin Museum in New York that also illustrates inevitable impermanence. I watched, mesmerized, as a group of Tibetan monks completed a gorgeous floor painting with colored sands that they had created over many weeks. They prayed over it, honoring its grand beauty, and then ceremoniously scattered the sand, laughing all the while, as a metaphoric celebration of impermanence.

This story illustrates that in its continual transformation from one state to another, the world is exactly as it should be:

Many years ago a woman called Sono lived in a little town in Japan. Her devout heart and compassionate spirit had won her the respect and admiration of many followers, and fellow Buddhists often traveled long distances to seek her advice. One day a weary traveler approached Sono to ask what he could do to put his mind at peace and his heart at rest. Sono’s advice was simple and straightforward: “In the morning and in the evening, whenever anything occurs to you, say, “Thanks for everything. I have no complaint whatsoever!” For an entire year, the man faithfully followed her advice, repeating from morning until evening, “Thanks for everything. I have no complaint whatsoever!” But still, his mind was not at peace nor was his heart at rest. Thoroughly discouraged, he again made the long journey to see Sono. “I’ve done everything you suggested,” he said, “but my mind is not at peace and my heart is not at rest. Tell me— what should I do now?”

As Sono replied, “Thanks for everything. I have no complaint whatsoever!” Hearing these words the traveler was enlightened and returned home, his mind at peace and his heart at rest.

My favorite in the book is:

“Love is love, not to be defined or described by the mind as exclusive or inclusive. Love is its own eternity: it is the real, the supreme, the immeasurable.” —Jiddu Krishnamurti, The First and Last Freedom

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THE HEALING JOURNEY WITHIN

An insightful passage in “The Healing Journey: A Guide to Self-Discovery” by Vernette V. Ayers

 

— The philosophy of Yoga is about self-discovery and self-realization. The principles of Ayurveda promote a daily practice of self-healing. To put our health and wellness in anyone else’s hands but our own, first and foremost, is an occurrence we rarely see supported today.

The modern-day health and wellness industry is full of claims that there is one drug, therapy, diet, superfood, workout, method, treatment, routine, product, program, service, or overall solution that will heal you and all your ailments. The idea that there could be just one thing that you haven’t tried yet and is the answer to everything that ails you plays into a number of factors—the primary one being a desire for there to be just one thing outside of you in the first place.

Where my philosophy on healing begins is in the very foundation of who we are as human beings. We are not just physical, and yet we are absolutely physical. We are not just emotional, and yet we are absolutely emotional. We are not just mental, and yet there is no doubt we have a psychological component as well. And finally, the element of our humanness that I often find missing in the wellness market is that we are also spiritual beings and that component is equal in importance to each of the above. When so many of us are willing to buy into a single solution that claims to satisfy our health and wellness goals but only addresses one component of who we are as human beings, we can’t really be that surprised at the long-term inefficacy.

In addition, addressing only one aspect of our whole being is essentially limiting our healing potential. The healing journey is vast, and wellness is most thoroughly achieved by exploring multiple approaches to health and wellness. As we learn more about ourselves and grow through this process, effective methods and approaches will change and evolve along with us, just as different teachers, support systems, and benefactors can show up when we need them.

It must be said the idea of incorporating the disciplines of Yoga and Ayurveda is in no way meant to replace what we have learned with modern-day science, technology, psychology, and medicine. In fact, it would be antithetical to believe so, as these ancient disciplines encourage us to constantly learn, grow, and evolve as we move forward in our lives.

For those of you diagnosed with serious illness and/or guided by medical professionals along your journey to health, I encourage you to explore this book and any other method you choose to use, while fully disclosing everything you do with your providers. As already implied, none of this is about choosing one solution over another. It is about enabling our own evolution of body, mind, and spirit so that we can discover and support the healing journey that is already within us, while utilizing all of the gifts and resources at our disposal, be it inspired by Eastern, Western, ancient, or modern-day principles.

What is fascinating about the studies of Yoga and Ayurveda is that contemporary science seems to be catching up more recently. The studies of neuroscience, psychology, metaphysics, behavioral economics, and on and on often result in discoveries that seem to reflect theories already explored in many ancient texts. To further dive into the modern science behind meditation, the practice of gratitude, creating new neural pathways, theories on emotional health, and the power of mind-set, please explore the many scientific and medical journals, books, programs, and podcasts on these topics. This book is intended to help you understand these principles on a practical, intimate, and fundamental level so right away you can begin applying simple tools in your daily life.

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LEARNING TO CENTER AND GROUND YOURSELF

An insightful passage in “Gateway to Healing: A Guide to Your Happiness Journey” by Heather Anderson Kokx

 

— How do you become grounded? 

