HOW TO BETTER MANAGE YOUR STRESS

Do you know anyone like this?

“Stress level: extreme. It's like she was a jar with the lid screwed on too tight, and inside the jar were pickles, angry pickles, and they were fermenting, and about to explode.” --Fiona Wood

It's a great visual. My brothers and I used to come home from school on hot, August afternoons when Mother was canning bread and butter pickles. They were angry pickles. The acrid odor of vinegar engulfed the entire kitchen and we'd sprint, eyes watering and throats tightening to keep from gagging, out the back door in pursuit of a breath of fresh air. The thought of being around a jar of fermented pickles ready to explode today is enough to send me running.

Imagine your stress-induced emotions as acetous pickle juice just waiting to explode from a pressure-filled jar. Maybe it's how you're feeling right now...as if you're on the brink of detonating into an eruption of anger, or find yourself jetting quickly toward an emotional melt-down. Prolonged stress can do that to the best of us. And while stress most likely won't be going away any time soon, we can learn to make choices which will help us better manage it.

The Negative Impacts of Stress

Stress is a normal part of everyday life, but if we don't learn to get a handle on it, it can wreak havoc on our mental and physical health. Based upon results of a stress study done by the American Psychological Association, 66% of people regularly experience physical symptoms of stress, and 63% experience psychological symptoms. Because our natural stress response is not designed to be continually engaged, we must find ways to shut it off. Scientists at the University of California, Berkeley, discovered that prolonged stress disrupts the balance in the brain, throwing off the normal cadence of brain cell communication. (https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-stress-affects-mental-health/) A study done by Columbia University Medical Center researchers found that negative impact of stress could be likened to smoking more than five cigarettes a day! (https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2250106/Stress-bad-heart-smoking-cigarettes-day.html).

"Learn how to cope, sweet friend. There will always be dark days."

-- Kris Carr

Your Stress Triggers

Developing awareness around your stress triggers is a good place to start. Grab a journal, ask yourself these three questions, and note your responses:

• Which situations occur on a regular basis which cause you to feel stressed?

• Which people in your life could you name as sources of your stress?

• Which circumstances turn routine situations into stressful situations? (For example, do you feel more stressed when you haven't eaten, or when you've overeaten? How does sleep (and a lack of) affect your stress levels? When you let your worries run rampant, do you find you're feeling more stressed?, etc.).

If you can become aware of your triggers, there's a good chance that you can avoid escalations, shifting behaviors before they turn toxic.

What are you feeling?

Do you recognize what stress feels like in your body? Those who have strong stress management skills are able to detect rising stress before it reaches a dangerous level. Physically, you may experience headaches, fatigue, or shoulder pain. Other common symptoms are stomach aches, excessive sweating, back pain, and a racing heart. Behavior-wise, you may find you are taking a habit to an extreme, like overeating or excessive smoking. You may find you're short-tempered, grinding your teeth, or driving too fast. Emotionally, you may find you are bothered by unimportant issues, getting the cry-feeling more often, or feeling depressed and dejected. Cognitively, you may have trouble thinking clearly, or struggle to translate your thoughts into clear words. You may find it hard to concentrate or find yourself more forgetful than normal.

Learning to recognize how stress rears its ugly head in your body is something you want to tune into. Next time a stressful situation arises, take a moment to notice what you're feeling and write it down.

"Everyone has the ability to increase resilience to stress. It requires hard work and dedication, but over time, you can equip yourself to handle whatever life throws your way without adverse effects to your health. Training your brain to manage stress won't just affect the quality of your life, but perhaps even the length of it." --Amy Morin

Stress Reduction Techniques

Though you may not be able to make the stressful situation or person go away, you can learn how to control your own responses. Here are some techniques you can try to reduce the feeling of stress. Which of these could you undertake, in the moments when stress arises?

• Practice gratitude.

• Take long, deep breaths.

• Exercise.

• Get some extra zzzz's.

• Remind yourself that this too, shall pass.

• Rediscover your sense of humor and laugh.

• Listen to relaxing music.

• Spend some time in nature.

• Meditate.

• Become a realistic optimist and focus on positive outcomes of the current situation.

• Have a good cry.

• Forgive...yourself and others.

• Eat healthy food and resist junk food/stress eating.

• Do something you find to be fun.

• Slow down.

• Practice boundaries (learn to say no when needed)

• Forgive others' poor behavior.

• Refuse to let irrational ideas and thoughts swim around in your head.

• Visualize yourself in a peaceful place.

• Pray or other spiritual practices.

• Quit procrastinating and tackle some items on your to-do list.

• Call a friend who is able to put you at ease.

• Fill in the blank (what works for you?)

Create an Action Plan

Now that you're aware of your triggers, understand what you're feeling, and have a few techniques to use, it's time to create a plan. Grab a journal and write about these prompts:

1-The stress symptoms I need to notice and pay attention to are:

2-My current stress triggers, including both situations, people, and circumstances, are:

3-How do I currently deal with these stressors?

4-What's a better way I could respond to these stressors?

5-What is one technique I can incorporate to remind myself to engage in stress management, as I begin to recognize my symptoms?

6-When do I anticipate the next stressful situation to happen?

7-What will I do when it occurs?

If you're struggling with creating an action plan, consider teaming up with a social + emotional intelligence coach to walk alongside you.

I get it--changes are hard--but remember the jar of pickles. Who wants to be splattered by pungent negativity every time you lose control of your emotions? Sure, it's tough to adjust how we respond to the stresses of life, but well worth the effort to learn to open that lid slowly and carefully so can enjoy its contents.

“You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.” --Steve Maraboli

Written by Amy Sargent.

http://the-iseiblog.com/contributing-authors/amy-sargent/

AFFIRMING THOUGHTS

What do you spend your time thinking about?  Does your mind wander and fall into self-defeating thought patterns or do you choose liberating and empowering thoughts? Emotions are as transient as the weather, but we have the ability to choose our thoughts. We do this by paying attention to our thoughts and replacing those that don’t serve us well with affirmations.

 Affirmations are clear, short statements of who we are and who we want to be. Don’t waste any time or energy thinking about your shortcomings or what you need to do to change.  Instead, accept yourself exactly as you are. Be kind to yourself. Use affirmations.

I first heard about affirmations 20 years ago through a friend who was suffering from severe depression.  Her therapist suggested she try affirmations, but really didn’t explain to my friend how to write powerful affirmations or how to use them effectively.  It wasn’t until I became a parent that I began to study how affirmations work and how to use them effectively.

I realized as a new parent that I would be no better at disciplining my child than I was at disciplining myself.  That’s when I decided to develop my own parenting affirmations.  I posted them on my bathroom wall and began saying them every morning and every night:  I am a loving, nurturing parent.  I practice proactive discipline.  I respond calmly to all situations.  I explore and discover the world with my child.  I wrote ten parenting affirmations in all that are still posted by my bathroom mirror.

Whatever it is you need, whatever it is you want, put it in the form of an affirmation.  Pay attention to your thoughts throughout the day.  Whenever you find yourself feeling worried or afraid, repeat your affirmations.  Whenever a negative thought comes to mind, acknowledge and release it.  Then think instead of a positive affirmation:  I am safe.  I am healthy.  I am prosperous.  I am loved. By directing your thoughts to positive things, you will create positive experiences in your life.

The most effective affirmations are the ones that you choose and create for yourself.  Whatever it is that you’d like to change or improve, put it into affirming words.Tape your affirmations to your bathroom mirror and repeat them frequently throughout the day. 

Make sure your affirmations are completely positive.  If you say, “I am debt-free,” you are continuing to affirm debt whether you mean to or not.  Take out all negative words (no, not, stop, refrain) and negative ideas (debt, need, fear, want).  Write your affirmations in the present tense:  “I am strong.”  If you write your affirmation in the future tense, “I will be strong,” that keeps the strength you want out in the future instead of accepting it into your present being.

I put my favorite affirmations into a short poem that I’ve used every day for years:

I am grateful. I am kind.

I create what’s on my mind.

Perfect health.... Prosperity....

My world reflects the change in me.

 

Written by Laurie A. Gray, JD

http://www.socraticparenting.com/

I WANT MY BODY BACK

Humans have their own uniqueness and genetic makeup so to lose weight isn’t one size fit all. Explore the inner workings of your mind to find your true authentic self in order to lose the weight you want.

It takes a certain amount of focus and determination to lose weight, so your mental attitude and self-confidence is imperative in finding your unique style of fitness.

Fasting and Spirituality will provide you with the consistency, determination, and the foundation you need to lose weight

·      We need to feel that we were born for a reason.

·      We want to feel value, a sense of importance.

·      We want to live a life full of meaning and fulfillment with a sense of personal power.

·      We have a need for success.

·      And, we need to love.

Therapy of Thought helps one lose weight because the man or woman who is successful is thinking creatively, intuitively and above all optimistically.

In order to think creatively, intuitively, and optimistically, we need passion, energy, emotion, and focus.

Affirmations are a powerful way to establish a new guided attention for your life. Positive words and phrases will be absorbed in your subconscious mind when you read them daily. Your thoughts will become your reality.

I AM – I Love and Accept my body the way it is and work to make it better

I AM – Wonderful. I AM Brilliant. I have the Power to realize my goal

I AM – Strong! I Create My Reality. Power is in my Thoughts

I AM – The Master of My Life

I AM – Excited about the person I am about to become

I AM – Getting healthier and healthier

I AM – Pain free and my body is full of energy. I Love Myself

I AM – A unique person. I approve of myself

I AM – I Love Myself the way I AM

I AM – My Unique Style of Fit because I am Healthy and Happy

I AM – Free to Create my own Style of Fitness

I AM – Successful in All Areas of my life

I AM – Creative with Self- Empowerment because I radiate good health

  

By Dr. Audrey Pullman

www.audreygriefexpressionist.com

Please call (703-400-7321) or email (audreypullman@gmail.com) for individual, couple, or group workshop sessions.

