FRIENDSHIP: SHARING AND REPAIRING OUR LIVES
My best friend just happens to be my sister.
On the other hand, maybe it's because she's my sister that she's my best friend. We often take liberties with family that we might not take with friends, which can be good or bad, depending on how we relate and how self-aware we are. This got me thinking about what, exactly, those differences might be and whether I might benefit from embodying more of them with my other friends.
First, though, I had to ask myself what criteria would define a good, healthy friendship, and I discovered some interesting things. Just as friendship is about nurturing and supporting growth, starting a business requires similar care in choosing the right partners for its formation. For those embarking on this journey, exploring top LLC companies can ensure you're entrusting your dream to capable hands, cementing the foundation of your venture with trust and expertise.
For me, a close friendship—like any close relationship—involves emotional honesty, trust, mutual support, active listening, giving and receiving, respect, acceptance, kindred values, a heartfelt connection, and a sense of humor. It also requires healthy boundaries and self-responsibility, so that we know the difference between 'sharing' and 'dumping', and so that we take ownership of our actions and reactions, rather than complaining or constantly reiterating some old, worn-out story that we don't attempt to change. And perhaps the most valuable quality of all is knowing that we can trust our friends to tell us the truth about ourselves, even if it hurts or we won't necessarily like it.
So far, so good. But what happens if you don't have a super-sister-friend and you don't feel you have the right to expect or express those qualities? While solid friendships are a positive, nourishing part of life at any time, it's when we're in crisis that we truly need our friends—and that our friends get to experience the more vulnerable, authentic, daring parts of us. This is where we get to discover who our friends really are, and what we ourselves are made of. This is where the real 'juice' is—the stuff of life that pushes us beyond the superficial layers of self, with all its pain, sadness and soul-searching.
What stops us from going deeper?
We often refrain from sharing our biggest wounds or problems with our friends, for several reasons:
1) We may think we're protecting them by not burdening them with our problems when, in reality, we're withholding a part of ourselves that we're afraid to share because we feel ashamed or insecure.
2) We may not realize that sharing our deepest wounds is what creates the deepest intimacy and connection, while also touching others or opening their hearts in some profound way.
3) We may think our problems are not important enough or that we're not worthy of being heard.
4) We may feel uncomfortable asking for support if we've been taught that other people's needs are more important than our own.
Yet sharing those deeper parts of ourselves enables us to heal, while opening us up to positive input, comfort and support. Sharing our feelings helps us to process them and, often, it's only in articulating what we feel that we gain an understanding of what we want or of what's really going on. The parts that we tend to hold back are usually those parts that hold the greatest emotional 'charge'—and thus the greatest potential for a breakthrough. Sharing our shame, hurt, guilt or despair lessens its power over us and demonstrates our innate worthiness and lovability. Sharing it means we give ourselves permission to be authentic and vulnerable, while acknowledging that our 'stuff' has nothing to do with who we truly are—and everything to do with who we can become, once we let it go.
It's only by sharing all the tough stuff—the crises, break-ups, depression, funks, bad news and bad hair days—that we create depth and meaning in our relationships. Sharing is our invitation to others to be a part of what matters to us. And it's the friends with whom we share the tough stuff that we will rush to tell about the good stuff, as soon as it happens. Because they, more than anyone else, will understand how good that good stuff feels, knowing all the challenges we've been through. And we will have the joy of sharing our more powerful side with them, knowing that they've also seen us at our worst.
Are you living in 'me-ville'?
If there's one thing I've learned, in my years of being a coach and sharing in the challenges of my many courageous clients, it's that friendships—and relationships—are really all that matter. This is what makes life worthwhile and inspires us to be all that we can be. Sharing all of who we are is how we get to discover what we're capable of and how empowering that can also be for others. Withholding ourselves, on the other hand, can create an unhealthy inward focus that keeps us imprisoned in our own minds. It can block the insights that hold the key to our emotional freedom; it can magnify our problems; it can promote catastrophic thinking; and it can create the perception that nobody understands us, that we are all alone, and that it's all about me, me, me.
Daring to share our deepest, most powerful selves builds the kind of friendship that sets us free—the kind of friendship that will deliver us from me-ville.
This article was written by Olga Sheean
Click HERE to Learn more about Olga’s work.
WEBSITE: https://olgasheean.com
CARING FOR OURSELVES AND CARING FOR OTHERS
Self-Care and The Rare Gift Of Spiritual Friendship
“Hey, we have a lot in common! Maybe we should meet for coffee?”
Coming from Facebook, a place where “friendship” usually remains distant and virtual, this was startling content. Add to that a full schedule and a hard bent toward introversion, and there was every reason for me to log off, click on “unfriend,” and run like crazy. The risk of a face-to-face meeting with a total stranger is way outside my comfort zone, and yet the outcome, in this case, was a real-life friendship and a lesson in self-care.
Even with open laptops and a list of technical topics for discussion, when I meet with this particular friend, the percent of time devoted to “business” may be pretty low. Conversations meander as coffee cups are emptied and refilled. I almost always come away from face-to-face time with friends enriched and encouraged in a way that transcends even the satisfaction that would have come from spending that time hammering away at my to-do list. We gauge the temperature of each other’s hearts, and somehow our faith is shaped in the context of spiritual friendship.
In Becoming Gertrude: How Our Friendships Shape Our Faith, Janice Peterson has defined spiritual friendship as learning to see the worth God has placed in each person and appreciating the gifts individuals have to offer. It’s being willing to share when you need to share and learn when you need to learn. It’s caring for the well-being of the other person, and letting [the other person] care for you as well. (page xviii)
Spiritual friendship is the gift we give to others that circles around and gives back with a greater return. It’s a form of self-care that recognizes that, at our core, we were made for relationship and deep connection by a God who is also relational. In a culture in which loneliness is the norm and competition is the default, genuine friendship is a rare gift.
