THE MENTAL RESISTANCE TO WHAT ARISES AND THE TRUST TO LET THEM BE
Here is an inspiring and insightful book that has touched my inner and outer world: “The Rogue Scorpion” by Lynda Faye Schmidt
— Thoughts of the previous evening bubble up in her head. She smiles, remembering how happy Catalina looked when she shared Kamila’s apology with her on the way to church, how being at peace with her sister, finally, felt like the most beautiful gift of all. Isabella forces herself to resist the temptation to think and relaxes into stillness. Less than a minute later, a line from A New Earth comes to her mind: “The greatest difficulty is the mental resistance to things that arise, and the underlying assumption that they should not.”
She sits with this wisdom and smiles again. She wonders, without self-judgment, only curiosity, if she will ever be able to feel at peace with all things. She thinks about how impossible it felt to accept other people’s ideas and judgments about her and Catalina, and how she struggled to be okay with it, despite knowing that other people’s stories are not her concern. Her smile broadens. With a tear of joy in her eye, she accepts herself as she is, with all her imperfections, knowing she has time to learn, and that she’s only getting started on her path. She tiptoes into her bedroom and quietly retrieves her sketchbook journal, then plunks down on the couch to draw.
Isabella feels like her pencil is being moved by divine intervention. She watches as though a bystander as the blank page transforms into a scene that depicts herself embodied as a sunflower. Her arms are branches that reach for the sun in the sky above. Her feet are roots, supported by the solid, moist earth.
— Dearest God, Creator of all things, it’s me, Isabella. I come to you in prayer, seeking your guidance, needing your loving strength more than I ever have before. I don’t know how to do this. I want to trust the process of life, and yet, I don’t know how to let my father go. I’m not ready. My father is the mirror in which the reflection of myself is the closest to perfection. He sees me with total unconditional love and acceptance. His love has been the rock of my foundation, and I’m afraid without it, I will crumble. Where will I turn to without his fatherly presence to comfort and guide me?
Even as I think these words, with you as my witness, I know the answer. I know that you are my father and my mother too. With your spirit in my heart, I’m never alone. You are with me, for eternity. You are with him too, and he will always be with me in spirit. It doesn’t mean it won’t be hard. It will likely be the hardest thing I’ve yet had to endure. But I know I can do this. I’ve got everything I need, including my beautiful Catalina. The people who love me will help me. We’ll all support one another. I made a promise to my father, and I plan on keeping it.
Thank you, dearest God, for giving me this awareness. For filling my earthly vessel with the strength, courage, and wisdom to live my life in faith. I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know what lies ahead for my father, or for me. But I trust that life will unfold according to your divine plan, with a purposeful design, beyond my comprehension.
Amen.
LOOK OUT YOUR WINDOW
When its early or late, I can’t see outside.
It’s dark and that means the outside just hides.
But the moment it’s light, great things come in view
My window shows me the things that are new.
When I look out my window I see cars drive by.
And with eyes looking up I see airplanes on high.
When I look out of my window I see wind in the trees.
The branches all dance as it moves through the leaves.
When I look out of my window, I see rain and some snow.
The cars and the trucks have to go really slow.
When I look out my window, I see people walking.
With arms always moving – they never stop talking.
When I look out my window, it’s my neighbors I see
And they always do smile and wave right back at me.
When I look out my window, I see kids on the bus.
Laughing and talking with so much to discuss.
When I look out my window I see men who are mowing
the yards and the grass that never stops growing.
When I look out of my window, I see squirrels and some birds
They get a lot done without using our words.
When I look out my window I see big and small dogs
I see all sorts of birds and some snakes and some frogs.
When I look out my window, I see flowers so bright.
Red and dark blue, yellow, orange and some white.
When I look out my window, thick clouds and some thinner,
Go racing by, now who is the winner?
When I look out my window, I see runners jog
They run in the rain, in the wind and the fog.
When I stand at my window, something important I see,
Dad’s car comes in view, coming home to see me.
I spend time at my window, stand still and don’t race.
This is my special and very remarkable place.
To watch all that happens and to learn about me.
There is so much to watch, to notice and see.
So I stand at my window and take it all in.
I watch, look and listen, and take life for a spin.
This article was written by Jay Forte
Click HERE to Learn more about Jay’s work
WEBSITE: https://thefortefactor.com/
REDUCING EMOTIONAL EATING
Having high emotional granularity is a vital tool for reducing emotional eating. The term was coined by Northeastern University Psychology Professor Lisa Feldman Barrett shortly after the turn of the century and refers to the ability to recognize, identify and express a full range of emotions. People with high emotional granularity have “finely tuned feelings.” They value emotions and are in touch with them most of the time. Moreover, they don’t lump all emotions together, but feel and can describe their nuances. Upset might be parsed as frightened, dismayed or exasperated. Angry might be viewed as frustrated, helpless or fearful.
Says Barrett, “Emotional granularity isn’t just about having a rich vocabulary; it’s about experiencing the world, and yourself, more precisely. This can make a difference in your life. In fact, there is growing scientific evidence that precisely tailored emotional experiences are good for you, even if those experiences are negative.” (“Are You in Despair? That’s Good,” The NY Times, 6/3/16, http://clbb.mgh.harvard.edu/are-you-in-despair-thats-good/#more-7340, accessed 1/29/19).
“According to a collection of studies, finely grained, unpleasant feelings allow people to be more agile at regulating their emotions, less likely to drink excessively when stressed and less likely to retaliate aggressively against someone who has hurt them…Perhaps surprisingly, the benefits of high emotional granularity are not only psychological. People who achieve it are also likely to have longer, healthier lives. They go to the doctor and use medication less frequently, and spend fewer days hospitalized for illness. Cancer patients, for example, have lower levels of harmful inflammation when they more frequently categorize, label and understand their emotions.”
There’s evidence that emotional granularity improves mental health. Higher emotional granularity translates to better coping skills and, therefore, fewer maladaptive behaviors such as addictions. Relationships also improve when people are attuned to emotions.