TRIAL AND ERROR: BROKEN METABOLISM AND HEALING

I remember going through different websites, looking for a trainer that would offer a workout and a meal program. Someone I trusted or had seen before. So, there was my solution: Jillian Michaels! I had heard about her from the show The Biggest Loser and had started seeing her supplements and other products at the store. So, I thought I'd give her a shot.

She had everything I needed on her website. An app that would help me download the workout schedule and programs, as well as the recipes to eat healthy and be in the best shape of my life. I have to admit, at the beginning it was daunting! I started off by throwing away all the junk food I had in my kitchen cabinets and fridge. Then, I restocked on the ingredients I would need for my healthy meals.

I was pretty consistent and disciplined with the meal plan and workout program Jillian had chosen for me and had started to notice positive changes. I also incorporated yoga and running into my workout program.

The last thing I added to my already-dialed-in-new-lifestyle was supplements such as multi-vitamins made from foods and not synthetics, organic protein powders and fat burners. It was these last ones that took my metabolism out of whack. The results were ugly: Insomnia and Amenorrhea. I was not dying, but I was sending my body the signal that I was. So, what did I do? I looked for help. I wanted to treat my insomnia first, so, I went to different doctors and they all told me to take melatonin and relax. They did some thyroid testing on me and it all came back fine. So, they assumed it was all in my head. I tried getting a different opinion from another doctor, but I was told the same thing. This time, though, I was sent back home with a benzodiazepine. Pretty much, a drug that would make me unconscious so I could "sleep". I had to taper to get off this medication once I was able to "sleep" again. My insomnia got "fixed" after a month of sleeping only 2-5 hours per night. The only thing that didn't get fixed was my amenorrhea. It took me 5 years to get that fixed. And, along those 5 years, I experienced some more insomnia.

It was then that I started looking for more experts in the Eastern/Functional medicine atmosphere and, only then, was I able to understand what was going on with me and how I could fix myself. I learned that what I ate would impact my sleep cycle and overall metabolism. And, I learned that carbs were not the enemy, that the good kind were actually needed by our bodies to create some hormones as well as the oh-so-feared-and-hated fat!

My fat journey started with Dave Asprey, then continued not only with him but with Dr. Joseph Mercola, Robb Wolf, Dr. Sarah Ballentyne and Dr. David Perlmutter. Most of these experts always followed a principle: Eat whole, gluten-free foods and listen to your body. That's what I had been missing for years: Listening to my body! We lack that mind-body connection that is so needed in order to be in harmony with our bodies, relationships and overall life. After cracking the code for what works for my body and what makes my metabolism happy, I knew I had to visit my demons and start working on my psychology and spirituality... And so, I started my meditation journey, which took me to places I never thought it would....

This article was written by Michelle Schacherer

Click HERE to Learn more about Michelle’s work.

WEBSITE: http://mschacherercrossfitter.blogspot.com

ECONOMICS OF THE HUMAN MOVEMENT SYSTEM

We know that if we practice something often enough that perfection is inevitable.  We know this because science has tested this hypothesis an infinite amount of times throughout the ages.  Frequent repetition increases our familiarity, familiarity increases efficiencies, efficiencies reinforce familiarity, and so on.

Since we can predict certain outcomes and these outcomes are measurable, we can reasonably approach any activity or exercise (physical or otherwise) to guarantee the best outcome.  Reasonable in a way that maximizes our abilities thereby maximizing our outcomes.

Practice is simply recreating a pattern over-and-over, again.  It trains the nervous system to become exceedingly familiar with the movement-related aspects of physical performance. And, it trains the brain to become exceedingly familiar with reasoning & learning-related tasks.  It simply doesn’t matter what the activity is, it is simply just a matter of your level of acquaintance.  Repeat something often enough, and eventually you’ll elicit “muscle memory” (I really don’t like using that term).

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Potential > Memory

I don’t like using that term because a muscle cannot remember anything, period.  This “memory” - or familiar movement pattern – occurs when the repetition induces certain efficiencies to develop which allow for the brain to do something else while the body is executing a certain string of commands that have already been programmed and tested. We perfect an activity by practicing it so much that when the initiative spark fires in the brain it sets off a harmonious cascade of precise and predictable nerve impulses. These impulses fire sequences of muscle contractions to cause precise movements. It would be far more accurate to call this phenomenon "muscle-potential", though the latter iteration doesn’t quite sound so appealing.

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Efficiency Over All

Regarding movement, the human body wants to do one thing, and one thing only.  It wants to preserve its valuable resources.  Economy – same activity, less energy.  Same result, fewer resources.  Conservation is the only motivation – do something often enough and it will take less time, less thought, and eventually less work.

Your body's primary motivation when performing any task boils down to just one thing – economy - Same activity, less energy. Same outcome, fewer resources. Conservation is key. Get more familiar with doing something and it'll take less time, less thought, and less work.

We've all experienced this in some form or another: whether with a Yo-yo, Rubix Cube, walking to jogging to running (did you know that you burn about the same number of calories WALKING one mile as you do RUNNING one mile? It’s true).

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We occupy this highly specialized, highly adaptive machine whose primary objective is preservation - resource-preservation. To put simply, its objective is to use the minimum resources needed to complete a task, and not a single iota more. This is true from both a metabolic standpoint as well as a mechanical one.

For many people, they’ve been trying to lose weight for what seems like an eternity but because this machine opts for efficiency – the harder you work, the better you get at working hard – AND the fewer resources you’ll use to accomplish the same task.  Unless of course, you force the machine to continually adapt. How do you do this? Well, you're going to have to work harder than you did yesterday, every single day.

One Layer Deeper

This neural reprogramming is the first (and least demanding) attempt to make whatever action that you're practicing economical enough to preserve your body's precious and hard-earned resources.

Generally speaking, it's only after the neural improvements begin to maximize that the body begins to explore other avenues to improve the efficiencies of exercise. 

This article was written by Matthew A. Scarfo

Click HERE to Learn more about Matthew’s work.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/mattscarfo/

 

I AM THE MAGIC IN THE BIRDS SINGING

I am the magic in the birds singing

I am the colors in the rainbow

I color the sky with my radiance

and i fill the forest with my loam

I am the mountains meeting the sky

all day long

for in one drop of water

and in one grain of sand

in one cell of my body

the world 

is made whole again

as i breathe 

I take in life

and let it go

my hair, my skin, my breath

fall upon the earth

composting into soil

eaten by worms and bugs

eaten by animals and birds

who

living in trees

fertilize the tree

with their excrement

and the tree

growing fruit i eat

eating myself

again and again

becoming whole

and being

a part of it all

I am the beginning

I am the end

without an end

the deepest feeling anyone has

the deepest love

the deepest pain

the greatest longing

the peace beyond transcendence

bliss

anguish

terror

fear

they are all me

they are all mine

all Divine

all that I AM

There is no richness i cannot have

there is no pain i cannot feel

there are no lines

no divisions

no time

no separations

i come from a place

that remembers it all

and into which

all life flows

because

Love is all there is

and in the 

moment of true reflection

I fall down

and weep                             

in the arms

of myself 

This article was written by Morgine Jurdan

Click HERE to Learn more about Morgine’s work.

WEBSITE:  https://morginejurdan.com/

HEALING STARTS FROM THE INSIDE: MY SPIRITUAL JOURNEY

Sometimes in order to fix a bigger problem, we need to start by fixing ourselves. And that's where I had to start to release all the mental chains I had that prevented me from being myself. These included persons and ideas that kept me from reaching my highest potential.

The first thing I had to do was love myself. I know, you can ask anyone if they love themselves and they will say "yes", but, once they start digging deeper, they realize that they haven't really been loving themselves. In the same way that healing and personal growth require introspection and care, building a business aligned with your spiritual journey calls for choosing partners that resonate with your values. Looking into Zenbusiness reviews can offer insights into a supportive, efficient service to help manifest your vision into reality.

Someone who loves themselves would never allow anyone else to do something harmful to them. One important thing that helped me prevent this was when I started saying "no". It was not easy, but it has been one of the best things I have ever done for myself. What I realized after I started saying "no", was that I was saying "yes" to something I liked and that made me feel fine.

Another thing I did was start a meditation practice that I religiously continue to this day. Every morning, you'll find me taking at least 5 minutes to do conscious breathing, to be grateful, or to forgive. The 2 things that have benefitted me the most have been gratitude and forgiveness. Through gratitude, I have been able to really appreciate the small things in life: a warm cup of coffee, a goat milk yogurt (I mean, how often do you find that while traveling?!), people who love and support me for who I am, the food on my table, having a roof over my head, my health... Ultimately, being thankful for the magic and perfection of life on earth as a whole. Through forgiveness, instead, I learned to forgive myself and everything I've done wrongly. To forgive my mind always judging me and always criticizing every move I make or the body I have. I learned to forgive my parents for the way they reacted to my weight issues while I was a kid since their frustration didn't allow them to see the damage they were doing to me; I forgave anyone who had hurt me out of their own pain, because it was not them doing something bad to me on purpose, it was their own ignorance and suffering that made them act like that. Forgiveness is a selfish act. We forgive to free ourselves from the emotional burden, not to make someone else happy. So, if you haven't tried it out yet, now's the time to start!

Meditation and spiritualism, besides reinforcing the body-mind connection, helped me connect better to the world. Thanks to that, I no longer see things as independent, I see them as part of an interdependent system. This just became more evident after my mom passed away. An event like this transforms you either for your best or worse. But, in my case, it helped me learn that everything in life is energy: yourself, what you see, what you can't see, and your thoughts. Matter doesn't disappear, it just transforms. And, that's why, even if I miss my mom every day, I know that she's everywhere: In the air I breathe, the smiling child running in the garden, the tree I touch, etc. 

Knowing how the type of energy I surround myself with and the one I vibrate on are important for my overall life, I decided to change my environment, and this included my relationships. It was not easy since I had to cut ties with many people and make drastic changes, but the results were astonishing...