— True self-care is about holistic health. Jill Kay recently introduced me to Arbonne, the #1 global brand for healthy living inside and out. I tried the products and loved them! Check out their certified vegan, cruelty-free, gluten-free, nontoxic products by clicking HERE. You will be very surprised! —
Partners In Prayer
Three of us sat around the table, and the salad and soup were mere side dishes to the conversation that was going on. We chewed and chuckled, sharing our stories, but the culmination of that gathering was the time we spent in prayer, standing between sink and microwave, lifting one another God-ward with words that had been informed by time in deep conversation.
I can pray intelligently for the people I have met over a cup of tea. One of my friends accomplishes this through a “porch ministry,” an offering of hospitality in real time. The stories that are shared on the porch become grist for prayer and the foundation for meaningful connection. Here on the coast of Maine, porch conversations may require a jacket even in mid-July, but the good work of friendship always requires that we “clothe [ourselves] with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony” (Colossians 3:14).
Clothed in love, true spiritual friendship requires sacrifice. There are times when it would be easier to pull the shades, ignore the phone, and hang a “closed” sign on our hearts, but the love that binds us together sees needs and learns the ways of love. By this same binding love, a true friend and prayer partner will understand the wise boundaries and the sacred pauses that are necessary in a supportive and open-handed relationship.
Another Pair Of Eyes
In the throes of a comprehensive kitchen renovation, I was becoming overwhelmed with colors, textures, and materials, all requiring a decision, but all beginning to look alike to my weary brain. Gathering up the pile of samples—flooring, cupboards, counter tops–I took them to a trusted friend and asked the fearful question: “Do these look horrible together?”
At this point, I wasn’t looking for someone who would make me feel good about my decisions. I needed another set of eyes on my choices, and, if necessary, the faithful wounds of a friend who valued my good more than she valued my opinion of her. A true friend is committed to telling the truth, and spiritual friends are committed to each other’s growth. They will call out one another’s ugly-kitchen-choices AND their ugly-life-choices—even if this means addressing the inward sins that may not be visible to others: self-obsession, bitterness, and pride. We are fellow students in God’s classroom, and we are there, together, under His training.
Companionship In Trouble
A web of friendships can make God tangible and put flesh on the unseen. When God is silent and life is loud, the borrowed faith of a trusted friend brings perspective into the room. Why else would the psalmists have written so often with plural pronouns about testing and trouble? For example:
For you, O God, have tested us;
you have tried us as silver is tried.
You brought us into the net;
you laid burdens on our backs;
you let people ride over our heads;
we went through fire and through water;
yet you have brought us out to a spacious place. (Psalm 66:10-12)
Together, spiritual friends endure the refining process, and, together, they come into “rich fulfillment,” either through celebration or lament. Community is absolutely necessary among those who believingly follow Jesus Christ, for when life is gritty, we need support, and when it is glorious, we need those who will celebrate with us.
Curating The Environment
Is spiritual friendship part of your self-care strategy?
Looking around at the people closest to you, can you identify someone with whom you could go deep in caring and encouraging?
If not, do you wish you had a community like that?
Begin today and start with YOU.
In your Bible study, when you’re out for coffee, when friends or family are gathered around your table, begin by being honest. Some will respond in horror. However, there will be those who will stop with their mug half way to their lips, turn their eyes in your direction, and murmur, “Me, too.” Curating the environment for honesty, prayer support, and meaningful conversation begins with one person who recognizes the value of friendship to a flourishing life and is willing to take the risk of going first.
Caring for ourselves and caring for others in the context of relationship involves serving and being served. Spiritual friendship accepts the gift of another’s perspective and allows it to deepen our own, for in this process of seeking meaningful connection, we reflect the image of God. Bridging the separation between heaven and earth, He made the first move, spread His arms wide, and invited us into relationship with words of commitment, acceptance, and love: “I have called you friends” (John 15:15).
Writing/Reflection Prompt: How is spiritual friendship part of your self-care?
This article was written by Michele Morin
Click HERE to Learn more about Michele’s work.
WEBSITE: https://michelemorin.wordpress.com
DOG WISDOM
Every morning is great, never a dark thunder cloud. Every morning starts new, with wagging so proud.
Not stuck in the past, not worried about money.
Not complaining about a day that’s just not that sunny. Not holding a grudge, or upset with their friends;
Not worried about fashion, Facebook or the Benz. Not wondering if today, things will all go their way. But present in each moment of each blessed day.
Dogs don’t need much – they all just want love, Add some good food, and a family to be part of. Not much more – no high expectations;
No fancy car or elaborate vacations.
They want some attention and moments to share Their spirit, their wisdom, and how much they care.
Then, there are we humans with lives oh so rough. All worried and nervous about having enough stuff. We get challenged by looks, comments and frowns; We get upset, sad and all versions of downs.
Little things upset us and lead us astray,
We get all upset when things don’t go our way.
We have our couldas and wouldas and things that we ought From voices of others, from things we’ve been taught.
They keep us all twisted and scared without reason.
They keep us alarmed, concerned, in each season.
The world takes us down with our focus on lack, On limits and problems and meaningless yack.
We don’t see what dogs see – a new view each day, To have fun, to live life, to be happy and play.
All around us is wisdom, of how to live right,
To live with a focus of play and delight.
Tune in to those eyes that have no conditions, And the tails that wag without any suspicions. Tune in to the greeting, delivered on demand. Tune in to the love, given so freely, so grand.
There is much to learn from the Pug or the Lab,
The Schnauzer or Shih Tzu, with coats oh so fab.
The Shepherd and Sheepdog, the Maltese and Beagle, The St Bernard, the Boxer and Great Dane so regal. They have just one wish – to have a great life.
They have no agenda, no interest in strife.
There are just some days that I am really seeing That dogs are way smarter than we human beings.
This article was written by Jay Forte
Click HERE to Learn more about Jay’s work.
WEBSITE: https://thefortefactor.com/
FAITHFUL FRIENDSHIP
How to Do the Hard and Holy Work of Faithful Friendship
“So who’s mentoring whom here?” my friend asked with a mischievous grin.
Good question!