How emotionally granular are you? Do you have difficulty identifying your feelings? Do you ignore them? Lump them together? Therapy can help because it provides a safe place to learn about and discuss emotions. By becoming more tuned in to them, you’ll up your emotional intelligence and do less mindless or binge eating.
This article was written by Karen R. Koenig
Click HERE to Learn more about Karen’s work.
WEBSITES: http://www.karenrkoenig.com/
http://www.nicegirlsfinishfat.com/
THE DEEP WELCOME OF FRIENDSHIP
Across the miles they drove, journeying four hours north on washboard roads until they reached this country hill.
“We want to talk about the conference,” they had said on the phone. “We can fill you in on the details in person. The more you know about us, the easier it will be for you to prepare.”
I heard their words, but I was deaf to their hearts, because as the date of their visit approached, the puddle of panic around me grew deeper and murkier. The faithless ponderings multiplied:
They’ll be sorry they traveled all this way to meet someone so ordinary. What if they want to quiz me on my theology? I’m sure they’ll take one look at my tiny kitchen and my beat up wood floors and decide that I’m a mess, too.
This, for me, has been the challenge of the Christian life: to boldly welcome others into the mess that is me, and then to trust – to trust that God will build a bridge between our hearts, and to trust that others will respond with acceptance and love.
As it happens, my new friends arrived a few minutes late – GPS’s aren’t much help out here! More important, though, when they showed up in my driveway, they did not arrive bearing an impossible yardstick or hearts of judgment. They were not expecting me to look or sound like a conference speaker or to live in a museum of Pinterest perfection.
We exchanged warm hugs and settled down to business. They shared their stories and described their community, drawing me into their fellowship of women:
the diligent seekers after Truth;
the heartsick lovers of prodigal children;
the faithful caregivers who bridge and mend the generations;
the patient prayer warriors who battle daily on behalf of unsaved husbands.
We broke zucchini bread together and my worries about my mum-jeans and sub-standard housekeeping practices were forgotten as we engaged in sincere prayer for the planning of the conference and for the women who would be challenged by the Truth.
I was the girl with the teakettle on the stove and my Canadian grandmother’s delicate cups and saucers all arranged to receive guests, but these women who had traveled across two state lines on an early Monday morning were the true extenders of hospitality.
They transcended geography, opened their hearts, and welcomed me into their lives in the spirit that Paul describes in Romans 15:7:
Therefore, receive one another just as Christ also received us, to the glory of God.
Stretching out both hands to receive the world, Jesus’ act of cross-shaped love still flattens the barriers that appear so insurmountable to this fearful and self-protective introvert. God is mightily glorified when, by grace, we reach across the artificial boundaries of politics, race, or denomination in order to truly “receive one another” in unity and acceptance.
Wanting to send my new friends on their way with sweetness, I pulled tiny jars of apple butter from my basement shelves. But the greater gift that day was offered to me — the priceless welcome and deep hospitality of friendship.
This article was written by Michele Morin
Click HERE to Learn more about Michele’s work.
WEBSITE: https://michelemorin.wordpress.com
RECOVERING FROM EATING DISORDER
Putting Emotions To Work To Overcome Your Eating Disorder
Whether you’re just beginning to address your under- or overeating problems or have been making steady progress over years or decades, there’s one area that you will have to come to terms with sooner or later to achieve full recovery. To achieve a satisfying, nourishing, happy, and successful life without food problems, you will have to learn how put your emotions to work for you. This means not dancing around them by eating or calorie counting, obsessing about what you can/can’t/should/shouldn’t eat, or focusing on whether the numbers on the scale are moving up or down.
For many disordered eaters, identifying and sitting with feelings is the last hurdle to becoming a “normal” eater. Most are willing and often eager to practice new food- and weight-related behaviors, such as making satisfying food choices, eating mindfully, taking larger or smaller bites, throwing out the scale, eating without distractions, taking deep breaths after each mouthful, and staying connected to the body’s pleasure center during the eating process. But most people with eating problems—actually, most people, period—have difficulty getting comfortable with feelings. It’s important for you to recognize that disordered eaters are far from the only ones who have difficulty handling emotions. To greater or lesser extent, everyone does.
Unfortunately, every time you use food (move toward or away from it) instead of feeling an authentic emotion, you miss an opportunity to discover something about what’s happening in your internal world. Think of your emotions as equivalent to your senses. The latter alert us to our reaction to our environment—thumbs up or thumbs down—through touch, smell, sight, hearing, and taste. Our feelings have a similar function as they provide us with information about our reaction to people and situations. The function of both our senses and our emotions is to move us toward pleasure and away from pain. Emotions help us decide what is self-threatening—smelling smoke and seeing flames across the room—and what is self-enhancing—sensory delight derived from gazing out over the ocean as gulls soar overhead and the sun dips into the sea.
— True self-care is about holistic health. Jill Kay recently introduced me to Arbonne, the #1 global brand for healthy living inside and out. I tried the products and loved them! Check out their certified vegan, cruelty-free, gluten-free, nontoxic products by clicking HERE. You will be very surprised! —
If you’re like most people, you don’t realize the value and purpose of emotions and assume they’re not important, or worse, that uncomfortable feelings should be avoided at all cost. But, I bet you’d never think of shutting off your senses and wandering through the world without them. Well, that’s exactly what you do every time you ignore or minimize a feeling.
What if emotions aren’t the demons you’ve made them out to be? What if emotions are your teachers and your care-takers? What if they’re not trash but treasures?
One of the reasons that emotions get a bad rap is that they can feel truly awful. We may believe that if something doesn’t feel good, it can’t be good, but this is far from the truth. There are lots of painful cures to what ails us that we tolerate because we know they are necessary and promote ultimate health and well-being—injections, dental fillings and implants, physical therapy, and surgery, to name a few. No one says, gee, terrific, I’m going to have my body sliced open today and then I’ll be in pain for weeks on end recovering. However, inspite of the fact that it’s often a nasty business, people schedule surgery because they know they’ll feel better in the long run.