This article was written by Michelle Schacherer 

Click HERE to Learn more about Michelle’s work. 

WEBSITE: http://mschacherercrossfitter.blogspot.com

REDUCING EMOTIONAL EATING

          Having high emotional granularity is a vital tool for reducing emotional eating. The term was coined by Northeastern University Psychology Professor Lisa Feldman Barrett shortly after the turn of the century and refers to the ability to recognize, identify and express a full range of emotions. People with high emotional granularity have “finely tuned feelings.” They value emotions and are in touch with them most of the time. Moreover, they don’t lump all emotions together, but feel and can describe their nuances. Upset might be parsed as frightened, dismayed or exasperated. Angry might be viewed as frustrated, helpless or fearful.

Says Barrett, “Emotional granularity isn’t just about having a rich vocabulary; it’s about experiencing the world, and yourself, more precisely. This can make a difference in your life. In fact, there is growing scientific evidence that precisely tailored emotional experiences are good for you, even if those experiences are negative.” (“Are You in Despair? That’s Good,” The NY Times, 6/3/16, http://clbb.mgh.harvard.edu/are-you-in-despair-thats-good/#more-7340, accessed 1/29/19).  

“According to a collection of studies, finely grained, unpleasant feelings allow people to be more agile at regulating their emotions, less likely to drink excessively when stressed and less likely to retaliate aggressively against someone who has hurt them…Perhaps surprisingly, the benefits of high emotional granularity are not only psychological. People who achieve it are also likely to have longer, healthier lives. They go to the doctor and use medication less frequently, and spend fewer days hospitalized for illness. Cancer patients, for example, have lower levels of harmful inflammation when they more frequently categorize, label and understand their emotions.”

There’s evidence that emotional granularity improves mental health. Higher emotional granularity translates to better coping skills and, therefore, fewer maladaptive behaviors such as addictions. Relationships also improve when people are attuned to emotions.

How emotionally granular are you? Do you have difficulty identifying your feelings? Do you ignore them? Lump them together? Therapy can help because it provides a safe place to learn about and discuss emotions. By becoming more tuned in to them, you’ll up your emotional intelligence and do less mindless or binge eating.   

    

This article was written by Karen R. Koenig

Click HERE to Learn more about Karen’s work.

WEBSITES: http://www.karenrkoenig.com/

http://www.nicegirlsfinishfat.com/

RECOVERING FROM EATING DISORDER

Putting Emotions To Work To Overcome Your Eating Disorder

 

            Whether you’re just beginning to address your under- or overeating problems or have been making steady progress over years or decades, there’s one area that you will have to come to terms with sooner or later to achieve full recovery.  To achieve a satisfying, nourishing, happy, and successful life without food problems, you will have to learn how put your emotions to work for you.  This means not dancing around them by eating or calorie counting, obsessing about what you can/can’t/should/shouldn’t eat, or focusing on whether the numbers on the scale are moving up or down.     

            For many disordered eaters, identifying and sitting with feelings is the last hurdle to becoming a “normal” eater.  Most are willing and often eager to practice new food- and weight-related behaviors, such as making satisfying food choices, eating mindfully, taking larger or smaller bites, throwing out the scale, eating without distractions, taking deep breaths after each mouthful, and staying connected to the body’s pleasure center during the eating process.  But most people with eating problems—actually, most people, period—have difficulty getting comfortable with feelings.  It’s important for you to recognize that disordered eaters are far from the only ones who have difficulty handling emotions.  To greater or lesser extent, everyone does.

            Unfortunately, every time you use food (move toward or away from it) instead of feeling an authentic emotion, you miss an opportunity to discover something about what’s happening in your internal world.  Think of your emotions as equivalent to your senses.  The latter alert us to our reaction to our environment—thumbs up or thumbs down—through touch, smell, sight, hearing, and taste.  Our feelings have a similar function as they provide us with information about our reaction to people and situations.  The function of both our senses and our emotions is to move us toward pleasure and away from pain.  Emotions help us decide what is self-threatening—smelling smoke and seeing flames across the room—and what is self-enhancing—sensory delight derived from gazing out over the ocean as gulls soar overhead and the sun dips into the sea.

— True self-care is about holistic health. Jill Kay recently introduced me to Arbonne, the #1 global brand for healthy living inside and out. I tried the products and loved them! Check out their certified vegan, cruelty-free, gluten-free, nontoxic products by clicking HERE. You will be very surprised! —

            If you’re like most people, you don’t realize the value and purpose of emotions and assume they’re not important, or worse, that uncomfortable feelings should be avoided at all cost.  But, I bet you’d never think of shutting off your senses and wandering through the world without them.  Well, that’s exactly what you do every time you ignore or minimize a feeling. 

What if emotions aren’t the demons you’ve made them out to be?  What if emotions are your teachers and your care-takers?  What if they’re not trash but treasures?

            One of the reasons that emotions get a bad rap is that they can feel truly awful.  We may believe that if something doesn’t feel good, it can’t be good, but this is far from the truth.  There are lots of painful cures to what ails us that we tolerate because we know they are necessary and promote ultimate health and well-being—injections, dental fillings and implants, physical therapy, and surgery, to name a few.  No one says, gee, terrific, I’m going to have my body sliced open today and then I’ll be in pain for weeks on end recovering.  However, inspite of the fact that it’s often a nasty business, people schedule surgery because they know they’ll feel better in the long run.

            The same is true of emotions.  Just because they hurt or make you feel badly does not mean they are bad.  Like musical notes and colors (and foods too!), there are no good or bad emotions.  They’re what’s called value neutral.  Think of them as messengers, giving you vital information about what’s happening within your internal landscape—you’re disappointed, ashamed, overwhelmed, overjoyed, furious, grief-stricken, content, shocked, revolted, elated, confused, lonely, excited, helpless.  True, some of these feelings are excruciating and hard to bear, but they do pass and people survive them every day and have since the beginning of human existence.  Half the battle is allowing yourself to be with your feelings without making judgments about them or the kind of person you are for having them.  It’s a great deal easier to acknowledge, identify, experience, explore, and deal with feelings without all the associated criticisms you have of them or of yourself.

            Recovering from an eating disorder means blossoming into a full, emotionally mature person.  For that to happen, you must (yes, must) learn to experience all of your feelings; you can’t pick and choose.  Becoming emotionally healthy is an all or nothing proposition, but one you can learn over time.  If you believe you can’t bear your feelings alone, find a therapist who can guide you through them.  Share your feelings with friends, start a journal, hug yourself, cry, holler til you’re hoarse, beat your pillow, sob til you’re exhausted. 

At some point in recovery, you have to choose between food and feeling.  You already know where your food obsession will lead you, so why not give feelings a try?    

This article was written by Karen R. Koenig

Click HERE to Learn more about Karen’s work.

WEBSITES: http://www.karenrkoenig.com/

http://www.nicegirlsfinishfat.com/

YOU AND I ARE NOT THE SAME – OR ARE WE?

 You and I are just not the same;

You are so wild and I am all tame.

You are so tall and I show up short.

You like the game shows, I just like sports.

 

You like all meats and I eat just greens.

You read great books and I like to dream.

Your hair is wavy, straight is what’s mine;

Your best number is 6 and for me it’s a nine.

 

You like to run and you love to race,

I like to walk at a much slower pace.

Your music is Bach and mine is the Boss,

Your pasta has butter, I like mine with a sauce.

 

You eyes are deep blue; mine are all brown.

You like the city, I love the small town.

You are so strong, from time at the gym.

I take long walks, that’s how I stay trim.

 

You love the summer, the heat and the breeze.

I love the fall with the bright-colored leaves.

You love to eat and I love to cook.

You would never, ever, be found with a book.

 

You speak a language that rolls all your r’s

I could spend days just dreaming of cars.

Your skin is dark, mine is much lighter;

You are a lover and I am a fighter.

You go to college and I work at night.

You like movies that bring on some fright.

You like to earn money, I like to invent.

Hotels are for you, but for me it’s a tent.

Fancy is your choice, mine is just plain.

You like the sun, but give me the rain.

 

I see all these things that make you not me.

So different we are, there just can not be

One thing that unites us, one thing for us all –

One thing that never makes us feel small.

 

But wait! I see it. It is really bright.

That one thing, that something, that makes us unite.

The more that I watch, pay attention and see,

You are actually more, not less, just like me.

 

We’ve been taught to see differences, to make us all hate,

To see what is wrong, and not see what is great.

But inside our outsides, we’re really alike.

We want the same things; we want a great life.

 

The one thing that we, really do share –

A need to be loved and a need for great care.

To feel valued and important, to live and let be,

To move through this life and live really free.

 

See, life makes us different so we each have our place.

Differences help us find our own space.

Differences should never make us act greater

Than anyone else – don’t be a big hater.

 

Look past the differences that let us be us.

Look past the things that create all the fuss.

Look past the height and look past the weight.

Look past the skin, the hair and those traits.

 

Look past where they’re from, what language they speak

Look past their habits and if they’re a geek.

Look past their jobs, their careers and their work.

Look past their hobbies, their interests and quirks.

Look past their religion and what they believe.

Look past their competitive need to achieve.

 

Look instead, in each other, to see what is great.

The kind heart, the love - see these kinds of traits.

Look for their passion, their joy and delight;

Look for their spirit, their inner great light.

See that down deep they are really like you.

Trying to be honest and loving and true.

 

See me as different, then see me the same;

Get past my outside and see my true flame.

I’m different about things that create all the chatter.

But I am just like you for the things that do matter.

I’m human like you and one wish to define,

A life that is happy and loving for all time.

This article was written by Jay Forte

Click HERE to Learn more about Jay’s work. 

WEBSITE: https://thefortefactor.com/

FRIENDSHIP: SHARING AND REPAIRING OUR LIVES

My best friend just happens to be my sister.