When friends challenge one another with shared books, Scripture reading, and transparent prayer, everyone is sharpened and restored in a way that uniquely shows the love of God. Janice Peterson calls this “spiritual friendship,” and has reached back into her long memory for the purpose of sharing her friend Gertrude, the woman who poured lemonade and listened to Jan’s teen-age thoughts and dreams.
Being seen and valued by a friend who was “always present, always caring,” set Peterson on a course to be that person for others, to live given, and to love well. In Becoming Gertrude: How Our Friendships Shape Our Faith, Jan remembers lemonade on the porch and shares her deep conviction that friendships can be life-altering in all the best ways.
A spiritual friendship differs from mentoring in that no one takes the lead. There’s no resident expert or hierarchy at work. Instead, spiritual friendship is characterized by an unstructured giving and receiving, “appreciating the gifts individuals have to offer. It’s being willing to share when you need to share and learn when you need to learn. It’s caring for the well-being of the other person, and letting her care for you as well.” (xviii)
Ministering alongside her husband, author and pastor Eugene Peterson, Janice seized the life-enriching opportunities that her role as a pastor’s wife provided for investing in relationships. With rich insights lifted from Romans 12, she has distilled for her readers five elements that have infused her most formative relationships:
Caring
“Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering.” (Romans 12:1 MSG)
We become caring people with practice, strengthening our awareness of others like a muscle. The author witnessed this outward focus modeled in her long-ago friend Gertrude and has concluded that regardless of gifting and personality, anyone can choose to put others first and pay attention to the needs of others.
As she matured, Peterson found her own caring heart drawn to the larger world. She began to serve on the Fair Housing Committee in her area and to practice cooking and eating habits that demonstrated her concern for the challenge of world hunger.
To become more caring:
· Pay attention to those who are doing it well and copy them.
· Push down your pride and receive unselfish caring from others.
· Take note of the needs of the people God has placed right in front of your eyes.
Acceptance
“Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out.” (Romans 12:2 MSG)
Peterson warns, “A spiritual friend is someone you enjoy being with, but you may not always find the friendship simple or straightforward.” (30) As a “classic extrovert,” Janice finds it easy to take others at face value, but connecting with those who are more challenging to love can take the special effort of seeking to see the world from their perspective. Ironically, the first step in accepting others may be the task of self-acceptance.
To become more accepting of others:
· Connect with them by participating in the things that interest them.
· Spend time connecting with God to learn His heart of acceptance for you and for others.
Service
“Don’t burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don’t quit in hard times; pray all the harder.” (Romans 12:11, 12 MSG)
Living her way into God’s calling upon her life, Janice Peterson swam upstream in the 1960’s when other women were leaving their homes in droves to seek employment. Called to be a pastor’s wife and a mother, she has served and loved in her own unique way, motivating others to do likewise by her example.
To serve well:
· Be ready to spring into action, loving your community in concrete ways.
· Serve courageously when God points out a need that you are able to meet.
Hospitality
“Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality. . . Make friends with nobodies; don’t be the great somebody.” (Romans 12:13, 16 MSG)
Hospitality puts into practice the caring, serving, and accepting that friendship requires. Taking time to rightly align her readers’ understanding of the term, Peterson defines hospitality through a biblical lens: “the welcoming reception and treatment of guests and strangers in a warm, friendly, generous way.” (67) The welcome of hospitality is a bridge to wholeness as we generously receive others and let them know us, warts and all.
To become more hospitable:
· Forget about “entertaining” guests and just enjoy them, feed them, and listen to them.
· Start with your family and move in ever widening circles.
Encouragement
“Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down. Get along with each other; don’t be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don’t be the great somebody.” (Romans 12:14-16 MSG)
The church provides the perfect backdrop for mutual encouragement as believers motivate one another to acts of service, use of God-given gifts, and a continual focus on God and His faithfulness. Reorienting one another gently toward an others-orientation, we discover the truest and most healthy version of ourselves, and then offer that up as a gift to God. In the process, we also become a gift to others, a spiritual friend, putting on display the caring, accepting, serving, hospitable, encouraging heart of our relational God.
Many thanks to NavPress for providing a copy of this book to facilitate my review, which, of course, is offered freely and with honesty.
This article was written by Michele Morin
Click HERE to Learn more about Michele’s work.
WEBSITE: https://michelemorin.wordpress.com
WHAT DOES A THOUGHT HAVE IN COMMON WITH A LION?
The myriad of different personal/spiritual growth books and self-help programs available today all concur on at least one primary tenet – that our thoughts are far more powerful than we realize. Thoughts do indeed have the ability to create form, and if one doubts this to be true, they simply need to look around them and acknowledge that literally any man-made thing in existence had to first begin with a thought. And thought, coupled with strong emotion, leads to even faster manifestations.
The power of thought to create form also applies to our bodies. Through our thoughts and the emotions that emerge from them, we can either create healthy bodies, or we can develop illnesses and diseases. Anyone who has read the alternative healing information I’ve shared on this blog is aware that I am totally convinced that negative thinking/emotions are at the foundation of all physical problems.
The fact is our amazing bodies were expertly designed to protect us from legitimate, physical threats. As you probably know, whenever we are presented with one, such an impending attack from a lion or other wild animal, the hypothalamus area of our brain initiates a sequence of nerve cell firing and chemical release that prepares our body for running or fighting (i.e., the infamous fight or flight reaction with its accompanying rush of adrenaline, noradrenaline, and cortisol, as well as other physical reactions, such as the temporary suppression of the immune system).
This hard-wired reaction has obviously been a key to the survival of our species, however, these days the vast majority of us rarely have to face such life-threatening situations. And yet, our bodies continue to generate such aggressive responses to far less alarming circumstances, including traffic jams, disagreements with others, financial stresses, work pressures, etc. In the end, the events themselves don’t actually cause our body to generate stress hormones; it is our thoughts about them that do so. As such, just a thought held in our consciousness for more than a passing moment is enough to cause physical reactions within our bodies. And, these reactions, if repeated frequently, often lead to the manifestation of illnesses and diseases due to the immune system suppression referenced earlier.