The same is true of emotions. Just because they hurt or make you feel badly does not mean they are bad. Like musical notes and colors (and foods too!), there are no good or bad emotions. They’re what’s called value neutral. Think of them as messengers, giving you vital information about what’s happening within your internal landscape—you’re disappointed, ashamed, overwhelmed, overjoyed, furious, grief-stricken, content, shocked, revolted, elated, confused, lonely, excited, helpless. True, some of these feelings are excruciating and hard to bear, but they do pass and people survive them every day and have since the beginning of human existence. Half the battle is allowing yourself to be with your feelings without making judgments about them or the kind of person you are for having them. It’s a great deal easier to acknowledge, identify, experience, explore, and deal with feelings without all the associated criticisms you have of them or of yourself.
Recovering from an eating disorder means blossoming into a full, emotionally mature person. For that to happen, you must (yes, must) learn to experience all of your feelings; you can’t pick and choose. Becoming emotionally healthy is an all or nothing proposition, but one you can learn over time. If you believe you can’t bear your feelings alone, find a therapist who can guide you through them. Share your feelings with friends, start a journal, hug yourself, cry, holler til you’re hoarse, beat your pillow, sob til you’re exhausted.
At some point in recovery, you have to choose between food and feeling. You already know where your food obsession will lead you, so why not give feelings a try?
This article was written by Karen R. Koenig
Click HERE to Learn more about Karen’s work.
WEBSITES: http://www.karenrkoenig.com/
http://www.nicegirlsfinishfat.com/
RETHINKING TRAUMA TREATMENT
“The aim of trauma treatment is to update memories that have been encoded to produce fear, shame and other painful emotions in response to an event with new interpretations or meanings so that the memories become non-threatening.”
Not only does Courtney Armstrong have a deep understanding of the nature of trauma and treating its debilitating effects, she has the ability to explain complex theory in language that readers can understand. This winning combo makes much of the information in Rethinking Trauma Treatment, a book written for clinicians, worthwhile for trauma survivors as well as for the people in their lives who are trying to support and care for them.
The book is divided into three sections: developing the therapeutic alliance, transforming traumatic memories, and post-traumatic growth. Armstrong’s liberal use of case histories and client anecdotes illustrates what happens intrapsychically and interpersonally to people who have experienced trauma and are trying to move beyond its lingering, painful memories. Describing how therapists need to create safe havens in their sessions with trauma survivors, she underscores how attachment disorders leave them anxious, insecure, reactive and mistrustful of others, all of which make developing rapport and sustaining connection a challenge.
She goes on to present exercises that ground and soothe clients and are necessary not only for them to tolerate the therapist’s exploration of their traumatic memories, but for them to become less reactive in their lives. The range of Armstrong’s interventions is impressive, and her clinical examples show the reader what approaches work and how attunement is key to providing exactly what each client needs for healing. This process, similar to observing master therapists interview clients, will teach novice clinicians a great deal about how to approach and relate to all, not just traumatized, clients by paying attention to Armstrong’s nuanced and enlightened therapeutic responses.
Section two explains what happens to the brain and body when someone experiences trauma. Armstrong defines trauma as “a disorder of memory,” a definition which is key to understanding how she works with it. Early on in the book, she describes how the brain reacts to “emotionally stressful encounters” through the amygdala encoding “all the sensory information associated with the event into what is called an implicit memory . . . a network of neurons that contains the felt, experiential part of memory.” She stresses that implicit memory is far different from explicit or didactic memory which records the factual details of events.
The aim of trauma treatment is to update memories that have been encoded to produce fear, shame and other painful emotions in response to an event with new interpretations or meanings so that the memories become non-threatening. Armstrong uses the example of a “virus or software program with a bug that gets downloaded to a computer.” Just as the computer needs to be recoded when there are errors, so do our brains. Once memory updates are completed through a five-step protocol contained in Armstrong’s acronym RECON, the painful emotions experienced in an event lose their toxicity.
Section two also addresses specific types of trauma: sexual and combat, abuse from childhood, and traumatic grief and loss. Again, Armstrong uses an abundance of examples to illustrate the theory behind memory reconsolidation, so that what she is doing therapeutically, which may feel like magic to the transformed client, is grounded in intentional interventions that are tailored to resolving each type of trauma.
The final section of the book is devoted to clients’ improved mental health and to what therapists must do to hold onto their own. Most readers will be familiar with the term PTSD or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, but many may not know what Post-Traumatic Growth is: the healthy, positive changes that occur in trauma survivors’ lives down the road. This transformation has been studied and validated by scientific research—many people who had horrific experiences that they thought would scar them for life, instead, have gone on to achieve five specific positive changes: “greater sense of personal strength, openness to new possibilities, greater appreciation for life, spiritual development, and enhanced relationships.”
Additionally, Armstrong cautions therapists who work frequently and intensively with trauma survivors to watch out for common hazards that might arise and impact their own mental health. She describes therapists’ risk for compassion fatigue or numbing out, loss of empathy for trauma clients, and emotional burnout from the stress of their work. Citing examples of each, she encourages therapists to take care of themselves by finding emotional balance in their lives.
Therapists who are new to the complexities of trauma resolution will be grateful for Armstrong’s inclusion of learning tools such as diagrams, client worksheets, and verbatim therapist-client dialogues. Clinicians who already use the book’s cutting-edge memory reconsolidation approach will deepen their knowledge of its principles and find myriad practices and applications to make certain that trauma survivors are well served.
This article was written by Karen R. Koenig
Click HERE to Learn more about Karen’s work.
WEBSITES: http://www.karenrkoenig.com/
http://www.nicegirlsfinishfat.com/
YOU AND I ARE NOT THE SAME – OR ARE WE?
You and I are just not the same;
You are so wild and I am all tame.
You are so tall and I show up short.
You like the game shows, I just like sports.
You like all meats and I eat just greens.
You read great books and I like to dream.
Your hair is wavy, straight is what’s mine;
Your best number is 6 and for me it’s a nine.
You like to run and you love to race,
I like to walk at a much slower pace.
Your music is Bach and mine is the Boss,
Your pasta has butter, I like mine with a sauce.
You eyes are deep blue; mine are all brown.
