COMMON WISDOM: 8 SCIENTIFIC ELEMENTS OF A MEANINGFUL LIFE

A Quest for Well-Being Interview with

 DR. LAURA GABAYAN

1.     Why did you decide to study wisdom?  How did the idea for this research come about?

I am a physician-scientist (same as a physician-researcher). There are physicians that do not do research and mainly see patients, and then there are physicians who see patients and also do research. In medical school, we learned about diseases, diagnoses, and treatments. No one ever thought outside “outside the box.” For example, we did not learn about Chinese medicine or Indian ways of healing even though they are both the oldest living civilizations. Our instructors, who were scientists, were firmly entrenched solely in Western medicine. I then started searching for those who do think outside the box and who are original in how they think. There was only one group of individuals who had that different way of thinking: it was the wise.  

I then looked into wisdom and all I found were anecdotal thoughts and religious texts.  As a scientist, I needed more objectivity and started looking at published scientific manuscripts. The journals of Sociology, Psychology, and Geriatrics published a small amount of research on wisdom. These studies found that wisdom can only be identified by another human; not a test or a scale. The research also found that wisdom had an inverse U relationship with age and that the wisest people were in their 50s, 60s, and 70s. The very old started to lose wisdom as they became less flexible in their thinking and behavior. The research also found that wisdom was not related to gender, race, or political affiliation. Despite these findings, no one had taken the time to interview candidates.

Given that I believe you should do things yourself, I decided to do my own study on wisdom. I did not know anything about wisdom, but I knew how to create a research project. I hired a research assistant and a marketing specialist and from Oct 2022 to April 2023, I interviewed 60 wise individuals. The way I found these individuals was through telling anyone we knew if they were aware of someone wise and through postings on social media. We also asked interviewees to “nominate” other individuals that they knew were wise.

I then knew that the information obtained through the interviews had to be converted to data. As a scientist who had conducted a qualitative research study in the past, I knew that qualitative methods are ways to convert stories into data. Research is either qualitative or quantitative. Most of the research that we are familiar with deals with numbers and is quantitative. Then the team and I reviewed the internet recordings of the interviews and arrived at the 8 elements.  

2.     Your research led you to the discovery of eight primary elements of wisdom.  Which of the elements surprised you the most?  Why?

Kindness surprised me the most. I am Middle Eastern and being kind was always not viewed highly where I came from. It was viewed as being a pushover and not being very clever. It was also not something that families or society promoted.

Kindness was important to the interviewees in many ways. First, often the reason they were recommended for the study was because they engaged in kind acts towards others. Whether it was volunteering or helping mentor students, the interviewee often contributed to humanity in a way that was kind. Second, the interviewees talked about how kindness was a quality they sought in others. They avoided individuals who were not kind. Third, before they could be kind to others, they were kind to themselves. Many scheduled time during the day or week that was devoted to them being kind to themselves. This “self-care” could have been down time, meditation, time with friends, or whatever brought then joy.

I have since investigated kindness and have realized that kindness is very powerful and it is key to a meaningful life. It is essential to have kindness. It not only takes one out of the fight-or-flight mode when one is around it but when a person is kind, it’s a sign of strength. It not only feels good to be kind but It’s a sign of confidence. It’s also a way to feel connected to another person. It essentially comes down to respect. People, regardless of they differ in ideology, education, or background, all deserve respect. They are human beings and at the core of any and all interactions is kindness and respect.

3.     Which element was most difficult to describe or put into context?  Why? 

The most difficult element to write about and describe was spirituality. This chapter required that I write it, put it aside, and then rewrite it. It required more thought and consideration than I had envisioned. While the other chapters came from ideas that made sense and were based on many years of experience, my spirituality chapter was hard to explain. I knew that I had to better understand my own spirituality to write this chapter.   

The reason this was especially difficult for me was because of my upbringing and my career.  I am a physician-scientist and in my field, the divine is not discussed and it is not viewed as a part of life.  It is too abstract and not able to be measured, so for many, it must not exist. In addition to spirituality not being a part of my career, it was not something that either of my parents believed in. My mother did not believe in any religion or the presence of the divine. My father mocked any mention of miracles or supernatural events. 