The reality is we unconsciously create our physical dysfunctions by thinking thoughts that automatically trigger fight or flight reactions. It’s therefore clearly in our best interests to develop the ability to remain truly “conscious” in all circumstances by swiftly assuming the perspective a “witness” to our life, rather than solely being the participant. In my book Spirituality Simplified, I quote Fr. Anthony DeMello, who described this as the ability to “step outside of yourself and literally observe whatever is going on in you, and around you as if it were happening to someone else.” In essence, this means the higher part of you (i.e., the “I” in DeMello’s teachings) observes “me” (i.e., the ego).
Over a period of years, and with a lot of practice, I’ve developed the ability to shift into that witness perspective, however, there are times when negative (e.g., fearful) thoughts manifest the fight or flight response almost instantaneously in me. Under such circumstances, it almost feels as if I am “being thought” by an outside force rather than it being any type of conscious decision on my part. In such instances, it can be extremely challenging to shut down the fight or flight response once it’s initiated, and that nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach takes hold followed by even more negative thoughts and additional stress hormones. To address these types of situations, I’ve found that applying the following steps have been of great value to me:
Begin taking slow, deliberate, and very deep breaths down into the abdomen (as opposed to breathing into the chest).
Next, start asking questions of yourself either silently or out loud (e.g., Am I safe right now? Is what I am afraid of actually affecting me now? Are my basic needs being met at this moment? Do I have a money problem right this minute? These are just examples, as you obviously need to determine the questions that best suit what you are experiencing.) The answers will usually serve to bring some peace to you, as in most instances the only threat you’re actually facing is the lion in your own mind! If necessary, repeat the questions and keep answering them until you feel your body calm down.
If after completing steps one and two the stress response continues to trouble you, then try repeating a mantra such as, “no thought, no thought, no thought, no thought” for at least one and half minutes, or until the calm comes. You also can close your eyes and picture a large movie screen with in front of you with nothing displayed on it and repeat “blank screen, blank screen, blank screen” for a comparable amount of time.
It may take a couple of minutes, but eventually the physical symptoms of stress do taper off for me when I apply this technique. It is important to note, however, that although this process can be very helpful, it does not solve the source of the problem; rather, it’s more of a “coping” mechanism.
In the end, to get to the heart of the matter and release whatever lies at the foundation of the stress response requires some type of energy healing modality.
This article was written by Jeff Maziarek
Click HERE to Learn more about Jeff’s work.
WEBSITE: http://blog.spiritsimple.com/
THE CONNECTION BETWEEN TRAUMA AND PERSONAL GROWTH
I bet all of you have heard of Post-traumatic stress, but I wonder how many of you know about Post-traumatic growth (PTG). We so often think of the downside of trauma—depression, hyper-vigilance, anxiety and flashbacks—but it turns out that there’s an upside to it as well. The term, post-traumatic growth, was first used by Richard Tedeschi, Ph.D. and Lawrence Calhoun, Ph.D. in 1995 at the University of North Carolina to describe the positive changes that they saw in patients who had been affected by and were struggling with trauma.
If you are someone who’s been impacted by trauma, you might find it hard to believe that there’s anything positive about it, but research tells us that there is. "People develop new understandings of themselves, the world they live in, how to relate to other people, the kind of future they might have and a better understanding of how to live life," says Tedeschi. Tanako Katu, Ph.D. at Oakland University explains that, “PTG…refers to what can happen when someone who has difficulty bouncing back experiences a traumatic event that challenges his or her core beliefs, endures psychological struggle (even a mental illness such as post-traumatic stress disorder), and then ultimately finds a sense of personal growth. It's a process that "takes a lot of time, energy and struggle.”
According to the Post-Traumatic Growth Inventory (PTGI) which uses self-report scales, people may change positively in these areas: appreciation of life, relationship with others, new possibilities in life, personal strength and spiritual change. Does everyone experience growth? Tedeschi says, "It all depends on the trauma, the circumstances, the timing of the measurement…[and] on how you define growth using the PTGI, looking at total score, means, factors or individual items," and he estimates that about one-half to two-thirds of people show PTG.
Key traits that facilitate PTG are extraversion and openness to experience. The former makes people more likely to connect with others (and I would add, perhaps, to seek help from them), while the latter, lacking rigid belief systems, makes them more willing to look at viewpoints that are different from their own. I can validate from my clinical experience that clients who are connected to others do much better recovering from trauma than those who remain isolated and stuck in their traumatic suffering. It’s also been my experience that clients who are willing to shift beliefs and see things from another perspective can heal and often create better lives for themselves than they could ever have imagined. (“Growth after trauma” by Lorna Collier, 11/2016, vol. 47, no. 10, accessed 6/5/17, http://www.apa.org/monitor/2016/11/growth-trauma.aspx).
This article was written by Karen R. Koenig
Click HERE to Learn more about Karen’s work.
WEBSITES: http://www.karenrkoenig.com/
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YOU’RE GREAT AND YOU’RE AWESOME, JUST AS YOU ARE
In a town far away on top of a hill,
Lived people so narrow, judgmental and shrill.
They decided on high that all hair should be brown.
They decided for everyone who lived in their town.
“To live here,” they cried, “brown hair is a must.
Brown hair is just right, all others are bust.
If other than brown is just who you are,
Then you must leave. Depart! Go very far!
For we won’t have people who don’t look like us.
Brown is what’s right. Our rules. It is thus!”
In one of the families, young Trent was born third.
In a family so big and so famous was heard,
A cry of great grief like someone had died,
The aunts and uncles and parents all cried.
Young Trent, their treasure, though brown hair expected,
Was born blond, a towhead, a child rejected.
Though cute and adorable, smart with eyes wide,
His parents knew that his hair had to hide.
If the neighbors and townspeople had any doubt,
That Trent was not brown-haired, the family was out.
From the day he could crawl, Trent’s hair was dyed brown.
This gave them permission to live in this town.
His parents feared someday his blond hair would show,
Because hair on a kid never ceases to grow.
Each Saturday night as the bath waters ran,
A small dab of brown came out of the can,
To cover those roots of the hair that kept growing,
Like a lawn after rain that needed some mowing.