On the other hand, maybe it's because she's my sister that she's my best friend. We often take liberties with family that we might not take with friends, which can be good or bad, depending on how we relate and how self-aware we are. This got me thinking about what, exactly, those differences might be and whether I might benefit from embodying more of them with my other friends.

First, though, I had to ask myself what criteria would define a good, healthy friendship, and I discovered some interesting things. Just as friendship is about nurturing and supporting growth, starting a business requires similar care in choosing the right partners for its formation. For those embarking on this journey, exploring top LLC companies can ensure you're entrusting your dream to capable hands, cementing the foundation of your venture with trust and expertise.

For me, a close friendship—like any close relationship—involves emotional honesty, trust, mutual support, active listening, giving and receiving, respect, acceptance, kindred values, a heartfelt connection, and a sense of humor. It also requires healthy boundaries and self-responsibility, so that we know the difference between 'sharing' and 'dumping', and so that we take ownership of our actions and reactions, rather than complaining or constantly reiterating some old, worn-out story that we don't attempt to change. And perhaps the most valuable quality of all is knowing that we can trust our friends to tell us the truth about ourselves, even if it hurts or we won't necessarily like it. 

So far, so good. But what happens if you don't have a super-sister-friend and you don't feel you have the right to expect or express those qualities? While solid friendships are a positive, nourishing part of life at any time, it's when we're in crisis that we truly need our friends—and that our friends get to experience the more vulnerable, authentic, daring parts of us. This is where we get to discover who our friends really are, and what we ourselves are made of. This is where the real 'juice' is—the stuff of life that pushes us beyond the superficial layers of self, with all its pain, sadness and soul-searching.

What stops us from going deeper?

We often refrain from sharing our biggest wounds or problems with our friends, for several reasons:

 1) We may think we're protecting them by not burdening them with our problems when, in reality, we're withholding a part of ourselves that we're afraid to share because we feel ashamed or insecure.

2) We may not realize that sharing our deepest wounds is what creates the deepest intimacy and connection, while also touching others or opening their hearts in some profound way.

3) We may think our problems are not important enough or that we're not worthy of being heard.  

4) We may feel uncomfortable asking for support if we've been taught that other people's needs are more important than our own.

Yet sharing those deeper parts of ourselves enables us to heal, while opening us up to positive input, comfort and support. Sharing our feelings helps us to process them and, often, it's only in articulating what we feel that we gain an understanding of what we want or of what's really going on. The parts that we tend to hold back are usually those parts that hold the greatest emotional 'charge'—and thus the greatest potential for a breakthrough. Sharing our shame, hurt, guilt or despair lessens its power over us and demonstrates our innate worthiness and lovability. Sharing it means we give ourselves permission to be authentic and vulnerable, while acknowledging that our 'stuff' has nothing to do with who we truly are—and everything to do with who we can become, once we let it go.

It's only by sharing all the tough stuff—the crises, break-ups, depression, funks, bad news and bad hair days—that we create depth and meaning in our relationships. Sharing is our invitation to others to be a part of what matters to us. And it's the friends with whom we share the tough stuff that we will rush to tell about the good stuff, as soon as it happens. Because they, more than anyone else, will understand how good that good stuff feels, knowing all the challenges we've been through. And we will have the joy of sharing our more powerful side with them, knowing that they've also seen us at our worst.

Are you living in 'me-ville'?

If there's one thing I've learned, in my years of being a coach and sharing in the challenges of my many courageous clients, it's that friendships—and relationships—are really all that matter. This is what makes life worthwhile and inspires us to be all that we can be. Sharing all of who we are is how we get to discover what we're capable of and how empowering that can also be for others. Withholding ourselves, on the other hand, can create an unhealthy inward focus that keeps us imprisoned in our own minds. It can block the insights that hold the key to our emotional freedom; it can magnify our problems; it can promote catastrophic thinking; and it can create the perception that nobody understands us, that we are all alone, and that it's all about me, me, me.

Daring to share our deepest, most powerful selves builds the kind of friendship that sets us free—the kind of friendship that will deliver us from me-ville.

This article was written by Olga Sheean

Click HERE to Learn more about Olga’s work.

WEBSITE: https://olgasheean.com

CARING FOR OURSELVES AND CARING FOR OTHERS

Self-Care and The Rare Gift Of Spiritual Friendship

“Hey, we have a lot in common! Maybe we should meet for coffee?”

Coming from Facebook, a place where “friendship” usually remains distant and virtual, this was startling content. Add to that a full schedule and a hard bent toward introversion, and there was every reason for me to log off, click on “unfriend,” and run like crazy. The risk of a face-to-face meeting with a total stranger is way outside my comfort zone, and yet the outcome, in this case, was a real-life friendship and a lesson in self-care.

Even with open laptops and a list of technical topics for discussion, when I meet with this particular friend, the percent of time devoted to “business” may be pretty low. Conversations meander as coffee cups are emptied and refilled.  I almost always come away from face-to-face time with friends enriched and encouraged in a way that transcends even the satisfaction that would have come from spending that time hammering away at my to-do list. We gauge the temperature of each other’s hearts, and somehow our faith is shaped in the context of spiritual friendship.

In Becoming Gertrude: How Our Friendships Shape Our Faith, Janice Peterson has defined spiritual friendship as learning to see the worth God has placed in each person and appreciating the gifts individuals have to offer. It’s being willing to share when you need to share and learn when you need to learn. It’s caring for the well-being of the other person, and letting [the other person] care for you as well. (page xviii)

Spiritual friendship is the gift we give to others that circles around and gives back with a greater return. It’s a form of self-care that recognizes that, at our core, we were made for relationship and deep connection by a God who is also relational. In a culture in which loneliness is the norm and competition is the default, genuine friendship is a rare gift.

— True self-care is about holistic health. Jill Kay recently introduced me to Arbonne, the #1 global brand for healthy living inside and out. I tried the products and loved them! Check out their certified vegan, cruelty-free, gluten-free, nontoxic products by clicking HERE. You will be very surprised! —

 

Partners In Prayer

Three of us sat around the table, and the salad and soup were mere side dishes to the conversation that was going on. We chewed and chuckled, sharing our stories, but the culmination of that gathering was the time we spent in prayer, standing between sink and microwave, lifting one another God-ward with words that had been informed by time in deep conversation.

I can pray intelligently for the people I have met over a cup of tea. One of my friends accomplishes this through a “porch ministry,” an offering of hospitality in real time. The stories that are shared on the porch become grist for prayer and the foundation for meaningful connection. Here on the coast of Maine, porch conversations may require a jacket even in mid-July, but the good work of friendship always requires that we “clothe [ourselves] with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony” (Colossians 3:14).

Clothed in love, true spiritual friendship requires sacrifice. There are times when it would be easier to pull the shades, ignore the phone, and hang a “closed” sign on our hearts, but the love that binds us together sees needs and learns the ways of love. By this same binding love, a true friend and prayer partner will understand the wise boundaries and the sacred pauses that are necessary in a supportive and open-handed relationship.

Another Pair Of Eyes

In the throes of a comprehensive kitchen renovation, I was becoming overwhelmed with colors, textures, and materials, all requiring a decision, but all beginning to look alike to my weary brain. Gathering up the pile of samples—flooring, cupboards, counter tops–I took them to a trusted friend and asked the fearful question:  “Do these look horrible together?”

At this point, I wasn’t looking for someone who would make me feel good about my decisions. I needed another set of eyes on my choices, and, if necessary, the faithful wounds of a friend who valued my good more than she valued my opinion of her. A true friend is committed to telling the truth, and spiritual friends are committed to each other’s growth. They will call out one another’s ugly-kitchen-choices AND their ugly-life-choices—even if this means addressing the inward sins that may not be visible to others:  self-obsession, bitterness, and pride. We are fellow students in God’s classroom, and we are there, together, under His training.

Companionship In Trouble

A web of friendships can make God tangible and put flesh on the unseen. When God is silent and life is loud, the borrowed faith of a trusted friend brings perspective into the room. Why else would the psalmists have written so often with plural pronouns about testing and trouble? For example:

For you, O God, have tested us;
you have tried us as silver is tried.
You brought us into the net;
you laid burdens on our backs;
you let people ride over our heads;
we went through fire and through water;
yet you have brought us out to a spacious place. (Psalm 66:10-12)

Together, spiritual friends endure the refining process, and, together, they come into “rich fulfillment,” either through celebration or lament. Community is absolutely necessary among those who believingly follow Jesus Christ, for when life is gritty, we need support, and when it is glorious, we need those who will celebrate with us.

Curating The Environment

Is spiritual friendship part of your self-care strategy?

Looking around at the people closest to you, can you identify someone with whom you could go deep in caring and encouraging?

If not, do you wish you had a community like that?

Begin today and start with YOU.

In your Bible study, when you’re out for coffee, when friends or family are gathered around your table, begin by being honest. Some will respond in horror. However, there will be those who will stop with their mug half way to their lips, turn their eyes in your direction, and murmur, “Me, too.”  Curating the environment for honesty, prayer support, and meaningful conversation begins with one person who recognizes the value of friendship to a flourishing life and is willing to take the risk of going first.

Caring for ourselves and caring for others in the context of relationship involves serving and being served. Spiritual friendship accepts the gift of another’s perspective and allows it to deepen our own, for in this process of seeking meaningful connection, we reflect the image of God. Bridging the separation between heaven and earth, He made the first move, spread His arms wide, and invited us into relationship with words of commitment, acceptance, and love: “I have called you friends” (John 15:15).

Writing/Reflection Prompt: How is spiritual friendship part of your self-care?

This article was written by Michele Morin

Click HERE to Learn more about Michele’s work.