I have since realized that the divine plays a larger role in our lives than we are aware of. I also believe that things don’t happen to you, but they happen to you. I also believe that a lot of the “challenges” that come your way, come because the divine feels that you can handle them.

4.     How did your views change regarding these elements from before doing this research and after? 

I always thought that having wisdom was all or nothing, that you either had it or not. I explain this in the first chapter of the book. I did not realize that there were many dimensions and elements to wisdom. My research found these dimensions and also found that while one person may be strong in one dimension, they may be weak in another.

I also discovered that having wisdom equates to having a state of peace and contentment – a knowing that things will work themselves out. The fascinating individuals I talked to were very happy and calm. They felt that emotions can often get in the way and may not be helpful in one’s journey. They also did not seem to take things so seriously. What was most interesting was their interest in wanting to be more than wanting to do.

5.     You state that people reading this book should revisit the book often.  Why is that?

One’s perspective of a given element will change over time. For example, a person in their 20s will not think about their spirituality much but as they age they may start to question their existence and the meaning of life and the divine.

Also, the book gives people a sense of hope and optimism.  When one is encountering challenging times, reading this book can help them “re-focus” and give them perspective.

Finally, the book can serve as a life manual. Life is a journey and while some are lucky to go on this journey with a friend, partner, or relative, not all have such a companion. This book can serve as a companion of life. 

6.     Following your research, do you believe that the purpose of life is to attain wisdom, or do we use wisdom for the purpose of attempting to understand the meaning of life?  Or both?  Why? 

This is a question I have asked myself often. I would say that the answer is both. One should approach life experiences as learning opportunities. The opportunities serve a purpose that may or may not be obvious. For example, a person may be diagnosed with a disease that changes the way they view health and wellness. This disease modifies their perspective and their attitude about life. They are such a changed person following the disease that they can’t imagine ever not having the disease. The disease was a “horrible” situation that gave them so much, like a gift. 

The second part of the wisdom question is in regard to whether wisdom can help with understanding the meaning of life. Having some of the elements or strengthening some of the elements can only help a person view life experiences positively. If a person were to approach a life obstacle with resilience (element 1) and positivity (element 3) that would help one manage life’s ebbs and flows with more grace.  Having wisdom will teach others that an obstacle is a challenge they will overcome. The obstacle is not a disaster but an opportunity.

7.     You discuss the interconnectedness of these elements.  Why is it important for readers to understand how each of these elements are interconnected?

They are all interconnected in that you can’t have one without many of the other elements. As I found, one element may be stronger than others but having one element most likely means that they have other elements, as well.

For example, being resilient can be achieved with more grace if one is positive. The way one views life is different when one is positive. Another example is being spiritual, which depends on being curious and creative. When one thinks of the divine, they can use their imagination and think beyond the physical world. A final example is being humble. This is an element that overlaps greatly with kindness. By being humble, one is kind towards and considerate of another person. Humility and kindness allow for a way to connect with one another. Tolerance also overlaps with kindness. A kind person is interested in other people and is tolerant of those who look and/or act “differently.”

8.     Do you think each person reading this will discover their own definition of wisdom?  Why?

Yes. Each person will see what works for them. The book will teach them about the elements and they can decide what elements they are good at and what elements they need to build on. This “custom” formula will help them come up with their own definition of wisdom and the meaning of their life.

This is why this book is so profound, it is not implying that wisdom is an all or nothing phenomenon but instead is a set of elements.  The project proves that wisdom is not a “one size fits all” game and just like we are all different, so is our sense of the world and wisdom.

The book is also helpful in that it does not imply that a person needs to have all elements. We interviewed 60 wise individuals and only one seemed to master all of the elements. This person taught wisdom to individuals above the age of sixty, so wisdom was his life’s focus.

9.  What do you hope readers will take away from this book?

I have said many times that my goal in doing this work and writing this book is not to sell books and make money. My goal is to change lives. By reading this book, I want readers to realize that there is more to life than the glitz and glamour promoted on the internet, and that success looks different for everyone. Success is different for every person and it is linked to living a more meaningful life.