And so it was thus, each day spent in “hair-hiding,”
In plain sight, with a hat, and some dye so complying.
And all seemed as okay, no foul and no harm,
Until one day, that day, there came cause for alarm.
That day, at the mirror, young Trent stood there staring,
At brown hair AND blond hair – so great, and so glaring.
He’d been told his whole life about hair not so brown,
These people were gross, not fit for their town.
He realized that day he was different than most.
He was blond, not brown-haired. He’s handsome, not gross.
He called to his parents to share his great joy
He was different – unique – not an average boy.
He loved this about him. It gave him great pride.
He was different indeed. He had nothing to hide.
We are each born great, we’re remarkable art.
We are perfect, unique, not a kind of half-start.
We can’t change who we are. That’s a great thing.
We are who we are; it’s our hardwiring.
His parents warned, they cautioned and cried.
“Being different’s not easy, so please Trent just hide.
Let’s dye your hair brown so you fit and blend in.
Let’s get the brown back so life’s safe as it’s been.”
But Trent just said, “No!” on that major day.
“Born different, born right,” is just what he’d say.
“Born blond, not brown-haired, is how I exist.
Being true to myself is what I insist.”
“For someone much greater thought I should be,
A towhead, a blond, not a fake brown-haired me.
Who are these others, with comments to make?
I am who I am. God made no mistake.”
The hair dying stopped on that fateful day.
Pretending was done on the 18th of May.
Proud to be done with the hair-dying story,
Trent wanted his real life, a life of grand glory.
A life that was honest and open and clear,
A life to be lived without hiding or fear.
Trent marched to school with hair like the sun.
The gold in it shone, like threads that been spun,
But support did not happen, not a moment or second.
It didn’t work out as he thought or had reckoned.
They taunted and teased, chased, hit and called, “Nay!”
It changed all his friends in only one day.
Chased into the woods, with mean words attacking.
Trent stayed hiding there ‘til daylight went packing.
He hid in the dark and was sobbing with fear,
That someone who hated his hair could be near.
“How could this all matter?” He wondered. He cried.
“How could being different make others despise?
I have no control of the color of my hair,
Born with it dark or born with it fair.
Like our gender, or height, preference or skin tone,
We get what we get, it’s really our own.
For down deep I’m still me, the same me I have been.
Down deep, I’m still Trent, their classmate and friend.”
And in that tough moment, a moment of fear,
Young Trent saw a stranger, approaching, quite near.
A man with a beard, long, thick and so white;
A smile so warm, so kind and so bright.
“What brings you to woods, so dark and so deep?
The old man continued, “And can cause you to weep?”
Trent shared his sad story in every detail.
The old man just listened and grew very pale.
He waited ‘til young Trent was all about finished,
Did not interrupt, critique or diminish
The sadness, the pain, the hurt so disarming
That someone so young could find life so alarming.
Once Trent had recounted his unhappy story,
The old man responded with strength and with glory.
His words were bold, his lessons were wise.
Trent listened intently for ways to devise,
A way to be happy when others all yack.
To be strong and courageous when others attack.
The wise man was brilliant and very aware.
He took in a breath, then started to share:
“We are truly born great, just as we are!
Our lives are important. You’re amazing, my young star.
But with others, they think, it’s for them to say
Who is fine, who is good, who is right, who’s okay.”
“For greatness is not in brown hair or blond.
Greatness is not in how our words sound.
Greatness is not on our outside – our skin.
Greatness, true greatness, always happens within.”
“We just can’t know how great you can become
By looking at hair color. That’s crazy, that’s dumb.
Down deep we’re amazing and awesome and bold.
Down deep is our value, our treasure, our gold.”
“No one has eyes to see what you see.
No one can tell you who or what you should be.
That’s your job. Yes it is. It’s all up to you.
It’s your work and your life. You’ve got to be true.”
“Life isn’t easy, its tough and its trying.
It gives you hard tests to make sure you’re applying
What you know of TrueYou, what gifts you receive,
How great you can be and what you believe.”
“You were born awesome – awesome indeed.
But to live each day awesome you must become freed
From the judgments of others, from perspectives so narrow
To let your light soar like a brilliant gold arrow.”
“The world needs TrueYou – the “you” as you are.
Blond or brunette, gay, straight or bizarre.
You are you, and amazing! The “you” born just right.
You were born to shine brightly, to share your great light.”
But you can’t shine in life, when you let yourself hide.
And you can’t change the world, if you’re ashamed inside.
You didn’t choose how you’re born, where you’re from.
But you can surely choose the “you” you become.
Young Trent felt alive and committed to greatness.
He thanked the wise man but feared for the lateness.
His family’d be worried, scared and unbound,
That young Trent was not home, not safe and not sound.
He hurried right home in the dark of the night.
But this time for him, a walk without fright.
More aware, more informed and so much more wise.
He got to his door at a quarter to five.
Once home and together, the lost son lamented
With details and stories. The sobbing relented.
Trent shared a new lesson of power and strength.
They stood right by him; they’d go to great lengths
To handle what happens, to just rise above.
To help Trent show up to a life he can love.
The next day with power and confidence glowing,
Trent moved through the town without any fear showing.
He let loose his blond hair and wore it with pride.
He stood up to names and to insults so snide.
His courage to be true soon had others inspired,
The insults then stopped, mean comments subsided.
Trent showed that hair color makes no difference at all
Be true to yourself and you’ll never feel small.
We didn’t choose how we’re born, where we’re from.
But we can surely choose the “who” we become.
And soon many others with all hair colors flowing,
Appeared in the town, the numbers were growing.
People in fear with hair a fake brown,
Were actually there hiding, still living in town.
Pretending is bad, it loads on the strife.
Hiding restricts us, it limits our life.
We are each given gifts to discover and use,
And we shortchange the world if we don’t know or refuse
To be open and honest and accept the real “me”.
Trent learned that it takes this to really be free.
In just that one moment, things started to change.
People are people, not weirdoes or strange,
Just people, all different, all great, all divine,
Allowed to be true, to be honest, and fine.