WEBSITE: https://michelemorin.wordpress.com

THE CONNECTION BETWEEN TRAUMA AND PERSONAL GROWTH

I bet all of you have heard of Post-traumatic stress, but I wonder how many of you know about Post-traumatic growth (PTG). We so often think of the downside of trauma—depression, hyper-vigilance, anxiety and flashbacks—but it turns out that there’s an upside to it as well. The term, post-traumatic growth, was first used by Richard Tedeschi, Ph.D. and Lawrence Calhoun, Ph.D. in 1995 at the University of North Carolina to describe the positive changes that they saw in patients who had been affected by and were struggling with trauma.

If you are someone who’s been impacted by trauma, you might find it hard to believe that there’s anything positive about it, but research tells us that there is. "People develop new understandings of themselves, the world they live in, how to relate to other people, the kind of future they might have and a better understanding of how to live life," says Tedeschi. Tanako Katu, Ph.D. at Oakland University explains that, “PTG…refers to what can happen when someone who has difficulty bouncing back experiences a traumatic event that challenges his or her core beliefs, endures psychological struggle (even a mental illness such as post-traumatic stress disorder), and then ultimately finds a sense of personal growth. It's a process that "takes a lot of time, energy and struggle.”

According to the Post-Traumatic Growth Inventory (PTGI) which uses self-report scales, people may change positively in these areas: appreciation of life, relationship with others, new possibilities in life, personal strength and spiritual change. Does everyone experience growth? Tedeschi says, "It all depends on the trauma, the circumstances, the timing of the measurement…[and] on how you define growth using the PTGI, looking at total score, means, factors or individual items," and he estimates that about one-half to two-thirds of people show PTG.

Key traits that facilitate PTG are extraversion and openness to experience. The former makes people more likely to connect with others (and I would add, perhaps, to seek help from them), while the latter, lacking rigid belief systems, makes them more willing to look at viewpoints that are different from their own. I can validate from my clinical experience that clients who are connected to others do much better recovering from trauma than those who remain isolated and stuck in their traumatic suffering. It’s also been my experience that clients who are willing to shift beliefs and see things from another perspective can heal and often create better lives for themselves than they could ever have imagined. (“Growth after trauma” by Lorna Collier, 11/2016, vol. 47, no. 10, accessed 6/5/17, http://www.apa.org/monitor/2016/11/growth-trauma.aspx).

This article was written by Karen R. Koenig

 Click HERE to Learn more about Karen’s work.

WEBSITES: http://www.karenrkoenig.com/

http://www.nicegirlsfinishfat.com/

YOU’RE GREAT AND YOU’RE AWESOME, JUST AS YOU ARE

In a town far away on top of a hill,

Lived people so narrow, judgmental and shrill.

They decided on high that all hair should be brown.

They decided for everyone who lived in their town.

 

“To live here,” they cried, “brown hair is a must.

Brown hair is just right, all others are bust.

If other than brown is just who you are,

Then you must leave. Depart! Go very far!

For we won’t have people who don’t look like us.

Brown is what’s right. Our rules. It is thus!”

 

In one of the families, young Trent was born third.

In a family so big and so famous was heard,

A cry of great grief like someone had died,

The aunts and uncles and parents all cried.

Young Trent, their treasure, though brown hair expected,

Was born blond, a towhead, a child rejected.

 

Though cute and adorable, smart with eyes wide,

His parents knew that his hair had to hide.

If the neighbors and townspeople had any doubt,

That Trent was not brown-haired, the family was out.

 

From the day he could crawl, Trent’s hair was dyed brown.

This gave them permission to live in this town.

His parents feared someday his blond hair would show,

Because hair on a kid never ceases to grow.

 

Each Saturday night as the bath waters ran,

A small dab of brown came out of the can,

To cover those roots of the hair that kept growing,

Like a lawn after rain that needed some mowing.

 

And so it was thus, each day spent in “hair-hiding,”

In plain sight, with a hat, and some dye so complying.

And all seemed as okay, no foul and no harm,

Until one day, that day, there came cause for alarm.

 

That day, at the mirror, young Trent stood there staring,

At brown hair AND blond hair – so great, and so glaring.

He’d been told his whole life about hair not so brown,

These people were gross, not fit for their town.

He realized that day he was different than most.

He was blond, not brown-haired. He’s handsome, not gross.

 

He called to his parents to share his great joy

He was different – unique – not an average boy.

He loved this about him. It gave him great pride.

He was different indeed. He had nothing to hide.

 

We are each born great, we’re remarkable art.

We are perfect, unique, not a kind of half-start.

We can’t change who we are. That’s a great thing.

We are who we are; it’s our hardwiring.

 

His parents warned, they cautioned and cried.

“Being different’s not easy, so please Trent just hide.

Let’s dye your hair brown so you fit and blend in.

Let’s get the brown back so life’s safe as it’s been.”

 

But Trent just said, “No!” on that major day.

“Born different, born right,” is just what he’d say.

“Born blond, not brown-haired, is how I exist.

Being true to myself is what I insist.”

 

“For someone much greater thought I should be,

A towhead, a blond, not a fake brown-haired me.

Who are these others, with comments to make?

I am who I am. God made no mistake.”

 

The hair dying stopped on that fateful day.

Pretending was done on the 18th of May.

Proud to be done with the hair-dying story,

Trent wanted his real life, a life of grand glory.

A life that was honest and open and clear,

A life to be lived without hiding or fear.

 

Trent marched to school with hair like the sun.

The gold in it shone, like threads that been spun,

But support did not happen, not a moment or second.

It didn’t work out as he thought or had reckoned.

They taunted and teased, chased, hit and called, “Nay!”

It changed all his friends in only one day.

 

Chased into the woods, with mean words attacking.

Trent stayed hiding there ‘til daylight went packing.

He hid in the dark and was sobbing with fear,

That someone who hated his hair could be near.

 

“How could this all matter?” He wondered. He cried.

“How could being different make others despise?

I have no control of the color of my hair,

Born with it dark or born with it fair.

Like our gender, or height, preference or skin tone,

We get what we get, it’s really our own.

For down deep I’m still me, the same me I have been.

Down deep, I’m still Trent, their classmate and friend.”

 

And in that tough moment, a moment of fear,

Young Trent saw a stranger, approaching, quite near.

A man with a beard, long, thick and so white;

A smile so warm, so kind and so bright.

“What brings you to woods, so dark and so deep?

The old man continued, “And can cause you to weep?”

 

Trent shared his sad story in every detail.

The old man just listened and grew very pale.

He waited ‘til young Trent was all about finished,

Did not interrupt, critique or diminish

The sadness, the pain, the hurt so disarming

That someone so young could find life so alarming.

 

Once Trent had recounted his unhappy story,

The old man responded with strength and with glory.

His words were bold, his lessons were wise.

Trent listened intently for ways to devise,

 A way to be happy when others all yack.

To be strong and courageous when others attack.

 

The wise man was brilliant and very aware.

He took in a breath, then started to share:

“We are truly born great, just as we are!

Our lives are important. You’re amazing, my young star.

But with others, they think, it’s for them to say

Who is fine, who is good, who is right, who’s okay.”

“For greatness is not in brown hair or blond.

Greatness is not in how our words sound.

Greatness is not on our outside – our skin.

Greatness, true greatness, always happens within.”

 

“We just can’t know how great you can become

By looking at hair color. That’s crazy, that’s dumb.

Down deep we’re amazing and awesome and bold.

Down deep is our value, our treasure, our gold.”

 

“No one has eyes to see what you see.

No one can tell you who or what you should be.

That’s your job. Yes it is. It’s all up to you.

It’s your work and your life. You’ve got to be true.”

 

“Life isn’t easy, its tough and its trying.

It gives you hard tests to make sure you’re applying

What you know of TrueYou, what gifts you receive,

How great you can be and what you believe.”

 

“You were born awesome – awesome indeed.

But to live each day awesome you must become freed

From the judgments of others, from perspectives so narrow

To let your light soar like a brilliant gold arrow.”

“The world needs TrueYou – the “you” as you are.

Blond or brunette, gay, straight or bizarre.

You are you, and amazing! The “you” born just right.

You were born to shine brightly, to share your great light.”

 

But you can’t shine in life, when you let yourself hide.

And you can’t change the world, if you’re ashamed inside.

You didn’t choose how you’re born, where you’re from.

But you can surely choose the “you” you become.

 

Young Trent felt alive and committed to greatness.

He thanked the wise man but feared for the lateness.

His family’d be worried, scared and unbound,

That young Trent was not home, not safe and not sound.

 

He hurried right home in the dark of the night.

But this time for him, a walk without fright.

More aware, more informed and so much more wise.

He got to his door at a quarter to five.

Once home and together, the lost son lamented

With details and stories. The sobbing relented.

Trent shared a new lesson of power and strength.

They stood right by him; they’d go to great lengths

To handle what happens, to just rise above.

To help Trent show up to a life he can love.

 

The next day with power and confidence glowing,

Trent moved through the town without any fear showing.

He let loose his blond hair and wore it with pride.

He stood up to names and to insults so snide.

 

His courage to be true soon had others inspired,

The insults then stopped, mean comments subsided.

Trent showed that hair color makes no difference at all

Be true to yourself and you’ll never feel small.

We didn’t choose how we’re born, where we’re from.

But we can surely choose the “who” we become.

 

And soon many others with all hair colors flowing,

Appeared in the town, the numbers were growing.

People in fear with hair a fake brown,

Were actually there hiding, still living in town.

 

Pretending is bad, it loads on the strife.

Hiding restricts us, it limits our life.

We are each given gifts to discover and use,

And we shortchange the world if we don’t know or refuse

To be open and honest and accept the real “me”.

Trent learned that it takes this to really be free.

 

In just that one moment, things started to change.

People are people, not weirdoes or strange,

Just people, all different, all great, all divine,

Allowed to be true, to be honest, and fine.

 

And changed they all were from perspectives so narrow.

They cheered and applauded and hailed Trent like pharaoh.

But Trent just continued to live life each day,

Honest and great, in his unique way.

 

From that day on, in towns far and near

That kept people out because of some fear.

Now invited them in – all are welcome you know.

We all belong. Yes we do! It is right. It is so.