I also hope that this book will help readers realize that their thoughts and actions can influence their lives as well as the lives of others.

Ultimately, I hope that this book reminds people that meaning and happiness are more important to life than external factors.

10.  Where can people purchase Common Wisdom?

Starting on March 19, it will be sold on Amazon. It will also be available on other websites and in bookstores throughout the country in the near future.

 MEET DR. LAURA GABAYAN

Dr. Laura Gabayan is a world-renowned physician and researcher.  Regarded internationally as an expert in the field of emergency medicine, she has received multiple research grants and awards for her work. She has also published dozens of papers cited by hundreds of researchers.  She has now applied her scientific expertise to study the concept of wisdom.  This discovery resulted in a first-of-its-kind multi-year research effort dubbed The Wisdom Project.  It was designed with scientific rigor in mind and geared towards answering some basic questions:  How is wisdom defined?  What constitutes wisdom?  How can we harness the power of wisdom to improve our everyday lives?  Her work involves extensive interviews of 60 wise individuals. She shares the insights in her book Common Wisdom. The knowledge shared in this book is priceless and timeless.

https://lauragabayan.com/

THERE IS NO GOAL, ONLY PROGRESS

What is the reason for being? The ultimate human question. The answer is, we don’t know. But I believe, as Steven Pinker said in his book ENLIGHTENMENT NOW, the goal of human effort is PROGRESS. He crafted his definition of progress, not from the words of great philosophers, not from religious text, rather from empirical facts. For it requires only the convictions that life is better than death, heath is better than sickness, abundance is better than want, freedom is better than coercion, happiness is better than suffering, and knowledge is better that superstition and ignorance. Any effort to advance any one of those elements for the benefit of mankind is progress. We don’t know why. There is no goal, only progress.

He then wrote the book that amply justified his conclusion that the people of the world are far better off today than at any time in history. The problem for the World is, we are not on the same page as to what the goal is, much less how to achieve it. Every concept is a belief. Every person has their own beliefs. These beliefs are conflicting. And we believe it is lawful for a person (or group of persons) to use force to impose their will on another. The problem you millennials are facing is: once you justify the use of force to impose your will on another, there is no logical reason not to use all of the force available to you until the enemy succumbs or is destroyed (or you are).

Such is the conundrum you millennials face, so, what do you do with your life while you have it? It’s a big world out there and you can’t solve all of the problems. You find what your good at, you find what you’re not good at, and then you find a niche to work in that calls on what you do good and does not call on what you do badly. Then work hard at it and leave the world better off than you found it. Hopefully, that’s progress.

It’s real murky out there. With everyone having a different opinion on what the goal of humanity is and it seems everyone is writing a book about it, I don’t know how you can figure out the answer. But that is what these messages are meant to do. I wasted most of my life trying to live according to Roman Catholic dogma. These messages are what I found out and I hope it saves you some time in not having to learn what I learned the hard way.

Let’s start with God. You have to believe in God, or not. You have choices to believe in the God of Theism, 2,800 verities; the God of Judaism, 3 major brands; and the God of Islam, I don’t know how many interpretations there are. Then there are the Eastern religions: Hindu, Buddha, American Indian, etc. I think you would benefit from reading Worlds Apart, by Geisler and Watkins. That will give you a big boost in understanding the different interpretations of God. But there is another source of confusion about God and that is dogma. Men have written about God and other men have deified their work. But dogma is to my spirit as an eggshell to the chick. I am birthed within it and could not grow without it, but if I do not break free…dogma will entomb my soul. Are you trapped in dogma?

Dogma is the personal belief of one or more persons about life after death presented as a fact of life for all persons. But the fact is, the answer to the questions of life after life, is that there is no factual answer, only belief…the singular, individual, and unique belief of each person. That is why one person’s belief is as good as another. That is why no one should be allowed to tell another person they have the REAL GOD and use force to impose it.

I know it’s a big world out there and our generation didn’t do what it might have, but it’s the world you will live in. Think of life a 100 years ago and life now. Make it better!