And changed they all were from perspectives so narrow.
They cheered and applauded and hailed Trent like pharaoh.
But Trent just continued to live life each day,
Honest and great, in his unique way.
From that day on, in towns far and near
That kept people out because of some fear.
Now invited them in – all are welcome you know.
We all belong. Yes we do! It is right. It is so.
Come out from your hiding. Join life. Be alive!
When you hide you stay small and afraid - you can’t thrive.
You’re an original, not a copy or fake.
You’re the real deal, just perfect; you are no mistake.
So find your right place, as soon as you can.
Be an accountant, a salesman, a singer or stuntman.
It’s all up to you, the directions you choose.
It’s all up to you, don’t wait, don’t you snooze.
Each day that goes by, you never get back.
Each moment, each day, each minute, each track
Is gone. Yes it is, but the next one is here.
Use it wisely. Don’t waste it! Let your best self appear.
You were born awesome, no matter what you’ve been taught.
You were born amazing, born cool – you got what you got.
It’s your gift. It’s yours. It’s all just for you.
It’s divine in its nature so, be true to your “who.”
Be yourself, be your best. Live life your own way.
Be proud, find your place, make the most of each day.
You’re great and your awesome, just as you are.
Be your true self, be a bright shining star.
This article was written by Jay Forte
Click HERE to Learn more about Jay’s work.
WEBSITE: https://thefortefactor.com/
WITH SUCH GRACE AND GENUINE LOVE
“Do you know Jesus?”
Were the first words out of his mouth. His face was no more than two feet from mine as we met in the swimming pool. He was held by his father, who did not react to his words. His mother, standing by, said nothing but looked approvingly at her son. This wasn’t some old guy with bad breath reeking insult to an already aggrieved fellow asking “Do you know Jesus?” This was a very crippled 6 or 7 year old boy asking a very direct question. I thought for a minute and then responded, “Yes. Yes I know Jesus.”
That began a friendship with Ian, Marcus and Angela that has taught me more about religion than I ever learned from all the sermons I’ve heard in my 86 years. You see Ian was born with MORQUIO A. It is an inherited disease. He has had 9 operations in his short life. The last was an operation for trachea reconstruction that allowed him to breath. It is a cellular disfunction that affects each person differently but his bones do not grow. And his spinal cord can’t handle the stunting growth and bends out of control. He can’t walk without help. But that daunting fact does not control their relationship. He lives as normal a childhood as any American child could wish for. Marcus and Angela have done a splendid job of parenting. One that owes a lot to the fact that Ian, Marcus, and Angela all know Jesus.
It is a joy for me to be with them. A peace permeates the atmosphere like the flowers fragrance fill a room. He doesn’t speak until spoken to but his answers are always thoughtful, often funny, and a joke turned upon himself. He will explain the operations he’s had with great detail, but never feeling a hint of being sorry for himself. In the 4th grade he is so popular the school adopted him their mascot. He wore the honor like an Olympic medal. Olympic medals are not in his future. Not even a special Olympics’ medal. You see, at 10 years old he only stands 3 feet tall. And his daily exercise routine includes lifting one pound weights. He has developed mighty biceps, which he will show you with the flair of the mighty wrestlers, that he says are the size of a peanut, but he is working to get them to the size of a walnut.
Ian was not doing well in math and science this year. His mother helped him with his homework and he made 100 on his tests. Ian, Marcus, and Angela shame me to be in their presence. My wife and I raised 5 children and I know now I did not have the humility to raise a child with a handicap. It was all about me. I didn’t want them to make the team I wanted them to be Captain of the team. I wanted them to be the leaders of their classes. President and cheer leaders and make 100 on all of their tests. Ian, Marcus, and Angela have shown me I do not know Jesus. They have shown me with their life, I did not have “Jesus in my heart.” Oh Marcus and Angela, how do you do it. With such grace and genuine love, toward Ian and each other. Would that the world could learn to live with such hardships, with such grace and beauty.
This article was written by Lawrence McGrath.
Lawrence wrote the book: A Cry From The Heart: A Personal Essay
Click HERE to purchase his book on Amazon.
Website: https://www.amazon.com/Cry-Heart-Personl-Essay/dp/1439211264
MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL WELLNESS
Several days a call came in from a parent that was distraught about a diagnosis that had been given to her son. She was mad, hurt, confused and scared.
After hearing her out, she asked "What does it mean." After asking several questions, from her perspective or what she heard was nothing related to what the diagnosis meant or was help there was available for her son as her as that parent. Spent more than an hour slowly helping her with a basic understanding. One that she could grasp and receive. I then provided her with referral information where to seek help.
This conversation got me thinking that part of the Stigma that is prevalent today our consistent use of the terms Mental Health, or Mental Illness.
In other words, we continue to "Enable" the Label and Stigmas. We need to be aware that what we are really talking about is Mental and Emotional Wellness. When we begin to see the affect that our language and definitions have on Enabling the Stigmas and Labels, we then will change and begin to truly think about the Impact we have on People we are called to serve.
Please think about this. To me it is extremely Important in our Service.
This article was written by Rev. Baisden, MACP, MIN
Click HERE to Learn more about Marc Baisden.
Website: https://www.alignable.com/anchorage-ak/recovery-intervention-services
RESPECTING THE POWER OF OUR SPOKEN WORD
Within “Spirituality Simplified” I included this passage because I felt it was a very important admonition:
“DO NOT SPEAK WHAT YOU DON’T WANT, because it is done when you speak it, every idle word. The laws of the universe do not sift through whether you mean what you say or intend it to happen. The creative process only puts it in motion.”
– Diandra, in “A New Day Is Dawning”
Now ponder on that for a moment…what it speaks to is that our words have POWER, much, much more than we realize. The concept of the “word made flesh” in biblical terms is related here as well.
SO, how often do you hear people speak about what they “don’t want” on a daily basis? The truth is, we are all guilty of it every single time we tell a “story” about something negative we are going through, or have been through, or speak in an anxious way about the future. Yes, every time we speak it we are building more and more energy around it and reinforcing it into our lives.