Come out from your hiding. Join life. Be alive!

When you hide you stay small and afraid - you can’t thrive.

You’re an original, not a copy or fake.

You’re the real deal, just perfect; you are no mistake.

 

So find your right place, as soon as you can.
Be an accountant, a salesman, a singer or stuntman.

It’s all up to you, the directions you choose.
It’s all up to you, don’t wait, don’t you snooze.

Each day that goes by, you never get back.

Each moment, each day, each minute, each track

Is gone. Yes it is, but the next one is here.

Use it wisely. Don’t waste it! Let your best self appear.

 

You were born awesome, no matter what you’ve been taught.

You were born amazing, born cool – you got what you got.

It’s your gift. It’s yours. It’s all just for you.

It’s divine in its nature so, be true to your “who.”

 

Be yourself, be your best. Live life your own way.

Be proud, find your place, make the most of each day.

You’re great and your awesome, just as you are.

Be your true self, be a bright shining star.

This article was written by Jay Forte

Click HERE to Learn more about Jay’s work.

WEBSITE: https://thefortefactor.com/

WITH SUCH GRACE AND GENUINE LOVE

“Do you know Jesus?”

            Were the first words out of his mouth.  His face was no more than two feet from mine as we met in the swimming pool.  He was held by his father, who did not react to his words.  His mother, standing by, said nothing but looked approvingly at her son.  This wasn’t some old guy with bad breath reeking insult to an already aggrieved fellow asking “Do you know Jesus?”  This was a very crippled 6 or 7 year old boy asking a very direct question.  I thought for a minute and then responded, “Yes.  Yes I know Jesus.”

            That began a friendship with Ian, Marcus and Angela that has taught me more about religion than I ever learned from all the sermons I’ve heard in my 86 years.  You see Ian was born with MORQUIO  A.  It is an inherited disease.  He has had 9 operations in his short life.  The last was an operation for  trachea reconstruction that allowed him to breath.  It is a cellular disfunction that affects each person differently but his bones do not grow.  And his spinal cord  can’t handle the stunting growth and bends out of control.  He can’t walk without help.  But that daunting fact does not control their relationship.  He lives as normal a childhood as any American child could wish for.  Marcus and Angela have done a splendid job of parenting.  One that owes a lot to the fact that Ian, Marcus, and Angela all know Jesus.

            It is a joy for me to be with them.  A peace permeates the atmosphere like the flowers fragrance fill a room.     He doesn’t speak until spoken to but his answers are always thoughtful, often funny, and a joke turned upon himself.  He will explain the operations he’s had with great detail, but never feeling a hint of being sorry for himself.  In the 4th grade he is so popular the school adopted him their mascot.  He wore the honor like an Olympic medal.  Olympic medals are not in his future.  Not even a special Olympics’ medal.  You see, at 10 years old he only stands 3 feet tall.  And his daily exercise routine includes lifting one pound weights.  He has developed mighty biceps, which he will show you with the flair of the mighty wrestlers, that he says are the size of a peanut, but he is working to get them to the size of a walnut.

            Ian was not doing well in math and science this year.  His mother helped him with his homework and he made 100 on his tests.  Ian, Marcus, and Angela shame me to be in their presence.  My wife and I raised 5 children and I know now I did not have the humility to raise a child with a handicap.   It was all about me.  I didn’t want them to make the team I wanted them to be Captain of the team.  I wanted them to be the leaders of their classes.  President and cheer leaders and make 100 on all of their tests.  Ian, Marcus, and Angela have shown me I do not know Jesus.  They have shown me with their life, I did not have “Jesus in my heart.”   Oh Marcus and Angela, how do you do it.  With such grace and genuine love, toward Ian and each other.  Would that the world could learn to live with such hardships, with such grace and beauty. 

This article was written by Lawrence McGrath.

 Lawrence wrote the book: A Cry From The Heart: A Personal Essay

Click HERE to purchase his book on Amazon.

Website: https://www.amazon.com/Cry-Heart-Personl-Essay/dp/1439211264

MINDING THE MIND: WAIT, ASK AND TRUST YOUR INSTINCT

I discovered these words, torn and discarded from my 8 year old granddaughter’s notebook, in our trash bin after one of our son’s visits. My husband had lost his hearing aid. Were it not for his absent-minded toss and my fear of the financial consequence, I would certainly never have crawled headfirst into our stinky trash bin. The wisdom of my granddaughter’s lyrics, so innocently and faithfully written, might have been lost but for grandpa’s misplaced hearing aid. The irony is not lost on me. These words would have been forever silent, lost among the ruins of banana peels and broken boxes. Such is the perfection of life.

Don’t we all know, at some level, the wisdom and truth of my granddaughter’s words? A child can only know that one thing: you and me came true into the world. As children, we have no choice but to trust that instinct, ignorant of the world and armed only with innocence. The crux of the matter is that we must survive and so begins the surrender of that True Self. We watch, we adjust, we give ourselves over to a mentally fabricated “pretend-self” to persevere. As adults, it takes awareness and years to erase that kind of conditioning.

“Minding the Mind” is the art of remembering our basic intuitive wisdom. It takes time to hear the deep inner astute voice that recognizes and embraces the Self we are meant to be. It takes time to de-condition the mind. It takes time to trust again.

Mental chatter is not the same thing as the brain processing information. Without the brain, our bodies would be lifeless. Without the mind, however, our lives would be fulfilling and purposeful. Perhaps baffling on the surface, the profundity of ignoring the mind is life changing. After six years of practicing this I am far closer to being myself than at any time in my 65 years on this planet. Finally comfortable in my own skin, my life is better. My family better for my continuing effort.

What I have discovered is that the mind does not know, it only harvests information. It can help me drive a car and remember how to turn on the coffee pot. It can help me spell and write stories that have meaning to me. It remembers (sometimes) where I put my keys and how to get to the store. But when it comes to decision making it is truly inept, a light switch on a fake wall, disconnected from its power source. My mind has gotten me into more predicaments, more trouble, than I care to remember but am inclined not to forget.

Our mental construct teachers us to hate, to fear, to object to anything that does not align with our false image of “right” or “wrong.” We build walls, real or imagined, and align with false narratives that keep us acceptable. We stay in relationships that abuse us, believe people who lie, and/or surrender our authority of “inner knowing” to another. In the most heinous of extremes, we vilify and tell lies about others who are descent, fly airplanes into buildings, or use automatic weapons to destroy life. All based upon mental decisions that choke the life out of humanity.

But there is hope. There is a way. There is a map. It begins with practicing one simple exercise that can change a person’s life forever. The secret?

WAIT.

Wait. Ask. Instinct. Trust.

Wait before making any decision or before taking an action. The world will not end if you take time to clearly know or sense whether something is true for you or not.

Ask a simple question, Is it true?  Ninety-nine percent of mental chatter is false and sells lies and conspiracy theories, most often attached in some way to religious, political or social dogma.

Instinct. Trust yours.  People who trust themselves are calm, confident, and assured. They make an impact. We cannot be like everyone else because we are not like anyone on the planet. We are magnificent in our own right and are enough. We are more than enough. We are Divinely created and perfectly Designed. Life knows where we live.

Trust that. Trust that your gifts will be discovered once you know what those gifts are. Your contributions are worthy when created from your uniqueness and will always find a home in those who are ready to receive them.

There are a lot of minds asking us to be like them.

There is no one like you.

I invite you to be you, wholly and completely, beautifully and correctly you. Within the cocoon the butterfly longs to take flight.

This article was written by Candace Conrad and inspired by Isabella Conradi and Reese Jessner.

Click HERE to Learn more about Candace’s work.

WEBSITES: https://www.lydlifemap.com/

https://www.candaceconradi.com/

HOW NOT TO GET FAT WITH FAT IN YOUR DIET

I know this may be shocking, but eating fat does not necessarily make you fat. Furthermore, dropping fat from your diet doesn’t necessarily make you lose weight. In fact, it can even have the opposite effect! As many people know, there are healthy fats and unhealthy fats. But since “fat” is too often regarded as a cause of our obesity problem, we don’t differentiate between the two in the way that is absolutely vital. All fat is inherently seen as bad by many of us.

But fat is essential to health! And the good news is for maintaining a healthy weight (and many other pluses) it’s only a matter of understanding how to get it right.

 

Like carbohydrates, fat is fuel. And many vitamins and minerals are fat soluble which means that fat is required as the catalyst to break these nutrients down for the body to absorb. If you’re on a low-fat diet for even just a couple weeks, you’re likely to feel some negative effects, ironically including weight-gain. And you can eat all the right nutrients, but if you don’t have the right amount of fat to act as the catalyst to absorb the nutrients, you can actually become deficient in them.

 

Fats are also needed for healthy joints and connective tissues. And here’s another plus: fats satisfy an appetite quickly to help prevent overeating. Ever sit down with a bag of low-fat chips and, before you know it, you’ve polished off the whole bag? You keep eating them because the body never feels satisfied. It’s the same with all “low-fat” foods like crackers, bread, cereal, pasta, and other starchy foods. It’s easy to overeat them. And then what does your body do with the overflow of the starchy calories? It stores them as…fat!

One-hundred calories of the healthy fats (what you might find in an avocado, for instance), tend to be more satisfying to the body than one-hundred calories of carbohydrates, like found in grains. Same amount of calories, much different level of satiation.

 

Finally, did you know that the human brain is eighty percent fat? Not only have we become a nation of people getting fatter with our low-fat diets, we’re potentially compromising our neurological health.

 

The answer is not to remove fat from your diet. The answer is to eat more healthy fats while avoiding the unhealthy ones. It’s the unhealthy fats that are responsible, to a large degree, for obesity and its attendant diseases. Heart disease and diabetes are on the rise and unhealthy fat is a big culprit.