This article was written by Lawrence McGrath.

Originally titled: 1st Message for Millennials

Lawrence wrote the book: A Cry From The Heart: A Personal Essay

Click here to purchase his book on Amazon.

Mr. McGrath is an author, father and grandfather. A retired marine pilot, lawyer, college professor, college president, bank president, and consultant.

Autobiography and Memoir

Writing a memoir is not the same as writing an autobiography book.

Here are the differences between them:

An Autobiography or Biography

This type of book presents a revealing account of:

- A person’s entire life.

- Their personal history.

- Their birth, youth, and adulthood, ending with old age.

- Their secrets, education, conflicts, and achievements.

- Their personal history recounted in chronological order.

Also, a biography or autobiography is usually written at the end of

someone’ s life. A biography can also be written about someone else,

such as a celebrity, important historical figure, famous athlete,

politician, or spiritual leader, among others.

A Memoir

- Any significant event or a series of moments in one’s life.

- A piece or timeframe of a person’s life.

- Though it can be about anything, it usually features an event or series of

events turned into stories that reveal a message.

- For example, it can be about the death of someone you loved, the

habits of your older brother, a trip to Europe, a spiritual insight, becoming

a writer, finding true love, or life on the beach.

- A memoir focuses on particular events that relate to each other in order

to reveal a life lesson.

Remember, a memoir should be interesting in itself, and should be about

your intimate, personal experiences.

An inspiring memoir is written like a novel, and should include these

important elements: Characters, Location, Conflict, Structure, Point of

View, Conclusion and Message.

Much love,

Valeria

THE RIGHT REASONS TO WRITE A MEMOIR

There are many good reasons to write a book inspired by your personal

experiences. But there are also wrong reasons to become a writer.

Writing a memoir can be about capturing unforgettable memories,

sharing a life-changing experience, revealing a secret, or rediscovering

oneself. By having your experiences on paper, your book might have a

positive impact on someone else’s life.

HERE ARE SOME OF THE RIGHT REASONS TO WRITE A MEMOIR:

• Self-discovery

• To reveal a side of you no one knows

• To examine your choices in the past and their connection with your life today

• To remember the best shared moments • To share a life-changing experience

• To reveal your emotional truths

• To heal from your childhood traumas

• To show appreciation to someone in your life • To teach what you have learned

• To share your perspective about life

• Writing for your family and future generations

• You feel you have an important message to deliver

• To connect with people who share the same life experience or perspective.

• To feel good

SOME OF THE WRONG REASONS TO WRITE A MEMOIR:

• Revenge

• Wish for fame

• Wish for wealth

• Writing for others

• To show that your are smart and worth it

Much love,

Valeria

UNHAPPY HEART IN A FIT BODY

Susan had a session with me at two in the afternoon. I was not feeling well after Destiny’s encounter. During lunch, my thoughts had been much more centered on love and kindness, and this reflection was hovering over me when Susan arrived. She’d been training with me for a couple of months.

I began chatting with her about these tender reflections. In the middle of our session, I said, “Susan, you know what I’ve begun to realize?”

 “What?” she asked.

 “That the foundation of health is love; how can we feel comfortable in our bodies if we are not in love with life? Does that make sense to you?”

** Check this Keto book to become more fit. Learn more here**

She looked at me as if she was thinking about it. Then she said, “Valeria, can you please get the mat for my next buttocks workout?”

We continued with the session as if I’d never brought up the insignificance of a fit body without a loving heart and a happy mind.

Much Love!

Valeria Teles

THE SUN, THE MOON, AND THE TRUTH CANNOT HIDE

Karen was my last client for the day. We met at seven sharp, right after Steve.

Karen was an obese woman I trained twice a week. She was thirty years old, weighed 250 pounds, and was 5’ 2”. However, these numbers don’t say anything about her as a person. She was a painter who owned her own gallery in Manhattan. The serenity in her eyes and the way she smiled for no reason introduced her to me before she even told me her name.

She had been married for more than five years to someone who was in good shape. I knew this because her husband came to pick her up after our sessions. The conversation we had the first day we met left me pondering about life for days.

