Our personal relationships are an essential part of life. We are naturally wired to connect and collaborate with others.
Healthy relationships contain core essential elements including respect, appreciation, and freedom. In balanced relationships, each person contributes thoughts and feelings while remaining responsible for his or her own behavior.
Healthy relationships are equitable; both people contribute equally — or at least balance out in the long run. Lack of balance in a relationship can show up as criticism, control, or neglect. Unhealthy relationships not only erode the mind and body, they create barriers and slow our spiritual growth.
In order for our relationships to remain healthy, here are five considerations:
Communication is consistent. Without clear communication, relationships wither. We are all unique individuals, and our perceptions, assumptions, and conclusions are also unique. Having differing opinions can be a good thing! Too much of the same routine can result in complacency and boredom. And communication isn’t just speaking; effective listening skills are imperative. Sometimes we learn the most about ourselves from each other.
Respect isn’t optional; it’s necessary. Unhealthy relationships are often a result of losing respect for one another. Respect comes from appreciating differences, considering perspectives, and honoring preferences. Once you lose respect for someone, the relationship starts to unravel. Over time, respect — like trust — can be earned by actions and words. Even if a relationship has become stagnant or distant, respect can still endure.
Healthy boundaries are clear. Creating healthy personal boundaries facilitates self-reliance and helps to develop nurturing, loving, and mature relationships. Having clear boundaries requires that we focus on ourselves and learn to communicate our preferences in healthy and respectful ways. Setting personal boundaries allows us to express our truth and beliefs to others with confidence and courage. Acknowledging and honoring the personal boundaries of others demonstrates respect and builds trust.
Growing together is as important as growing individually. We are all in a perpetual state of growth and expansion. When we grow individually, we expand our thoughts and beliefs by learning from ourselves. When we grow in relationships, we learn from each other. The contrast that our relationships bring may cause us to grow apart unless we make a commitment to recognize our differences as strengths. Growing together in relationship means being able to learn from each other, embrace differences, and choose to walk together on a common path.
Follow the love. Authentic love conquers all doubt, fear, shortcomings, feelings of inadequacy, and negativity. To be truly loved by someone is to be recognized and “seen” for all of the things we are — complete and whole — with all of our strengths and weaknesses; ups and downs; fabulousness and foibles. And it all begins with us. When we learn to love, accept, support, and appreciate ourselves, our relationships will always benefit.
This article was written by Michael Thomas Sunnarborg
Every religion has their members admit they are not what their God would have them be. An example is one segment of Christianity. It says it is the result of the Sin Nature that is the result of the original sin of Adam and Eve and transmitted to every human like DNA.
Their human reasoning, as to the cause, gives remarkable human Institutional reason for the cure. First they divided sin into Mortal and Venial sin. They must first be confessed to a priest, and if you die without making another mortal sin you go to heaven. If you die with an unconfessed mortal sin, you go to hell. If you die with an unconfessed venial sin you go to Purgatory and after that time in Purgatory you get to go to heaven.
Don’t laugh. One billion souls live every day under that curse. They live because they believe in the Institutional truth in the Sin of Adam and Eve is the reason for their “Sin Nature.” Others say it is ratified by the Atonement of Jesus Christ “who died for your sins.” If you believe in Him that will do the job of confessing. Why do you have a sin nature? Organized religions have failed in their mission because their leaders fell in love with their dogma instead of their god. Something has to change! What has to change first is our belief in why people act selfishly. Well I will give you another perspective. It is the unchallenged, initially rewarded, and culturally reinforced approval of “I Want What I Want When I Want It. (Hereinafter identified as IWWIWWIWI, The Kinkul.)
Did you know there are thousands of Kinkuls born every day. Kinkuls look like this when they are born. (Baby picture), Their mommies and daddies call them babies, but they are not…they are Kinkul motels! What makes them a Kinkul motel is the IWWIWWIWI caterpillar. Some how that ol’ Kinkul gets inside the baby and they arrive in this world together at the same time. No one knows where the Kinkul lives, but I think it lives in the baby’s brain right behind the eyes and just between the ears.
At first, the Kinkul is very helpful to the baby. When the Kinkul is hungry it bites the baby. And you know what happens then, the baby lets out a big caterwauling cry. And you know what happens then? Mommy and Daddy, and anyone standing close, comes fluttering to the Kinkul and starts feeding it with good tasting stuff. The Kinkul likes that and so does the baby. When the Kinkul feels wet, or thirsty, or cold, or hot or tired, the Kinkul bites the baby and the baby lets out a big caterwauling cry and Mommy or Daddy or anyone standing close come fluttering to the Kinkul and makes the Kinkul comfortable. The Kinkul likes that and so does baby.
The IWWIWWIWI caterpillar is as natural to the baby as its hands and toes. The Kinkul uses baby’s caterwauling cry to get what it wants when it wants, long before baby is able to use its hands or feet. The Kinkul knows, long before baby knows, that it’s hungry, or thirsty, or wet, or cold, or hot, or sick. The Kinkul is as much a part of a baby as its heart and just an invisible to Mommies and Daddies. That’s why a Kinkul that wants what it wants when it wants it isn’t being bad…it’s just being a Kinkul, which happens to live in a Kinkul motel, that Mommies and Daddies call baby.
After baby has lived with Mommy and Daddy for more than a year, neither baby nor the Kinkul has reason to think it shouldn’t get what it wants when it wants it, even when it doesn’t know what it wants. Mommy and Daddy and anyone standing near has made sure that what a Kinkul wants, a Kinkul gets, and baby likes that.
Think on it. The only tool, or weapon, a baby has to fend for its life, is crying. And it works. Why wouldn’t it think selfishly. What else does the baby know exists? It is how the institutions handle the maturational process that signifies why the institutional minds create conflicted living.
Mr. McGrath is an author, father and grandfather. A retired marine pilot, lawyer, college professor, college president, bank president, and consultant.