 

Unhealthy fats are everywhere. A little history lesson: back in the 1980s, food manufacturers came out with cheap ways to cook things. Suddenly we were all eating foods cooked in inexpensive oils like corn, canola, or safflower oil. These are expeller-pressed oils that become rancid even before you buy them, and they are guaranteed to make the thyroid, which governs your metabolism, weaker. These oils are what you find in common snack foods, bread, cereal, and similar processed foods.

 

Even worse is hydrogenated vegetable oil. Hydrogenated vegetable oil is produced by heating vegetable oil to 700 degrees and then filtering hydrogen gas through it. The oil becomes unstable at such high temperatures, thus allowing the hydrogen atoms to bond with the oil. The oil then cools to become a solid at room temperature, like butter. The process has a dangerous side effect: free radicals. What are free radicals? These are unstable molecules that roam around the body chipping particles from cell walls, which then create more free radicals.

As you may know, eliminating free radicals is a vital role of antioxidants, found primarily in raw fruits and vegetables.

 

Most people consume too many unhealthy fats that contain these free radicals. And an excess amount of them can be costly to one’s health in several ways. The deteriorating nature of free radicals is among the primary causes of aging. And they can also be a cause of mutated cell growth and a weakened immune system making the body vulnerable to cancer.

Free radicals almost always suppress the body’s thyroid function and that, right there, is a big cause of obesity. You zap your thyroid and you zap your metabolism. Slow metabolism = weight gain.

 

To offset this, once oils like hydrogenated vegetable oil hit the market, we started reducing our intake of all fats. We started looking for low-fat alternatives and starving ourselves of the needed healthy fats and buying into the calorie-counting protocol as a discipline. That’s a recipe tailor-made for failure.

 

Fats come in two categories: saturated and unsaturated and it’s easy to tell the difference. Saturated fat is solid at room temperature, unsaturated is liquid at room temperature. You need both. Yes, contrary to what you might have heard, you need even the saturated kind, as we’ll discuss.

 

Unsaturated fats can be found in avocados, raw nuts and seeds, and oils that are liquid at room temperature, like olive oil. All processed oils should be cold-pressed. Cold-pressing means what the name implies: the oil is extracted under cool temperatures, thus protecting the potential health-creating qualities of the oil. But these are oils you don’t want to cook with. Unsaturated fats break down when cooked. (This is why fried foods aren’t good for us even if they’re cooked in olive or similar quality oils.)

Since unsaturated oils like olive oil break down eventually, even at room temperature, no oil has a shelf life longer than a few months once it’s opened. After such time the oil will be rancid, although undetectable by smell.

 

The omega-3 essential fatty acids are worthy of extra attention. These are oils found in nuts and seeds like flax and chia, as well as fish. While I wouldn’t necessarily consider these fatty acids “essential,” they do have great nutritive value. Omega-3 oils can lower cholesterol and are also blood thinning which naturally can be good for many of us. But again, like all other unsaturated fats, heating these oils destroys the health-producing effects. This is part of why you don’t want to overcook fish. It’s also why roasted nuts and seeds—as opposed to raw—aren’t exactly healthy.

Flaxseed oil can be a good product, but the raw seed as a whole food is how you get those omega-3s as fresh as possible. With fish oil products, there is a lot of debate as to whether they truly retain any beneficial value since the processing involves heat and oxygen. The data pertaining to the fatty acids being preserved for the sake of a long shelf-life is weak, and I believe the whole fish to be the superior option.

 

If you want to cook with oil, then it’s important to use oils that are saturated fats which are more heat stable: butter or ghee (oil extracted from butter that is less likely to burn) or coconut oil for example. Ghee made from butter is completely heat stable making it perfect for any high-heat cooking. Ghee has been in the Ayurvedic diet of India for many years and is generally available at any natural food store. Coconut oil deserves special attention as well as a place in every kitchen pantry. In addition to being very heat stable, it has a healing effect on the thyroid. If you suspect that you’re overweight due in part to a suppressed thyroid, then try taking raw, cold pressed, organic coconut oil (not palm oil which is unhealthy). It may sound counterintuitive that a saturated fat such as coconut can help with weight loss, but it can. Try it for yourself. Take one tablespoon daily in a smoothie or melt it into warm foods.

Another benefit is that saturated fat like coconut lubricates the joints and bowels, helping them both to move a little better. Also the brain is made of saturated fat, making a supply of it important for the maintenance and regeneration of vital brain tissues.

 

Okay, I know what you must be thinking. Saturated fat? Butter? Really? Sure, it might be eyebrow-raising, but trust me. The key with saturated fats is moderation. Too much saturated fat will raise your cholesterol (even cholesterol-free oil like coconut oil). But is a tablespoon a day of these oils going to raise your cholesterol? Most likely not.

 

A lot of questions that people seem to have about fats center on animal fats in particular. So let’s consider a few of these.

 

Meats. Meats such as beef and chicken should represent only a small part of one’s diet, if any part at all. These saturated fats can increase cholesterol and set a chain reaction towards heart disease and weight gain. The leaner (and less frequent) of these products the better.

 

Eggs. Bad for you, right? Actually, no. Eggs can be an excellent food. Sure, they’re high in cholesterol, but it’s not a cholesterol that raises yours. There is saturated fat in eggs, but only to the tune of less than one gram per egg.

 

Dairy. This is a tradeoff. For protein and fat, milk isn’t bad in moderation, but its main drawback is the presence of lactose (milk sugar) which is mucous-forming, making milk a little bit of a challenge for the body to digest. Yogurt’s a little better than milk in this regard because the friendly bacteria partially break down the lactose making it more digestible.

Note: stay away from pre-sweetened yogurt, which unfortunately represents ninety-percent of yogurts on the market. Most of them use processed sugar. Even the ones that brag about having real fruit still add extra sugar. Go with unsweetened yogurt, and then add the elite sweetener, such as honey or fruit. Raw, unpasteurized dairy is growing in popularity because the idea is that it’s less mucous-forming from maintaining the original enzymes which help digest the lactose.

 

If you do drink milk, it’s best to go with skim milk, right? Wrong. The whole low-fat dairy thing has been problematic. Two-percent and skim milk should just be called what they are: lactose concentrate. They’re hard to digest and a big part of why lactose sensitivity is becoming more common. Our bodies are rebelling. If you wish to have milk, then drink whole milk—just less of it. And you’ll drink less of it because it’ll satisfy much quicker than the milk sugar stuff.

 

Better still, make your own milk! If you have a high-powered blender (a fantastic investment), here’s an easy alternative for milk: blend raw hemp seeds with water. Voila! No straining necessary. Add in a sprinkle of coconut sugar and cinnamon. Homemade almond milk, while more labor intensive, is terrific, too. Boxed almond or soy or other nut milks in the store are less than ideal. Like all nuts and seeds, these are unsaturated oils that go rancid once heated and then packaged. Plus, these milks are often augmented with binders and thickeners to keep the water and oils from separating. Just more food processing that you don’t need.

 

Bottom line: integrate healthy fats into your diet with primarily plant foods. As you can probably guess I am quite partial to sprouted almonds and pumpkin seeds because of their awesome nutritive value. Other raw nuts and seeds such as walnuts, pistachios, sunflower seeds, hemp seeds, and brazil nuts are great too. I recommend steering clear of peanuts that have no nutritive value. Remember that the right fats can satisfy your appetite, thus helping to avoid overdoing carbs and sugars that everybody’s been doing due to the lack of satiation from the low-fat diet. (For ways to include healthy fats in your diet check out my recipes here, which in my humble opinion are extraordinary.

 

This article was written by Billy Merritt.

Click HERE to Learn more about his work.
https://www.infinitygreens.com/

ALCOHOL — SANITY — REALITY

A stronger realization of the evil in drinking hit me recently when I stumbled on some news on Facebook. No, I was not dipping into the Sacramental Wine. A father who had had a couple of bottles too many took hold of the steering wheel and drove himself, his wife and stepmother to the embrace of death. Luckily, thanks to a Good Samaritan who was close to the murder (or manslaughter) scene, his son was rescued from the sinking car.

A quick Google search will, however, lead us to countless other stories of a drunkards killing strangers, killing family and friends, or even himself. Why then do we choose to surrender our sanity — and even our humanity — to this liquefied femme fatale called alcohol?

Statistics, according to the Drug-Free World Foundation, establish that alcohol kills more teenagers than all other drugs combined, and is a factor in the three leading causes of death among young persons: accidents, homicides and suicides. Not only that; youth who drink are 7.5 times more likely to use other illegal drugs and are fifty times more likely to use cocaine.

It has also been shown that at least 40% of violent crimes occur under the influence of alcohol. What is more, alcoholic drinks are getting cheaper by the decade. They are becoming more and more affordable, so no one is left out from this global entrapment.

It is therefore not doubtful that alcohol has wrought great havoc not only on our quality of life, but the quantity of the living. Though thinking right — in other words, sanity — can have its downsides, and though not easily forgetting or repressing sour memories can draw us into melancholy, alcohol is no true escape route. It does not offer an exit from the premises of our problems. It only switches off the light for a moment.

The problems — though invincible — remain. It gives us temporary breaks from challenges such as poverty, unemployment, strained relationships and so on; and many a time, it leads to permanent damages.

Away from the figures, the writer has personally experienced how alcohol can often embitter an otherwise great marriage and relationship. (Usually) the father spends a great deal of his income buying it for himself and friends, and he spends most of what remains trying to clean up at the hospital: liver disease cancer, malnourishment, gastrointestinal problems, osteoporosis and so on. He also spends a great deal of his time arguing with his wife and beating his kids — all for silly or no reasons at all. He even borrows or steals from his wife to fuel this indulgence of his. And so, there is nothing left in his pocket for the upkeep of his family, nothing left in his time for keeping up with his family and nothing left in his head to realize this tragedy.

For the youth, though the character and plotline may differ, the story often heads for the same ending: misery. It is a vicious, almost never-ending, cycle wrapped in shame and anguish. If we shut our eyes to the place of peer pressure, then it is either pain leads you to the consumption of alcohol or the consumption of alcohol leads you to pain — or both.