I asked the same question I asked every client before we began the program: What are your three main fitness goals?

Karen said she only had one goal: to enjoy the workouts.

I recall looking into her eyes as if she had not understood my question. I rephrased it, and this time I was more specific.

“I understand, Karen, and I will ensure that the exercises will be fun, but what I meant was, how many pounds do you want to lose?”

Again, she answered with a smile and said she didn’t care about the weight; she just wanted to feel good during and after the workouts. Furthermore, she said it didn’t matter if she didn’t lose any weight at all. Her peaceful eyes and joyful smile reinforced the truth of her words.

I could not believe this woman and how out of touch with reality she was. She was obese, for God’s sake! She could actually die of a heart attack at any moment, and my mind refused to believe that anyone could be at peace with a body like hers. It couldn’t be possible.

I insisted. I tried to force her to make a deal with me, and asked her to agree on losing one to two pounds per week.

Once more with the same serene, happy look on her face, she replied that I didn’t understand her. Patiently, she repeated that she was fine with her weight and that she enjoyed her work. She was a person who loved and was loved by her family and friends. Her life was a blessing, and she was grateful for what she had. There was nothing else to be added or removed to make her happier. The workouts with me were just to get her body moving while she had some fun.

I wasn’t amazed by her attitude, because I neither understood nor believed in what she was saying at the time. Nevertheless, after our encounter that day, I went home thinking about her, and I remembered a thought I’d had when I was a teenager, one that had returned many times throughout my life.

I would die young.

I believed I would not reach the age of thirty, despite being physically healthy.

Perhaps intuitively, I knew that my heart could fail at any time because of my lack of understanding of what life was really about: love and kindness.

I am convinced that Karen became my client for a reason—to teach me that to be healthy is to be loving. She trained with me for almost a year, and never lost any weight.

Karen was the healthiest client I ever had.

 

Much Love!

Valeria Teles

SIMPLE PRACTICE FOR A PEACEFUL DAY

A simple practice we can engage in to cultivate peace and harmony is to give up hope and replace it with aspiration or motivation from the heart—that is, to stop waiting to be happy when something happens. Instead, rejoice in this very moment because what you are doing now should already be the realization of what you want to happen in the future. 

Warm wishes,

Valeria  

CHOOSE TO BE THRILLED!

We have the choice to change our minds when we can't change the situation we find ourselves in. Instead of perceiving a commitment to finish our work with dreadful anxiety, we can live in these moments with a sense of excitement.

Embrace the challenge of being creative, thus tapping into the unborn parts of the mind that are not habitually conditioned to perceiving external events. 

The main difference between anxiety and excitement is the energy behind these feelings: one is driven by negative thoughts (anxiety), and the other by positive ones. All of the unnecessary suffering in our lives is self-created, and so is our happiness. 

When we are able to perceive reality with an inner “eye” that can’t see itself, our hearts will have become the source of unconditioned joy. 

 

Much love!

Valeria

TRYING TOO HARD

I now see that my "fit and healthy" lifestyle was made up of a series of these kinds of experiences. I was very disciplined, but this discipline was turning me into the opposite of a loving and happy person. I came to realize that the pursuit of a fit and healthy body could only be a positive thing if we’ve already recognized our spiritual hearts as perfectly fit to provide us with a life of happiness and peace. In other words, although a fit body can improve our health, earn compliments that boost our self-esteem, and give us a temporary “high” of accomplishment, without a content mind and joyful heart, our happiness won’t last long. When our health and feel-good states depend on external conditions and constant hard work, this can propel us into an endless, destructive cycle.

Much love!

Valeria

ON SELF-RESPECT

From my experience with fitness, I can confidently say that the motivation to have a healthy body should not be based on fear, but on love. One of the hardest negative mental habits to break is the constant need for the approval of others. This habit can result in physical and emotional abuse (as happened to me), by propelling us to overtrain our bodies so that we will be accepted and complimented by others. The more I abused my body at the gym, the more people praised me, and the more I was motivated to keep doing it—to the extent that I even signed up for competition shows. As you can see, this was not that different from a drug addiction. My lack of self-respect and self-love was great enough to keep me open to doing anything that gave me that “approval-acceptance” high. 

