CARRIED BY THE MOMENT
CARRYING WATER IN BRAVO
by Valeria Teles
Our bedroom is very small, with no door and no lights; we use an improvised kerosene lamp. It’s very hot in the summer and very cold in winter because the roof is made of ancient tiles with lots of gaps.
The nightly ritual before going to bed is always the same. We smash a bunch of mosquitoes trapped in our old net and let some lucky ones escape by lifting it. I stitch over new holes to prevent them from coming in to bite us during the night. Even if they don’t get inside the net, their noise and my sister’s unsolicited hugs keep me from sleeping without interruption. I know she needs me; I could also use a warm hug from my mother to help me fall asleep. Besides the mosquitoes and my sister’s hugs, there’s another challenge to sleeping. Nightmares haunt me. I just hope that they are not as bad tonight, not bad enough to wake me up.
Painter: Ann Procacci
Carried by the Moment
After a rough night struggling to sleep between my sister’s unwanted hugs and the nightmares, the morning brings just enough light to chase the darkness of my fears away. The thoughts of my next chore keep me safe.
It’s early, and chilly. I can hardly see anything on the foggy path leading to the river. But the silence makes me smile with gratitude, to be alone with nature in the light of day. I like seeing the dust lift around every step I make, dragging my worn-out sandals in the soil as I swing my old grey bucket. Walking along the path on my way to the river is such a gift to me. My body is moving somewhere with so much space around; I love this sensation. I hear no human noises besides my own giggling when I suddenly see an animal crossing the road.
Then I reach the river. Nature has become my main source of love, acceptance, and understanding. My true family. It doesn’t hurt me if I get too close, and I don’t have to wish for its acceptance today or tomorrow. Being in the moment with nature gives me all I need; its unconditional love is right here and now.
Before I start filling my bucket with water, I play with it by swiping my hands from side to side. I see lots of small fish – they are close to the edge and not scared of me. I wonder if they are asking for help. Are they trapped like me at home?
The river is drying up. It will soon have no life or love to give to the fish, to us, and it isn’t the mother river’s fault – just like it is not my family’s fault that they don't love me. The river and the fish simply happened; they’ve spent some time together, and they will eventually disappear from each other. This is what nature is and what it does: a sublime, fleeting moment of dance for the partners in a miracle.
But the time is up for this feeling. I need to push the fish and the algae out of the way with my pink, scratched plastic cup, fetching clear water to fill my thirsty grey bucket. Then I place my pre-rolled towel, made into a rounded cushion to fit the bucket, upon my head. I carry the full bucket to the nearest large rock, where I can squat down in a level position and carefully place the bucket on top of the towel on my head. At first, it’s like being pressed down to the ground by the finger of a giant; but as I stand, everything feels normal. It is a workout, no doubt. I learned the technique of water carrying from some old, experienced ladies. It was a lesson they were proud to teach whenever they had a chance, as if they had a degree in water carrying that they hardly ever made use of. They were very excited to be instructors.
Walking back home, balancing the bucket, is fun. It’s a routine that keeps me here and now because all I can think of is not spilling the water. My body and mind become a transport for fresh water. How I love to be just a water carrier, and not the helpless fish in a drying river. I feel good, content. It’s refreshing. It can hear the song my heart sings, the most wonderful melody I ever heard. I don’t know what the lyrics are saying as they keep changing, but the melody is all I need to live this moment with peace, love, and joy.
Much love!
The Meaning of Life Question
The Meaning of Life Question
By Valeria Teles
When I met James for our first assessment session, he said to me, “Are you Valeria? You look so much taller in the pictures.”
“Yes, I confess, I am short,” I replied with a smile.
James was a tall businessman, suntanned and in his late forties, with rounded shoulders, and an ample belly. He used glasses and seemed distracted by the people training around the studio. He was clearly uncomfortable. James was very concerned about his health, but his main reason for hiring me was because he had just broken up with his girlfriend. His goal was to become physically fit to boost his self-esteem and confidence before joining a dating website.
He needed to lose approximately 20 pounds and reduce his belly fat, strengthen his muscles, increase his flexibility, improve his cardiovascular health, and enhance his mental and emotional well-being. People’s misconception that exercise is not fun evaporates after they start training with me, I use music. The assessment went well, and we scheduled his first 20 sessions.
We had our first session in a private, artsy fitness studio in Soho. “How are you feeling today, James?”
“I am very well,” he replied.
“Great, let’s get started.” I continued enthusiastically. I gave him some warm-up exercises to do as we continued our conversation.
“What is the meaning of life for you?” I asked him.
He looked at me and smiled. “What a big question coming from a small, young trainer on an ordinary Monday morning,” he said, as he tried to concentrate on his plank hold.