Some might say that we need to share feelings as opposed to stuffing them down. I get that, and, if one must “get it off their chest,” so to speak, how about this – do it ONE time with someone you trust who can hold the space of compassion, and who also can forget they ever heard it.
This as opposed to people broadcasting it all over Facebook and other social media sites and then having tens (or hundreds or thousands) of people adding even more energy to what they DON’T want!
This article was written by Jeff Maziarek
Click HERE to Learn more about Jeff’s work.
WEBSITE: http://blog.spiritsimple.com/
HOW TRAUMA CAN CHANGE LIVES — FOR THE BETTER
Most of us think about trauma as just about the worst thing that can happen to us. And for many, it is. Even if you’ve survived trauma, you still may be dealing with its physical and emotional aftermath, which perhaps includes emotional eating. How, then, can trauma ever have an upside?
In “How trauma can change lives—for the better,” Jim Rendon, author of Upside: The New Science of Post-Traumatic Growth, says yes, indeed, it can (TIME 8/3/15, p. 29). Therapists and the general public have long been schooled in the notion that trauma is terrible and nothing more, he says, one that changes peoples’ lives for the worse and stays with them to death. Post-traumatic stress disorder, with its nightmares, hyper-vigilance and flashbacks, can be frightening to experience or live with in a loved one.
What, then, is science telling Rendon that makes him believe that trauma sometimes can be anything but a negative experience? He says that “an estimated 75% of people will experience a traumatic event in their lifetime” and that, while many report negative effects, down the road, others report positive changes—greater inner strength, increased intimacy, and a “reorientation” in life toward more fulfilling goals. In short, over time, the pain of trauma can help people “change for the better.” Rendon maintains that “Growth begins with healing from trauma.”
He also says that growth and transformative change are based on the premise that people seek and receive help. Sadly, many trauma survivors don’t recognize themselves as having been trauma victims and, therefore, forgo clinical treatment. They’re too scared of opening up old wounds or too ashamed of what happened to them, even when they were innocent victims. Moreover, when trauma occurs, their pre-trauma mental health determines how they’ll react to and heal from it.
I’ve seen people do exactly what Rendon says: survive trauma and go on to change their lives—and the lives of others—for the better because of it. This happens when: women and men who are raped go on to become sexual abuse counselors and victim advocates, parents of murdered children put their hearts into changing gun laws and increasing access to mental health counseling, and when people hurt by drunk drivers work to educate the public about drinking and driving. If you’re a trauma survivor, consider how both trauma and healing might change your life for the better. Then, even if you’re afraid, get the treatment you need.
This article was written by Karen R. Koenig
Click HERE to Learn more about Karen’s work.
WEBSITES: http://www.karenrkoenig.com/
http://www.nicegirlsfinishfat.com/
CARING FOR OTHERS — THE HEART — FAITH
The Calling and Vocation to care God’s people I would say started on the first Sunday of August 2013. Through this journey there have been times of struggle, growth and clarity of God’s purpose in and for my life. There is a reason that this season is in God's plan for my wife and I. Now at 60 years, I have had the honor to see much of this world, interact with people, through traveling in many geographic regions, cultures and communities of the United Sates and other countries. Through my Calling and experience as a son, husband, parent, student, photographer, therapist, educator, searcher and servant I have seen many changes to our homes, people, the church, schools, communities, society and governments. Some Good and Some just plain BAD for all.
My faith has been challenged throughout this life, More recently: one of our son’s at age 12 was diagnosed with Osteo Sarconoma (bone cancer) in Sept 2014 and he asked if I would leave Alaska to come to Portland OR, to help while he was going through treatment and surgery. My wife and I felt that I needed to be there so, she remained in Alaska while I went to be with him. He currently is in remission of cancer and will require monitoring for the rest of his life. (Our son resides with his biological mother in Gresham, OR) What do you tell your son when he ask’s, “Why is God allowing this to happen to me” and you have No answer.” What would you say?
During that time of caring for my son, when I arrived and visited with my parents. I found that my parents had not been fully honest with me during phones calls and e-mails as to my dad’s health condition. My father and mother reside in Vancouver, WA. (Across the river from Portland, OR) My father is 83, a veteran who was in remission from multiple cancers, lived his life with severe Parkinson’s disease.) Due to his increased needs and symptoms he was experiencing, I became his caregiver as well, when not with my son. My father passed on in 2017. How do you divide myself and be a son, care-giver, father, husband etc..?
After 2004 my separation and ultimately Divorce from the younger Childers mother. 2 boys and 1 girl, at the time their ages were 3,2, and 11 months. Working 50 to 60 weeks, had weekly visitation with my children, sort of being a single dad part-time. Now some will say well that is not that bad. A little clarification. As I look back now, I ask “How did I do it” The answer then and now with Family and Friends. My oldest son (34) called me not long after the birth of his second daughter and asked me “Dad how did you do it, with Sean, Scott and Aleena. We had a great discussion after that about him and being a father.
This course I truly believe was started many years ago when my parents opened my eyes to wonders of our land, people, landmarks, inside/outside our borders. (Jeramiah 29 11-14) and now Romans 12v 12-22. My parents both served in the military and my father went on to become an officer. I also as an adult witness my parents coming to know the Lord as their LORD and Savior. I also witnessed the growth of my father in the Lord to be called as a Chaplain to the Elderly and had the Honor to Serve with Him.
Through this journey God has opened my Eyes and Heart to what service really is and that when his season arrives, we are to serve and be served, Disciple and Be Discipled to live in Christ and to share Christ with others. The gifts he has allowed me to share and serve for HIS glory is the calling and vocation he has provided.
“Your Heart (who you really are) is Known by the Path You Walk”
This article was written by Rev. Marc Baisden, MACP, MIN
Click HERE to Learn more about Marc Baisden.
Website: https://www.alignable.com/anchorage-ak/recovery-intervention-services
WHAT TO DO IF YOUR SPOUSE IS SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION?
How to Spot and Support your Spouse through Depression?