Much love!

Valeria

ON SELF-LOVE

SELF-LOVE

After many insights and lessons, I’ve learned to have self-love without selfishness; to recognize which behaviors are motivated by love rather than fear; to see how closely connected my past is to my present; and that love, joy, and peace are at the core of our true nature with regard to how we relate to others and the world. My new spiritual understanding not only gave deeper meaning to my life, but it has also caused external changes I could never have imagined. 

 

Much love!

Valeria

THE SPACE TO BE YOU

"Bravo’s dusty roads were still paths for bull-driven carriages, which squeezed between the houses in a cloud of dust. The carriage conductor would scream loudly to give directions to the bulls. He wore leather pants and a leather jacket under the fierce sun, and whipped the bulls with two dirty ropes. From far off, I could hear the loud creaking of the carriage’s dry wooden chassis carrying large bags of beans and corn.

The sound grew louder and louder as it approached our street. It was a bit scary at first, but it always became the attraction of the week. I would rush to the window, covering my eyes with my fingers so as not to be blinded by the dust. I couldn’t open my mouth to laugh or scream either, unless I wanted to have dust for lunch.

I still enjoyed the passing of the giant, creaking carriage dragged by bulls and whipped by a wild man. Bravo seemed not to care about its bull-driven carriages making loud noises and clouds of dust. It was simply the space that allowed a bull to be a bull and a man to be a wild conductor."

 

Much love!

Valeria

LISTENING TO THE HEART WAS MY ONLY CHOICE

"After days of dwelling on my detached feelings and memories of the past charged with discontent, there was a moment of silent melancholy and then a question. This question would change everything: ‘What would you do if you were still alive?’ 

I knew the answer well.

I’d listen to my heart..."

Much Love,

Valeria

LOSE WEIGHT - FIND JOY

Below you will find a sample of the diet that I was on for about two years before I competed with WBFF – World Beauty Fitness and Fashion. This dietary system, combined with weight lifting, can be of great help for losing weight, staying in shape, and building muscle and strength. But as I have mentioned throughout my book, Fit for Joy, this type of regiment mainly focuses on the physical body, which is only one aspect of our being. We are so much more than just our bodies! The approach to fitness that works the body in isolation from our mind and our spiritual heart is not what I do today, professionally or personally. My work at the moment is about integrating conventional physical fitness with spirituality.

These meal suggestions are only to illustrate what my personal journey was like. They are not approved meal-plan recommendations.

BREAKFAST Option One

8 oz cold water with a probiotic supplement

1 tablespoon matcha green tea + ½ lemon

7 walnuts

1-2 whole eggs

BREAKFAST Option Two

1 salmon filet oven-roasted with coconut oil

5-10 walnuts

Steamed Kale

BREAKFAST Option Three

Steel-cut oats, almond milk, berries

Green tea

 

LUNCH

Any lean meat of your choice: white fish (sole, cod, flounder, or halibut), grass-fed red meat, tuna fish, wild salmon, chicken breast, turkey breast, sardines in water.

Eat with steamed veggies or a green salad.

Avoid sauces; instead use olive oil, apple cider vinegar, and avocado oil for salad dressing.

Snack - Best Options:

1 tablespoon spirulina shake with ½ oz. frozen organic berries and a teaspoon of coconut oil

Green juice (no fruit added)

Protein shake (whey protein)

Nuts (walnuts, macadamias, pecans, Brazil nuts)

Raw coconut flakes

Celery, cucumber, or carrots with almond butter

Kale chips or dried seaweed

Raw cheese (unpasteurized)

Sweet potato chips (homemade)

 

DINNER

The same options as lunch

*Important – Avoid:

Alcohol

All sugar and sweets

Regular fruit, except for berries and green apples

Starchy carbs such as pasta, bread, rice, wheat wraps, white potatoes, etc.