You like the city, I love the small town.
You are so strong, from time at the gym.
I take long walks, that’s how I stay trim.
You love the summer, the heat and the breeze.
I love the fall with the bright-colored leaves.
You love to eat and I love to cook.
You would never, ever, be found with a book.
You speak a language that rolls all your r’s
I could spend days just dreaming of cars.
Your skin is dark, mine is much lighter;
You are a lover and I am a fighter.
You go to college and I work at night.
You like movies that bring on some fright.
You like to earn money, I like to invent.
Hotels are for you, but for me it’s a tent.
Fancy is your choice, mine is just plain.
You like the sun, but give me the rain.
I see all these things that make you not me.
So different we are, there just can not be
One thing that unites us, one thing for us all –
One thing that never makes us feel small.
But wait! I see it. It is really bright.
That one thing, that something, that makes us unite.
The more that I watch, pay attention and see,
You are actually more, not less, just like me.
We’ve been taught to see differences, to make us all hate,
To see what is wrong, and not see what is great.
But inside our outsides, we’re really alike.
We want the same things; we want a great life.
The one thing that we, really do share –
A need to be loved and a need for great care.
To feel valued and important, to live and let be,
To move through this life and live really free.
See, life makes us different so we each have our place.
Differences help us find our own space.
Differences should never make us act greater
Than anyone else – don’t be a big hater.
Look past the differences that let us be us.
Look past the things that create all the fuss.
Look past the height and look past the weight.
Look past the skin, the hair and those traits.
Look past where they’re from, what language they speak
Look past their habits and if they’re a geek.
Look past their jobs, their careers and their work.
Look past their hobbies, their interests and quirks.
Look past their religion and what they believe.
Look past their competitive need to achieve.
Look instead, in each other, to see what is great.
The kind heart, the love - see these kinds of traits.
Look for their passion, their joy and delight;
Look for their spirit, their inner great light.
See that down deep they are really like you.
Trying to be honest and loving and true.
See me as different, then see me the same;
Get past my outside and see my true flame.
I’m different about things that create all the chatter.
But I am just like you for the things that do matter.
I’m human like you and one wish to define,
A life that is happy and loving for all time.
This article was written by Jay Forte
Click HERE to Learn more about Jay’s work.
WEBSITE: https://thefortefactor.com/
YOUR JOB. YOUR IDENTITY?
How many times have you attended a networking event and the opening question from someone you just met is, “So, what do you do?”
Of course you have. And I bet you’ve asked the same question in return. Not that there’s anything wrong with the question, but if you pause and think about it for a moment, it’s rather impersonal.
But then again, so are we.
Western culture has trained us to demonstrate a strong work ethic. And in our devotion to production, we’ve been taught to place more emphasis on the profession rather than the person. We identify ourselves by what we do more than who we are.
Many of us have also been conditioned to separate work and life, but this separation can wreak havoc on our personalities. Namely, we end up having to manage two different personas—the “work me” and the “personal me.”
But in other parts of the globe, the perspective is different.
When I lived and worked in Bangalore, my fellow coworkers were more interested in getting to know me (as a person) before we started working together. My team understood that work is an extension of who we are—not the other way around. In India, they believed that people come before process.
When we equate our personal identity with only what we are doing, we miss out on the other half of the equation: who we are being. Throughout our lifetime, what we “do” is dynamic and changing, but who we “be” remains consistent. In fact, our human being is always growing, learning, and evolving.
Our lives have momentum, and so do our careers. So when we have a shift in employment—when a large part of what we are doing changes—the effects ripple into all the other areas of our life.
Whether it’s sudden career transition like a layoff, or planned transition such as retirement or building a new business, a shift in career is one of the largest stressors we can experience in our lifetime. And since we identify ourselves so significantly by what we do, having our career foundation shift can feel like a rug is being pulled out from under us.
Working as a career transition coach, leading The White Box Club™, and having been through several job transitions myself, I’ve experienced firsthand the rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions that career changes bring. If we can know our true selves better—our human beings—then we can stand more resilient and adaptable during these major life events.
Here are some useful tips to help maintain your identity through a career shift or any major life transition:
Keep up with yourself. Life is in constant change and so are we. Keeping up with yourself is honoring your life changes—both on the inside and outside of you—and choosing to deliberately grow. Developing new interests and learning new skills will also keep us engaged in our own personal and professional progress, resulting in having a larger investment in ourselves.
Know your strengths; know yourself. We all have strengths that are unique to us—some are obvious, and some are not. When we identify our strengths by using tools such as CliftonStrengths, we can learn to recognize and appreciate our gifts. In return, the value of knowing our natural talents can bring us increased productivity, confidence, and clarity of purpose.
Seek alignment in your work and relationships. Alignment means that we feel connected and engaged in our work and the people we work with, and this feeling is reflected back to us through the quality of those experiences. When we consciously seek alignment with others, we look for the win-win solution.
Develop a high tolerance for uncertainty. If there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s that life is uncertain. There will always be changes and unexpected events. If we can remain flexible in times of stress, we can stay connected to our natural creativity. Since none of us really know what tomorrow will bring, we can choose to relax and let go of the need to know.
You are supposed to be unique. Like our strengths, each of us has unique talents and gifts to bring to the world. Appreciate your differences—they’re what make you valuable and wonderful just the way you are. Celebrate your individuality! And know that there will always be new opportunities and relationships waiting for you to discover them.
So the next time you meet someone new, try “Tell me more about yourself,” or “What are you excited about?” instead of the obligatory “What do you do?” See how the conversation changes about their being more than doing.
Isn’t it about time?
This article was written by Michael Thomas Sunnarborg
Click HERE to Learn more about Michael’s work.
WEBSITE: https://michaelcreative.com/books/
DOG WISDOM
Every morning is great, never a dark thunder cloud. Every morning starts new, with wagging so proud.
Not stuck in the past, not worried about money.
Not complaining about a day that’s just not that sunny. Not holding a grudge, or upset with their friends;
Not worried about fashion, Facebook or the Benz. Not wondering if today, things will all go their way. But present in each moment of each blessed day.