Are you noticing a strange difference in the behaviour of your spouse from the last few weeks or months? Sometimes, it is a temporary issue that lasts for a few days because of the difference in mutual understanding or some bad phase of life. However, some symptoms are long-lasting and become a part of life. If the problem with your spouse is persisting for a long time, it can be depression. The term depression has become too common that you can find every second person suffering from it. Sometimes, it can also be a bipolar disorder but people mistook as depression. The depression treatment and bipolar treatment are two different things that only a psychiatrist can tell you with deep explanations. If your spouse is suffering from depression, it is your duty to help them in coming out of the situation.
Check Out Depression Treatment
The Major Problem With Mental Disorders
Whether it is a depression, dementia, bipolar disorder or anything else, most of the people don’t have any idea that they are suffering from a mental disorder. There is a common assumption that a person suffering from mental illness is considered unfit for society. This is totally wrong because almost everyone goes through depressive and manic phases of life for a while or longer. It doesn’t mean that they are incurable. Even after knowing the mental condition, many people never accept reality. Consequently, the problem becomes worse than finally ruin a beautiful relationship as well as personal life too. If your spouse is also facing a similar situation, it is your responsibility to get them out of the situation. Here is some crucial information regarding depression treatment that you must read and understand.
Most Common Symptoms That Spot Depression in Your Spouse
There is a long list of depression symptoms & a person may be facing only some of them. Here is a list that you need to remember:
1) Lack of concentration in work
2) Sudden change in hunger levels
3) Exhausted face
4) Anxious
5) Sad & full of negativity
6) Hormonal fluctuation
7) Grief of failure
8) Frequent headache
9) Ruining sex life
10) Nausea
If such kinds of symptoms are becoming apparent in your partner, you need an expert on depression treatment. However, sometimes, bipolar disorder is also mistaken as depression because of some reasons that you will know in the below article.
Reasons Why People Consider Bipolar Disorder as Depression?
The human mind is more complex than any other organ present in the body. Therefore, people sometimes fail to understand their problems. The same thing is applicable to depression because some of its symptoms are identical to bipolar disorder. Consequently, some psychiatrists star bipolar treatment rather than depression treatment. There are 2 phases of bipolar disorder i.e.
a) Manica
b) Depressive
The depressive phase shares some symptoms of depression but its treatment differs.
WHAT TO DO IF YOUR SPOUSE IS SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION?
1) Gain your personal knowledge about depression
If you really want to help your spouse in getting rid of depression, it is advisable to gain some knowledge regarding depression first. With adequate knowledge, you can understand their situation in a better way. Some major symptoms are already mentioned in the above article. If you are noticing some of these symptoms, try to help your partner in realising the situation. It is possible that they will not ready to accept the truth for once but it is your duty to motivate them for visiting a psychiatrist without fearing of society or anyone else. Doctors may suggest medicines and some rejuvenating therapies.
2) Maintain a supportive environment
If the patient is not living in a healthy environment, no treatment will work effectively. At home, maintain an environment in which they follow a healthy routine of life. Some of the most important things to support them are:
1) Exercise & meditate together as a daily routine
2) Prepare a healthy diet plan as per doctor’s guideline and implement it strictly.
3) Maintain regularity in the routine of treatment without missing a single activity.
3) Love unconditionally
Depression treatment will only work successfully if you love your spouse unconditionally. A person suffering from depression may get angry on you, shout or try to harm too. Never give-up in such kinds of situations if you love them truly. Always remember that this is just a bad time and time never remain the same. However, you can create a big difference for the upcoming time with your positive efforts.
These are some positive efforts that you can attempt for the well being of your partner. Some odd circumstances may occur during the treatment period that will hurt you but never lose hope. With a proficient psychiatrist, positive attitude and full dedication, your life can return back on the track.
This article was written by Sakshi Joshi
Click HERE to Learn more about her work.
WEBSITE: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sakshi-joshi-2a1446119/
I PROMISE MYSELF
I Promise Myself…
to laugh as if nobody’s watching, and love as if I’ve never been hurt before.
to live as if I were to die tomorrow, and learn as if I were to live forever.
to let go of the heavy burden of my past. To turn my wounds into wisdom and my
difficulties into opportunities.
to love myself as much as I would like others to love me.
to die to the past every night, so that I can be born again each morning.
to never speak from a place of hate, jealousy, anger, or insecurity. And to always evaluate
my words before I let them leave my lips.
to forgive so that I can heal, and let go so that I can grow.
to learn from every experience and every interaction life sends my way.
to always look for the good in people. To treat everyone with love, kindness, compassion,
appreciation and never speak badly of anyone.
to allow life’s many challenges to make me better, not bitter.
to complain less, and live my life with an attitude of gratitude.
to create a sense of purpose and bring meaning into everyday life. No matter how many
times I fall or fail, I promise myself to never give up on myself or my dreams.
to let go of all the drama in my life, and only hold on to those things that bring me joy.
to live my life in a way that inspires others and strive to bring out the best in them.
to surround myself with people who make me hungry for life, touch my heart, and nurture
my spirit.
to think less and feel more. To judge less and trust more. To fear less and love more.
to walk away from everything that no longer serves me, grows me, or makes me happy.
to spend more time connecting with my authentic self, and less time chasing the love and
approval of those around me.
to show the world who I truly am and not consider what people might be thinking about me.
to transform my inner vision until I see nothing but light, my own and all those around me.
to let go of any bad habits I might be holding on to, and walk away from all those things
that hold me back in life.
to let go of all blame and take full responsibility for my own life.
to allow the world know me as I am, not as it thinks I should be.
to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving,
and empathetic of the weak.
to clothe myself with love and wear this love wherever I go.
to care more about being kind than I do about being right all the time.
to give more of my time to those who are special in my life, and show them how much they
really mean to me.
to trust my inner voice and intuition more than I trust the loud voice of those around me.
to expect less from others but more and more from myself.
to allow those I care for to be perfectly themselves without trying to twist them to fit my
own image. Loving them for who they are and not for what I want them to be.