 

DRINKS

Water

Kombucha drinks or tea

All kinds of tea, but especially green tea (no sugar added)

Coffee (no sugar added)

 

OTHER DETAILS

Sleep 8 hours or more per night

Drink a gallon of water every day, as well as green tea

All vegetables and fruit should be organic

Adding lemon to your meals is great – it alkalizes the body

You can have a small piece of dark chocolate 85% cacao or higher, but not every day

Use stevia powder as the only sweetener

 

Much love!

Valeria

CALLING FOR FITNESS AND SPIRITUALITY

My six o’clock client was not a regular. A fellow female trainer had had to leave due to an emergency, and asked me to take her client that day. I filled in for her as a substitute trainer.

Steve was a fifty-seven-year-old businessman who seemed to be under a great deal of stress. I could tell this just by being around him for a few seconds. He gave me a serious, almost intimidating impression, and breathed heavily. We were introduced in a hurry by the other trainer as she ran out the door.

Steve looked at me with an expression of quiet impatience. He was in good shape and looked strong. His chest area was well developed, leading me to think he must have been lifting heavy weights for years. I could tell he was very proud of his chest.

Before I could ask him about his training routine, he gave me the workout for that day. His program had only four exercises: barbell bench press (155 lbs — 12 reps), incline chest press (50 lb dumbbells — 12 reps), floor push-ups (20 reps), and incline dumbbell flies (20 lbs — 12 reps). If you understand something about muscle-group training, you will notice that Steve’s workout had only chest exercises.

I looked at his program and said enthusiastically, “Great! Let’s do it!”

I set up the barbell and began the first workout on the list. I was ready to spot him if he needed it, standing close to the bench behind his head. As he ended each rep, I cheered him on by saying things like, “Great job, Steve. You’ve got it! Nice work! Keep the energy! You can do it! Wonderful! You are doing it right! Don’t give up! One more left! Nicely done!”

In truth, I was talking to myself. I needed to hear my own enthusiastic words, given the day I’d had. I noticed something unusual when I took a glanced quickly at Steve’s face to make sure he was okay. He was looking at me and smiling as he lifted the heavy weight. He’d finished lifting without saying a word, but he smiled. I didn’t exactly understand the reason for his happiness, but I was glad his serious and stress-filled expression was gone.

 

Considering he was a new client, I didn’t feel comfortable enough to begin a conversation about my early insights into fitness and kindness. Nonetheless, I asked him trivial questions, which he didn’t answer. I don’t know about you, but I enjoy interacting with others when I’m with them. I like separating things: There is a time to be fully alone, and a time to be fully with others. In a trainer/client relationship, there are moments to focus on the exercise, moving and breathing properly, and also moments when we can talk.

 

Steve’s behavior was making me feel incredibly awkward. Concerned but trying to stay cool, I followed him around with my cheerful chatter. His behavior didn’t change. The studio was quiet; there were only a few people working out with their trainers. No one seemed to notice how uncomfortable I was around Steve.

Once again in my life, I felt stuck. I didn’t want to stay there, but I couldn’t leave. I tried to stay calm and do my job well.

We went through the workouts. In the end, Steve was sweating, still with a smile on his face. Before we said goodbye, he asked for my name again, then mentioned that he liked my training style. He also inquired if I could train him from that day on. I politely explained to him that my schedule couldn’t fit another client.

In truth, if my heart had not begun to guide me toward fitness and spirituality, I would have accepted his offer. 

Much love!

Valeria Teles

LIFE OR BODY TRANSFORMATION?

Diana was next. We met at five in the evening.

She came in ten minutes early and hustled past me on her way to the locker room, saying, “It’s been another busy day. Give me the hardest, most beast-mode circuit you’ve got, Valeria.”

My energy was very low at this point. I really didn’t want to train another client, especially a high-energy person like Diana. She was thirty-four years old and exercised every day in the morning before she went to work. Whether embarking on a life or body transformation, the journey often leads to personal and professional growth. For those inspired to start their own business in this transformative period, checking out a Zenbusiness LLC review can be a great first step to understanding the best way to legally structure your new venture.

Her jogging sessions lasted an hour. She usually met me in the late afternoons for her weight training.