Dogs don’t need much – they all just want love, Add some good food, and a family to be part of. Not much more – no high expectations;
No fancy car or elaborate vacations.
They want some attention and moments to share Their spirit, their wisdom, and how much they care.
Then, there are we humans with lives oh so rough. All worried and nervous about having enough stuff. We get challenged by looks, comments and frowns; We get upset, sad and all versions of downs.
Little things upset us and lead us astray,
We get all upset when things don’t go our way.
We have our couldas and wouldas and things that we ought From voices of others, from things we’ve been taught.
They keep us all twisted and scared without reason.
They keep us alarmed, concerned, in each season.
The world takes us down with our focus on lack, On limits and problems and meaningless yack.
We don’t see what dogs see – a new view each day, To have fun, to live life, to be happy and play.
All around us is wisdom, of how to live right,
To live with a focus of play and delight.
Tune in to those eyes that have no conditions, And the tails that wag without any suspicions. Tune in to the greeting, delivered on demand. Tune in to the love, given so freely, so grand.
There is much to learn from the Pug or the Lab,
The Schnauzer or Shih Tzu, with coats oh so fab.
The Shepherd and Sheepdog, the Maltese and Beagle, The St Bernard, the Boxer and Great Dane so regal. They have just one wish – to have a great life.
They have no agenda, no interest in strife.
There are just some days that I am really seeing That dogs are way smarter than we human beings.
This article was written by Jay Forte
Click HERE to Learn more about Jay’s work.
WEBSITE: https://thefortefactor.com/
FAITHFUL FRIENDSHIP
How to Do the Hard and Holy Work of Faithful Friendship
“So who’s mentoring whom here?” my friend asked with a mischievous grin.
Good question!
When friends challenge one another with shared books, Scripture reading, and transparent prayer, everyone is sharpened and restored in a way that uniquely shows the love of God. Janice Peterson calls this “spiritual friendship,” and has reached back into her long memory for the purpose of sharing her friend Gertrude, the woman who poured lemonade and listened to Jan’s teen-age thoughts and dreams.
Being seen and valued by a friend who was “always present, always caring,” set Peterson on a course to be that person for others, to live given, and to love well. In Becoming Gertrude: How Our Friendships Shape Our Faith, Jan remembers lemonade on the porch and shares her deep conviction that friendships can be life-altering in all the best ways.
A spiritual friendship differs from mentoring in that no one takes the lead. There’s no resident expert or hierarchy at work. Instead, spiritual friendship is characterized by an unstructured giving and receiving, “appreciating the gifts individuals have to offer. It’s being willing to share when you need to share and learn when you need to learn. It’s caring for the well-being of the other person, and letting her care for you as well.” (xviii)
Ministering alongside her husband, author and pastor Eugene Peterson, Janice seized the life-enriching opportunities that her role as a pastor’s wife provided for investing in relationships. With rich insights lifted from Romans 12, she has distilled for her readers five elements that have infused her most formative relationships:
Caring
“Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering.” (Romans 12:1 MSG)
We become caring people with practice, strengthening our awareness of others like a muscle. The author witnessed this outward focus modeled in her long-ago friend Gertrude and has concluded that regardless of gifting and personality, anyone can choose to put others first and pay attention to the needs of others.
As she matured, Peterson found her own caring heart drawn to the larger world. She began to serve on the Fair Housing Committee in her area and to practice cooking and eating habits that demonstrated her concern for the challenge of world hunger.
To become more caring:
· Pay attention to those who are doing it well and copy them.
· Push down your pride and receive unselfish caring from others.
· Take note of the needs of the people God has placed right in front of your eyes.
Acceptance
“Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out.” (Romans 12:2 MSG)
Peterson warns, “A spiritual friend is someone you enjoy being with, but you may not always find the friendship simple or straightforward.” (30) As a “classic extrovert,” Janice finds it easy to take others at face value, but connecting with those who are more challenging to love can take the special effort of seeking to see the world from their perspective. Ironically, the first step in accepting others may be the task of self-acceptance.
To become more accepting of others:
· Connect with them by participating in the things that interest them.
· Spend time connecting with God to learn His heart of acceptance for you and for others.
Service
“Don’t burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don’t quit in hard times; pray all the harder.” (Romans 12:11, 12 MSG)
Living her way into God’s calling upon her life, Janice Peterson swam upstream in the 1960’s when other women were leaving their homes in droves to seek employment. Called to be a pastor’s wife and a mother, she has served and loved in her own unique way, motivating others to do likewise by her example.
To serve well:
· Be ready to spring into action, loving your community in concrete ways.
· Serve courageously when God points out a need that you are able to meet.
Hospitality
“Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality. . . Make friends with nobodies; don’t be the great somebody.” (Romans 12:13, 16 MSG)
Hospitality puts into practice the caring, serving, and accepting that friendship requires. Taking time to rightly align her readers’ understanding of the term, Peterson defines hospitality through a biblical lens: “the welcoming reception and treatment of guests and strangers in a warm, friendly, generous way.” (67) The welcome of hospitality is a bridge to wholeness as we generously receive others and let them know us, warts and all.
To become more hospitable:
· Forget about “entertaining” guests and just enjoy them, feed them, and listen to them.
· Start with your family and move in ever widening circles.
Encouragement
“Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down. Get along with each other; don’t be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don’t be the great somebody.” (Romans 12:14-16 MSG)
The church provides the perfect backdrop for mutual encouragement as believers motivate one another to acts of service, use of God-given gifts, and a continual focus on God and His faithfulness. Reorienting one another gently toward an others-orientation, we discover the truest and most healthy version of ourselves, and then offer that up as a gift to God. In the process, we also become a gift to others, a spiritual friend, putting on display the caring, accepting, serving, hospitable, encouraging heart of our relational God.
Many thanks to NavPress for providing a copy of this book to facilitate my review, which, of course, is offered freely and with honesty.
This article was written by Michele Morin
Click HERE to Learn more about Michele’s work.
WEBSITE: https://michelemorin.wordpress.com
WHAT DOES A THOUGHT HAVE IN COMMON WITH A LION?