“I think the meaning of life is to be happy,” he replied.
“Are you happy now?” I asked.
“I would like to have my girlfriend back,” he said.
“Was it your girlfriend who gave your life meaning?” I asked.
He paused for a moment to consider my question. We moved on to the squat rack.
“Perhaps she only needed to change a few things about her personality, and she would be my main source of happiness, meaning, yes. She needed to understand me more and love me for who I am. This was the challenge in our relationship.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I mean, this way she would complete me,” James said.
I had to ask, “Is it possible to feel complete being on your own, too?”
“Well, I like having someone to share my life with, the special moments, to travel with, to talk with, to sleep with, to go out for dinner and maybe to have a child with. You know, a partner. This is the only thing that’s missing in my life now, besides having a fit body like yours. My girlfriend and I were together for more than six years. I loved having someone around, even though our relationship wasn’t the best. I realize now that even having someone around to fight with is better than not having anyone. I hired you so I can get in shape to feel confident enough again to go out there on the dating scene or to try to convince my girlfriend to come back to me.”
“I see,” I said, thinking about everything he just said. I continued, “James, wouldn’t you agree that life is worth living the healthiest way possible? First, by understanding ourselves, knowing why we choose to do what we do, the habits we have, the friendships we cultivate, the food we eat, the anger we feel, the love we crave, and beliefs we hold.
“I believe our sufferings come from a repetition of unhealthy behaviors and habits that go unquestioned out of fear of learning the truth. The secret to fulfillment is how we embrace the truths each moment presents to us in a variety of ways every day. If happiness is what we are looking for, rather than chasing it, why not focus on how to make each moment complete and joyful, by being grateful in the here and now doing whatever we are doing––or learning a lesson about whatever we are going through. Don’t you think we should strive to give a healthy meaning to each moment we choose to live, granting ourselves a chance to learn from one another and from our experience?”
By the time I finished sharing my thoughts, James had squatted for 10 minutes. He had burned quite a lot of calories, and he had his chin in his hand in the Thinker’s pose.
Much love to you!
YOUR COMFORT IS MINE
You Are Holding My Hand
By V. Teles
We arrive in a small town after a long car trip. The door opens. We step out, but I stay close to the car.
It’s night.
My heart is racing. There are a lot of people around.
Everyone is anxious. They seem worried about something.
It must be something scary. I am afraid, although I don’t know what is happening.
I stay still.
Standing in a dusty street, I lean back against the car. It is the only place around here that feels safe to me.
“What is going on over there?” I ask myself.
I can barely see anything.
Then I realize people are looking up in the direction of a house where smoke is coming out.
“We heard an explosion earlier,” someone says in a timid, shaky voice.
I have never smelled something like this before. The air is heavy. The house doesn’t look like a house anymore.
“What will happen me?” I ask myself in fear.
Can someone hold my hand? Please.
I can’t see my mother anymore.
My father is distancing himself from the car, from me too. But I can still see him from here.
My sister is close to me, shaking with fear. She looks lost and sad.
The fear doesn’t make my body shake like it does my little sister’s.
I wonder what is going to happen to us.
All I want is a warm hand to hold on to. I want to feel safe.
In silent despair, I stand by the car waiting for our parents to come back.
I don’t want to stay here and I can’t go anywhere.
I can only hold my sister’s hand to ease her fear.
By doing so, I feel a warm hand holding mine.
Much love!
Hold on to the Roots
The Lucid Dream
I am climbing a high mountain.
Halfway to the top, it becomes slippery.
I can’t go farther.
The dust falls all over and around me. I can’t see anything.
I am the only witness to my struggle.
My hands desperately try to find something to hold on to.
The mountain is falling apart. So am I.
In the midst of the end, I hear a song:
“You won’t die – Don’t worry. Don’t worry. You won’t die.”
I doubt the song. “But I am about to.”
The song becomes louder and louder,
“You won’t die – Don’t worry. Don’t worry. You won’t die.”
Then, the song stops.
When I am about to fall, my hands find the roots of a tree.
I hold on to it.
I am safe. Just in time.
The piece of land uncovers the roots.
There is a tree above me.
A beautiful tree called LIFE.
The land disintegrates, so the dust falls on me.
The struggle blinds my eyes. I can only hear the song.
The doubt and the fear make me wonder.
I wonder about hope and love so I can understand life.
In the end, it was all meant to be.
To climb the mountain…
To struggle…
To doubt…
To fear…
To hear the song…
To hold on to the roots…
To hope…
To love…
To find the life which is always there, inside and outside the dream.
By Valeria Teles
Much love!
THE BEAUTY OF BEING YOURSELF
It’s a sunny afternoon.