Today was an upper-body session. While she lay under a sixty-five-pound loaded barbell, doing twelve reps of military presses, I asked her, “What is the most important thing in life to you, Diana?”

She was so focused on her reps that I wasn’t sure she’d heard me. As usual, she was having a serious conversation with the barbell. We didn’t tend to talk much. Her workout mood had always been to get the job done as well as possible and then leave the studio.

A few seconds later, she put the bar back on the rack. The next exercise was ab work, and she knew it. We had the circuits programmed in advance. She moved briskly to the yoga mat on the floor to do a set of twenty reverse crunches.

Her breathing was heavy. The circuit was intense. She was never happy with anything light or easy. I was still waiting for an answer to my question as I kept track of the number of reps, but I didn’t ask it again.

On the floor, while doing a quick stretch—bending her knees close to her chest while keeping her legs together—she said, “The most important thing to me is to keep moving forward through the days. When I wake up in the morning, I have a to-do list in my mind. I just go through it naturally. It’s a clear, focused, and precise daily plan I accomplish by the end of the day.” She finished her answer by the assisted pull-up bar, after fifteen reps.

Diana had been moving fast for the last thirty minutes. She performed all her exercises with the same focus and precision as she checked off her to-do list.

“Do you like your job?” I asked.

She was so focused on her spider plank ab work that her favorite movie star would have gone unnoticed had they walked by us. Sitting on the mat, wiping her face, she said that she got her job done, made great money, and was proud of herself. She worked out hard in one of the best fitness clubs in New York, and could afford my high personal training fees. She laughed and added that she ate out all the time, traveled, went out with friends for drinks; serious relationships and love were too complicated to give attention to.

You know that feeling when there’s nothing you can say to someone because they’re too busy listening to their own thoughts? That’s how I felt.

After we finished the workout, I reflected on how Diana’s life was not that different from her to-do list. It was programmed. She’d been in a cycle of living according to rehearsed habits, and her life had turned into a running race with no finish line or winners, an existence driven by nonstop actions. There was no space left to even think about love.

Diana followed the exercise program and ate clean while training with me. She achieved the fit and athletic look she wanted in three months. Her body composition transformed, but I wish her life had, too.

Much Love!

Valeria Teles

FLAT BELLY ONLY!

My next appointment was with Destiny at noon.

She called to say she would be almost twenty minutes late. I stared out at the street from the studio. There were many things going through my mind that day, even though my feeling of unhappiness was not connected to any of them. It was cold and windy outside, and I expected Destiny to come rushing in any minute.

Destiny was one of the most cheerful clients I had. She always went straight to me with a big smile, and gave me a tight hug and a kiss before we started training. She was a mother of two kids, taught school, and was overweight. Destiny was a high-energy woman with a very unusual fitness goal: to lose belly fat only. She trained with me three times a week.

When we met two months ago and I asked her about her fitness goals, she told me her husband would love to see her with a smaller belly, wearing the new pink swimsuit he’d bought for her that summer. She shook a colorful water bottle and took a sip, adding that she knew she was a bit overweight, but she liked her voluptuous body—except for her belly fat. Her husband had said all she needed to do to look great was lose belly fat.

It was not the first time I’d heard this kind of fitness request from a client, and I was used to it. I proceeded to explain to her that spot reduction was not possible with exercise and diet, and that while working out with me, she’d lose fat in her body overall, not only around her belly. Despite this, she was excited to get started. I don’t think she understood me.

We started training from that day on. She was doing great. Destiny had lost almost twenty pounds so far.

After a long, melancholic wait by the window, she came rushing in. She looked serious and worried. It was the first time she didn’t greet me with a hug and kiss. I hoped nobody had died.

We sat down on the sofa in reception. I faced her, but she looked down. She said she’d wanted to meet me in person to say something important. She didn’t want to send an email.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

She said she couldn’t do it anymore; I had helped her reduce her belly size and feel better, but she’d noticed that her thighs and buttocks were shrinking, too. It wasn’t what she’d expected. She was looking down the whole time, about to cry.

I listened to her quietly. I didn’t have much to say.

Destiny thanked me, then stood up and walked away.

 

Much Love!

Valeria Teles