The myriad of different personal/spiritual growth books and self-help programs available today all concur on at least one primary tenet – that our thoughts are far more powerful than we realize. Thoughts do indeed have the ability to create form, and if one doubts this to be true, they simply need to look around them and acknowledge that literally any man-made thing in existence had to first begin with a thought. And thought, coupled with strong emotion, leads to even faster manifestations.
The power of thought to create form also applies to our bodies. Through our thoughts and the emotions that emerge from them, we can either create healthy bodies, or we can develop illnesses and diseases. Anyone who has read the alternative healing information I’ve shared on this blog is aware that I am totally convinced that negative thinking/emotions are at the foundation of all physical problems.
The fact is our amazing bodies were expertly designed to protect us from legitimate, physical threats. As you probably know, whenever we are presented with one, such an impending attack from a lion or other wild animal, the hypothalamus area of our brain initiates a sequence of nerve cell firing and chemical release that prepares our body for running or fighting (i.e., the infamous fight or flight reaction with its accompanying rush of adrenaline, noradrenaline, and cortisol, as well as other physical reactions, such as the temporary suppression of the immune system).
This hard-wired reaction has obviously been a key to the survival of our species, however, these days the vast majority of us rarely have to face such life-threatening situations. And yet, our bodies continue to generate such aggressive responses to far less alarming circumstances, including traffic jams, disagreements with others, financial stresses, work pressures, etc. In the end, the events themselves don’t actually cause our body to generate stress hormones; it is our thoughts about them that do so. As such, just a thought held in our consciousness for more than a passing moment is enough to cause physical reactions within our bodies. And, these reactions, if repeated frequently, often lead to the manifestation of illnesses and diseases due to the immune system suppression referenced earlier.
The reality is we unconsciously create our physical dysfunctions by thinking thoughts that automatically trigger fight or flight reactions. It’s therefore clearly in our best interests to develop the ability to remain truly “conscious” in all circumstances by swiftly assuming the perspective a “witness” to our life, rather than solely being the participant. In my book Spirituality Simplified, I quote Fr. Anthony DeMello, who described this as the ability to “step outside of yourself and literally observe whatever is going on in you, and around you as if it were happening to someone else.” In essence, this means the higher part of you (i.e., the “I” in DeMello’s teachings) observes “me” (i.e., the ego).
Over a period of years, and with a lot of practice, I’ve developed the ability to shift into that witness perspective, however, there are times when negative (e.g., fearful) thoughts manifest the fight or flight response almost instantaneously in me. Under such circumstances, it almost feels as if I am “being thought” by an outside force rather than it being any type of conscious decision on my part. In such instances, it can be extremely challenging to shut down the fight or flight response once it’s initiated, and that nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach takes hold followed by even more negative thoughts and additional stress hormones. To address these types of situations, I’ve found that applying the following steps have been of great value to me:
Begin taking slow, deliberate, and very deep breaths down into the abdomen (as opposed to breathing into the chest).
Next, start asking questions of yourself either silently or out loud (e.g., Am I safe right now? Is what I am afraid of actually affecting me now? Are my basic needs being met at this moment? Do I have a money problem right this minute? These are just examples, as you obviously need to determine the questions that best suit what you are experiencing.) The answers will usually serve to bring some peace to you, as in most instances the only threat you’re actually facing is the lion in your own mind! If necessary, repeat the questions and keep answering them until you feel your body calm down.
If after completing steps one and two the stress response continues to trouble you, then try repeating a mantra such as, “no thought, no thought, no thought, no thought” for at least one and half minutes, or until the calm comes. You also can close your eyes and picture a large movie screen with in front of you with nothing displayed on it and repeat “blank screen, blank screen, blank screen” for a comparable amount of time.
It may take a couple of minutes, but eventually the physical symptoms of stress do taper off for me when I apply this technique. It is important to note, however, that although this process can be very helpful, it does not solve the source of the problem; rather, it’s more of a “coping” mechanism.
In the end, to get to the heart of the matter and release whatever lies at the foundation of the stress response requires some type of energy healing modality.
This article was written by Jeff Maziarek
Click HERE to Learn more about Jeff’s work.
WEBSITE: http://blog.spiritsimple.com/
THE CONNECTION BETWEEN TRAUMA AND PERSONAL GROWTH
I bet all of you have heard of Post-traumatic stress, but I wonder how many of you know about Post-traumatic growth (PTG). We so often think of the downside of trauma—depression, hyper-vigilance, anxiety and flashbacks—but it turns out that there’s an upside to it as well. The term, post-traumatic growth, was first used by Richard Tedeschi, Ph.D. and Lawrence Calhoun, Ph.D. in 1995 at the University of North Carolina to describe the positive changes that they saw in patients who had been affected by and were struggling with trauma.
If you are someone who’s been impacted by trauma, you might find it hard to believe that there’s anything positive about it, but research tells us that there is. "People develop new understandings of themselves, the world they live in, how to relate to other people, the kind of future they might have and a better understanding of how to live life," says Tedeschi. Tanako Katu, Ph.D. at Oakland University explains that, “PTG…refers to what can happen when someone who has difficulty bouncing back experiences a traumatic event that challenges his or her core beliefs, endures psychological struggle (even a mental illness such as post-traumatic stress disorder), and then ultimately finds a sense of personal growth. It's a process that "takes a lot of time, energy and struggle.”
According to the Post-Traumatic Growth Inventory (PTGI) which uses self-report scales, people may change positively in these areas: appreciation of life, relationship with others, new possibilities in life, personal strength and spiritual change. Does everyone experience growth? Tedeschi says, "It all depends on the trauma, the circumstances, the timing of the measurement…[and] on how you define growth using the PTGI, looking at total score, means, factors or individual items," and he estimates that about one-half to two-thirds of people show PTG.