The easiest way to become grounded is to become aware of your feet. Feel the texture beneath your feet. Wiggle your toes if you are having a hard time connecting to the earth below you. We completely lose touch with our feet even though we use them all day long, every day. They do a lot of work. That’s why a foot massage feels so good. Our brains turn off, and we are in the moment with our feet. When we bring our awareness to our feet, we get out of our heads and become more aware of our bodies.

Learning the tool of becoming centered and grounded at a moment’s notice is so powerful. When we are centered and grounded, we control ourselves, and it doesn’t matter what is going on around us. You can be in a moment of fear or anger and still have control. The trick is to take a moment to find your breath, find your feet, and then choose your next move with intention. Chaos can surround you, but that chaos doesn’t have control over you.

I don’t mind if something happens that distracts us or makes us all laugh in my yoga classes. I take these opportunities to guide everyone back to their breath and their feet, strengthening their tools of grounding and centering. I teach them when they fall out of a pose to use the opportunity to take a breath, find their feet, and start again.

Our lives are full of stress and chaos. Family issues are always ongoing. Day-to-day life details, such as endless errands and dishes and phone calls, can be frustrating. If we let these things control us, we no longer have control of our reactions. Being able to breathe and be in your body is a huge asset.

Imagine you are waiting in line at the grocery store. It is after work, and you are tired and hungry. The line moves slowly because the clerk is chatting up a customer about their weekend plans like old buddies. There is a screaming child in front of you.  You start to feel tension building, and you feel your body resisting the situation, wishing it were different. You feel tightness in your head and shoulders as the problem continues on and on with no relief. And then you remember Three Deep Breaths. With each exhale, you bring your breath down to your feet. You even close your eyes during the breaths to switch your perspective. And after the third breath, the situation isn’t as dire. You think to yourself, “At least the clerk is a nice person.” You find compassion for the mother of the screaming child, who is probably just as tired, hungry, and frustrated as you. And you remember that it won’t stay this way forever. Everything changes, and eventually, the line will move. You will get to the register, pay for your groceries, and be heading home.

Learning to center and ground takes time. They are like muscles in your body that become stronger and stronger as you use them. The more you use them, the more they stay with you daily. Practice deep breaths and being aware of your feet. Play with centering while you are waiting in line or a meeting. Play with grounding when you are driving in your car or watching TV. The more you use these tools, the easier it will be to call on them when you need them the most….

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THE JOURNEY WITH ALZHEIMER’S TRANSFORMED ME

An insightful passage in “Sacred Stories: A Care Giver’s Journey Through Alzheimer’s” by Ilana Rowe

 

—  In the field of transpersonal psychology, we often speak about transcending ego: shedding the persona to become more of who we are, arriving at essence as we walk in this physical world, and living from a place of authenticity. It is a concept that most of us don’t fully understand and this journey is rarely an easy process. Still, it is something that is aspired to by many of us on a spiritual path.

I remember one of my colleagues, who I will call John. He was a transpersonal scholar, a researcher, and a sweet, gentle man who embodied a spiritual path that blended heart with intellect, scholarship, and learning. John announced his retirement two years early so that all of us could be ready for it. Unfortunately, he became ill with an aggressive form of cancer immediately upon leaving his position.

During his illness, John emailed his colleagues frequently with updates on his health. The researcher in him provided graphic details, both scientific and personal. We experienced a man who was metaphorically shedding his skin, a man whose body was compromised—his hair, his ability to speak, but not his voice or Soul.

This horrible illness led to his death within two years. At the time I thought about how John, a prominent researcher in the field of spiritual-based psychology, was being forced to transcend the ego, to arrive at his essence through his illness. There was irony in the notion that a transpersonal researcher, who teaches about transcending ego, was being given the ultimate test of transcendence.

Elizabeth Lesser in her book Broken Open shares a conversation with Ram Dass, a well-known spiritual teacher, that gives insight into this process following his stroke.

Lesser said: “I think that the stroke made you more human. More of a real human being and more an eternal Soul—both at the same time.”

He responded, “Grace. Stroke is heavy grace. …before—happy grace…love grace…good things kept happening to me. Then, stroke…lose things…also grace…fierce grace.” [Elizabeth asked,] “What did you lose? What did fierce grace take away?” “Ego.…Ego breaks open—then you see who you really are”

Ram Dass explained this in his own book. His attachment to ego shifted because the stroke was unbearable to his ego and the ego began to die and he began to see life through the lens of Soul.

I believe that Hal became more and more essence—Soul—as his Alzheimer’s progressed. I could see it in his vulnerability, especially in the last year of his life. I could see it in his photos during his celebration of life. Like Ram Dass, he was becoming essence and was not at all attached to things related to ego—except that his journey was much slower.