You are facing problems with your studies, your secondary school mates have all graduated and are probably married, and your project supervisor is there making life hell for you. Or your girlfriend whom you love dearly just left you bitter for leaving for sweeter pastures. Or you flunked your final-year examinations, have to sit in classes with your juniors for a year. So you decide to seek solace in the flames of alcohol. Well, stop! Don’t.

Don’t submit your sanity to a bottle of fizzles or wood soaked liquid before it makes you a fizzle yourself. Don’t hand over the baton of your senses, even for a night, for that is your greatest weapon against life’s challenges. You do not win by running. You win through strategy and hard work — and a drunken man is not capable of both. Alcohol is a drug like all others. It has got a glittering package. It has got a sweet voice. It even looks great from the top.

But underneath all these is a quicksand of unending, yet limitless, misery. Trust me, it is not worth it. But don’t take my word for it; check the statistics. Look around you. See what you do not want to see and see the reality for yourself.

Center for Healing, Growth, & Recovery Ministries

Reverend Marc Baisden, MACP, CMHC, Min. (C) 2019

https://www.alignable.com/anchorage-ak/recovery-intervention-services

THE KEYS TO BUILD TRUE PHYSICAL POWER – PART TWO

 

We don’t have to hike for hours every day. But even going a few miles at a sturdy pace two or three days per week can have a tremendous impact on your health.

You’re getting your heart rate up and lifting your body weight as you trek up and down hills, making hiking the perfect cardio and load-bearing activity, all in one. Plus, you’re exercising the largest muscles in your body— namely your gluteus muscles and quads in your legs—which therefore has the most effect on your metabolism. And you’re strengthening your core, too. When you’re hiking over uneven terrain, you’re also exercising your smaller, stabilizer muscles—lots of little muscles that all add up. There’s a lot you can cover by just walking up and down hills.

 

Popular ways that people try to replicate this kind of physical activity are in the gym via stationary bikes or treadmills. These are obviously much better alternatives than not exercising at all. But when doing only the same repetitive motion that’s offered by stationary bikes or treadmills, you can’t really get the same kind of workout provided by hiking and navigating hills. Essentially, all of those stabilizer muscles aren’t working so hard. And, you’re not getting outside which is always the place I prefer to do at least a portion of my exercise. Do you live somewhere flat? No worries.

A brisk walk, followed by doing a few sets of squats while holding a dumbbell to your chest, qualifies as an awesome workout.

 

As for load-bearing exercise, remember that the gluteus muscles and quads should be your highest priority for enhancing your metabolism and building your overall strength. The seldom-done squats and deadlifts are hands down the best gym exercises you can do because of the emphasis on these bigger muscles as well as your core strength. Deadlifts have an undeserved negative reputation (the name doesn’t help—better would be “life-force lifts” or “anti-death lifts”!) that comes from too many people doing them inappropriately, with too much weight and with the wrong form. Just like hiking, bending over or squatting to pick up heavy objects is an ancient exercise; thus our bodies are well adapted to do them. But don’t risk an injury. Do them right. Your best bet?

Work with the theme “less weight, more reps.” Also these lifting exercises don’t necessarily need to be committed to with a bar. Using dumbbells or kettle-bells is a great, low-risk way to get started. And why not work with a trainer? I do, and I can’t recommend it highly enough!

 

Remember to maintain stretching as a part of your physical activity. Maintaining elasticity of muscles is vital for a whole host of reasons, the most important of which is prevention of injury, inflammation, and those everyday aches and pains. It’s important for maintaining good posture, too. A full body stretch doesn’t need to take more than a few minutes. Actually, a common mistake can be over-stretching, which can make muscles weaker. Of course muscles can be re-strengthened, but why put your body through unnecessary stress? If you choose a yoga practice, the idea is to hold the stretching poses for only seconds. It’s the strengthening poses that can be held for longer. There is some reasoning however for holding the stretching poses longer, and it’s for the releasing of deeper tension. So in a sense there can be a benefit to this.

My suggestion if you do the longer stretching poses is to do them only on an occasional basis, especially if building strength is what you’re going for.

 

As mentioned, I highly recommend working with a fitness trainer. What you learned in PE class just isn’t going to cut it if a deeper power for the sake of your longevity and life-force is what you’re going for. And going to the gym on your own and doing the same routine day in and day out only does so much. It’s much more effective and time better spent to shake things up. The variety of fitness activities is endless, and changing up the exercises you’re doing on a regular basis will make you stronger faster. A trainer knows best how to do this, and it needn’t be time-consuming. With the right kind of intensive exercise, you can get a lot out of a single hour, or even less.

Believe me, I’ve seen the results firsthand through trainers I have worked with, and by my own experience as a trainer at the Ashram. I’ve witnessed incredible transformations in people of all body types and starting out at all different levels of fitness.

 

Find the trainer who believes in sticking with the free weights. Free weights have exponentially more impact than machines. Remember that core and lower-body exercises are the most important since, as we discussed above, they’re the biggest muscles. Men especially tend to get preoccupied with upper body workouts, partly because they’re easier overall since the upper body muscles are smaller relative to the muscles in the legs. It’s a matter of balance between lower and upper-body exercises, but placing more of an emphasis on lower-body is the way to go. And of course we’re not talking body-building here. Again, we’re talking about ‘power-building’.

 

Keep in mind you don’t have to work with a trainer every day. Why not start with just two days a week? Of course a good trainer will teach you how to work out on your own, too. I’m confident you’ll be very impressed with what you get out of it.

 

The other days of the week? Hike or go for power walks! I am very much a believer in fast-paced walking. Too easy for you? Try carrying three to ten pound dumbbells (or water bottles) and pump your arms like you mean it. Now we’re talking. Or maybe you’ve got other athletic pursuits—sports that you like to play. Being physically active should be enjoyable, something you look forward to. Yoga, soccer, pottery (well maybe something a little more strenuous), swimming, and biking—they’re all good. Need I share my opinion of the contact sports like football that invite injury and wear and tear on the body?

Get creative. Join a softball team. Take up tennis. Play ultimate frisbee. Dance! (This one is among my favorites.)

 

Exercise is certainly neck and neck with diet, in terms of importance for overall health. They’re both critical links in the chain of well-being. On the note of diet, I recommend a sturdy dose of easy-to-digest protein following your workout. Naturally, and for the sake of purity and potency, I’m a fan of my post-workout smoothie with Infinity Protein, which is a blend of organic hemp and brown rice protein infused with muscle-enhancing herbs. And of course the Infinity Protein Bars too, which are hands down, the best bars in terms of both pure ingredients and flavor. Remember that when we neglect our diets, we lose the energy and enthusiasm we need to be physically active. It becomes hard to exercise even if we want to. So create the right chemistry with your diet and then pump the handle with exercise, with the restorative nutrition to follow.

 

As a motivating factor, it’s always helpful to remember your physiological health is intimately connected with your mental health – that’s your peace and happiness. No question a strong body is one of the foundational elements for a strong mind, only to make us more fit to better navigate through the world of modern-day stressors and still maintain a general sense of wellbeing.

It’s the strong mind and body together that build true power, and there’s no moment like the precious present to jump onboard. I say we go for it.

 

Over the last seventeen years the Infinity Superfoods have become a powerful force, enhancing the lives of many thousands of people, and it is an honor to have you as part of the team.

This article was written by Billy Merritt.

Click HERE to Learn more about his work.
https://www.infinitygreens.com/

THE SEVEN PRINCIPLES OF SOLUTION FOCUSED CONVERSATIONS

Principle 1: Master the courage to question reality.

No plan survives its collision with reality, and reality has a habit of shifting, at work and at home. Markets and economies change, requiring shifts in strategy. People change and forget to tell each other – colleagues, customers, spouses, friends. We are all changing all the time.

Not only do we neglect to share this with others, we are skilled at masking it even to ourselves.

 

Principle 2: Come out from behind yourself into the conversation and make it real.

While many fear “real”, it is the unreal conversations that should scare us to death. Unreal conversations are expensive, for the individual and the organization. No one has to change, but everyone has to have the conversation. When the conversation is real, the change occurs before the conversation is over. You will accomplish your goals in large part by making every conversation you have as real as possible.

 

Principle 3: Be here, prepared to be nowhere else.

Our work, our relationships, and our lives succeed or fail one conversation at a time. While no single conversation is guaranteed to transform a company, a relationship, or a life, any single conversation can. Speak and listen as if this is the most important conversation you will ever have with this person. It could be. Participate as if it matters. It does.

 

Principle 4: Tackle your toughest challenge today.

Burnout doesn’t occur because we’re solving problems, it occurs because we’ve been trying to solve the same problem over and over. The problem named is the problem solved. Identify and then confront the real obstacles in your path. Stay current with the people important to your success and happiness. Travel light, agenda-free.

 

Principle 5: Obey your instincts.

Don’t just trust your instincts – obey them. Your radar screen works perfectly. It’s the operator who is in question. An intelligence agent is sending you messages every day, all day.

Tune in. Pay attention. Share these thoughts with others. What we label as illusion is the scent of something real coming close.

 

Principle 6: Take responsibility for your emotional wake.

For a leader, there is no trivial comment. Something you don’t remember saying may have had a devastating impact on someone who looked to you for guidance and approval. The conversation is not about the relationship; the conversation is the relationship. Learning to deliver the message without the load allows you to speak with clarity, conviction, and compassion.

 

Principle 7:  Let silence do the heavy lifting.

When there is simply a whole lot of talking going on, conversations can be so empty of meaning they crackle. Memorable conversations include breathing space. Slow down the conversation, so that insight can occur in the space between words and you can discover what the conversation really wants and needs to be about.

 

This article was written by Rev. Marc Baisden, MACP, MIN

Click HERE to Learn more about Marc Baisden. 

https://www.alignable.com/anchorage-ak/recovery-intervention-services