Key traits that facilitate PTG are extraversion and openness to experience. The former makes people more likely to connect with others (and I would add, perhaps, to seek help from them), while the latter, lacking rigid belief systems, makes them more willing to look at viewpoints that are different from their own. I can validate from my clinical experience that clients who are connected to others do much better recovering from trauma than those who remain isolated and stuck in their traumatic suffering. It’s also been my experience that clients who are willing to shift beliefs and see things from another perspective can heal and often create better lives for themselves than they could ever have imagined. (“Growth after trauma” by Lorna Collier, 11/2016, vol. 47, no. 10, accessed 6/5/17, http://www.apa.org/monitor/2016/11/growth-trauma.aspx).
This article was written by Karen R. Koenig
Click HERE to Learn more about Karen’s work.
WEBSITES: http://www.karenrkoenig.com/
http://www.nicegirlsfinishfat.com/
YOU’RE GREAT AND YOU’RE AWESOME, JUST AS YOU ARE
In a town far away on top of a hill,
Lived people so narrow, judgmental and shrill.
They decided on high that all hair should be brown.
They decided for everyone who lived in their town.
“To live here,” they cried, “brown hair is a must.
Brown hair is just right, all others are bust.
If other than brown is just who you are,
Then you must leave. Depart! Go very far!
For we won’t have people who don’t look like us.
Brown is what’s right. Our rules. It is thus!”
In one of the families, young Trent was born third.
In a family so big and so famous was heard,
A cry of great grief like someone had died,
The aunts and uncles and parents all cried.
Young Trent, their treasure, though brown hair expected,
Was born blond, a towhead, a child rejected.
Though cute and adorable, smart with eyes wide,
His parents knew that his hair had to hide.
If the neighbors and townspeople had any doubt,
That Trent was not brown-haired, the family was out.
From the day he could crawl, Trent’s hair was dyed brown.
This gave them permission to live in this town.
His parents feared someday his blond hair would show,
Because hair on a kid never ceases to grow.
Each Saturday night as the bath waters ran,
A small dab of brown came out of the can,
To cover those roots of the hair that kept growing,
Like a lawn after rain that needed some mowing.
And so it was thus, each day spent in “hair-hiding,”
In plain sight, with a hat, and some dye so complying.
And all seemed as okay, no foul and no harm,
Until one day, that day, there came cause for alarm.
That day, at the mirror, young Trent stood there staring,
At brown hair AND blond hair – so great, and so glaring.
He’d been told his whole life about hair not so brown,
These people were gross, not fit for their town.
He realized that day he was different than most.
He was blond, not brown-haired. He’s handsome, not gross.
He called to his parents to share his great joy
He was different – unique – not an average boy.
He loved this about him. It gave him great pride.
He was different indeed. He had nothing to hide.
We are each born great, we’re remarkable art.
We are perfect, unique, not a kind of half-start.
We can’t change who we are. That’s a great thing.
We are who we are; it’s our hardwiring.
His parents warned, they cautioned and cried.
“Being different’s not easy, so please Trent just hide.
Let’s dye your hair brown so you fit and blend in.
Let’s get the brown back so life’s safe as it’s been.”
But Trent just said, “No!” on that major day.
“Born different, born right,” is just what he’d say.
“Born blond, not brown-haired, is how I exist.
Being true to myself is what I insist.”
“For someone much greater thought I should be,
A towhead, a blond, not a fake brown-haired me.
Who are these others, with comments to make?
I am who I am. God made no mistake.”
The hair dying stopped on that fateful day.
Pretending was done on the 18th of May.
Proud to be done with the hair-dying story,
Trent wanted his real life, a life of grand glory.
A life that was honest and open and clear,
A life to be lived without hiding or fear.
Trent marched to school with hair like the sun.
The gold in it shone, like threads that been spun,
But support did not happen, not a moment or second.
It didn’t work out as he thought or had reckoned.
They taunted and teased, chased, hit and called, “Nay!”
It changed all his friends in only one day.
Chased into the woods, with mean words attacking.
Trent stayed hiding there ‘til daylight went packing.
He hid in the dark and was sobbing with fear,
That someone who hated his hair could be near.
“How could this all matter?” He wondered. He cried.
“How could being different make others despise?
I have no control of the color of my hair,
Born with it dark or born with it fair.
Like our gender, or height, preference or skin tone,
We get what we get, it’s really our own.
For down deep I’m still me, the same me I have been.
Down deep, I’m still Trent, their classmate and friend.”
And in that tough moment, a moment of fear,
Young Trent saw a stranger, approaching, quite near.
A man with a beard, long, thick and so white;
A smile so warm, so kind and so bright.
“What brings you to woods, so dark and so deep?
The old man continued, “And can cause you to weep?”
Trent shared his sad story in every detail.
The old man just listened and grew very pale.
He waited ‘til young Trent was all about finished,
Did not interrupt, critique or diminish
The sadness, the pain, the hurt so disarming
That someone so young could find life so alarming.
Once Trent had recounted his unhappy story,
The old man responded with strength and with glory.
His words were bold, his lessons were wise.
Trent listened intently for ways to devise,
A way to be happy when others all yack.
To be strong and courageous when others attack.
The wise man was brilliant and very aware.
He took in a breath, then started to share:
“We are truly born great, just as we are!
Our lives are important. You’re amazing, my young star.
But with others, they think, it’s for them to say
Who is fine, who is good, who is right, who’s okay.”
“For greatness is not in brown hair or blond.
Greatness is not in how our words sound.
Greatness is not on our outside – our skin.
Greatness, true greatness, always happens within.”
“We just can’t know how great you can become
By looking at hair color. That’s crazy, that’s dumb.
Down deep we’re amazing and awesome and bold.
Down deep is our value, our treasure, our gold.”
“No one has eyes to see what you see.
No one can tell you who or what you should be.
That’s your job. Yes it is. It’s all up to you.
It’s your work and your life. You’ve got to be true.”
“Life isn’t easy, its tough and its trying.
It gives you hard tests to make sure you’re applying
What you know of TrueYou, what gifts you receive,
How great you can be and what you believe.”
“You were born awesome – awesome indeed.
But to live each day awesome you must become freed
From the judgments of others, from perspectives so narrow
To let your light soar like a brilliant gold arrow.”