I know that I was in a process of letting go of protocol and expectation as a result of our journey through Alzheimer’s. I wondered if Hal were as well. I knew that he had to trust—me, Spirit, life. For the cognitively intact person, all of this is material for spiritual growth. Even though Hal was unable to speak at a meta-level of consciousness about what he experienced as the disease evolved, I have often wondered how much he understood at some other level and how it changed him. Do we stop growing once our mind becomes impaired, at least according to societal norms? Do we stop growing on a spiritual level? Is there an awareness that is hidden from more rational people?

I know that I have grown as a result of living with a man with Alzheimer’s. It has provided me with the opportunity to watch my beloved slowly lose his abilities—to shed his skin—slowly, over a decade. I was a witness to his authentic movement toward Soul, toward essence. I had the opportunity to watch his body and mind slowly decay and to watch him move into essence. He began dropping outward appearances, and all I could do was be present and mindful to this process. It was a learning experience for my Soul as well. I learned to accept him and my own humanness more fully. It has allowed me to surrender to what is and to love more unconditionally—to serve him in unselfish ways. I learned to give love and to recognize love through simple smiles. It taught me to simply live in the moment and accept life as it is.

The journey with Alzheimer’s transformed me...

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STORIES REMOVE US FROM PRESENCE, FROM NATURE

An insightful passage in “Tracking Lions, Myth, and Wilderness in Samburu” by Jon Turk

 

— We evolved to be a big-brained, social, mostly but not completely co-operative, storytelling animal. Which is where we are today. Your body is fixed in space and time; you are at work, riding the subway, washing the dishes, changing diapers, whatever. But your mind is free to roam into fairyland, or anger-land, to a promising future, or to relive that nasty confrontation with your boss two years ago. On average, each person flashes 2,000 short, self-invented daydreams through their heads every day. Most of these mini-narratives run 10 to 20 seconds before that diversion is diverted by something else – a red light in traffic, a ringing phone, a talking co-worker, a crying baby, or the realization that we should be doing what we were doing before the daydream started.

And when we are not inventing our own stories, we are entranced by the narratives that others feed us through books, the internet, TV, conversations, sermons, advertisements, politics, and any of the above all mixed together: conspiracy theories, tales of good and evil, heroes and villains, lovers and rapists, gods and devils. While stories can sometimes distract us from the present and the natural world, they also guide those aspiring to create real change through entrepreneurship. Understanding the Georgia LLC formation process can be a story in itself, illustrating a vital step towards grounding your business ideas in reality.

In 2018, the average American spent five hours a day in front of the TV, 31 minutes absorbing media on tablets, and 1 hour 39 minutes on phones. Add in radio and surfing the net, and Americans logged about 10 hours and 39 minutes each day consuming digital mythology. Intertwined with the sheer number of hours spent glued to gizmos, each person is exposed to 5,000 ads per day; that’s five per minute if we sleep eight hours. Each ad is a mini-narrative trying to convince us that we need to buy this or that to look good, feel good, smell good, attract mates, find a job, approach nirvana, stay slim, or become rich.

Eighty percent of conversations among adults are tales of other people’s lives: gossip. Dr. Nicholas Emler, professor of social psychology at the London School of Economics, argues that “swapping of juicy bits of information is fundamental to being human and separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom. Baboons and chimps have complex societies because individuals know a lot about each other. But because they cannot talk, they rely on direct observations and so they are limited to groups of around 50. The one thing that sets us apart is that we can talk to each other with complex syntax. We exchange social information. We form much larger and more complex societies than other animals because we effectively gossip (tell stories about one another).

Today, storytelling is so integral to our humanity that a 1-year-old toddler will create the fiction that his teddy bear is tired, put it to bed and gently tuck in the covers. At 2, a little girl will set chairs in a row to represent a car and drive her mom to school. When 3-year-old children gather to create mini-theatre, they pitch their voices differently when playing the king, the queen, the baby or the cat. Starved and half-dead, children play-acted imaginary scenes in the death camps at Auschwitz. When we grow up to become adults, we cry as the screen hero is adrift in the desert, sweat when a heroine faces the bad guy’s sword, and become aroused when the two meet and embrace, even though we know that these stories are fiction repeated by speeding electrons and photons. We also buy cosmetics when an advertising executive creates a narrative that we will be happier if we look or smell different, crave gizmos or exotic vacations when told to do so, and follow religious or political leaders who spin all sorts of mythologies about loving, hating or killing people we don’t know.

Adding to the negative, the stories in our heads form our often-damaging sense of ego, frequently create marital strife and allow us to amplify existing misery or wallow in imagined misery. Stories remove us from presence, the NOW.

In the United States, the most opulent country ever in the history of humankind, almost 750,000 people died from opioid overdoses between 1999 and 2017 – yes, because of lost jobs and whatnot, but more directly from the stories they generated in their heads about lost jobs and whatnot. Our think- too-much-know-it-all brains sure know how to spin stories that help us survive on the savannah, or that create wonder and awe, but the same brains are also quite proficient at generating confusion, anger, hatred, and misery.

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