I am watching swans and ducks swim in the lake.
A wonderful feeling of peace and joy fills my heart.
My breathing deepens. My body relaxes.
“I could stay here all day,” I say to myself.
Then, a question comes to mind:
“Why does watching these birds swim make me feel so peaceful and happy?”
I have no answer for a few minutes. I keep watching the birds move around.
Then comes a thought with an answer:
“It’s because they are free. It’s a sunny day and they are swimming in an open lake in whatever direction they choose to go.”
A mother with her child passes by me. The child laughs, pointing at the birds. They distracted me for moment.
My body is leaning against a wooden fence. I am at the top of a bridge looking down at the water.
The swimming birds have all my attention again.
It feels great!
It doesn’t take long for another thought to come up again. This time, as gracefully as the birds swimming in the water.
It says:
“Oh, I know. It’s the beautiful pattern they leave in the water as they move with freedom while being themselves.”
I step away from the fence, and walk with a smile on my face.
Did you leave a beautiful pattern somewhere today? :)
Much love!
Valeria
REMEMBER YOUR TRUE GIFT
Physical adoration has driven many of us away from our unique and true gifts. Some of us have become so obsessed with a fit body, or ashamed for not having one, that, along with exercise, unnecessary suffering has also become part of our lifestyle.
It was a nice Monday morning. I was having a conversation with a client who I’d been training for a couple of months. It had been a year of self-discovery for me. My mind pondered about what gives us real purpose and what really matters in life.
In the middle of our session, I said, “Susan, you know what I found out recently?”
She said, “What?”
“That the foundation of health is love, it is to feel truly connected with one another in compassion. Doesn’t it make a lot of sense?”
She looked at me and said, “Valeria, can you get the mat for my next glute workout?”
We continued with the session as if there were no comment made and no questions asked.
Much Love!
Valeria
JOURNEY TO THE HAPPY YOU!
If you are like me and are inclined to engage in physical activity, integrating fitness and spirituality is essential. For many, many years I struggled to answer the question, “How do I take good care of my body but not fall for preconceptions about physical attractiveness and health?”
The answer was very simple, yet also highly complex and paradoxical. The closer you live to your spiritual heart, the less you tend to engage in purely physical activities and beautifying methods, even if they promote a healthy body and high self-esteem. This is because your spirit knows that sickness, old age, and death are inevitable. The time we have on earth is too limited to concern ourselves with the impermanent aspect of our existence. Every second becomes a valuable chance to recognize our true nature and to realize who we are in the spiritual reality.
When you know that there is a lot more to you than a body and a thinking mind, but you don’t know how to access that deeper part, you end up struggling between the two. This journey in limbo can be interesting, especially because it can teach you to have compassion for your own body. The paradox is that even giving attention to thoughts about fitness and health can lead you to believe that you are a physical being whose psychological needs must be met in order to feel good or to be whole. At this level, you are not living a spiritual existence yet.
However, this is all part of the journey to reaching the happy you. Listening to the heart, so that we can live more and more as a spiritual being can bring our existence to a conscious space where life becomes a loving and joyful adventure that renews itself with every moment.
Much love!
Valeria
MORE THAN OUR BODIES
Weight lifting can be of great help with weight loss, staying in shape, and building strength. But as I mention throughout my boo, Fit for Joy, this type of training focuses only on the physical body, which is just one aspect of our being. We are so much richer and complex than just our bodies. The approach to fitness that works the body in isolation from the mind and the spiritual heart is not a sustainable source of health. This is the reason I created the Fit for Joy lifestyle which integrates conventional physical fitness with spirituality.
Much Love!
Valeria
Give the World the Best You Have Anyway
“The Paradoxical Commandment” is another collection of words I cherish. It embraces the indestructible human spirit, honoring its power - regardless. "Do your best, forgive and move forward," it says. This is precious to me.
The Paradoxical Commandment
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.
By Kent M. Keith
A "HEALTHY" DISTRACTION
Fear and insecurity can turn physical fitness into an addiction. While most of us consider the pursuit of physical fitness to be a great habit, for me, it was a painful cycle disguised as a healthy practice. The more unsatisfied I was with myself, the more strenuous, restrictive, and consistent my exercise and diet became.
Looking back, it’s clear to see that dissatisfaction, not poor health, was what propelled me to dedicate more than twenty years of my life to fitness. I strongly believe that the reason fitness and fit people are so popular is because most of us are attracted to the idea of having a “healthy distraction” from our inner conflicts.
Although it is true that exercise and physical attractiveness can improve our overall health and lift our self-esteem, using these methods to hide our pain can also result in increased, unnecessary suffering. I don’t know anything healthier than having the courage to dive deeper into our own hearts for answers.