“The world needs TrueYou – the “you” as you are.
Blond or brunette, gay, straight or bizarre.
You are you, and amazing! The “you” born just right.
You were born to shine brightly, to share your great light.”
But you can’t shine in life, when you let yourself hide.
And you can’t change the world, if you’re ashamed inside.
You didn’t choose how you’re born, where you’re from.
But you can surely choose the “you” you become.
Young Trent felt alive and committed to greatness.
He thanked the wise man but feared for the lateness.
His family’d be worried, scared and unbound,
That young Trent was not home, not safe and not sound.
He hurried right home in the dark of the night.
But this time for him, a walk without fright.
More aware, more informed and so much more wise.
He got to his door at a quarter to five.
Once home and together, the lost son lamented
With details and stories. The sobbing relented.
Trent shared a new lesson of power and strength.
They stood right by him; they’d go to great lengths
To handle what happens, to just rise above.
To help Trent show up to a life he can love.
The next day with power and confidence glowing,
Trent moved through the town without any fear showing.
He let loose his blond hair and wore it with pride.
He stood up to names and to insults so snide.
His courage to be true soon had others inspired,
The insults then stopped, mean comments subsided.
Trent showed that hair color makes no difference at all
Be true to yourself and you’ll never feel small.
We didn’t choose how we’re born, where we’re from.
But we can surely choose the “who” we become.
And soon many others with all hair colors flowing,
Appeared in the town, the numbers were growing.
People in fear with hair a fake brown,
Were actually there hiding, still living in town.
Pretending is bad, it loads on the strife.
Hiding restricts us, it limits our life.
We are each given gifts to discover and use,
And we shortchange the world if we don’t know or refuse
To be open and honest and accept the real “me”.
Trent learned that it takes this to really be free.
In just that one moment, things started to change.
People are people, not weirdoes or strange,
Just people, all different, all great, all divine,
Allowed to be true, to be honest, and fine.
And changed they all were from perspectives so narrow.
They cheered and applauded and hailed Trent like pharaoh.
But Trent just continued to live life each day,
Honest and great, in his unique way.
From that day on, in towns far and near
That kept people out because of some fear.
Now invited them in – all are welcome you know.
We all belong. Yes we do! It is right. It is so.
Come out from your hiding. Join life. Be alive!
When you hide you stay small and afraid - you can’t thrive.
You’re an original, not a copy or fake.
You’re the real deal, just perfect; you are no mistake.
So find your right place, as soon as you can.
Be an accountant, a salesman, a singer or stuntman.
It’s all up to you, the directions you choose.
It’s all up to you, don’t wait, don’t you snooze.
Each day that goes by, you never get back.
Each moment, each day, each minute, each track
Is gone. Yes it is, but the next one is here.
Use it wisely. Don’t waste it! Let your best self appear.
You were born awesome, no matter what you’ve been taught.
You were born amazing, born cool – you got what you got.
It’s your gift. It’s yours. It’s all just for you.
It’s divine in its nature so, be true to your “who.”
Be yourself, be your best. Live life your own way.
Be proud, find your place, make the most of each day.
You’re great and your awesome, just as you are.
Be your true self, be a bright shining star.
This article was written by Jay Forte
Click HERE to Learn more about Jay’s work.
WEBSITE: https://thefortefactor.com/
WITH SUCH GRACE AND GENUINE LOVE
“Do you know Jesus?”
Were the first words out of his mouth. His face was no more than two feet from mine as we met in the swimming pool. He was held by his father, who did not react to his words. His mother, standing by, said nothing but looked approvingly at her son. This wasn’t some old guy with bad breath reeking insult to an already aggrieved fellow asking “Do you know Jesus?” This was a very crippled 6 or 7 year old boy asking a very direct question. I thought for a minute and then responded, “Yes. Yes I know Jesus.”
That began a friendship with Ian, Marcus and Angela that has taught me more about religion than I ever learned from all the sermons I’ve heard in my 86 years. You see Ian was born with MORQUIO A. It is an inherited disease. He has had 9 operations in his short life. The last was an operation for trachea reconstruction that allowed him to breath. It is a cellular disfunction that affects each person differently but his bones do not grow. And his spinal cord can’t handle the stunting growth and bends out of control. He can’t walk without help. But that daunting fact does not control their relationship. He lives as normal a childhood as any American child could wish for. Marcus and Angela have done a splendid job of parenting. One that owes a lot to the fact that Ian, Marcus, and Angela all know Jesus.
It is a joy for me to be with them. A peace permeates the atmosphere like the flowers fragrance fill a room. He doesn’t speak until spoken to but his answers are always thoughtful, often funny, and a joke turned upon himself. He will explain the operations he’s had with great detail, but never feeling a hint of being sorry for himself. In the 4th grade he is so popular the school adopted him their mascot. He wore the honor like an Olympic medal. Olympic medals are not in his future. Not even a special Olympics’ medal. You see, at 10 years old he only stands 3 feet tall. And his daily exercise routine includes lifting one pound weights. He has developed mighty biceps, which he will show you with the flair of the mighty wrestlers, that he says are the size of a peanut, but he is working to get them to the size of a walnut.
Ian was not doing well in math and science this year. His mother helped him with his homework and he made 100 on his tests. Ian, Marcus, and Angela shame me to be in their presence. My wife and I raised 5 children and I know now I did not have the humility to raise a child with a handicap. It was all about me. I didn’t want them to make the team I wanted them to be Captain of the team. I wanted them to be the leaders of their classes. President and cheer leaders and make 100 on all of their tests. Ian, Marcus, and Angela have shown me I do not know Jesus. They have shown me with their life, I did not have “Jesus in my heart.” Oh Marcus and Angela, how do you do it. With such grace and genuine love, toward Ian and each other. Would that the world could learn to live with such hardships, with such grace and beauty.
This article was written by Lawrence McGrath.
Lawrence wrote the book: A Cry From The Heart: A Personal Essay
Click HERE to purchase his book on Amazon.
Website: https://www.amazon.com/Cry-Heart-Personl-Essay/dp/1439211264