Much love!
Valeria
To be healthy is to be loving!
ESCAPISM & FITNESS HABITS
The links between my painful past and fitness became clear to me after a period of major inner turbulence. I knew that most compulsive behaviors had their roots in traumatic experiences, but I never connected my obsession with fitness with my lingering inner pain from the past. I believed I was a strong person who had overcome pain because I had a fit and healthy body to prove it, as well as a life that seemed to be driven by (and built on) authentic and exciting experiences. However, the truth was that my fitness habits, to a great extent, were escapism.
Much love!
Valeria
To be healthy is to be loving.
OUR OWN CREATED PRISON
Given how exercise, diet, and even therapy can become traps for a painful emotional reality, it’s crucial for us be aware of the fundamental causes of our suffering.
Think of how we might sometimes consciously (or unconsciously) believe that we are not good enough or not worthy of happiness. When this happens, we then begin to work hard in pursuit of this worthiness.
As a result, anything external that gives us the illusion that we deserve happiness for our effort will also become our own created prison.
This cycle of sustaining habits out of fear turns exercise and diet (or whatever our external source of happiness is) into negative forces, thus compounding the root problem as we live for our bodies and for conditioned emotional stability through abusive mechanisms.
This can cause disharmony within the heart, creating a state of mind where true happiness cannot exist.
Much love!
Valeria
To be healthy is to be loving.
UNHAPPY HEART IN A FIT BODY
Susan had a session with me at two in the afternoon. I was not feeling well after Destiny’s encounter. During lunch, my thoughts had been much more centered on love and kindness, and this reflection was hovering over me when Susan arrived. She’d been training with me for a couple of months.
I began chatting with her about these tender reflections. In the middle of our session, I said, “Susan, you know what I’ve begun to realize?”
“What?” she asked.
“That the foundation of health is love; how can we feel comfortable in our bodies if we are not in love with life? Does that make sense to you?”
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She looked at me as if she was thinking about it. Then she said, “Valeria, can you please get the mat for my next buttocks workout?”
We continued with the session as if I’d never brought up the insignificance of a fit body without a loving heart and a happy mind.
Much Love!
Valeria Teles
THE SUN, THE MOON, AND THE TRUTH CANNOT HIDE
Karen was my last client for the day. We met at seven sharp, right after Steve.
Karen was an obese woman I trained twice a week. She was thirty years old, weighed 250 pounds, and was 5’ 2”. However, these numbers don’t say anything about her as a person. She was a painter who owned her own gallery in Manhattan. The serenity in her eyes and the way she smiled for no reason introduced her to me before she even told me her name.
She had been married for more than five years to someone who was in good shape. I knew this because her husband came to pick her up after our sessions. The conversation we had the first day we met left me pondering about life for days.
I asked the same question I asked every client before we began the program: What are your three main fitness goals?
Karen said she only had one goal: to enjoy the workouts.
I recall looking into her eyes as if she had not understood my question. I rephrased it, and this time I was more specific.
“I understand, Karen, and I will ensure that the exercises will be fun, but what I meant was, how many pounds do you want to lose?”
Again, she answered with a smile and said she didn’t care about the weight; she just wanted to feel good during and after the workouts. Furthermore, she said it didn’t matter if she didn’t lose any weight at all. Her peaceful eyes and joyful smile reinforced the truth of her words.
I could not believe this woman and how out of touch with reality she was. She was obese, for God’s sake! She could actually die of a heart attack at any moment, and my mind refused to believe that anyone could be at peace with a body like hers. It couldn’t be possible.
I insisted. I tried to force her to make a deal with me, and asked her to agree on losing one to two pounds per week.
Once more with the same serene, happy look on her face, she replied that I didn’t understand her. Patiently, she repeated that she was fine with her weight and that she enjoyed her work. She was a person who loved and was loved by her family and friends. Her life was a blessing, and she was grateful for what she had. There was nothing else to be added or removed to make her happier. The workouts with me were just to get her body moving while she had some fun.
I wasn’t amazed by her attitude, because I neither understood nor believed in what she was saying at the time. Nevertheless, after our encounter that day, I went home thinking about her, and I remembered a thought I’d had when I was a teenager, one that had returned many times throughout my life.
I would die young.
I believed I would not reach the age of thirty, despite being physically healthy.
Perhaps intuitively, I knew that my heart could fail at any time because of my lack of understanding of what life was really about: love and kindness.
I am convinced that Karen became my client for a reason—to teach me that to be healthy is to be loving. She trained with me for almost a year, and never lost any weight.
Karen was the healthiest client I ever had.
Much Love!
Valeria Teles
SIMPLE PRACTICE FOR A PEACEFUL DAY